My brown hair was piled on top of my head in a messy top knot, and yoga pants were the only thing I’d been wearing since I found Bryan with that man. So seeing as I wasn’t dressed for the establishment, the whispers began.
It was then that Bryan made eye contact with me. I could see the shock in his eyes and I reveled in it. Let the bastard sweat. He jumped from his seat, leaving bimbo Barbie at the table alone, and made his way across the eatery trying to cut off the scene I was about to make.
“Jules,” he said with his hands out in a sudden panic.
No beuno, buddy. It wasn’t happening. You made a fool out of me, and now I was going to do the same to you.
“You!” I shouted, pointing at the perfectly dressed woman at the table.
“Don’t do this,” he whispered fiercely, but I talked right over him.
“You should have thought of that before I found out about your extracurricular activities.”
Looking past him I honed in on his newest friend and set out to destroy whatever she thought was happening between her and Bryan. Honestly, I was actually doing her a big fat fucking favor.
“Did you know that this lovely man you’re dating enjoys being fucked by men?” My loud words filled the room and Bryan turned two shades whiter. “Yes. I found him in our bed with another man just three nights ago and he was loving every second while that hairy bastard ransacked his ass!”
“You’ve fucking lost it, Jules.”
Bryan’s arm wrapped around me, trying to pull me in the direction of the door, but I wasn’t going to let that happen. I turned in his arms, pushing him square in the chest with my palms and forcing him into the table of unsuspecting diners.
“Get your damn hands off of me!” I turned back to shell shocked picture of perfection at his table. “Whoever you are, Bryan and I were together for seven years before he decided to give Sasquatch an ass ride. So if you want a man who’s into vag, I suggest running as fast as your pretty heels will take you away from this guy.”
Pushing the hair out of my eyes, I stood up a little straighter and took a deep breath before giving the woman whose face was every shade of red a smile.
“You’re welcome,” I huffed, turning on my heels toward the door to leave.
I passed Bryan again on my way out. The room behind me was dead silent, and all I could think to myself was, mission accomplished.
“There’s nothing like walking home from a date,” I said into the phone. There was no response. “Yes, you heard that correctly. I walked home.”
“From a fucking date?” Sadie finally spoke up.
“From a date,” I repeated.
It was hard to believe, but it happened. There was no dropping me off at the door—no sweet goodnight kiss. Nothing of the sort. Just a long thirty minutes of waiting for him to come back from the bathroom, paying for my own dinner, and then the dreaded hour of cardio with heels on. My poor pinky toes hated me.
“Wow, that’s fucked up,” she responded.
“You think?” I said, signing off on some papers I’d barely read. “He seemed like such a nice guy.”
“They all do, the assholes. Let me guess, you gave up the goods?” she asked.
I sighed into the phone just thinking about the quick romp that I got nothing out of.
“The sad part is, it wasn’t even good. Like, I didn’t even know he was in and the next thing I knew he was pulling off the condom and tossing it in the trash.”
Sadie chuckled on the other line. “Bathroom sex?”
“Yep, the worst kind.”
“There’s nothing like a shitty screw against a nasty bathroom wall.”
“Yep.” The other line blinked red, but I left it for the new girl at work to answer. “You’d think I’d learn my lesson during the last few months, but nope. Just call me the welcome mat of Florida.”
“You’re not the welcome mat of Florida, Jules, I am. Haven’t you seen the words the welcome pussy stamped across my forehead?” she asked.
I couldn’t help it, even in my crappy mood, I laughed. It felt good. I needed a laugh.
“Well, I definitely welcomed him all the way from London.”
“Ah, man. He had a British accent? That shit gets me every time.”
“Yep. The bloody bastard. It’s because of assholes like him that I’ve decided I’m done with the one night stand life. I’ve had enough, Sadie. No more being the revolving door in my dating life. I’m no longer the knob that everyone gets to turn once.”
“Oh, come on. You know you love the looks of disgust from your neighbors.”
She was right. I was pretty sure everyone in my building knew I was banging every guy I brought home. Hell, I was positive they thought I was screwing Sadie, too.
“It’s not funny, Sadie. Ever since Bryan left my vagina’s been the black hole of the south. Every time I screw a guy he disappears off the face of the earth—sucked into the great beyond where apparently there are no cellphones or social networking, and I never see his face again.”
I still couldn’t believe I’d done Mr. London before he left me stranded at the restaurant. It was the damn accent. I couldn’t help myself, but I’m pretty sure most women melted in the presence of a hot British bloke.
The memory of the walk home invaded my brain, strengthening my resolve. I still had the scab on my knee where my heel had broken and left me tumbling into the white rock road leading to my building. It pissed me off even more since I loved those heels.
My walk of shame had been the worst kind. I was limping and bleeding, and everyone who saw me knew I’d just been dicked and dumped. I might as well have been wearing a blinking advertisement for shitty sex around my neck.
Meanwhile, as I walked up the sidewalk to my door, all I could think about was how thankful I was the cheap bastard hadn’t taken me downtown to one of the expensive restaurants. Instead, I got a seafood plate a few miles from my place. My lady bits were disappointed in him, but my feet where thankful.
“Seriously, Jules. You have the worst luck with sex. All these dates and you haven’t had good sex yet. I’d tell you to just give up, but I hate quitters.”
I pushed my hair away from my sweaty cheeks and silently cursed my boss for not fixing the air conditioner yet. The state of Florida had officially become the gates of Hell in the past week.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m not letting another man near my pretty girl play hole without the promise of a ring.”
“A ring? Come on, Jules,” she whined in the phone. “Not that shit again. Screw that. Screw that with a big, glass dildo. You’re still young and regardless of what you’re saying, you’re having fun.”
“Getting screwed over constantly isn’t my idea of fun.”
Having fun wasn’t what I’d call it at all. It was like watching a really bad comedy or something. A really bad comedy—that was my life in a nut sack. I’d say nutshell, but you know, sack just goes better.
At twenty-five you’d think I have more sense than to give up the goodies on a first date. But let's be honest here, I was on a mission. One that would hopefully make me the sex goddess that Bryan swore I wasn’t.
“What happened then?” Shelly asked, wiping the table, pretending she was working. She was our third musketeer and she’d been working at the Dairy Queen since we were in high school and it didn’t look like she was going to be switching careers anytime soon. “Did he say anything?”
We were discussing my most recent bad idea as I stuffed myself with chilly cheese fries.
“Nope. He didn’t even have the decency to drive me home. Instead, he went to the bathroom and never came back.” I picked up a fry and licked the cheese from the tip. “I mean what’s the world coming to when the cock you just rode doesn’t even give you a ride. What they say is true, Shell, chivalry’s dead. It committed mass suicide with monogamy and fidelity.”
Forgetting about wiping the table, Shelly slipped into the booth in front of me and grabbed my hand. “It’s the damn web
sites you’ve been going through.”
“There’s nothing wrong with the sites. Sadie’s on them, too.”
Shell looked at me with side eyes. “Enough said, dear. Those sites are the fuck fests of the web, and don’t even tell me they don’t have online orgies. Sadie told me all about that shit.”
I laughed and chewed another fry. “It’s really not a big deal. No one speaks face to face anymore, Shell, you know that. Look at me and my mom, I haven’t seen her in four months, but thanks to Facebook we talk every day.”
Which was the only way I could actually communicate with her without losing my ever loving mind these days. Actually, my relationship with my mom had never been better. Thank God for long distance with that woman.
“Those sites make me nervous. There’s no telling who’s trolling on those things. It’s like a curse, and I’m sure every man on there has cock rot.”
“Oh whatever, Shell,” Sadie broke in as she slid into the booth beside me.
We met for lunch all the time, but she had been running late.
“I have the lady balls to admit I fish for dick on the net,” Sadie said loudly.
Faces from all over the room turned in our direction. My face heated and I looked down at my food.
“Oh my God. You did not just say that,” Shell said, hiding her face, as well.
Sadie laughed at my side before nudging me with her shoulder. “I sure did. I fish for dick. Big. Fat. Dick. I hook them with my pussy bate, and then I suck and fuck them before they swim back into the wild.”
Soda spewed from my nose when I burst out laughing, burning my sinuses in a bad way. Sadie certainly had a way with words.
“Something’s wrong with you, Sadie. We all know it.”
“I know. It’s called being fabulous,” Sadie responded, stealing a fry from my plate.
Shell ignored her and shook her head. “Seriously, Julia, I know I’m in a relationship now so I can’t go out all the time, but Sadie still can. Since when did picking up a guy in a bar go out of style?”
“A bar? Really? How’s picking up a guy in a bar any better?” I asked, tossing my cheese-less fry to the side. “Plus dating online is easier. I don’t have to do my hair until I know for sure I want to meet the guy.”
“You know, mom was saying something about some people trying out speed dating on Friday night’s over at Dudley’s. You could try that. You should go tonight.”
I couldn’t help myself, I laughed.
Sadie joined me. “If by people you mean the old fucks that play bingo with your mom on Wednesdays, then we’ll have to pass. Not trying to discriminate, but shriveled dicks taste dry.”
The lady in the booth next to us turned her head quickly with wide eyes like she hadn’t heard every word. It wasn’t going to be long before we were asked to leave. I could feel it coming.
“It’s not old fucks, Sadie, its young ones. Just trust me. Go check it out. The man you’re going to marry could be there.” Sliding out of the booth, she picked up her cloth and started toward the counter. “Call me later. If I don’t get back to work Walt will fire my ass and I need this shitty job.”
Finishing my fries and sucking down way too much soda, I threw a ten dollar bill on the table and left to go back to work. Sadie left with me going back to the tanning salon she owned. The phone on my desk started ringing the second I sat in my office chair.
Rolling my eyes, since I knew who it was, I picked it up.
“East Beach Realty.”
I sounded totally different from what I felt. The office was the last place I wanted to be. It was sunny out and my skin was begging for a tan. It was the perfect beach day since the breeze from the Atlantic was moving in swiftly making the humidity tolerable.
It was just cool enough out that you weren’t guaranteed to die from heat exhaustion, and there I was, stuck in the office planning a battle with some other realtor scum over a beachfront cottage that was way over-priced.
“Sup, bitch face?” Sadie sang into the phone.
“What if I hadn’t answered the phone? You’re an asshole sometimes, Sadie.”
I tried not to laugh thinking about how, Elsa, the new resident old bat realtor they’d hired would have responded had she answered the phone to Sadie’s colorful greeting. I pictured her running straight to the nearest church and washing off the sin with holy water.
“Okay, I’m bored already. I say we do this speed dating thing. We on for tonight? I wanna get shit-faced and watch you make a fool of yourself.”
“I don’t know. Speed dating? Seriously, Sadie? Haven’t we gotten into enough crap already?”
“Not nearly enough. Meet me at Dudley’s at eight. I won’t take no for an answer.”
“Fine whatever,” I rushed into the phone when I saw my boss slipping through the office toward me.
“Seriously, Julia. I want to try something new. Speed dating sounds like a blast. Don’t bitch up on me now. Let’s just go and check it out.”
“I said I’d see you there.”
I didn’t wait for her to respond before I hung up. I’d done a lot of stupid stuff since Bryan left. Why not add one more?
Walking into Dudley’s was like stepping into the tropical zone. The ambiance of the room was one of my favorites. I went there all the time. The hole in the wall tiki bar on the beach was my favorite local watering hole, so I was surprised I hadn’t heard anything about this so called speed dating.
Stepping up to the bar, I threw my purse down in front of me.
“The usual?” Sam, the bartender asked.
His dark hair slipped into his brown eyes blocking them from me and I smiled. He was cute… no, Sam was downright sexy.
I could remember the first time I’d come to Dudley’s and saw him. Honestly, I’d planned to take him for a spin, but the wedding band on his finger was like an electric fence to me. It was my number one rule. No married men.
His wife was definitely a lucky woman. His rugged Florida looks mixed with his dark eyes and dark hair was enough to get any woman wet and ready. But if by some chance that didn’t do it for you, then his sexy smile, cocky strut, and sweet southern draw was sure to do you in.
“Yes please.” I looked down at my phone.
Pressing my heated fingertip to the screen, I sent Sadie a text asking where she was. I didn’t look up again until Sam was sliding a Cosmo to me with a sweet grin.
“Anything new in the series of unfortunate events of Julia?” he asked with his panty dropping smile.
Leave it to me to get drunk and tell the bartender every embarrassing story of my life. I had two best friends to spill all to, but I was positive Sam knew more about me than both of the girls. But then again, aren't bartenders like hairdressers? You can tell them anything. No matter how shitty it is.
“I walked home from the last date I went on,” I stated.
“Ouch. Tell me you were wearing heels,” he chuckled.
Reaching out, I playfully smacked his arm. “It’s not funny, Sam. Those were my favorite heels.”
“Ah, poor Julia,” he gave me fake sad eyes.
“Go ahead, laugh it up. I learned a very valuable lesson that night,” I stated.
“What? Don’t wear heels on a first date?” he chuckled.
I spent the next thirty minutes telling him all about my new plans while he served the steady stream of customers who came in. The bar was filling up fast, and still, Sadie was nowhere to be found.
“And here you are, back at the search again. I give you bonus points for not giving up,” Sam said, pushing over my third drink of the night.
I probably should have slowed down, but I had a feeling I was going to need the liquid courage to make it through this speed dating ordeal.
“He’s out there somewhere, Sam. I just haven’t found him yet. Meanwhile, I’ll go through all the duds until I find the diamond.”
He wiped up spilled beer and then threw the towel under the bar. “At least you know what you want.”
I smiled to myself before tilting my head back and letting the cool liquid melt in my heated throat. There was nothing in the world like sipping a frozen drink in a beach bar. Especially when everything was opened up and the warm summer wind came rushing in. It was just the thing after having a shitty day at work.
But tonight wasn’t about relaxing. It was about getting drunk enough to tolerate half the men in the room long enough to figure out if they were Mr. Right, Mr. Right now, or Mr. Holy Shit You’ll Be Single For Life.
And then Sam was standing before me again and sliding a shot of tequila my way.
“From the dude at the end of the bar,” he nodded in the direction of the guy who bought me the shot. “Maybe he’s the one.”
“I doubt it,” I said, taking the shot between two fingers.
Looking over, my eyes locked with a handsome man grinning over at me. I smiled back letting him know I was down for him coming over to talk to me, then I lifted the shot and downed it. The burn of tequila down my throat hurt so good. It wouldn’t be long until I had a nice little buzz going. Or was on the floor. Either way, I would be having some fun.
He wasted no time, picking up his beer and strutting my way. His blue eyes devoured me and his confident grin complimented his square jaw with a hint of eight o’clock shadow. He was doing it for me. Something about a man with just enough scruff, I couldn’t explain it.
“I probably should have started with something lighter, but you know what they say… tequila makes her clothes come off.” He took the stool next to me and his cologne wafted my way. He smelled amazing. Like musk and man.
I chuckled. Even though I wanted to dick punch him after that comment. “Are you saying you want my clothes to come off already? That’s kind of fast, don’t you think?” I flirted, knowing it was probably going nowhere.
Speed Dating (Speed Dating #1) Page 2
