“It’s always been about you, hasn’t it?” she says in a whisper.
“Excuse me?” I question angrily. I’m not sure I like where this conversation is going.
“It’s always been about you. You got hurt; you were discharged from the Air Force. You lost your wife; you have to be a single dad. You own a restaurant; you work long hard hours. It’s always you, you, you. Well, I’m fucking sick and tired of it. Everyone walked on eggshells when you got home. You were dealt a double whammy and that fucking sucked, but everyone catered to you. No one ever stopped and thought about anyone else that may have been affected by everything. I almost lost you. I lost my sister-in-law and one of my best friends. Who do you think Scarlett used to talk to in the middle of the night when she was home alone with two little girls? Who do you think she went to when she was scared out of her mind with worry about where you were, or if you were even alive? ME! That’s who. But no one cared that I, too, had lost someone or that I almost lost my brother. Everyone had to be strong for you. Everyone else had to pick up the pieces and grieve in silence, because she was your wife. Well, she was my best friend and I didn’t have the luxury of having people pick up my pieces. I left my pieces on the ground and dropped everything to move in with you, to help take care of you and the girls. Did you think I just needed a free place to crash? I put my life, my dreams, on hold for you. You’d think that when you met someone that you’d have the decency to at least mention it to me. But no, instead I have to find her half naked with your hands on her, on our couch. What if I had the girls with me? What do you think they would have thought about their daddy?” she shouts.
“First of all, I had no idea Scarlett called you worried about me. I had no idea you two were even that close. And you’re right, I’m sorry, I did selfishly let everyone around me pick up the pieces. You have to understand where my head was at. I lost my world; I’m not talking about my job as a PJ, I’m talking about my wife. I didn’t know if I could even make it out of bed most days to take care of my girls because my head was so messed up. I have been taking you for granted and for that I’m sorry, too. You do have your own life, and you did, and do, pick up major slack so I could open up the restaurant. I knew if I didn’t do something big in my life to keep me busy, I’d fall into something that I knew I would never recover from. But let me get this straight with you. I know where my girls are tonight and I know for a fact they wouldn’t be walking in my front door. You weren’t supposed to be here either. I would never just blatantly throw a new relationship in your face like that. I planned on introducing Ava to you and the girls Sunday after we got back from dinner.”
I walk over to her bed and sit next to her. She shifts her body away from me and crosses her arms over her chest. I feel sick to my stomach that I’ve never really stopped to think about anyone else’s feelings.
“Do you want to talk about Scarlett?” I ask quietly.
She turns her body farther away, then stands and says, “I’m going back to my friend’s house.”
“Quinn…”
She rushes down the stairs and slams out the front door again. I hang my head, then head downstairs for a much needed hard work out.
The next morning I make the drive to Lake Stevens to pick up the girls. We ate a picnic lunch out by the lake, then headed home. I told the girls that I have someone special I want to bring over later tonight to introduce them to, and that we’re going to bake cookies. They were both excited, but I’m not sure if it was to meet my ‘someone special’ or the fact that we’re going to bake cookies.
Chapter 10
Ava
Sunday morning I wake up excited to bring Jax to dinner tonight. I know my family has already met him, but bringing him to dinner is different. I’m so excited that I decide to forego all lawyer duties, instead, commence pamper Ava day. I make an appointment for the spa and head to the mall with the mission to find the perfect ‘to die for’ pair of sexy heels. I stop at my favorite coffee house, that I’ve missed so freaking bad, and order my favorite drink, then head to the mall. I head straight to my favorite store and directly to the shoe department. As I’m walking down the aisle, my eyes hone in on a pair of Giuseppe Zanotti suede, circle-cut out ankle boots, with a four and half inch heel, that zip up the back. They will look killer with a pair of black cropped pencil trousers. I make my purchase, then head to the spa. While at the spa, I decide to get my hair trimmed and blown out. Tonight, I’ll look killer for my man.
At ten to four, Jax’s monster truck pulls up my driveway. He steps out and looks amazing in a pair of jeans and a tight t-shirt. He walks up the walkway with a smile and a bouquet of flowers. There’s just something about him, the way he carries his large muscular frame. Add the sight of him with all he is and carrying flowers walking up my walkway, and it sends me as giddy as a school girl, and makes me lose my mind.
I open the door with a smile of my own and he immediately says, “Hey, beautiful.”
He kisses my cheek and hands me the flowers. My insides turn to goo.
I take the flowers into the kitchen and put them in water then place them in the center of the island. I grab my purse and walk back out into the family room. His eyes dilate as they go straight to my shoes. Someone likes what he sees. He takes two large steps toward me and pulls me in for a hot, steamy kiss. I smile on his lips, give him one more kiss, then we head out the door. He holds open the door for me to his Mt. Everest vehicle, and for a second, I envision him getting down on all fours, then plant a four and a half inch heel in the center of his back so I can climb in. I smile at my stupid over-thinking brain, use the truck step to get in instead, then when he’s seated, I tell him how to get to my mother’s house.
True to my family’s weirdness, they’re lined up like football players do when they come out onto the field for a game. They flank both sides of the door, but they’re not patting our butts as we walk by, but scrutinizing us - or maybe it’s just Jax - as we walk through. Jax also brought in a bouquet of flowers for my mother; she accepts them with a stupid grin on her face.
I turn to Jax and whisper, “Did my face look that jacked up when I took the flowers from you at my house?”
“No, yours was sexy and had fuck me written all over it,” he replies hot in my ear.
My mouth goes dry and I’m sure the expression to that comment is priceless.
“Where’s Savvy?” Max asks.
“She wasn’t home when I got back from the mall. I tried her cell, but she didn’t answer,” I answer concerned.
Max gets on the phone and walks into the other room. Just before he was out of earshot, I hear him start talking to Levi, one of his employees at his PI firm. What is going on with Savvy?
Dinner is put on the table and everyone is called to sit down. I caught Jax’s questioning eyes when he spots the vacant seat at the head of the table, but then there is a look of understanding and respect that passes between him and the empty chair.
Jax must have passed the firing squad line up at the front door, because everyone is happy and including him in their conversations. Willow and Shay are exchanging pregnancy stories about their morning sickness and fat feet. Max and Asher are talking about the motorcycle ride Max and Chloe are planning to Sturgis. Max’s mom Sharla, Adrian, and Chloe are talking about construction on Chloe’s House. It’s this amazing new construction project that Chloe and Max are building for battered women. Shay has come out of semi-retirement to take the lead in the design and Adrian’s construction company is building it. Chloe went through hell and back when she was kidnapped, and now she’s giving back by donating her time, her services as a doctor, and a house. She is truly a remarkable woman.
Kyle and Amelia are having an animated conversation with my mother, when Jax leans in and says, “I’d like you to come back to my house after dinner to bake cookies with me and the girls. I’d like to introduce you to them.”
My world comes to a claustrophobic halt. I mean, I knew this day would happen. Well in the
way back of my mind, I knew it would happen, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. I was thinking it was better timing to meet them after this case was over. The smile on Jax’s face, though, says a thousand unspoken words of his trust, his excitement, and yes, his love. This isn’t a step to be taken lightly. Meeting his children, especially because they’re so young, this is serious. With that look in his eyes and the smile on his face, I just couldn’t say no. I found my mouth saying yes with a smile, but my mind was screaming, no it’s too soon.
I’m usually one of the first people to leave my mom’s after dinner, because I usually have a ton of work to do, but I find myself wanting to stick around to avoid going home with Jax and meeting his girls.
At seven-thirty, Jax finds me in the kitchen scrubbing my mother’s stove, which is something I never do.
“We should get going. The girls have had a long day and I don’t want them to fall asleep before we finish the cookies.”
I kiss my nieces and nephews, and give my family hugs and kisses goodbye. They all extended the invitation to Jax for next Sunday family dinner. Jax helps me get in his vehicle, this time I didn’t envision some erotic shoe torture stool. Maybe I can pretend to sprain my ankle. I am wearing four and a half inch heels. It wouldn’t be too far-fetched. Instead, I climb in his H3 a little numb, but Jax is all smiles.
Before I can even step foot out of his H3, the front door flings open and the two little girls that I met at the mall, come barreling out the front door.
“Is this your new friend, Daddy?” Sky asks.
“Can we bake cookies now, Daddy?” Hope asks.
“We sure can bake cookies now, but first I’d like to introduce you to Ava. Say hello to Ava, girls,” he says, looking at them.
“Hello, Ava. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Sky says formally, extending her hand for a handshake.
She has a cautious look on her face, but she is so Jax’s daughter.
“Hi, Ava,” little Hope says, with a cheesy grin. “Are you good at baking cookies?” she asks.
Funny, the thought never crossed my mind that I was actually helping bake the cookies. I don’t really cook; I open bags and shove unhealthy food in my mouth, or open a box, put it in the microwave, then shove that unhealthy food in my face. I don’t know the first thing about baking. Suddenly the thought of not letting them see you sweat enters my mind. You know, don’t let the bear think you’re scared, stand tall and be big. Maybe if I pretend I know what the heck I’m doing, they’ll believe me.
“I’m not very good at baking,” I find myself answering honestly.
Damn it, I have no clue why I’m so good at being a lawyer, I totally suck at lying.
“That’s alright, my daddy is the best, and we’ll do it together,” she says so innocently. “I’m four, my birthday is next month and then I’ll be five. I start kindergarten in the fall. My daddy said I can have a big girl backpack. Come on, let’s go in the kitchen so we can start baking,” Hope says.
The girls have already set all the ingredients on the counter and are excited to spend time with their dad baking. Jax is busy getting out pans and bowls; he takes out four spoons and sets them next to the bowls. Sky opens a cupboard and takes out some aprons. She hands one to Jax and one to her sister. They line up in a row tallest to shortest, and then they each put the loops of the apron over their heads. And just like they’ve done it every day for years, Sky takes the ends of Jax’s apron and starts tying it behind his back, Hope takes Sky’s ends and starts tying her apron behind her back. When Sky is done tying her dad’s, she turns around and ties Hope’s. I stand there numb, with tears in my eyes, threatening to spill over at any second. I suddenly feel like the prey to the bears. I back against the counter and start to have a little mini freak out. This isn’t a joke. He has children. He wanted to introduce me to his children, which means he wants me in his life and in his children’s lives. These two beautiful girls come with Jax. They’re a package deal. Just as the first tear is about to fall, Quinn comes down the steps. My face turns to hers and hers looks like it wants blood. The thought of her face when she saw us on the couch last night, and the look on her face now, the package deal of Jax and his girls is more than I can handle.
“Are you going to introduce me to the replacement?” she asks.
The tear that was about to fall finally rolls down my cheek, and I look between his daughters and his sister. The room closes in as I hear my own voice in my head making that promise to my dad at his graveside, the promise that I’m not keeping. Then my own goals and checklist scroll through my mind’s eye, the ones that don’t include the people in this room. What am I doing?
“What’s she going to replace?” Sky asks, looking at Quinn.
“Quinn,” Jax’s voice booms.
But it didn’t just boom, it rumbled through the entire room. It wasn’t a warning, it was dead serious, but the look on Quinn’s face didn’t change.
I wipe the tear from my face and say in a whisper, “I’m sorry, I can’t do this. I just remembered I have another commitment, I’m sorry.”
Quinn starts talking and it’s like word vomit. Jax tries to shut her down, but the words don’t stop. I get outside and immediately realize that Jax picked me up, I have no car here. Before Jax can come outside and stop me, I run down the street and turn the corner. I reach in my bag and press redial. I’m not even sure who the last person I talked to was, I just hope it wasn’t, Jax.
Willow answers on the first ring in a chipper voice, “Hey honey, how’s it going?”
More tears and sobs escape my mouth as I blurt out, “Please, I need you to come pick me up.”
“What’s wrong? Where are you?” she asks concerned.
I tell her the street crossings and beg her to come as quickly as she can. Within ten minutes, I see her car pull up to a stop at the curb. I get in and she immediately drives away. Jax has been calling my phone nonstop. Really, I don’t want him to worry, but I just can’t talk to him right now. Willow drives to the next park and pulls into a parking space. She shuts off the engine and turns her body toward me.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asks gently.
I think about everything that happened last night, and in the kitchen, and just what it is that scares me the most. What Quinn said, I think, strikes home. I’m not a replacement. I could never replace the girls’ mother. I would never want to replace their mother. No one could ever have the honor of walking in her shoes. I’m not mother material. I can’t date Jax and have the whole package. How do you go from having set goals to an insta-family? I’m in the middle of a huge case, and I have goals and a checklist a mile long. None of that ever included a man, especially a man with two daughters and a belligerent sister. I don’t know the first thing about being a mother. Hell, I don’t know the first thing about how to even be a good girlfriend. Then it hits me. I’ve been in Quinn’s shoes, but I never felt that way about Willow. I loved Asher’s first wife, Olivia. Besides losing my dad, the day she died was one of the hardest days of my life. But, I never thought of Willow as a replacement. I was over the moon happy when Asher found someone that put a smile on his face again.
“Did you ever feel like you were replacing Olivia?” I ask.
Well, that’s totally out of left field. Willow may think I’ve lost my mind.
“Never for one second. This may sound strange to you, and I know I’ve never met her, but I love Olivia. I love the woman she was with Asher, and I love the memories Asher has of her. You won’t understand this either, but I think without Olivia, I don’t think Asher would have opened his heart to me and taken the chance to love again. There’s no changing the past, Olivia is a big part of Asher’s past. I embrace it, and I insisted on naming our first daughter Abbey Olivia Wellington, in honor of Olivia. Why, what’s this all about?”
“I think Quinn hates me and I’ve never really met her. Well, I’ve seen her twice now. Oh, it was horrifying! Last night, Quinn walked in on Jax and me ma
king out on the couch, and she lost it. Tonight after dinner, Jax brought me back to his house to bake cookies with his girls, to introduce us. Quinn came downstairs and asked, right in front of the girls, if I was the replacement. What did I ever do to Quinn? I don’t want to replace anyone. I’m not even sure I’m ready for a relationship right now, especially one that includes a man with children. I’m just starting this big case and I have goals that I’ve set for myself, none of that ever included a relationship with a man.”
“Oh, sweetheart. There’s nothing you can do to stop true love, it’s unavoidable. You can fight it all you want, but love will always prevail. I never thought that I’d ever find anyone to love me, especially in the middle of going through breast cancer. I was a mess, but love happens at a certain point in your life for a reason. Quinn will come around. You just wait and see. And if she doesn’t, I know some pretty badass people, and we’ll have a little talk with her,” she says seriously.
“Oh, my God, you wouldn’t?” I question just as seriously.
She breaks out laughing, but the tone in her laughter makes me think she’s semi-serious. My cell phone continues to ring every couple of minutes, but I’m just not ready to talk to Jax yet. I have some serious thinking to do. I hear what Willow said, and I understand it, but I’m just not sure I’m ready to give up my dreams. And I’m sure as hell not sure if I’m ready for a relationship that comes complete with a family all wrapped up in one pretty bow.
Jax
I’ve been calling Ava’s phone for over an hour. After she left, Quinn left too. She’s damn lucky she left, too. I will not stand for her shit, at all. Quinn better come to her senses, or she’ll be looking for a new place to live. I want to go to Ava’s house, but I just put the girls to bed. I’ve left Ava so many messages on her cell phone that now it says her mailbox is full, and I can’t leave anymore. Maybe it’s better to leave her alone for the night. I’ll give her the night, but tomorrow she’ll talk to me, no matter what.
Running Into Love - The Complete Box Set Page 80
