by Janet Dailey
In the beginning, Valerie pursued him boldly, almost brazenly, arranging chance encounters that had nothing to do with chance at all. The glint in his eyes seemed to tell her he was aware they weren't, too. It angered her, the way he had silently mocked her initial attempts to flirt with him.
The first few times Judd kissed her, it was with the indulgent air of an adult giving candy to a beguiling child. It didn't take Valerie long to discover that her responses disturbed him and the warm ardency of their kisses became less one-sided.
Her previous experiences with the male sex had been with boys her own age or a year or two older, never with anyone more than ten years her senior. She had kissed many boys, necked with a few, but enough to know that the sensations Judd aroused were not common in an embrace. Also, he was skilled. His mouth knew how to excite her and his hands how to caress her.
What had started out as a lark became something more, and Valerie fell in love with him. Aware that he was a man with experience, she realized that her kisses wouldn't hold his interest for long, and her fear of losing him outweighed her fear of the unknown.
One afternoon Valerie noticed him riding alone through a wooded pasture adjoining her grandfather's land. Saddling a horse, she swallowed her nervousness and her pride and rode out to meet him. They rode only a short distance together before pausing to dismount under the shade of a tree. An embrace followed naturally. When Valerie demanded that he make love to her, Judd's hesitation was brief, his affirmative response given in a burning kiss.
Afterward he was oddly uncommunicative, an expressionless glitter in his green eyes whenever they were directed at her. Valerie suspected it was because he was the first to know her. Secretly she wanted him to be disturbed by the fact, to feel a little obligated, perhaps even guilty. Because she loved him so intensely, she had subconsciously attempted to blackmail him emotionally, making him the seducer and herself the innocent victim. When they parted he had said nothing, but Valerie was unconcerned.
Days went by without her seeing him before she finally realized that Judd was avoiding her. Hurt grew into indignation and finally a smoldering anger. Her injured pride demanded revenge. She began haunting the edges of the Meadow Farms stable yard, hoping to catch Judd alone.
At the sight of the luxury sports car that Judd usually drove coming slowly up the paddocked driveway to the stable, Valerie set her fleet-footed horse on a route that would intersect the car's path before it reached its destination. Jumping her mount over a paddock fence, she halted it in the middle of the road to block the way. The car's brakes were applied sharply to bring it to a skidding stop before hitting her.
Judd came storming out of the driver's side of the car, his features stone-cold with rage. "What the hell were you trying to do? Get yourself killed?" His icy gaze flicked to the lathered horse, dancing nervously under her tight rein. "And if you don't give a damn about yourself, you have no business abusing blooded animals that way. His mouth will be raw if you don't quit sawing on those reins."
"Don't tell me how to ride a horse! And what do you care what happens to me anyway!" Valerie had flamed. "At least I know what kind of a low, contemptible man you are! You take a girl's virginity, then drop her cold!"
"I didn't want it." Judd drew out the denial through clenched teeth. "Considering the reputation you have, I thought you'd lost it years ago."
Valerie went white with rage at his insulting remark. She jabbed her heels into the sides of her hunter, sending it lunging toward the tall, insolent man. He stepped to the side and she began striking at him with her riding crop. Catching hold of the end, Judd pulled her from the saddle. Her horse then bolted for home pastures.
After he had twisted the riding quirt out of her grip, he crushed her twisting, kicking body against him. "You little she-cat, I should use this on you!" His savagely muttered threat made Valerie struggle all the more wildly, cursing and swearing at him, calling him every name she could think of. He laughed cruelly. "Your language would put a stable-hand to shame!"
An animal-like scream of frustration sounded in her throat, but immediately his mouth bruised her lips to punish them into silence. The dominating quality of his kiss subdued the rest of her until the only twisting Valerie did was to get closer to his leanly muscled frame.
When his mouth ended its possession of hers, she whispered, "Make love to me again, Judd."
"You damned little temptress," But his voice was husky with passion, the smoldering light in his green eyes fanning her trembling desire.
Valerie received the answer she wanted when he swept her off her feet into his arms and carried her to a secluded bed of grass that was to become their meeting place during the following months.
What Valerie lacked in experience, she made up for in willingness. Under the guidance of a master in the art of love, she learned rapidly. Over the course of time it became evident to her that Judd desired her as much as she desired him. Secure in this knowledge, it never bothered her that he didn't take her out anywhere. Besides, there was her grandfather's wrath to be considered if he should find out about the two of them.
Even when she first suspected she was pregnant, she wasn't worried. Nor later, when she hitched a ride to Baltimore to a medical clinic for confirmation of her condition, was she apprehensive. She was certain Judd would be as pleased as she was about the news and would be moved to propose.
She was saddling a horse to ride over to Meadow Farms when her grandfather walked up. "Where you going?" he demanded.
Valerie responded with a half-truth, patting the sleek neck of the bay horse. "I thought I'd take Sandal out for a canter, maybe over toward Meadow Farms." Just in case he would see her heading in that direction.
"The place will probably be bustling with activity, what with the party and all," he commented in a disapproving way.
"What party?" It had been the first Valerie had heard about one.
"The Prescotts are having one of their lavish society affairs tonight." His eyes narrowed on her in accusing speculation. "And don't you be getting any ideas about crashing it. No granddaughter of mine is going to get involved with such carrying-on."
"Yes, granddad." Despite the feigned meekness of her tone, a vision had already begun to form of Judd possessively holding her hand while he introduced her to friends and family at the party.
Wrapped in her romantic imaginings, Valerie rode off to the secluded place in the wooded pasture where they always met, but Judd wasn't there. Even though the meeting hadn't been prearranged, she was positive he would appear. Within minutes after she had dismounted, he rode into the clearing.
There were so many things she wanted to tell him in that instant: how ruggedly handsome he was, how much she loved him, about the baby—their baby—and how ecstatically happy she was. But something made her keep all that inside. She even turned away when he dismounted and plucked a green leaf from a low-hanging branch.
"It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" she observed instead.
"Beautiful," came his husky agreement from directly behind her.
When his hands circled her waist to cup her breasts and draw her shoulders against his chest, Valerie breathed in sharply and exhaled in a sigh of pure pleasure. Her head lolled backward against his chest while his mouth moved against the windblown waves of her caramel hair.
"How do you always know when I come here?" she murmured, the wonder of it something she had never questioned before.
"A fire starts burning inside of me, here." His hand slid low on her stomach to indicate the location, his mouth moving against her hair as he spoke.
Valerie turned in his arms, in answer to the flames he had started within her. Hungrily he began devouring her lips and she felt herself begin to surrender to his appetite. But she wanted to talk. Finally she dragged her lips from the domination of his, letting his mouth wander over her cheek and ear and nibble sensuously at her throat.
"I thought you wouldn't come today," she said weakly.
"Why?" Judd
sounded amused.
"Because of the party." Her limbs were turning to water.
"That isn't until tonight." He dismissed its importance, but made no suggestion that she should attend.
Valerie understood why no invitation had been given to her grandfather. He was not in the Prescotts' social or financial sphere. Besides, he was morally opposed to drinking and dancing. He would have considered it an offense to be invited, not a courtesy.
"I've never been to a party like that before." Valerie tried not to be too open about seeking an invitation. "It must be grand. I suppose the women will be wearing diamonds and beautiful gowns."
"In all their clothes, none of them will look lovelier than you do without any." Even as he spoke, his hands were unbuttoning her blouse.
Valerie attempted to gently forestall his efforts. "Why didn't you invite me?" Her question was light, not betraying how much she wanted to know.
"You wouldn't like it." His mouth worked its way to the hollow of her throat, tipping her head back to allow greater access.
"How do you know?" She strained slightly against his hold.
Judd lifted his head, ebony hair gleaming in the sunlight. Impatience was written behind his lazy regard. A firmness strengthened the line of his mouth.
"Because it isn't your kind of party," he replied in a tone that said the discussion was at an end.
At that moment fear began to gnaw at Valerie's confidence. Proud defiance was present in the way she returned his look.
"Maybe you aren't inviting me because you've made arrangements to take somebody else," she challenged.
"It isn't any of your business." A cold smile touched his mouth as it began to descend toward hers.
Hurt by his attitude as much as his words, Valerie tried to draw out of his arms. Her blouse gaped open in the front and his gaze roamed downward to observe the creamy globes of her breasts nearly spilling free of her lacy bra. His hand moved to help them, but she managed to stop it.
"Please, I want to talk, Judd," she insisted.
"Why waste energy with words when it can be put to more pleasurable use?" he argued, and pressed her hips against his so she could feel his urgent need for her.
With a sickening rush of despair, she realized that they seldom talked when they met. They made love, rested and went their separate ways. Their past communications had always been physical, never verbal. Valerie suddenly saw what a fool she had been to think otherwise.
"Let me go!" She pushed angrily at his chest, the yellow lights in her pale brown eyes flashing warning signals of temper.
"What's this little display of outrage about?" Judd-eyed her with cynical amusement, holding her but no longer forcing her close to him. "After as many times as we've made love together, it's a little late to be playing hard to get."
Her temper flared, adrenaline surging through her muscles to give them strength, and she broke out of his encircling arms.
"That's all I mean to you; isn't it?" she accused. "I'm just someone to roll around on the grass with, someone to satisfy your lusts. To you, I'm nothing but a cheap little tramp. I'm not good enough for you to be seen in public with!"
"You'd better sheathe your claws, tigress. You're the one who invited me into your bed of grass," Judd reminded her with deadly calm.
A couple of long jerky strides carried Valerie to the place where her horse was tethered. She gathered up the reins and mounted before turning to face him.
"I hope you go to hell, Judd Prescott." Her voice had begun to tremble. "And I hope it's a long, hot trip!"
Putting her heels to her mount, she turned and galloped the horse toward her grandfather's farm. Tears drenched her cheeks with hot, salty moisture. All her rosy dreams were shattered that day when she realized Judd had never felt more than desire for her.
An hour later she informed her grandfather that she was pregnant, immune to his wrath when she refused to tell him it was Judd who had fathered the life she carried. It was almost a relief when he ordered her out of the house. She put as much distance between herself and Maryland as possible.
That was how she had ended up here in Cincinnati, Ohio, living in the same apartment complex as Clara, with an illegitimate six-year-old son, and a job as secretary to an industrial plant executive.
Her cheeks felt hot and wet. She lifted the hand that had been clutching the teddy bear and touched her fingers to her face. They came away wet with tears. The wound inside her was as raw and fresh as it had been seven years ago. She scrubbed her cheeks dry with the back of her hands and blinked her eyes to ease the stinging sensation.
"Mom!"
A three-foot-tall whirlwind came racing into the bedroom. It stopped its motion long enough for her to gaze into a pair of hazel eyes predominantly shaded with olive green. Hair a darker shade of brown than her own fell across his forehead, crowding into his eyes.
"Clara said I was to come into the house. You said I could play outside until you called me," he declared in a breathless rush, already edging toward the door again. "Can I go back out? It's my turn after Tommy's to ride Mike's Big Wheels. What are you doing with Toby?" He saw the teddy bear in her arms.
"I was just packing him in your suitcase," she explained. "We're going on a trip, remember?"
Tadd momentarily forgot his turn on the Big Wheels. "Where's Maryland?"
"It's a long way from here. We'll have to drive all day." Valerie laid the teddy bear on top of his suitcase. "We'll be ready to go soon, so you'd better wash your face and hands and change into those clean clothes." She pointed to the colored T-shirt and jeans lying on the bed.
Tadd made a face when she told him he had to wash. "Why are we going to Maryland?"
"Because your great-grandfather died and I want to go to his funeral," she answered patiently.
"Why?"
Valerie concealed a sigh. She was never certain whether his questions were asked out of genuine interest or as an excuse to postpone something he didn't want to do.
"When I was your age, I didn't have a mommy, so your great-grandfather took care of me. I cared about him the way you care about me. That's why I want to go to his funeral."
"Did I know him?" Tadd tilted his head to one side, his expression showing only innocent curiosity.
"No." Valerie shook her head.
Her teeth nibbled at the inside of her lower lip. She had written to her grandfather about Tadd's birth, but had never received any form of acknowledgement. None of the letters she had regularly sent had ever been answered.
"Do I have a grandfather?" He altered the subject slightly.
Valerie hesitated. The only relatives Tadd had that were still living were on the Prescott side. But for the time being it was better if he didn't know about them. The time would come soon enough for him to learn about his heritage.
"No." Not legally, she defended her lie.
"If you died, there wouldn't be anybody to take care of me, would there? I'd be an orphan," he stated with a round-eyed look.
"Clara would look after you," Valerie reassured him, bending to kiss his forehead before he could dodge away. "Go and wash." She administered a playful spank to his backside as he scampered toward the bathroom. "You'd better hurry, too," she called the warning after him. "Clara's coming with us and you know how upset she gets if people aren't ready on time."
Chapter Two
VALERIE HAD DONE most of the driving, with Clara spelling her for an hour every so often to give her a rest. They had traveled well into the night before stopping at an inexpensive motel along the highway for a few hours' sleep. The morning sun was in their faces, its light shining on the countryside of Maryland.
"How long before we get there, mom?" Tadd piped the question from the back seat and leaned over the middle armrest to hear her answer.
"To save the wear and tear on your vocal cords, Tadd, we should have tape-recorded that question when we started out." Behind the searing dryness of Clara's voice, there was a hint of amused tolerance. "You mu
st have asked it a thousand times."
"How long, mom?" he repeated.
"Not long. We'll be seeing the lane to the farm any minute now." Valerie discovered her hands were gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles were white.
Seven years had brought some changes to the area where she had once lived, but they had just driven past the entrance gates to Meadow Farms. Charcoal black fences marked off its paddocks. Just over that far hill near that stand of trees was the place where she used to meet Judd. It was one place she would have preferred to forget.
"That's a fancy-looking place," Clara observed, but her eyes were on her companion when Valerie shot her a startled look.
"Yes," she agreed nervously. "It's the Prescott place." She knew she was confirming what Clara had already guessed.
"Look at all the horses!" Tadd breathed, pressing his face against a side window. "Did they ever let you ride them when you were a kid, mom?"
"I didn't ride any of those, but your grandfather owned horses. He raised them," Valerie explained, shifting the subject away from the breeding farm they were passing. "I used to ride his."
"You can ride?" There was a squeak of disbelief in his voice. "Gee, I wish I had a horse."
"Where would you keep it?" Clara wanted to know. "It's too big for the apartment. Besides, you're not allowed to have pets."
"When I get big, I'm going to move out of there and get me a horse," Tadd stated, his tone bordering on a challenge.
"When you get big, you'll want a car," Clara retorted.
"No, I won't." After the confinement of the car for almost twelve hours, Tadd was beginning to get irritable. Usually he enjoyed arguing with Clara, but he was starting to sound mutinous.
"Here's granddad's place." Valerie distracted his attention as she turned the car onto a narrow dirt lane.
