“Fuuuuuuck.” Ambrose leaned back on the patio chair and sipped at his iced tea. “You really do love her, don’t you?”
He thought of her face, the expressiveness of her eyes, and for a moment he couldn’t draw breath. The things they talked about in the dark, in the wee hours, had nothing to do with the way their bodies fit together or the way she responded to his touch or his dominance.
Kate was a deep, complicated woman whose soul was filled with reverence for the other souls of the world. Cruelty and nastiness weren’t part of her makeup. Her spirit was lively and kind, and her humor and strength of character shone from her, even when she was silent. His attic workspace was slowly filling with canvases of her—asleep, awake, smiling, serious, radiant. She’d become his muse and his obsession, and she’d done it all by accident.
Banner cut off his thoughts with an impatient gesture. It drew his attention to the clean scent of her that still clung to his clothes. “I’ll bring her by tomorrow. There’s no way you won’t want her. She’s fucking perfect. She’ll fall in love with you right way.” He picked up the beer and swallowed half of it. “It’ll be over before I know it.”
Ambrose sighed. “You need to figure out how to bend, jackass. You’re going to give her away and regret it, but by then it’ll be too late.”
“It’s what’s best for her. She needs someone that appreciates her the way she is, without wanting to change her.”
He shook his head then looked out across the green expanse of his parklike lawn. “I’ll do this for you for now, to keep you sane. I’ll hang on to her until you pull your idiot head out of your ass.” He leveled a frustrated glare on Banner. “Just don’t kill me when she goes back to you still screaming my name, beyotch.”
***
The late-afternoon air was still but cool enough to keep them from feeling as if they were baking among the trees at the end of his mother’s property. Rook squinted despite the shade.
“I really prefer admiring the outdoors from inside the house. It’s like my own private terrarium.” They had just set their easels up, but Rook probably wouldn’t want to stay out for long.
They settled in, and Banner tried to decide which part of the landscape to paint. He could feel Rook watching him, but he was too wound up to be good company.
“What’s the deal with you today? I feel like I’m talking to myself.” The kid laughed but looked concerned. He was too perceptive for his own good sometimes.
“Relationship stuff. Sorry I’m distracted.” He shrugged and reorganized his workspace for the second time.
“I’ve never seen you this messed up about a girl. It’s probably good for your enormous ego.” Rook grinned, and Banner gave him a friendly shove.
“Yeah, things with her are done though. I’m hooking her up with Ambrose, and then I can move on and stop being a creepy stalker.” He chewed on the end of a paintbrush and thought of her trembling under his hands as he drew a brush over her smooth skin. Would memories like that ever fade, or would they plague him every second of every day?
“Getting her to date Ambrose is going to fix how you feel about her?”
“Shh. Of course it is.”
Rook shook his head sympathetically. “If you believe that, maybe you’re the one who should be seeing Dr. Clarke.”
Counseling? No, thanks. Time for a change of subject.
“How’s school?”
Rook’s expression went from concerned to shuttered. “It’s school. I’m sure college will be better. The one I’m hoping to get into seems a lot more open-minded.”
“Kids can be idiots.” Banner grimaced. “If you ever need to talk, you know how to get ahold of me. Don’t be shy, even if it’s in the middle of my office hours or the middle of the night.”
Banner could feel Rook weighing his next words. What did the kid have going on that was a secret? Usually, he told him everything.
“Dr. Clarke wants to put me on a mood stabilizer.”
He sighed. Why medicate a kid because society didn’t get him? Rook didn’t have a mood disorder, he just had to stop dealing with asshats.
“Well, that’ll be up to you and Mom. Do you feel like you need one?”
“I don’t know. It won’t make me straight, and it won’t make the other kids leave me alone.” He shrugged. “So I get fog and side effects, and they get to keep being idiots.”
“Exactly.”
“I’m not switching schools again. It didn’t work last time. There’ll be homophobes in my face for the rest of my life. I just have to learn how to deal with them.”
Banner looked at the boy, so small for his age and so sensitive to the people around him. Sure he had money now, but money didn’t fix the most important things in life. Was there anything else he could do for him that he wasn’t doing?
“Stop looking at me like that. Moving me into your place and having me homeschooled won’t fix anything. I don’t belong in a bubble. Are you going to hire me to work for you from home when I grow up, so that I’ll never have to deal with people?” He turned away and drew some bold charcoal lines on his canvas.
He watched his baby brother as the landscape blossomed from his hand onto the canvas. Only blacks and grays. It was funny how the situations around his mother and his brother made him feel helpless and angry for completely different reasons.
Rook laughed humorlessly. “Eventually, I’ll have to leave the house for something, and I’ll have to deal with the same crap. There’s no hiding from it. If I was taller I could get some respect, but being small, femme, and gay? I’m a walking stereotype. Although I do fight the stereotype that gay men always dress well.”
“You’re killing me. Why won’t you take self-defense classes? I could hire you a bodyguard for certain parts of the day, if you think it’d help.” He grabbed Rook in a one-armed hug when his charcoal left the paper and rested his chin on the kid’s head.
“It’s only comments now, Banner. People don’t get attacked so much around here. It’s just the way they stop talking when you walk into a room and the words you hear whispered behind your back. A bodyguard can’t stop gossip. Self-defense doesn’t work against words.”
“But you have Dylan. And me.”
“Yes, and Ambrose and Konstanin. Meadow isn’t ready for me to come out to her, I don’t think, but her heart is in the right place. Eventually, I’ll tell her. And Mom, well, I don’t know if she can handle more right now. Her life needs to be easy and happy.”
Banner sighed and let him go when he started to pull away.
“I just want you to remember that I’m in your corner, no matter what. If you need to talk or if you need help, you call me.”
Around them, birds sang. A weird, cheerful mask dropped into place on Rook’s expressive face.
“I can’t lean on you forever. Don’t worry about me. I’m the master of my own fate.”
Rook turned back to his work. The sun was warm in the clearing, but something about the boy’s demeanor chilled Banner to the bone.
Chapter 13
Sub drop sucked. Even after Banner’s reassurance that it was normal and that Kate wasn’t broken, it still took a few days for the heavy cloud to lift.
Today, she was starting to feel more like herself. As she perused her closet for something to wear, she felt a sense of optimism for the first time in a while.
Banner had set up a date with his friend, Ambrose. Well, it was more of a group thing because she’d insisted Banner come. Even regular blind dates were awkward, and she didn’t want to go by herself. Banner was kind enough to agree, even though he seemed hesitant about it. It must be awkward for him, too, but if they were going to stay friends, he’d have to deal with it. The idea of “just friends” dampened her mood a bit, but she’d been telling herself over and over for days that it was best for both of them.
Every year, the town set up a harvest fair just before Thanksgiving. Last year, winter had come early, so everyone bundled up and sipped hot cider as they wander
ed through the outdoor tents filled with homemade goods. Thankfully, today the sun was shining, and it was unseasonably warm.
As she shoved hangers of clothes aside, growing frustrated with her limited options, she realized just how much of a girl she was being. Was looking perfect that important? What were the chances things would work differently with Ambrose than the other guys Banner had introduced her to? They were nice but there was no spark, no sign of chemistry whatsoever. In fact, the whole time she’d talked to them, all she could think about was Banner.
She sighed in resignation. Maybe it was silly and girly, but it mattered to her what she looked like. Warm for November still equaled needing a sweater. She pulled out a green one that matched her eyes, then threw on a pair of jeans and zippered tall brown boots over them. After a glance in the mirror, she starting pulling her hair back into a ponytail then stopped. Wearing her hair back was instinctual, but Banner liked it better down. Even when meeting his friend, she still felt the urge to please him.
“Ugh. What is wrong with me?”
Her reflection didn’t have an answer.
After saying a quick good-bye to Pixie, she grabbed her purse and headed out the door.
Dom search, take four hundred and one.
The fairgrounds at the center square bustled with shoppers, families, and couples out for a stroll. The smell of cider donuts hit her as soon as she stepped out of her car. Her stomach rumbled. Maybe skipping breakfast had been a bad idea, but her belly had been fluttering with nerves all morning.
Banner was easy to find across the plaza. She waved, and he spotted her, smiling in a way that made her heart skip beats.
No, no, no. She wasn’t supposed to be checking him out. She was supposed to be checking out his friend!
She slid her gaze to the man walking next to Banner. How she hadn’t seen him first was a mystery. He was at least two inches taller than Banner and about twice as thick. His short buzz cut and tattooed arms made him look either military or criminal. Swallowing hard, she hoped for the former.
As they came closer, she looked at the friend’s eyes, searching for clues about what kind of person he was. He met her gaze, steady at first, then his eyes crinkled a bit at the corners. The bright blue was a sharp contrast to the hardened look of the rest of him.
“Hey,” Banner said.
Instinctually, she went to hug him. When he hugged her back then kissed her cheek, she realized it might have been a mistake. Should she be showing him affection, even as a friend, in front of a potential date? God, she sucked at this.
Feeling insecure, she turned to Ambrose and smiled shyly. “Hi. I’m Kate.”
He held out his hand, which she shook. “Ambrose. I’ve heard a lot about you.”
The sexy smile that went with his statement made her blush. Just how close were the two of them, and how much detail had Banner told him? Great. Now she felt awkward and vulnerable. This was going well.
“How are you?” Banner asked.
“Hungry.”
“Aha!” Ambrose’s expression brightened. “A girl who likes to eat? That’s my kind of woman.”
“Does that mean you don’t like stick figures? ’Cause I don’t plan to starve myself for a man.”
“Body size doesn’t matter. I just like women. But when they enjoy a good meal with me, all the better.” He leaned in and whispered, “Don’t tell anybody, but I’m a bit of a food snob.”
She grinned, charmed by him already.
“It’s true.” Banner rolled his eyes. “He’s all about the fancy shit. Snails and lobster and everything.”
“What about cider donuts?” she asked with a sideways glance.
He shrugged. “Never tried them. Every time the fair comes along, I’m away on business, so this is my first time.”
“You’ve never had a cider donut?” she nearly shouted. “Well, what are we waiting for? You can’t possibly live a second longer without one.”
He laughed, then said to Banner, “I like this one already.”
Her nose led her to the booth where the bakery had set up a makeshift donut shop. Trays of sugary donuts waited to be devoured. Her mouth watered already.
She went to order, but Ambrose stepped in before she could. “I’ll take a dozen.”
When she opened her mouth to offer to pay, Ambrose waved her away.
A few moments later, they each had one in hand.
“Go ahead,” she said to Ambrose. “Let’s see if I steered you right.”
He took a bite, managing to fit almost the whole thing in one mouthful. His eyes narrowed as he contemplated an answer, as if he were a food critic at a fancy restaurant. She had to laugh at his exaggerated expression.
“Hmmm.”
“Come on,” she said. “You can’t hate it. If you hate it, this date is over.”
Nodding, he swallowed the bite. “It’s delicious.”
“Told you!”
“Seriously,” he said, shoving the rest in his mouth. “Probably the best-tasting breakfast I’ve ever had. I’d buy three dozen more, but then I wouldn’t fit into my pants anymore.”
“Some things are worth getting fat for.” She took a bite of hers.
Banner piped in. “I’m gonna bring some to Rook. The boy has a sweet tooth just like our dad did.”
She’d almost forgotten he was there. Feeling guilty, she turned to give him some attention too. “That’s a good idea. How’s he doing, anyway?”
He shrugged. “Seems like something’s up. I’ve been visiting more often just so he knows I’m around to talk to.” He frowned. “I worry about him.”
“I know. But you’re a great brother, and he’s lucky to have you.”
Ambrose took another donut from the bag and held it out to her. She wanted it badly, still hungry from having skipped breakfast, but she hesitated. “I probably shouldn’t.”
“Come on,” he said, waving it in front of her. “I know you want it.”
Laughing, she grabbed the donut. “You’re bad.”
His eyes darkened in an instant. “You have no idea.”
The mood shifted and the funny feeling she got when Banner acted dominant crept into her belly, making her freeze in place. She wasn’t hungry for donuts anymore.
“Um.” She cleared her throat. “So, what do you do for work?”
Ambrose smiled, seeming to enjoy making her squirm. She couldn’t tell if it annoyed her or aroused her. The whole sub drop thing was still keeping her off balance.
“I’m in the shipping business.”
“Ah.”
He laughed again.
“What?”
“It’s a conversation ender. Nobody ever asks me more.”
“Oh.” Guilt crept up on her and she frowned. “Sorry. I just don’t know—”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s a boring job, and it’s even more boring talking about it.” He looked around at the tents. “I need a drink.”
“Cider!”
“Now you’re talking,” he said with a grin. “Hard cider?”
She peered around the booths. Tables were set up with baked goods and homemade house goods, but she remembered from last year there was a beer tent. “They have that somewhere around here. I like hot cider though.”
He gestured away from the donut booth. “Let’s go find some, then.”
His genuine smile, easy demeanor but hint of dominance made Ambrose the most likely match so far. Banner had good taste in best friends.
The thought sent a reminder, and she swung around, feeling bad Banner was an afterthought. “Coming?” she asked him.
“Uh.” He ran his hand through his hair, then shook his head. “Nah. I’m going to go look around for the fresh ravioli Meadow likes. I’ll catch up with you later.”
He was probably just giving them space to be polite, which made her sorry she’d pushed him to come. She didn’t mean to make him feel like the third wheel. Honestly, she’d thought Ambrose would bore her and she’d mostly hang out with Banne
r. But Ambrose was fun and sweet and hot. She wanted to get to know him better, if for no other reason than it would take her mind off of Banner. Maybe throwing herself into this situation with Ambrose was a bad idea but sitting around her apartment moping over Mr. Perfect not wanting her wasn’t going to fix anything.
She studied Banner’s face for a moment. She thought she caught a fleeting look of hurt, but it was gone in an instant, and he gave her a reassuring smile instead.
Maybe he wasn’t okay, but neither was she. This was his idea, so fuck him if he was upset about it.
Kate nodded and walked off with Ambrose, determined to have a good time and secretly hoping Banner would come charging back up to reclaim her.
He didn’t.
They spent the morning sampling the food the fair had to offer. She was surprised at just how much fun she was having with Ambrose. He was easy to be with, easy to like. If not for his size, she wouldn’t sense the same amount of danger there was with Banner, but there were hints of dominance—enough to keep her interest.
Maybe this was what was supposed to happen all along. Ambrose seemed like a better match.
In the back of her mind, though, Banner was there with that rejected look on his face. But this had been his idea. And she knew he wanted her with someone he trusted instead of some fake Dom she might meet in a club.
Ambrose was his best friend. If they clicked, he’d be happy for them.
Right?
***
She’d gone to the fair hungry and left so stuffed she was sure she wouldn’t eat for a week. Apple pie, fried dough, fresh cannolis, caramel apples—it was amazing the button hadn’t popped off her jeans and folding herself into her car was uncomfortable. They never did find Banner again, but Ambrose kept her distracted.
Finding Master Right Page 19
