At his expectant look, she gave him a noncommittal shrug.
It was quiet for a moment as she stared at the table. Then she glanced up at him. What was he thinking? Was he sad they wouldn’t have sex anymore? Would he refuse to stay friends? She didn’t get the impression it was all about sex for him, but it was hard to be sure. He was a guy after all—wasn’t that supposedly first and foremost on their minds?
He pinned her with a somber gaze. “I have one more thing I want you to do. For you. Not for me.”
“Okay,” she said skeptically.
“Just hear me out. I’m going to throw a party and invite my Dom friends to meet you. Guys that I know are reputable.”
“Uhh.” Was Hell no too rude an answer?
He moved in closer, leaning across the table to catch her gaze. “I would never put you at risk, Kate. Do you believe that?”
“Yes, but you can’t know everything.” Even Janine, her best friend in the world, hadn’t known that pirate guy would end up a douche bag.
He smiled. “You trust me.”
Why did he look so gleeful about that? “Yeah. So?”
“It’s just very satisfying.”
“Don’t flatter yourself. I trust you to keep me from getting assaulted by your friends the same way I trust my mailman to deliver letters addressed to me. You’re both fulfilling a job. Nothing more.”
His smile faded. “You think this is just a job to me? I can’t possibly see how, considering you’re not paying me.”
“It’s a job. The currency is just . . . different.”
“I’m not doing this for sex.” He leaned back, frowning. “You make me sound like an asshole.”
“Sorry.” She dropped her head. “I guess I just don’t understand why you’re doing it.”
“It started off because I was bored, and maybe lonely. But now I care about you, Kate.” He stared at her earnestly, as though he was hoping for a response.
Her cheeks flushed. He cared about her? Why did that make butterflies take off in her belly?
“I want to make sure you find someone safe to go to from here.” He shrugged and cracked a pained smile. “It’s the protective Dom thing. Even if you’re not mine, you’re still vulnerable. Too many submissives get hurt looking for a Dom. I don’t want that to be you.”
A smile touched her lips. “Thank you.” His sentiment was sweet. She almost didn’t want to go on with her plan. Having someone care about her so much that they would protect her even when they weren’t together was novel. But there was more than that for her. A real regret was growing, but making this work was a pipe dream. He deserved better—someone who could meet his needs and not have to fake it. Someone who wouldn’t resent his kink, but would enjoy it.
“So you’ll meet some of my friends? You’ll try your best to be a good girl?” he asked. “Remember, you’ll never win a Dom over with behavior like you had with my last introduction.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’ll be good. I told you I learned a lot.”
“Excellent. I’ll make some calls and see if I can set something up for this weekend.”
She nodded, then bit her lip. The truth of what she’d just agreed to came crashing down. “Banner . . .”
“Yes?”
“This is just to . . . meet them, right? Nothing crazy?”
He leaned forward. “That’s entirely up to you.”
Then it was a big fat no.
“But if we put on a . . . display, it’ll show them what kind of sub you are and whether your kinks line up.”
She gulped. “A display?”
“Just to show you off. It doesn’t have to be much. I’ll show them some of the things you’ve learned. Protocol, how to kneel, that sort of thing.”
She felt her eyes go wide. “Like I’m in a dog show?”
His beautiful lips curved. “Like you’re a prize to be won.”
A treasure . . . a prize . . . Always with the flattery. Okay, so maybe they’d make a match faster if his friends could see what kinds of things she was into. Maybe she wouldn’t have to kiss as many frogs. Still, the idea of being shown off like an animal made her feel kind of weird. But she trusted Banner. He hadn’t objectified her yet, so maybe he had a way of getting through this without it coming to that.
“Think about it,” he said. “It’s your call what we do and how far we go. I’m just trying to make it the most worthwhile for you.”
She nodded numbly. She had time to decide. Maybe she’d talk it over with Janine. It’d been her idea for the Halloween matchmaking party and that had been where she’d found Banner. She might get that kind of luck again, only with someone who didn’t want a robot for a partner.
“Come a little early, and we’ll discuss it,” he told her. “I’ll make sure you’re comfortable with whatever we do.”
She did believe that. “Okay.” With a small smile, she rose from the table. “I have to go let Pixie out. She’s probably crossing her legs by now.”
Banner stood up. “I’ll let you know the possible dates for the party. Will I see you before then?”
“Uhh.” Good question. Probably best to keep her distance before his panty-melting suits tempted her again. “I have a busy week. I’ll text you.”
He rolled his eyes. “Sure you will.”
Frowning, she peeked up at him. “I’m sorry. I know I’m not what you want, but I’m trying my best to keep us both happy. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I know.” He took a big step so they were toe to toe, with him staring down at her. His eyes softened as he searched hers for a moment.
When he towered over her like that, she felt so small and vulnerable. Even now, she wished he’d wrap his arms around her. She gave her head a shake.
Down, girl.
Banner caught her attention with his finger under her chin. “You need to worry about you now. I’ll be fine.”
A smile played at her lips. “Hey, Doms have feelings too.”
His answering grin looked fake, which worried her. He’d never seemed sad before, but now it looked as though he was hiding pain. “Some Doms are able to shut theirs off.”
Compartmentalize. Her exes had been able to do that. She used to say, “Men are like waffles; women are like spaghetti.” Men tended to keep each problem in its own neat square, whereas women’s would get all tangled up together.
Banner was wealthy, successful, had friends and family—what kind of problems haunted him? That was exactly how he looked right now. Haunted.
She opened her mouth to ask him, but he cut her off.
“Go,” he said and turned her around with his hands on her shoulders. “Your dog is waiting.” He gave her a small push toward the door.
So, he was putting up walls? If she was in a different position, she’d dig deeper and try to uncover the truth there. But he’d made it clear that he wasn’t her responsibility. They’d stay friends while some other girl figured him out.
As she left the coffee shop, she pictured him with another girl. She gritted her teeth. Then her imagination had them at the same party and acting like Janine and Chris. Something twisted in her stomach.
In too deep.
The need to get him out of her system clinched her decision for the Dom Fest. She’d let Banner show her off and pass her over to one of his friends. Then she’d really, truly be done with him.
Chapter 10
“Seriously, Banner. I think you should go home for the day.” Belle held a file out to him, but he couldn’t remember how long she’d been standing there.
“I think I can manage to sign a few documents,” he grumbled. When he opened the folder, he stared at the papers it contained, but they all seemed to be written in gibberish.
“What’s this?”
Belle pulled the file away from him. “This is the business proposal from Arthur Blackwell, remember? You probably shouldn’t be signing anything like this right now.” She laid it aside. “It can wait until Monday.”
Banner grunted and checked his phone messages. Nothing. Well, there were some messages from guys interested in meeting Kate, but nothing from her. What had he expected?
“Checking your phone won’t make her text you.” Belle smiled sympathetically.
“I know.”
She settled in the chair across from him. “Do you think maybe you’re feeling this way because she’s the first woman in a long time that hasn’t fallen all over herself trying to get your attention?”
With a laugh, he sat back. “You don’t do that.”
“You wouldn’t wear a collar for me any more than I’d wear one for you. It would get ugly fast.” Belle laughed quietly. “That’s one of the reasons why you hired me, remember? No temptations at work.”
“I hired you because you’re smart and efficient, and you’re good with people.”
“Mmmhmm.”
“And because I knew our business relationship would never become complicated by a personal relationship.”
“Our friendship might complicate things though. Like the fact that I have no qualms about telling you that you’ve been wandering around here for weeks acting like a starving dog waiting to be fed.” She arched a brow at him, and it wasn’t hard to imagine her making the same face at her sub. Domme faces didn’t work on him, though. He was immune.
“Things are almost sorted out with her, then everything will go back to normal.” He looked at his guest list again: six men, one of whom already had a sub and was looking for another woman to add to their relationship.
Hell, he’d never even asked Kate if that would appeal to her. The thick line he’d drawn through Ambrose’s name bothered him. It was too late to cancel the party now, but with Ambrose leaving on urgent business, his best hope for Kate was gone.
“I’ll believe that when I see it. I’m going to get lunch. I’m bringing some back for you. I will force-feed you if necessary.” She shook her head. “And people say that men aren’t emotional. You just wear it differently.” Belle frowned at him, then walked out of his office.
Emotional? He considered Kate, visualized her in his head, and let go of the business end of planning a party at his house.
Okay. Then he pictured being at a party and watching her submit to someone else. His stomach soured. Pushing the thought aside, he stood and started tidying the piles of paper on his desk, not sure if he was screwing up the order he’d purposely left them in. Not caring. He had to do something. Maybe Belle was right and he needed to go home.
As he walked past the admin’s desk, he asked Tanja to hold down the fort. She’d been with them long enough to manage fifteen minutes on her own. Maybe they’d actually keep this one. In the elevator he texted Belle.
Don’t bother getting lunch for me. I’m going home.
Her response came back right away. Eat food. Don’t turn into crazy stalker guy.
Yes, Ma’am.
Although he’d meant to go home, his car ended up at his mother’s house instead. With Ambrose and Konstantin both out of town, and Kate avoiding him, he felt as if he were adrift with nothing to anchor him to sanity. Expecting Rook to entertain him for a few hours, he was stunned when Meadow told him he’d gone to hang out with Dylan. His mom was asleep, and Meadow was busy organizing the storage room and didn’t want his help.
He toyed with the idea of going back to work, but he’d just distract people who were being productive.
For a while he drove, then wandered around a park on the outskirts of town, trying not to think of anything but the way the tree line met the sky, the quiet elegance of leaves, the cacophony of the city poking up in the distance.
At home, he went to his loft and laid aside the canvas he’d been working on. He pulled out a fresh one. Too many ugly feelings needed to get out, and he didn’t know what to do with them all. He meant to paint his loneliness and rejection, the feeling that no one would ever want to know him as he knew himself.
Stroke by stroke, he painted her face instead. Lovely, even though he knew she didn’t want him. Her eyes stared, as deep and luminous as they were when she was his.
***
“Remember to keep your eyes down unless someone asks you to look at them.”
“Yes, Sir.” All in white. The sacrificial lamb. The dress he’d chosen for her was slightly shorter than he’d anticipated. It definitely drew the eye to her sinful legs, which tore him up inside, but it would have to do. He wasn’t supposed to be keeping her covered up for himself. How many times did he have to keep telling himself that? No bra, no underwear, minimal makeup. He wanted them to know what they were getting with her. His hands were clumsy as he slipped the white leather collar around her neck, fumbling as he buckled it.
Mine, at least for tonight.
“I wish you’d let me wear shoes. I feel weird like this when everyone else will be fully dressed.”
“Sir,” he grumbled.
She looked at him in confusion.
“You have to call me Sir while people are here. It’ll add to your appeal if you remember to use some protocol.” He fussed with her hair for a minute, and she rolled her eyes impatiently.
“Well, we’re not out there yet. Even though you’re a Master, I don’t have to call you Master in public, do I?”
The word. She was hell bent on killing him with her pretty mouth.
“No.” It had come out rougher than he’d meant it to, but he couldn’t have her calling him that. Kicking all of the other Doms out of the house almost as soon as they sat down would be rude.
He uncoiled the chain on the side table and clipped the leash onto her collar. Behind her, the bed mocked him. Bringing her into the dungeon to get ready had probably been a horrible plan, but he’d thought it would get her into the right headspace. Instead, it had gotten him into the wrong one.
Showing her off. Giving her away. That was the point of the evening, not using her and reminding her who she belonged to, because that would be immoral, and he was trying to be an honorable man. Even so, once the leash was on she stayed far too close, too intimately near, for someone who supposedly had no attraction to him. If she wanted to put some space between them, there was plenty of slack in the leash.
She watched his face, her eyes attentive and soft, ready for Banner to lead her anywhere. The leash handle was wrapped around his hand, but which one of them was truly the captive?
“Everyone is here but Ambrose and Konstantin, but we knew they couldn’t make it,” he said, trying to build a wall with his words. “I wish Ambrose was here. He was my first choice for you.” If it couldn’t be me.
Kate stepped closer, the tips of her breasts brushing his ribs. “We’ll see. Maybe you could introduce me to him if none of these guys are right.” She blinked up at him, trusting.
Why couldn’t it be him instead of someone else?
She didn’t want him, that’s why. The intensity he needed in a D/s relationship didn’t appeal to her when she was calm and rational. Changing her mind in subspace didn’t count. But if she didn’t want him, why was she looking at him as though she wanted him to kiss her?
It was her instinctual reaction to him. Even if her hormones approved of him, her logic was telling her to steer clear.
With regret, he backed up a step and turned away. “We should get up there. They’re waiting for you.”
“Wait!”
He turned back, and she threw her arms around his neck, then dragged his mouth down to hers. Her kiss was long and sweet, and although he meant to be nonresponsive, he couldn’t help but kiss her back. His chest ached when he gently pushed her away.
“I–I just wanted to say good-bye, and thanks for everything.”
There was nothing left to say. He turned and walked from her, only remembering they were attached when the handle of the leash tugged his hand.
He led her down the hall into a roomful of men in suits. They’d been standing around, talking and sipping at drinks, but they fell silent when Banner and Kate entered the room. The air seemed
to buzz with their keen interest, and for a moment Banner struggled with the urge to drag her back to the dungeon.
Why do this to himself? Why not just leave her to her own devices to look for a Dom?
He cared too much who she ended up with. If the guy didn’t deserve her, it would make him crazy. He needed more control over her than that, even if it was all he was going to get.
Banner made introductions. Will, Everard, Josh, Nick, and Jakob all looked her over with interest. Matt and Oksana had bowed out at the last minute, but Kate hadn’t been sure about exploring relationships with other women anyway. Maybe that had been curiosity on his part.
He signaled for Kate to kneel on the coffee table, which was the twin to the one in his dungeon. She did, looking as though she’d rather run away again. The men all sat on the couches around her, and she stared fixedly at his pant leg.
He could have used a beer. And Ambrose around to make fun of him.
“So, gentlemen, as I said earlier, Kate here is interested in finding the right Dom for her. She had a bad experience with a friend trying to set her up last time, so I thought I should introduce her to some men that were worth her time.”
Something touched his leg. Kate had slid her hand sideways across the coffee table and her fingers had sought him out. For support? He touched the top of her head, and she leaned into him.
“I e-mailed all of you a list of what I think she needs and what she’s into.” He stroked her hair and drew a steadying breath.
“The two of you seem pretty connected,” Everard said. “Are you sure you’re ready to give her away?”
It was like a punch in the gut, but he had to do this now before he lost his nerve.
“Our relationship is just a training one. She wanted to learn more about submission, so I taught her what I could. She’s not bonded to me or anything. She’s just nervous right now.” He patted her head and deliberately moved his hand away from her.
Finding Master Right Page 16
