by M. G. Morgan
I remembered the first time I had come here. I’d sat on the floor outside his apartment until he’d returned home. Colour rushed into my cheeks as I remembered what had happened as soon as we had stepped inside. The touch of his hands on my skin. The way he had carried me to the bed. The taste of his mouth on mine as our bodies tangled together.
Standing outside the door I swayed as the rush of emotion poured over me. Is that what would happen now? Would he open the door, drag me into his arms and kiss me until I gave into him? Once he saw my body would he still want me?
The last thought was like having a bucket of cold water poured over my head. I didn’t want Aidan to reject me and I knew he would. Once he saw that Christopher had left his mark on me, he wouldn’t want me anymore. I was damaged goods and Aidan deserved someone perfect.
I lifted my hand to knock, my heart urging me to do it. I wanted him. I wanted to feel his body against mine, I wanted to taste his kiss again, even if it was just this last time. But I couldn’t bring myself to knock. I wanted to. I really wanted to, but my fear was greater and it swallowed my courage whole.
I moved away from the door and took the stairs two at a time. Once I was on the street I ran. I had nowhere left to run but back to my sister’s apartment and so it was there I headed. I imagined climbing into my bed and pulling the covers over my head, blocking out the rest of the world.
Reaching the apartment block I sped up the stairs, my fingers trembling as I tried to shove my keys into the lock. The sound of voices in the kitchen drew my attention and as I rounded the corner I saw them.
Sarah’s arms were locked around Aidan’s shoulders. They stood so close together that I couldn’t imagine anything getting between them… But that wasn’t what broke my heart. I watched the kiss, my heart shattering in my chest.
Stumbling from the room I tried to breathe, tried to suck in any air at all and failed. It reminded me of being in the hospital and not being able to breathe except this time I didn’t have a collapsed lung to blame it on.
I slid down the stairs, my body pressed to the wall, on the last three steps my body gave out and I slumped to the ground, tumbling to the concrete floor. But I didn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel anything but the screaming ache in my chest.
Watching the kiss had punched a hole right through my ribcage. My heart was torn from my chest still beating. I imagined Aidan and Bella examining it, like one might examine a rare specimen. Poking and prodding at it until finally with one last shuddering gasp it gave up the fight and fell silent.
The sound of a slamming door had me pushing myself to my feet. I made it to the door and escaped out into the late evening air. It had started to rain and in seconds my clothes were plastered to my body. My hair, hung around my face in limp strands but none of that mattered. Nothing mattered in comparison to what I had seen. My sister and the man I loved. How long had it been going on for? Was I really so blind and stupid that I hadn’t seen it coming?
The dull roar of his voice calling my name made me run. I didn’t want to see him, I didn’t want him to touch me. Even the sound of his voice as he called my name felt like being stabbed over and over.
He grabbed my arm and swung my body around to face him. I lifted my hand, my palm cracking across his face before he even had a chance to defend himself. He held me, the look on his face stunned as rain trickled into his eyes.
“It’s not what you think, Bella, I would never do that to you.”
I shook my head and struggled to lift my hands to cover my ears. I didn’t want to hear his excuses. I didn’t want to know anything about it. All I wanted was to be left alone. He had broken my heart and it wasn’t something I could just forgive.
“Bella, please, listen to me. I love you, Sarah kissed me.”
Anger flared within me. Why couldn’t he just own up to his mistakes? Why would he pretend, I’d walked in on them. If I hadn’t caught them, I knew where it would have ended up.
“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare lie to me. I know what I saw. I know what you were doing, the least you can do is admit it.”
He fell silent and I shrugged free of his grip. I started down the street. I had no clue where I would go to, all I knew was I needed to get as far away from him as I could. Discovering that everything I’d ever held dear was a lie broke me in more ways than one.
“Bella! Please. I swear nothing was going on, Sarah made a pass at me and I knocked her back. I would never do that to you. God I love you! Will you listen to me, please?”
There was something in his voice that made me turn back. I could hear the anguish, his pain called out to mine and I understood it. I understood him. We were one soul, two bodies, I couldn’t deny that. But it didn’t change the betrayal I felt. Didn’t change the fact that my heart lay in pieces.
“Aidan, no, I can’t.” My voice broke, my tears mixing with the rain that poured from the sky. I ran from him, my feet slapping against the pavement as I tried to put as much distance as I could between him and me.
I circled the block before finding a motel. Handing over my credit card I paid for a room and waited for the key. I didn’t care what the room looked like. All I wanted was somewhere to lay down, somewhere I could curl up and lick my wounds. Some place that nobody expected me to be.
Once in the room I pulled the mini fridge open and dragged out the first little bottle of liquor I could get my hands on. I downed it in an instant, reaching automatically for the next one. By my fourth I was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol as it raced through my system.
Crawling onto the bed I tucked myself into a ball before I finally let my tears flow. I sobbed, my body trembling. Grabbing the pillow I screamed into its white cotton surface before hammering my fists against the mattress. Dust swirled around me, tickling my nose and I didn’t care. None of it mattered now. None of it mattered one little bit anymore. When the alcohol hit I let my body drift, my eyes half closed as I let myself go. It was the only gift I could give myself, the gift of forgetting, even if it would only be for a few short hours.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Aidan
The days dragged by slowly. Bella refused to answer any of my calls and I could feel her slipping away from me. Why Sarah had really done it was beyond me. It didn’t make any sense. She was the first one to admit that Bella had been through enough and yet she had still tried it on with me.
Of course I couldn’t help but feel a certain amount of guilt over the entire situation. Had I done something to draw her on me? Had I perhaps encouraged her in any way? I was pretty sure the answer to all of the questions was no but it didn’t help to make me feel better.
Part of me wondered if this was my punishment. I had brought Bella back, brought her back from somewhere my own selfishness had taken her. And now I would have to watch her get on with her own life. Watch her move on and leave me behind.
The look in her eyes when I’d held her by the arms and begged her to let me explain had told me everything I needed to know. She hated me. She would never allow me back in her life now, it would take a miracle to get her to trust me again. And I was fresh out of miracles.
Standing in the kitchen I stared down into the bowl of breakfast cereal I had poured for myself. There was no milk in the house but I didn’t care. There was nothing else to eat and dry cereal helped me feel as though I was atoning somehow for my sins.
Heavy knocking on the door had me spilling dry cereal across the counter. I wanted it to be Bella but I knew it wouldn’t be. Pulling the door open I stared out at Will. He was dressed immaculately, his dark charcoal suit bringing out the colour in his eyes.
“I told you to swing by so you could sign the papers.”
His voice was brisk, businesslike. I moved aside and gestured for him to follow me inside. I didn’t bother answering him about the papers he was so eager for me to sign. I couldn’t have cared less about signing papers.
“I thought Bella might be here?”
Will’s voice was
filled with curiosity. I sat down on the bar stool at the kitchen counter and watched him as he made his way across the floor. He dumped his briefcase down in front of me and flipped the case open.
“Well she’s not.”
“I could have sworn that you were a man on a mission the other night? What happened?”
“Her sister made a pass at me and Bella walked in on it.”
Will winced, his face wrinkling as though he could honestly feel the pain of the situation I was describing. He didn’t strike me as the type who ever got caught doing something they shouldn’t. He was far too good and honest for all of that.
“So how is she?”
I shrugged and shovelled a spoonful of dry cereal into my mouth. I crunched on it thoughtfully as he stared at me.
“You haven’t tried to contact her?”
“Of course I have, it was the first thing I tried to do. I chased her down the street after it happened. She wants nothing more to do with me. I disgust her.”
Will shook his head and lifted a pile of crisp documents from the depths of the briefcase.
“I think you’ve given up way too easily. If I were you, and Bella was Paige I wouldn’t ever give up. I’d keep trying until she listened to me… Really listened to me. I’d want her to know the truth and if after that she still didn’t want anything to do with me… Well then I’d have to respect her decision.”
“You don’t know Bella the way I do, she’s already made her mind up. It won’t matter what I try to do now, she’s not interested. She thinks I cheated on her, how can she ever forgive me for that?”
Will shoved the papers across the table towards me and dropped a pen on top.
“I know it’s difficult, but I think Paige was right. Bella is hurting, more than anyone realises. She needs to know that she has you on her side. Paige was the same. She needed to know that I was there for her, that no matter what Christopher had, or hadn’t done, that I still loved her, still wanted her. That I would be there for her, in anything she desired.”
I tried to ignore him. What he was saying made sense, it made perfect sense. But how was I supposed to do that for Bella? How was I supposed to tell her everything would be alright when it never would?
Scooping up the pen I stared down at the sheet of paper that lay on the top of the pile. It took me a few moments to fully understand what I was looking at. Something about security caught my eye and I rifled through the pages.
“What’s all this?”
I gestured to the form on top. All Will could do was smile at me.
“I know we didn’t make it official before but I was hoping you’d come and work for my company. I need someone to be head of security and I don’t know anyone better than you.”
I shook my head.
“I can’t do that, I didn’t do any of the things I set out to do. You killed Christopher.”
“But I wouldn’t have achieved half the things I did without you. Look I know you’re a bit hesitant. But I need you on the team, I need someone who understands the complex demands I have. And I need someone I can trust.”
I stared down at the forms and sucked in a deep breath.
“Can you leave them with me?”
Will nodded. “Sure, of course take the time you need. But I’m right about Bella. She needs you, Aidan, you need each other, only a fool would think otherwise.”
He snapped his briefcase shut and headed for the door.
“Don’t miss the boat on this one, Aidan, you’ll regret it, if you do.”
He threw the words back over his shoulder as he disappeared out through the door, pulling it closed with a bang.
I sat in silence, my mind constantly whirling, going over what he had said again and again. What if he was right? What if Bella did just need to know that I was there for her, no matter what? It didn’t seem likely that she would forgive me for what had happened with Sarah, even if it wasn’t doing.
Turning my hand I checked the time on my watch. Half past seven. If I was lucky then I would catch Bella at her sisters. I knew she had gone back there after everything. I didn’t know what Sarah had told her but I could only imagine that she hadn’t painted me in the most flattering of lights.
Grabbing a towel from the back of one of the chairs I headed for the shower. I would prove to Bella what she meant to me. I would prove to her that I loved her once and for all.
The beat from the night club pulsed out on the street. I stared up at the tall dark building and found myself wondering what had drawn Bella here? She’d never been a fan of clubs before Christopher had taken her, had she changed that much?
Squaring my shoulders I headed straight for the front of the queue. Sarah had told me this was where I could find Bella. I had wondered if perhaps Sarah was lying, but what good would it have done? She had to know I would find Bella sooner or later.
The bouncer folded his arms across his chest, his expression blank. I pulled a wad of bills from my pocket and casually slipped them to him. He didn’t bat an eyelid at me as I strode past him and into the throbbing club.
Everything pulsed, the floors, the walls. I could feel the beat as it pushed its way through my body but I didn’t care, I wasn’t here for that. I was here to find her. Moving past the front doors the room opened up into one huge floor space. Couples writhed on the dance floor, their bodies entwined as the beat took them.
Places like this had always fascinated me. I’d never understood the lure of grinding against someone, when you knew you couldn’t do anything about it. It just seemed to be a good way to foster frustration.
I moved through the room, the heat inside the leather jacket I wore made small beads of sweat slide down my spine. But none of that mattered as long as I could find her. I prowled along the edges of the dance floor, searching for her amidst the crowd. It wasn’t until I turned my attention to the booths surrounding the dance floor that I got my break.
She was sitting, her back pressed into the upholstery as she gestured violently to the creep that sat next to her. Every time she moved away from him, he followed her. He probably thought her resistance was all part of some game. But I knew the look on Bella’s face. I remembered it from the night I’d found some guy pawing at her outside a party. Whatever was going on, she wanted no part in it.
I moved through the crowd, pushing and shoving my way through the groups of dancers to get to her. She spotted me as I reached her table. I didn’t hesitate, instead I grabbed her hand and pulled her from the booth. She didn’t speak, she didn’t fight as I pulled her into my arms and crushed my mouth down across hers.
The feel of her lips on mine, the feel of her as she responded to me was enough to make me lose all sense of my surroundings. She tasted like home, a place I hadn’t been in a very long time. I cupped her face with my hands as she wrapped her arms up around my neck, her body melting in against mine. I wanted more, a taste wasn’t enough. I was like a man dying of thirst and she was my oasis in the desert.
“Hey buddy!”
Someone tapped on my shoulder, drawing my attention away from Bella in arms.
“What the hell are you doing? I’ve spent the night working on her, buying her drinks. You can’t just swoop in and steal her.”
He gestured to Bella as he spoke. Anger spilled over inside me and I released Bella only long enough to strike out with my fist. I caught his jaw, sending him sprawling backwards over the tables. He crumpled onto the ground, glass shattering around him but I didn’t wait to see if he was going to get back up. I had something far more important to deal with.
I grabbed Bella’s hand, her cry of shock lost in the dull roar of the music. I pulled her from the club. I didn’t look at her until we made it to the street. My ears were still ringing from the music. But none of that was important. I wanted to taste her again, I wanted to feel her soft lips against mine.
“What the hell did you do to him?”
She slapped my arm, the moment I turned back around to face her. And I knew from
the look on her face that I wouldn’t be kissing her anytime soon.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Bella
Standing out on the street, the cold air closed in around my bare shoulders. My jacket was still inside. My skin was clammy, the air inside had been cloying, suffocating with the press of bodies all around. But that wasn’t why I was so angry.
Aidan had simply punched the guy. Of course he had been a jerk and he deserved to get knocked on his ass but Aidan had never been like that in the past. This side to him was all new and it was a little frightening.
“You just knocked him out? What were you thinking? You can’t just go around doing that.”
I struggled to get free of his grip. His hand tightened around mine and it felt so right. I didn’t honestly want to lose the feel of his fingers against my skin, in fact I wanted quite the opposite. I wanted to run my fingers across his exposed skin, taste him, lick the salt from his body.
A blush crept up my neck. I couldn’t think like that. Aidan had cheated on me, I’d walked in on him as he kissed Sarah and it had been heart breaking to watch. How could I ever trust him again?
“I did what I had to do, you heard him, you heard what he said about you.”
“And I would have dealt with it in my own way. I didn’t need you to sweep in and rescue me.”
“Bella, I’m sorry, but seeing you with him… I knew that look on your face, I knew you were trying to find a polite way to tell him to get lost, but guys like him aren’t like that.”
“Aidan, I can’t…”
My words were lost in the shout from outside the club.
“You!”
The guy jogged down the street towards us, blood covered his lip. But he had brought his friends this time and they followed him like a swarm of locusts.
Aidan turned, his face hardening as he spotted the man he had punched in the club heading towards him. There was no fear in his eyes, just something dark and predatory. It lurked beneath the surface of his eyes, waiting to pounce on its unsuspecting victim.
