by Seoran Worg
Look ahead, I afraid nothing.
I feel a soft knobby hand pulls my elbow, immediately, I feel the need to fight my assailant.
“Father!” I say in near shout when I see his wrinkled face.
He always looks old beyond his years. And it more pronounced now. He just turns forty last year but his hair is greying and his face is lined.
“What are you thinking, Child?” he scolds me softly.
It seems he has been calling me for sometimes. And I feel sad just by looking at his aged face. I see that he back wearing his high minister robe. It is bright blue in color.
“I am sorry, Father.”
“I need to speak to you,” he says and drags me along the hallway, to a deserted room.
“Why are you here, Father?” I ask him but I know the answer. This is the empress way to make sure I keep the bargain.
“The empress told me, she will send you to those rebels,” he says calmly.
My father is always shy in his affection but I know he loves me dearly. I am the image of my mother, he says. And I know he loves her still.
“Yes, Father,” I answer him meekly.
“You must do what she commands,” he says solemnly.
As if I don’t know.
But I nod in agreement and say nothing.
“I wish it not come to this,” he looks suddenly weary, “I try keeping you away from all of this, but I failed. And now you must do what we must, Child.”
“What do you mean, Father?” It suddenly dawned at me. He knows, all along he knows about my gift, my Bless.
“Since when, Father?” I ask him, I feel my anger is rising.
For a while he says nothing, then he says, “It’s why I sent that child away.”
It is my sister, he speaks of. That child, he always calls her.
“It’s for you, Ava. I can’t possibly let her kill you too. You’re the only thing I have… But later, she knew it and understood.”
So this is why she never come back home? Oh, Gods.
“Is that way you banish her from home? To stay away from me?” I can’t hide anger in my voice.
Why he is so cruel? She is his child too, isn’t she?
“Yes,” he says without trace of guilt.
He takes my hand in his and clasps it with his trembling ones.
Tears are rolling down passing my cheek, down to my chin. I taste salt in my mouth, and my heart is in pain. It is so unbearable.
I’m sorry, sister. It’s always me. The source of all your pain.
“You are a lady now, a woman grown. It’s your turn to do your duty.”
There is lump in my throat and unable to speak or breathe.
“Is that why you hate her, for killing Mother?”
He looks at me with anger in his eyes, “It’s not her I hated, but they are same in the end. Foolish and ungrateful both of them.”
“Father, what are you talking about?”
“Your sister, that foolish child, she run off with that boy just like… like… Oh, I knew she would end up like that. Willful, arrogant and ungrateful!”
“So, you know it too?” I ask dumfounded. So, it’s only me who no nothing.
“It’s by her majesty kindness our clan still alive. She pardoned us from our past misdeeds.”
He takes a deep breath and he calms down now.
“Twenty year ago, our clan was strong as befitting of our illustrious name. We were well respected in the court and army,” he suddenly looks weary, “But it all gone. Do you know why?”
I shake my head, for he always said nothing when asked about it. Why suddenly now he tell me all of this?
“The leader of the clan was Damien’s father older brother. He was a Blessed. An Air one. He had all. Wealth, power and handsome face. His best friend was the crown prince.”
I let him tells the story.
“Twenty year ago, he went to the war. I told him, he is on the wrong side. But stubborn as he was, he went anyway, without paying any head to his lowly cousin. If only he followed my advice, it wouldn’t come to this. It’s all his fault.”
He still has faraway look about him as if he comeback to that time.
“True to my word, the handsome and gallant Prince Rhys, lost the war,” he lets out a bitter laugh, “Instead of asking pardon, my cousin went to the exile, to the rebel, taking ALL with him,” his eyes hard and his voice laced with hatred.
As if come from his trace, his eyes gaze back at me, “In the end, it was I who saved our clan, and your mother too. But still Gods punished me for it,” he shouts, and his eyes wild.
“What you did, Father?”
“One must do what he must. I took the empress over and fixed the mess he had created,” he pauses, I see the pain in his eyes, “But I got nothing, only a bloody ring,” his voice full of anguish.
“Do you understand what I am trying to say, Child?” he stares me in the eyes with his glazed eyes.
No, you don’t make any sense, Father. I want to say but I feel weary. So, I let it pass.
“The choice is yours now. You must do it for the clan, for your family.”
“Yes, Father,” I say but the tears rolling down stubbornly to my cheek.
“It’s just one boy against your family, against this empire.”
I nod, for I understand it too.
***
The sky is bright with cotton like clouds spattered from south to the west. This morning Prince Lex summons me, and now we are riding slowly down the mountain to the Varan Valley below. He didn’t say why he calls me. He just told me to mount my horse and depart soon after I arrived at the yard.
We are riding pass Varan Castle now. I look at the castle. It seems a life time ago when I was there. Until this moment, I can’t bring myself to ask Master Sain about the Hallowed’s journal, Lady Zara’s journal. I just feel it is not right, besides, it is too late. In few days, on the full moon day, I will go outside the Walls.
I steal a glace to the prince again. He seems calm and even tempered today. For that I am glad.
We keep ride in silent. Looking up, the summer’s sun is bright in the sky, it hold scalding my skin. Now is the peak of summer. And the sun is scorching my skin, passing through the thin silk of my clothes. I hear a slow wind rattled the tree around us but it is not enough to cooling down my body.
I detest summer for my mother’s memorial day is in summer, a month ago to be exact. In that day, since I old enough to talk, father always force me to wear black and fasting for the whole day. We drown ourselves in prayer. I didn’t know that a name day should be celebrated until I met Zeta, for mine is a sad day, the day your own mother died.
Thinking back of what my father said. He is right, I am a woman grown now. I have duty, a heavy one, it seems.
I look at Prince Lex’s profile, his duty is heavier than mine. This empire future is on his shoulder.
What is he thinking now?
It seems he forgives me. And I wonder why.
When we arrive at the crossroad, Prince Lex once again challenges me for a race to the meadow. Swiftly, he kicks his heel and ride fast through the winding road. I follow right behind him.
Of course, he wins again this time, like he always did. He moves his horse around slowly when I arrive in the meadow.
“You’re still too slow,” he says not unkindly. I can see a hint of smile in his lips.
“You’re too fast, your highness.”
He laughs at my answer, “I remember the first time we met, you’re afraid of me. No, not that time in the lake.”
It is nice to see him happy and carefree like this.
“I am still afraid of you.” I say truly.
“Really? I don’t think so. Maybe…” he rides his horse in a canter, and draws near me. “I heard my mother send you to the rebel.”
The empress said it is a secret, only between the two of us. Apparently, she tells my father and Prince Lex too.
“But it’s supposed to
be secret.”
“Not for me,” he says, his tone is light.
“How about Princess Larra?”
“Larra. Of course she doesn’t know, lest she will traipse across the country to save her brother,” he says in oddly calm voice.
“But you’re her brother, your highness.”
“Tell that to her. She always loves him more than me.”
Yes, I know. But of course I don’t say that to the prince.
“If you ask me… I don’t want you to go,” he sighs softly. “But you’re the best choice. And I trust you.”
Really? I can’t even trust myself.
“The important thing is he trusts you. You’re Ally sister after all,” he seeks any reaction in my face, “Do you believe me if I say I truly sorry about her? I do wish it didn’t come to that.”
I see that it is true, sadness is palpable in his eyes.
“Did you know my sister well?” Did you love her too? I want to ask.
He looks at me intently, “She loved him. He loved her. I am nothing to her. That’s Larra’s doing. She matches them. That silly girl.”
The princess? I can’t believe it.
Seeing my expression, the prince burst into deep hearty laugh, “She just a young girl. More so before. She had silly notion about love and those foolish thing back then. I think she regrets it now.”
“It’s hard to believe…”
“Let’s stop talk about it,” his voice is weary.
He pick a lose strand of my hair that flowing with the wind, and tuck it back in. “I really wish you to stay here. Promise me, you will come back,” he says in gentle voice.
“Your high–”
“Promise me you’ll alive,” he cuts me and adds, “Or I will tear them down. And send them to hell myself,” his eyes and voice is hard.
I nod and say, “I’ll come back alive. I promise.”
Only if I can. I want to add.
“I’ll make the thing between us right by then. I promise you.” He draws near and kisses the tip of my nose shortly. And he pulls back, looking deep in my eyes.
“I won’t settle for a mere friend… Or kiss by then.”
I see the hot promise in his eyes, and I feel myself blushing but I just nod.
So, is this love?
***
The preparation is ready now. I see the full moon hanging low in the night sky. After days of lies to make Manz, the prisoner, believes that I am on his side, it finally will be paid off today.
At the beginning, I didn’t know if I could. But this is for the empire. The empress promised that they will pardon all of them except one. The hidden prince, he must die. No good will come if we fight each other. Prince Wang and his army are ready for their revenge now, waiting like a hungry wolf.
Yes, this is the right thing to do.
I had to make Manz believe that I am a rebel at heart. I went to his cell every two days and gave him news from the outside world, news about his brother and sister, the lost soul. At first he distrusted me but that was expected. I told him about my sister and how she supposed to be one of them. And I too wanted to join but still he didn’t believe me. I told him about my dream of freedom, the dream of the Westland. He seemed skeptical. He gave me a kind advice to just accept my fate and live peacefully inside Varr City instead.
In desperate attempt, I told him about love I have lost, about the man I love. After that, lie came easily. I told him about my yearning heart, and how desperately I wanted to see and hold Ryn once again. How worried I am that one day the empress would captured or killed him. I fed him with more lie, day by day. And slowly, he was starting to believe it.
Today is the day we will leave the palace. I know he still don’t trust me fully but he trust me enough to lead him out of the city. It is a gamble for him.
Tonight, holy fire’s light completely gone from the sky. It is the best time to slip out from the palace. On the full moon festival, all royals and most of their servants go up to the mountain to send their prayer to the holy fire. Looking at the dark sky above, only moon and stars up there, there is no trace of holy fire’s light. The fire is at its dimmest tonight, for the moon is full and summer is at its peak. Today is the weakest day for the Blessed.
I open Manz cell easily and I tell him to be quiet. I have to keep my pretense after all.
“Where did you get the key?” he asks in whisper.
He doesn’t believe me still.
“I steal it,” I whisper, “Later,” I add.
I give him a long black robe. It is same as mine. Swiftly, he wears it.
“Ready?” I silently mouthed.
He nods and follows me to the dark aisle. I bring no torch with me. So, we follow the wall and slowly mount the stairs.
Finally, we reach the door. I see his startled face when he sees soldiers are lying in the ground.
I shake my head, “Only sleep,” I whisper.
No, they are only pretending to sleep.
He gently kicks the soldier. Then, he nods.
I lead him to the hidden door at the back of the palace. The door that only royals know about. Luckily, he doesn’t ask me this time.
Outside the hidden door, the thick bushes greet us. We slip between them as careful as we can. But I feel sting in my arms and legs. Gingerly, touch the torn skin in my arm, and do my best to untangle myself from the thorny bushes.
Quietly, we follow the wall. Our long black robes to make us blend better to the darkness. And now, we walk pass the main gate while trying avoiding the patrolling soldiers in the battlements.
These soldiers don’t know that the empress command me to do this mission. I try my best not to catch their attention. The empress said it is best to make the escape less easy so it won’t look obvious. And I agree with her. After passing them, we walk down to the royal road, and keep walking on roadside between the trees.
Few yards below, two horses are tied down under a big oak tree, near the main road. It is hidden behind tall bushes and big grey stone. Both of horses are midnight black in color. We swiftly mount it and race to the city. From there I hope things are going easier.
Just before reaching the city, we change our clothes to nobles’ clothes. It is made of fine silk in midnight blue color, complete with its cloak and hood. Then, we continue our ride to the Varr City’ west gate.
Ahead of us, the wall is looming high. But oddly, I don’t feel afraid. Maybe secretly I want them to catch me and put an end of this madness. As I draw closer to the gate, I see that the gate is deserted save a handful of soldiers.
We stop near the gate. My heart starts to beat faster when the soldiers draw near to inspect us. It seems I can’t decide whether I want to be catch or not. I am eyeing the gate. If anything happen, we planned to just make a dash to the gate.
Should I? Yes, of course I should.
The soldiers observe our clothes and see the collar in our neck. Then, they bowing curtly and let us pass without any question. After passing the gate my heartbeat slowed down again. From there, Manz leads the way. He tells me we should go west to Wienna, one of Giant Wall’s city-gates. He says it is the best chance.
I nod and I follow his lead to whatever fate waiting for me ahead.
We ride fast to Wienna. The night is late and the road is empty, in less than two hours, we arrive there and pass its gate swiftly. And we continue riding to the southwest. This time, we ride with moderate pace, for the road is dark even with full moon and stars above. Actually, I am afraid that my horse will make a wrong move. But Prince Lex said that this mare is sure footed and he choose her himself. And I glad he did for it is proven to be true this far.
We ride further. It seems hours have passed. And now, golden light starts to appear in the east. I see to the northeast direction, looking back to the Walls, to Varr City.
Can I really keep my promise to come back to you, my prince? I am not sure.
Chapter 15
The sun is ascending in the
east, bright and hot scorching my skin. I feel very tired, few times I catch myself from dozing off on my horse. I see a rocky hill is looming ahead. I dearly hope Manz will stop there for a while. Slowly, we ride up to the hill.
“We will stop here, my lady,” Manz shouts at me from his horse.
I nod.
Finally, we’ll stop.
My feet wobbled a little when I dismount. It feels good, stepping on the ground again. We hide our horse between big grey stones.
I open small bundle from my saddlebag and take some dried meat and fruit. I give Manz a healthy chunk of it.
“Thank,” he says in gruff voice. We sit down below a shade of another big grey stone.
I see Manz take a bite off and finish his food quickly. I too feel hungry, but I eat more slowly as a lady should.
“We take a rest for a while here,” he says and walks away, his eyes darted around as if looking for something. Finally, he finds it, a big hollow stones, and he slips under.
In only less than a minute, I hear his soft snore.
I should take a rest too. I stand up to take a soft horse blanket from my saddle bag. Then, I go back to the shade and make a makeshift mattress to sleep on.
This is the second time I sleep outside. The first was months ago with Ryn in the Darg Lake.
I have to get used sleeping outside from now on.
Hearing Manz’s soft snore, it seems so easy for him. I know I shouldn’t complaint. But try as I might, sleep hard to come.
I am supposed to be woman in love now, eager to meet her lover. And woman in love, care nothing about hard bed and hunger. I close my eyes again, feeling the ache in my bones. Yes, it is starting to feel good lying down like this.
Ryn, what will he think about me? Will he believe me if I say I love him? I don’t think so. He is not that stupid. I just hope he takes a pity on me and keep the charade.
All of this is for him too. And I really don’t want to be your enemy. I want to go back to spring when we were friend. I can see that sky still. It is dark, shining and beautiful.
I should sleep… yes, I should…
I close my eyes and thinking back to that sky. I let my mind wander. I feel soft dreamy smile starts in my lips.
Suddenly, I feel a rough hand rock me vigorously.
No, this isn’t right…
I open my eyes lazily and I see Manz lined face hovering above me.
“It’s time to go.”
With the sun high above in the sky, we ride again fast. Downhill, uphill, we go. This time, we are riding to the south. The woodland is thicker around here. And I hear bird sing a song at the trees nearby.
