by Violet Paige
“I do have an IUD, not that it’s any of your business,” I retorted. “There is no plans for any need to consider it.”
Of course, but all the same when we stop at my place I’ll pick up some things. That way should you want to spend the night, you’ll know that Aria is good.”
“Who said your going to be babysitting?”
“Uh, I did,” She said with a sassy swing of her hair. “I want to be there when yo get home. Then I can be the first to hear all the juicy details.”
“What is all this stuff Aunt Em?” Aria asked as she slid into the back seat of the car.
There were at least two bags of clothing stuffed in the small back seat of my jeep that Emma had insisted I try on for tonight.
“Your mom’s got a date,” Emma said without so much as a pause of hesitation.
“What?” Aria said with a look of shock I could easily see through the rear view mirror.
“It’s not a date. I just ran into an old friend from college. I agreed to go out and get some drinks with him tonight, that’s all.”
Dating was something new to both Aria and myself. Emma had always tried to get me to go out with her to go bar hopping but I just couldn’t with a kid at home. At first it had been easy to say no, because I had a baby. As Aria grew older it was getting harder and harder to make up excuses why I didn’t want to join Emma on her weekly prowls of the local bars.
I was never a big drinker or partier to begin with. My mother always told me that I was far too mature for my age growing up and I guess not having an interest in bar hopping came with that.
Had it been anyone else to ask me out tonight, I would have easily said no and not given it a second thought. In fact saying yes had been a hard thing to do. I was truthful when I told Emma that I wanted to get to know Barrett more. I didn’t have any plans or expectations for tonight other then that.
I couldn’t. If I did that would involve finding a way to tell Barrett that I had his daughter. And even if that went well, how could I tell Aria that I had been lying to her all this time about who her father was?
My parents hadn’t been happy when I told them I was changing course from pre-law and having a baby all in the same breath. That being said, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell this little girl that her precious life was anything other than happy and planned.
I knew the day would come that I would have to spill out the truth of the matter. I had hoped to wait long enough for her to be at least in her teens. I wasn’t sure if she would be able to fully understand the delicate nature of the situation.
That and I really didn’t want her to know that her mom had lost her virginity hooking up with a random stranger at a club. That was one skeleton I planned to keep in my closet as long as possible.
Eleven
Lilly
"No that one is way too fancy,” Aria said laying on my bed with her school books spread around her.
I had spent the last hour parading around every outfit Emma had brought for their inspection.
“You look like you are a princess at a ball,” she added.
“I think it looks really nice,” Emma interjected. “It might be the keeper.”
I looked down at the sequence cocktail dress I had barely squeezed my boobs into.
“Yeah, I’m gonna have to agree with Aria on this one. It’s just drinks, this is too much.”
“Well that’s the last of what I brought. Either it didn’t fit you or you didn't like the look of it.”
Emma was noticeably frustrated that I hadn’t picked one of her carefully chosen outfits.
“Good,” I retorted. “Can’t help it if having a baby makes my boobs bigger. And not that we have all of your choices out of the way, we can move on to my own,” I said turning and heading for the closet.
I picked one of my black pant suits with a lavender blouse underneath. I walked out, proud of my choice to 'boos' from the waiting audience.
“Oh come on,” Putting my hands on my hips.
“You look like you are going to work, Mom, not on a date.”
“It’s not a date,” I reiterated for the tenth time that evening.
“At least a dress,” Emma said with a wave of her hand. Apparently I was to go back in and try again.
I came out now wearing a flowing floral skirt, teal tank top, and a cardigan sweater.
“Better,” Emma said. “But not quite.”
“Oh, this is hopeless,” I said turning back to my rack of clothes.
“Third time's a charm?” I asked coming out again.
It was a dress I hadn’t worn in years. I had actually gotten it for a friend’s park wedding. It was a rose color with lace covering. It was fairly clingy to my body and came mid-thigh. I figured with a pair of booties it would look nice.
“I like it,” Aria said.
“I think we have a winner then,” Emma concurred. “Now it’s time for hair and make-up,” she added rubbing her hands together menacingly.
“Oh no,” I said. “We both know what happened last time I let you do that. I will be taking care of my hair on my own, thank you.”
“What happened last time?” Aria asked looking up from the math work in front of her.
“Yeah, Mom,” Emma echoed, “What happened last time?”
I half wanted to say that last time Aria was brought into existence just to wipe that smug look off of Emma’s face. I didn’t however.
“Em caked so much makeup on me, some people thought I was a rodeo clown,” I said instead.
“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad,” Emma said crawling up from laying on my bed. “I’ll just supervise to make sure you are doing it right.”
“I think I can do it without supervision. I am a grown woman, that does her own make up every day. How about you go take Aria to the kitchen and start dinner.”
“Actually,” Em said looking sideways at Aria, “I was thinking we would order pizza tonight and watch some movies?”
Aria nodded her agreement with that plan.
“Fine,” I said waving the two off as I made my way down to the bathroom to finish getting ready. “But nothing scary. I don’t want her up all night with nightmares.”
I couldn’t help thinking again about the night I had met Barrett as I did my own hair and makeup. That night I had felt so out of my skin dressed and done up to Emma’s liking. I secretly hoped that wasn’t what he was expecting this time around.
Perhaps he had liked that young, innocent girl that he had met eight years ago. The one willing to go into a private room and let him have his way. If that was the case, he was going to be disappointed. If anything I was more prudish than I was back then.
For the eleventh time that night, I had to repeat my mantra. This wasn’t a date. It shouldn’t matter if Barrett was disappointed with the woman who greeted him at the door. I was only doing this to get to know him better, to tell Aria something of her father one day. There would be nothing else to this night.
Twelve
Barrett
I had returned home from work happier than I could remember being in a long time. Not only would I be having a date with Lilly tonight, I had finagled picking her up at her own house.
This would give me a chance to set eyes on this mysterious child of hers. I had hoped she would have brought up at least an acknowledgment of having a kid this afternoon but she didn’t.
It could have just simply been because single mom’s didn’t tend to announce that sort of a thing to a guy who showed interest. I was feeling it was more due to the fact that she didn’t want me to ask questions and connect the dots.
I knew it was an irrational thought, but I was sure that if I saw the child tonight, I would know for sure if it was mine or not.
After a quick shower and a change into some more comfortable clothes, I set off for Lilly’s house. I couldn’t believe how nervous I was for this night. I supposed it was just the anticipation of seeing the child.
I pulled up to the parking garage
of Lilly’s complex. Taking a deep breath I stepped out of the car. I took the elevator to the right floor, but before I could even get down the hall to her apartment, Lilly was already slipping out with the door shut tight behind her.
“I saw you coming so I thought I would just save you the trip,” she said by way of explanation.
“Oh,” I said not very good at hiding my disappointment. “I didn’t mind walking the whole way, though.”
“I know. I just…I don’t know if I told you…but I have a daughter. I don’t go out much.” she said clearly wanting to move on from the subject.
“A daughter? Really?” I did my best to pretend like I didn’t know nor did I have suspicions that the child was born right around our last meeting.
It was a setback in that I didn’t get a peek like I had hoped, but I relished in the knowledge that it was a girl. I had a daughter.
“You know,” I said, when I figured she probably didn’t believe my pathetic attempt at lying. “I think I remember reading something about that in your medical record.”
“Actually that probably sounds pretty bad,” I corrected instantly.
“No,” she said hiding her laugh. “It’s totally normal to be going out with a guy who knows my whole medical history.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better,” I said as I walked her over to the passenger side of my BMW, “not your whole record. Just certain parts of it.”
She blushed at my words as I let my eyes linger down the line of her body.
The evening was going a lot better than what I could have even hoped for. We spent the car ride talking and just generally getting to know each other for the first time.
“My parents weren’t too happy when I told them I was ditching all my pre-law work and going a totally different way,” she continued to tell me when we sat at the quiet bar with our drinks. “Hell to make matters worse I told them it was because I wanted to be an artist.”
“But they came around in the end?” I asked.
“Yeah. I mean at first when you think artist you think starving and spray painting on the street. It’s really easy to make it a marketable skill though. So now I’m a project designer and my parents have backed off from their skepticism.”
“How about you?” She asked as she spun the red straw between her fingers and pressed it to her full lips.
I wondered if she knew that every movement she had made since I first laid eyes on her that night had been driving me wild. Even the way her face lit up when she talked about her work and how she turned her head slightly to the side when she laughed made me want to take her and make her mine all over again.
“Uh, well big shocker I didn’t always want to be a gynecologist when I grew up.”
“Oh no?” she added sarcastically.
“No” I said in a teasing tone. “I did know I would be a doctor though.”
“Why is that?”
“I come from a long line of plastic surgeons. I knew I didn’t want to go that route but nothing really beyond that. I worked for the red cross my summers while I got my doctorate. I loved it. It was like I was actually making a difference.”
“That sounds really wonderful,” she said encouraging me with a smile.
“Yeah it was. I loved it so much once I got my doctorate and did my residency, I decided to join full time. I went to some amazing places, helped a lot of people. It was great. But it was hard on my parents me being gone all the time. My mother always worried that I was going to be killed or catch some deadly disease.”
“So you came back home?”
“Well, I'm originally from New York. I kinda wanted to get away from my family name for college though, that’s why I came here. I just fell in love with the city so when it was time for me to come back stateside I knew this is where I wanted to be.”
“And it is close enough for your mom,” she asked in a knowing tone.
“Well, it’s not a dangerous third world, bombed out country, so she had to settle for it.”
I couldn't help but be mesmerized by the shinning glint in her honey eyes as she listened as I told her stories of my time overseas.
I realized suddenly as I had that very first night that she was special and this time I wasn't going to let her go.
Thirteen
Lilly
“This was fun,” I said as the night was wrapping up.
I hadn't realized how long we stayed. Not even when we decided to get desert. Now the tavern was basically empty. I had been so enthralled with everything Barrett told me, soaking it all to memory to retell one day, that the hours had slipped passed, unnoticed.
“I should probably go, my babysitter will be wanting to get back home,” I said.
“Yeah of course,” he said helping me out of my seat.
I couldn’t help but feel the tingle as his hand rested on my lower back as we walked out of the building. We slipped into the leather seats of his car without any other words between us.
“Can I just say something?” I said half way home.
“Sure?”
“What’s wrong with you?”
He looked at me with worry in his dark eyes.
“I mean, you’re a brilliant doctor, sweet, kind…How are you still single?”
“I could say the same for you,” he raised a brow at me.
“Well, I have Aria. You mention you have a kid, and men run as far away as possible.”
“I didn’t run,” he said looking over at me deeply.
“No, you didn’t,” I responded softly.
“But that doesn’t answer the question. There must be something wrong with you.”
“Uh, I don’t think there is. I mean, let me think. I wear socks to bed,” he said looking at me with a wrinkled nose.
“Yeah that’s pretty bad,” I laughed.
“I guess,” he said now in a serious tone. “I haven’t had time. I only got back six months ago. You don’t really meet people when you are in the red cross.”
“Because they don’t allow women in the Red Cross?” She teased some more.
“No. But I kinda was unavailable then. I was supposed to marry this girl from back home. I knew her all my life, our families were really close. I think it was always kinda just expected that we would marry.”
“But..” she encouraged.
“But she got tired of waiting. I was gone all the time and she moved on with her life. Rightfully so too. I feel like it was more of wanting to please our parents then anything else.”
It was an interesting conversation for me to think on for the rest of the car ride home. It made sense that he was still single if he had just recently ended that relationship. It also made me slightly wonder if that meant he was with her when we first connected.
We pulled up into my parking lot and silently he walked me up to my apartment door. I could already feel the tension between us palpable in the air. I couldn’t believe how much this was like reliving my college years over again.
I stopped in front of my door and turned to face him. I felt myself get wet just from the look of him. He stood there looking down at me with those smoldering dark eyes. It was easy to see he had the same thing on his mind.
“This was nice,” he said with a teasing smile.
“It was,” I said fidgeting with my hands in front of me.
Up to this point I had convinced myself that this was nothing more then getting to know my daughter’s father. I had tried hard to convince myself that I had no selfish desires for this date. All those lies seemed to melt away at that moment.
He took one more step closer to me and slipped a hand around my waist. I could feel the electricity surging between us. He was going to kiss me and I was going to let him.
I tilted my head up and let the shallow breath within me part between my lips. Using his free hand he ran his finger along my jawline. It was tantalizingly delicate. He got back to my earlobe and tangled his fingers into my hair.
“I’ve been wanting to do that all ni
ght," he said in a deep husky voice.
He took another step closer so that our bodies were just barely brushing each other. I could already feel my nipples go hard at the simple touch. He dipped his head low so that I could feel the warmth of his skin near mine.
“What else have you wanted to do?” I asked in a whisper.
He pulled his arm around my waist tight to him in that instant. I sharply inhaled as my hips collided with his erection beneath his jeans. It may have been eight years but I was sure to never forget that part of him.
“This,” he whispered in return, satisfied with my reaction.
He took my mouth with his in that instant. It wasn’t timid or soft. His kiss was filled with need and desire. Surprisingly, my body took over and matched his hunger. I let my arms wrap around his thick shoulders as he took the kiss deeper.
He was exploring the whole of my mouth and I wanted to beg him to take more of me. He pushed harder against my body and I instinctively arched my hips against his hard shaft.
He moaned in satisfaction and grabbed my ass. I wrapped my legs around him as he pinned me to the wall next to my front door. He rocked his dick between my now open thighs and it was my turn to moan now.
“Let me come inside,” Barrett breathed against my lips.
A part of me wanted to say yes, wanted him to carry me in and take every ounce of my body to claim as his own. But it only took a second for my head to clear and remember who was on the other side of the door. I couldn’t let him see Aria. It might be too easy to tell that she was his.
When I didn’t answer he pulled his lips slightly away from mine to look into my eyes. His stare was so dark and transparent that it made me wet already.
“I can’t,” I finally said softly. “My daughter is in there with the babysitter.”
He leaned his forehead against mine seeming to take in my answer. I hoped he knew how disappointed I was to say it.
