It took a mental wrench for Jesse to force her mind to the subject of Gary Emerson. Only this morning she’d discovered the break-in, but since Megan’s disappearance she’d put Gary out of her thoughts.
Now she had to deal with what she’d left undone. Her confrontation with Gary hadn’t gone unnoticed, even if no one had heard the words exchanged.
There wasn’t any point in prevaricating with Kim. “We never liked each other. There are some … matters between us that haven’t been resolved.”
“Well, I guess that’s none of my business. I was just sorry to hear that he’d caused you trouble at the party.”
“Don’t let it worry you, Kim. I can handle it.”
Kim made a noncommittal sound and hooked her thumbs in her front pockets. “Marie’s been in a bad mood since this morning when she found out he’d left town—”
“Left town?”
“Took off around dawn, apparently. Marie called to tell me. She couldn’t understand why he left so suddenly.” Kim shot Jesse a knowing look. “I’d stay away from her for a while, if I were you. For some reason she thinks you made him leave.”
It sounded absurd, but there wasn’t anything laughable about it. Jesse had caused Gary to take action, even before she’d determined how to get at him. He’d had someone break into her cabin. He’d tried to intimidate her with subtle taunts and direct threats. He thought she knew something, had something on him.
Now he was gone. Maybe David had spooked him at the party, but Jesse wasn’t deceived. It wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. Certainly not for her, however far Gary went.
Sooner or later she’d find out what Gary was afraid of, and then he’d have good cause to run.
“I’d better get Megan home and into bed,” she told Kim. “Thank you. For trusting me.”
“No problem. That’s what we’re here for. You did good, Jesse.”
On impulse Jesse gave Kim a quick hug, a show of affection she’d seldom risked. Even Kim seemed a little surprised by it, for all her quick response.
Then they went to their separate trucks. Megan was already asleep in her seat, head lolling against the rolled-up window. Jesse buckled her in and drove down the hillside at a considerably slower pace than she’d set on the way up. Megan never stirred.
They dropped by Doc Thielman’s, who confirmed Jesse’s first diagnosis and gave the same advice of rest and quiet, as well as a sample tube of sunburn lotion. Megan was only half awake during the examination.
Al was waiting when Jesse’s truck pulled into his driveway. He was silent as he picked up Megan’s little body and carried her to her bed. But Jesse sensed that his stoic demeanor was, for once, a real mask and not cool discipline. He’d been worried.
After Megan was asleep in her own bed, she and Al went into the study. Al sat down behind his desk, his manner even more subdued than usual.
“Thanks for what you did, Jesse,” he said. “I came home as soon as I could close the library, but you’d already left. Mrs. Plummer told me you’d gone looking for Megan, and then Kim Mayhew called. She told me to wait here—”
“You did the right thing, Al. We got to her quickly. She wasn’t hurt.”
“But she could have been. Because of my … neglect.”
It was strange to realize that Al needed comfort and reassurance. He’d always been the rock, the one so sure of his place in the world.
She touched his hand. “Megan learned something today,” she said. “We all did. We can start over.”
Al rested his head on his hand. “You will continue to see her, Jesse? She trusts you now.”
“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away. I’ll be here every day, whenever I can. She won’t be lonely.”
“Thank you.” He got up and moved for the door as quickly as his limp would permit. He paused with the door half open. “Can you stay with her for a while? I left some unfinished business at the library.”
“Go ahead. I’d planned on staying the night, if that’s okay.”
Al nodded and left the room without another word. Jesse sank into the recliner and closed her eyes.
Hard to believe how complicated her life had become in only a few short days. First Gary’s return, then David’s appearance, now Megan. The weirdest part was that none of it felt like mere coincidence. It was a notion she wasn’t ready to examine too closely.
David had been responsible for Megan’s rescue, and she owed him a huge debt of gratitude for that. And for defending her at the party, whatever his motives.
But gratitude wasn’t uppermost in her mind. That simple and limited emotion she would have been able to confine and control. Seeing David at Megan’s side had given her a jolt she hadn’t even recognized until she could think beyond Megan’s safety. Her feelings where he was concerned were becoming increasingly urgent, linked to desires that were frightening in their intensity.
If she called him now, he probably couldn’t come—not if her impression of his weakness by the river was correct. But she badly wanted to see him. To thank him. To tell him …
But her mind couldn’t come up with the right words. It shut down at the mere attempt to find them.
She stood up, went to the kitchen for water, a snack of grapes, and a chair, and returned to Megan’s room for a long vigil.
Gary. David. Megan. She drifted into a light doze with those names spinning around and around like a juggler’s balls.
Answers. There had to be answers. Meaning. Resolution. Somewhere …
She woke to the sense of someone watching. Megan’s eyes were half open, peeping up over the edge of her blanket. The small clock by the bed said four A.M.
“Are you awake?” Jesse asked unnecessarily, pulling her chair closer to the bed. “It’s still early. You should go back to sleep.”
“Have you been there all the time?” Megan said, muffled under the blanket.
“Yes.” Jesse smiled and reached over to smooth Megan’s hair. “Making sure you’re okay and getting your rest.”
Megan’s glance slid to the lamp on the nightstand and then back to Jesse’s face. “I had bad dreams.”
“I’m not surprised. It’s only natural.” She paused. “Are you feeling all right now?”
Megan twisted the blanket between her hands. “I’m afraid if I go back to sleep—”
“Come here, then,” Jesse said, opening her arms. “Sit with me until you feel sleepy again.”
Any evidence of stiffness or pain was gone from Megan’s movements as she clambered out of bed and into Jesse’s lap. The position was a little awkward, but Jesse didn’t care. Having this child in her arms was the most natural thing in the world. The bond formed at the rescue hadn’t lessened; it had only grown stronger.
She pulled Megan’s head into the crook of her shoulder. “Do you want to tell me about the nightmare?”
Megan snuggled in with uninhibited trust and nodded. “It was about the cliff. I was there, but I wasn’t alone. A boy was there with me. I watched him fall into the river, and I was going to fall too.”
Jesse rocked her gently. “Who was the boy?”
“I heard them talking about him,” Megan said. “The other people who came when you saved me. They said his name was Bobby.”
Bobby. Jesse stopped rocking for a moment and then resumed, amazed at how unfettered her mind was of the guilt she’d carried ever since the teenager’s death.
“Did he really fall off the same cliff and die?” Megan whispered.
Honesty was always better, and Megan deserved it. “Yes. It was very sad. He’d taken some drugs, and it made him dizzy and hurt his judgment. We … tried to save him.”
“I’m sorry.” Megan patted her back. “I know you wouldn’t have let him die.”
The innocent solace of a child was a remarkable gift. Jesse let out a long breath and hugged Megan, taking care not to put pressure on bruises and bandages. “It was different with you, Megan. You were very brave and did the right things.”
“I
wasn’t brave.” Megan pushed back to meet Jesse’s eyes. “I did everything wrong, after you warned me. But I can learn to do it right.”
“Do what?”
“Hike. The things you said you’d show me how to do.” Megan’s lower lip thrust out. “I want to go back to the same place. I want to look over the cliff and show I’m not afraid.”
Jesse closed her eyes. A girl like Megan would want to confront her fears rather than let them fester. Maybe she didn’t understand the psychology behind it, but her instincts were sound. Over and over she reminded Jesse of herself, and all the times she’d tried to face her own demons.
“You’ll still take me, won’t you?” Megan asked in a small voice. “You aren’t too mad at me?”
“Mad?” Jesse kissed Megan’s brow. “No. But you need to rest a little more before we tackle something like that.”
Megan snorted. “I don’t need a lot of rest. And I can learn.” She searched Jesse’s eyes, her own wide and pleading. “Can we go tomorrow?”
“Whoa. You’re moving too fast for me.” She lifted Megan and steered her back to the bed. “You need a good night’s sleep. A whole night, mind you. And a good breakfast and taking it easy for a day or so. Then we’ll decide when and where to go.”
Megan made no protest as Jesse tucked her under the blankets. “You promise we will go? You promise?”
“I promise.” She plumped the pillow around Megan’s head and touched the tip of her nose. “But only if you rest.”
The girl’s eyes were already growing heavy-lidded in spite of her efforts to stay awake.
“You won’t go away, will you? You won’t leave me?”
“I’ll be here until morning.”
“I mean after that. Tomorrow and after that. You’ll be here, won’t you?”
Jesse knelt beside the bed. “I live right across the yard, Megan. Except when I’m at work, I’m always here. I’m not going away.”
Megan’s hand shot out from under the blankets and felt for Jesse’s. Her grip was surprisingly firm for such a small child’s. “My parents died when I was just a baby,” she said. “I don’t even remember them much. But I … miss them.”
“I know.” Jesse leaned into the bed and gathered Megan’s bundled body as close as she could. “I lost my mother when I was about your age. I was so lonely and scared. If you want to talk about that, we can. As much as you want.”
“You were by yourself, too?”
“For a long time.”
The touch of Megan’s hand seemed to convey sympathy far beyond her years. “Grandma never talked about Mom and Dad. She didn’t want me around, either. I could tell. But I could take care of myself.” She sniffed. “Now she’s gone. I don’t want—” Residual pride stopped Megan from admitting more than she already had, but her feelings couldn’t be dammed up. Tears welled in her eyes and trickled down her cheeks.
“You don’t want to be alone,” Jesse finished for her, stroking away the tears with her fingertips. “You won’t be. I’ll be your friend, Megan. For as long as you want.”
Megan couldn’t answer, and she was still uncomfortable enough with her tears to bury her face in the pillow. Jesse let her be, staying close in case Megan needed her.
But Megan’s weariness did its inevitable work. Gradually her sobs quieted, and her little body went limp under the blankets. Jesse tucked Megan in again and returned to her chair.
The day’s turmoil had taken its own toll on her, as well. After a few more minutes she stopped fighting the inevitable, and closed her eyes. A new and wonderful contentment, and a fresh purpose, carried her into sleep.
They made a perfect pair.
David didn’t need to see them together for more than a few minutes to know the miracle had happened. It was almost flawless. As nearly flawless as one short year in a troubled marriage, when a tiny girl had bound two people together as nothing else could have done.
The pattern played out—joyfully now, as it was meant to. David watched them both sleeping, Megan in her bed and Jesse in her chair, and knew a sharp bayonet-thrust of loneliness. Hadn’t this been intended from the beginning? He’d sensed more pitfalls ahead, but instead he’d been given the opportunity to do a good deed to be weighed to his account.
Sophie and Elizabeth had been reunited.
And Jesse must know by now that Gary had left town, his immediate threat erased. Megan would surely be enough to distract her from that dangerous pursuit.
Every piece was falling into place. Then why did David feel so little triumph? Why did he want to be there with the woman and the child, a happy family that existed only in a fool’s dreams?
He knew he should keep his distance. But he moved closer, crouched beside the child who had once been his daughter.
Elizabeth wouldn’t have looked like this if she’d lived to Megan’s age. She would have been fairy-bright and feminine in frills and lace. Sophie would have seen to that.
But Elizabeth hadn’t lived. Fragile happiness had shattered. David had run from Sophie’s grief—from his own. But the method of escape was the same as with any other unbearable situation. The strategy of forgetting was highly effective when one fought for one’s life in war.
But losing one’s life wasn’t the solution he’d thought it would be. Now, at last, the scales were coming back into balance. The odds stacked higher and higher in David’s favor. First Avery, and now this. Surely Jesse would find it easy to pardon him his sins.
He looked at Jesse’s face, the lines of tension and care eased from her eyes and mouth in sleep. He’d seen that face suffused with love for the daughter she didn’t remember. And he wondered what it would be like to feel that love directed toward him. Unjudging, unconditional, strong and true.
Fool, he told himself. Jesse’s forgiveness would be more than sufficient. And as for Megan …
The girl need never know she’d had anything but a strange dream at a time of crisis. She wouldn’t see him again, by accident or design. No child needed a ghost for a father. His absurd desire to embrace her, hold her like the babe she’d once been, would pass soon enough.
He was preparing to leave when Jesse stirred in her chair and opened her eyes.
“David?” she murmured sleepily. She blinked and sat up. “David!”
Her voice was low, pitched so as not to wake the sleeping child, but she looked at him with an open gladness that caught him like a rabbit in a snare. She rose swiftly and moved toward him, arms outstretched.
He wasn’t quick enough to avoid her approach. She reached the place where he stood and began to walk through him, just as she’d done on the hillside. Her entire being jolted through him, blending and merging as if he’d failed in all his defenses. Desire, hunger, urges beyond his control clamored within him, driving out reason.
“Jesse,” he breathed. “I can’t—”
She stepped back, her arms wrapped around herself. “You’re still too weak,” she said with immediate comprehension. “You can’t make yourself solid. I should have guessed.”
Her calm acceptance made it possible for him to master his unexpected passion. “I came back to see that you and Megan were safe.”
She smiled with a warmth that sent his phantom blood pumping hot all over again. “You saved Megan’s life,” she said softly. “I owe you more than I can ever repay.”
It was what he’d wanted, this gratitude. But at the moment, he was busy cursing the limitations that deprived him of the form to properly accept her thanks.
“I’m glad that I could help,” he said. “The child has pluck. Very much like her friend.”
Jesse blushed, but she gazed at him in such a way that David thought he could guess what it must be like to be the recipient of her love. But then she looked away toward the bed, as if to reassure herself that Megan was too insensible to hear her conversation with a ghost.
“How did you find her?” she asked. “Did you hear me call?”
“Yes.” No need to admit he’d first ig
nored her, and only luck had led him to Megan. Or her to him.
“You got through,” Jesse said. “I saw you, even though you weren’t really with me.”
He floated back to the farthest wall. “Our connection, Jesse,” he reminded her. “I trusted that it would be enough, and I didn’t want to risk leaving the child.”
“She didn’t see you?”
He wondered at the question but had no intention of answering it honestly. “How could she?”
“It seemed as if—” She stopped, hesitated. “It doesn’t matter. The important thing is that she’s safe, and it’s thanks to you.”
“You’re very fond of her.”
She settled back into her chair. “Yes. I’ve only known her a few days, but—” She cast David a speaking glance. “We’ve developed an affinity very quickly.”
Like you and me? he asked silently. “I can see that,” he said. “You never told me of your rescue work, Jesse. I was able to watch a little of what you did to help Megan. I was greatly impressed.”
She shook her head. “The credit belongs to the team.” She was quiet for a long time, and then spoke as if she had held something inside too long and had finally found a means of release.
“That cliff where Megan fell …” she said slowly, “there was an accident last week. A boy named Bobby died.” She swallowed and met his gaze. “I was the one who went down to get him. I felt responsible. But when I was able to help Megan, it made me realize how useless my guilt was. How little good it did anyone, including the people who suffered most.”
Ah, yes. Guilt was such a useless sentiment. Who better to know than David Ventris? Jesse knew nothing of his own culpability, and yet she shared this with him, as she’d shared her childhood fears. He knew such admissions did not come easy for her.
“I’m telling you this,” she said, “because there’s something I need to do tomorrow after work, a visit I’ve been putting off too long. Megan should rest all day, and I can’t stay with her. I thought … if it’s possible … that you could keep an eye on her for me, for just a few hours. I know you don’t know her, and she can’t see you, but you were the one who saved her. It seems … right, somehow.”
Body and Soul Page 17
