"Everything's going to be fine," she soothed. "Let's look at it this way—at the end of the day, Brendon or no Brendon, you're going to have a beautiful baby who you can love and cherish and nobody can take that away from you."
This was something I'd been avoiding thinking about and, until now, that avoidance had come easily. How could I think about the baby—who wouldn't be arriving for several months yet—when the prospect of who its father was was far more pressing and urgent?
Now, the sickness curled in my belly. I screwed my eyes closed.
"I'm not ready for a baby, Amy! Look at my apartment! Look at me! I'm a mess. I can't bring a child into this."
Amy pulled back and tipped my chin up to look at her. Her stare was intense, and I tried to pull away but she held my chin firm.
"Aurora Frayser," she intoned. "You are going to be a wonderful mother and you know it. We will figure it out, even if that means that we get a place and raise your baby together. I know how much this means to you and I'm not going to let you go into motherhood alone, okay? In an ideal world, the father would step up, but in this case we don't know what's going to happen and so I'm making a promise, right now, that I will help support you and your child for as long as you need. Understand?"
I nodded slowly, though I wanted to fight her on it. Only thing was I knew I wouldn't win. Amy had the will of a particularly cantankerous donkey and I knew better than to try to sway her opinion once she'd set her mind on something. Plus, it was nice to know that she'd be there for me if I needed her. It took a little bit of stress off my chest, even though I didn't love having to rely on someone else when it was my child in question.
"Now," she said, releasing my chin and smiling. "Let's fix your next problem. Have you thought about doing a paternity test?"
"Don't I have to wait until the baby's born to do that?"
"Not necessarily. I've got a couple connections at the hospital if you wanted to go down there and do one on the sly. Nobody has to know."
She reminded me more and more of Calypso by the second, but I still couldn't find any fault in that. In fact, it made me miss the fabulous older woman.
"Let's do it," I agreed. "That way it will be over."
"Exactly. It should only take a couple days for you to get results, too, and if you've already been avoiding Brendon like the plague, what's another couple of days?"
The more she spoke, the more the fog of doubt and anxiety lifted from my mind. Everything was going to be okay. We'd get the test done, and then in a few days I would know for sure who the father was. From there who knew. I'd have to see the results of the test first. I didn't want to get too far ahead of myself.
"There's only one problem," Amy said, wincing. "We're going to need DNA from one of the potential fathers to test. There are only two, right?"
I smacked her on the arm indignantly. "Yes there are only two!"
Amy barked with laughed. "Okay, shit, sorry." She wiped a tear from under her eye. "In my experience it never hurts to ask."
I couldn't help but laugh too, as I remembered that when I'd gotten pregnant (hopefully) I'd been living in a brothel. My life was certainly nowhere near as uncomplicated as it had been back in Bridgefield, but at least there was laughter.
"I guess I could find a way to steal Brendon's toothbrush or something." I wrinkled my nose. "But I don't know how I'd get access to it unless I saw him, and I still don't think it's a good idea for him to see me right now."
"There is another option," Amy suggested in a leading tone.
I scowled and shot up off the couch. "No way in hell! Nolan is the last person I want to see right now."
Amy thrust her hands onto her hips and gave me her best unimpressed look. "It's either that or find a way to sneak some DNA from Brendon. And I'm sorry, but if Nolan does turn out to be the father, you're going to have to see him at some point anyway."
She had a point. Still, the thought of admitting to Nolan that he might be the dad made me sick to my stomach.
"Just call him," Amy continued. "It's a quick swab. I'm sure he'll have no problem acquiescing if he knows it will help determine for sure if the baby is his."
I couldn't fight her logic any more. I was too tired to fight any battle at all. I just wanted this all to be over and, like she said, Nolan was the most direct route to the answers.
He picked up his phone within the first two rings in a gruff, tired tone. "Didn't expect to hear from you."
I scowled, holding Amy's hand for strength. "I didn't expect to call. I need your help."
"Of course you do." He laughed bitterly. "Already hitting me up for money. Typical."
"I don't want your money," I said angrily. "All I want is your DNA. I'm going to do a paternity test so we can figure out whose baby this is and end this nonsense for once and for all."
Nolan was silent for a moment, deliberating. When he answered, he did so in the slimy self-assured tone of voice he always used when he felt like he'd won.
"Luckily for you I'm still in the city," he replied. "I'm staying nearby. I'll come over and give you a sample, but only on one condition."
The muscle in my jaw ticked. I was already wondering if I'd made the right decision in calling him. Amy squeezed my hand and I took a deep breath.
"What is it?" I asked.
"If I am the father," Nolan said dryly, "you have to come home with me."
Chapter 23
Brendon
My mom was an excellent cook, so when my appetite failed even her delicious food, I knew I was truly fucked. Getting so worked up over Aurora was pointless, since it wouldn't fix the problem nor would it make me feel better, but I couldn't shake it. The longer I went without talking to her, the worse I felt. People were starting to notice.
"You've barely eaten," Mom noted as she rose to clear the plates.
Like I always did, I sprung up ahead of her and started piling up the dishes before she even reached the first one. Keilan followed suit, and we carried the plates into the kitchen together. I thought that would be the end of it, but Mom followed me.
"You know, we think Aurora's just wonderful," she said. "Are you going to have her over again soon?"
I turned on the tap and started rinsing. Keilan snuck out, presumably uninterested in the mother-son chat we were about to have.
"Brendon..." Mother said in a warning tone. "I know you better than you know yourself, so I know when you're avoiding a question."
"I'm not avoiding the question," I muttered, aiming the tap at a particularly sticky piece of rice. "I'm avoiding the answer."
She let out an exasperated sigh and reached over my arm to turn the faucet off. When I glanced down at her, she had her arms folded over her chest and was decidedly unimpressed with my answer.
"I don't know if I'm going to have her over again, Mom," I replied. "I don't know what's going on with that girl."
"Have you tried asking?"
She was only trying to help, but suggesting the most obvious answer was more annoying than anything else.
"Yes, I've tried talking to her. We haven't had a good time outside of work to talk though, and it wouldn't be right for me to corner her while she's on my dime. I've been trying to give her the space she needs. She's obviously going through something."
Mom crooked a brow. "Is she? And she doesn't think this thing she's obviously going through is worth discussing with you?"
"I guess not." I turned and rested my back against the edge of the counter, trying not to grind my teeth. "It's probably about me. I must've done something without realizing."
"Maybe, maybe not." Mom reached a hand to my shirt and absently smoothed the sleeve. "It could be something you didn't do. You clearly care a great deal for her, but have you told her that?"
I thought back to the night I told her I loved her, and how she didn't say it back. I hated that memory. It had felt so good to let it out, to tell her how I felt, but the sting of her rejection had stuck with me. I knew that it wasn't a full reject
ion, that even if she didn't love me yet there was no saying she wouldn't with time, but now I was beginning to think I wasn't going to get that time.
"I'm worried she might be cheating on me."
I said it so quietly that Mom wouldn't have even heard it if the tap was still running. It was still too loud. I wanted to pull back those words and the accusation that went with them but it was too late. Peter had planted the seed, and the more time went on and her behavior continued I couldn't help but notice things.
Mom wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. She was much smaller than I, but even one of her little hugs was more powerful than any other person's. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged back, sucking in that positive energy while I could.
"I'm guessing that since you could barely admit your suspicion to me, you haven't told Aurora yet either," Mom posed.
"Yeah." I worked my jaw back and forth. “I hate myself for even thinking such a thing but Peter mentioned something and now I can’t stop wondering. She wouldn’t do that. I know she wouldn’t do that. But then why is she acting like this?”
"And it's driving you crazy?"
I sighed. "Yeah."
"Then go over there and figure it out, Brendon." She backed away from the hug, her face now stern. “Wondering what she's thinking won't help you. The solution is very simple. Just go over there, tell her how you feel and what you want, then leave the rest in her court. If she feels the same, great. If something has her worried, then at least you can finally get it all out in the open."
I nodded. She was right.
Mom put her hand on my arm and smiled gently. "You're strong. You've always been the strongest one. Where Keilan has your father and Avery has his family, you've always relied on yourself. Don't think that nobody else in this family has never noticed that."
I thanked my mom, shelving those words to think on later. For now I had one objective and one objective alone. I was going to figure out what was up with Aurora.
It always surprised me how lax apartment security could be in the lower price brackets. As convenient as it was to be able to get up to her front door without having to go through the process of being properly buzzed in, I shuddered to think of all the awful things that could happen to Aurora in a place like this. I decided right then that I was going to get her out of this crappy apartment building. Maybe I could even insist that she move in with me, the thought sending a shiver down my spine. I could have Aurora anytime and anyway I wanted her. Day and night. In the kitchen, on the couch, in the shower. The possibilities were as delectable as they were plentiful.
My pants were tight by the time I knocked on Aurora's front door. How could she have this affect on me even when I was coming over to confront her? I could only hope that whatever was about to happen would lead into some sort of makeup sex. I was an addict who’d been languishing without my fix, and only she would satisfy me.
This thought process made an abrupt, screeching halt when a man I didn't recognize opened the door. He had short, pale brown hair and steely blue eyes that narrowed on me with barely disguised malice.
"Who are you?" the man asked.
I stood up straighter. Try all he might, this stranger wouldn't intimidate me. I was bigger, stronger, and altogether more motivated where Aurora was concerned.
"I could ask the same question of you," I snapped back. "What are you doing in my girlfriend's apartment?"
The man's expression fell flat, then his lips curved and he let out a mad, barking laugh. I suppressed the urge to clock him in the jaw and instead waited, rather patiently, for him to answer my question. It would have been easier and more desirable for me to barge past him to find the person I really wanted to speak to, but I respected Aurora's right for privacy. If she wanted this guy in her place right now and not me, that was her business. She would need to explain that to me directly though, and soon. My blood pressure was on the rise.
"You must be Brendon," the man sneered. He turned his head over his shoulder and called out, "This is the guy? Really, Aurora?" like there was something inherently shameful about me.
A million thoughts raced through my head. I wanted to hit this guy. I wanted to roar with anger and charge into Aurora's apartment. I wanted to crawl into the corner and pretend my world hadn't just fallen around me.
I took secret option D, which involved me turning on my heel and making an abrupt departure out of the building. I was just at the elevator when Aurora's voice called down after me.
"Wait! Brendon, wait!"
I jammed my finger on the button, watching the chrome doors slide closed just before she made it to the elevator. I saw her distressed expression deepen through the final inch of clearance and the elevator began to descend.
Chapter 24
Aurora
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I turned and screamed back toward my front door. It was still open, and Nolan was still standing in the doorway like he owned the damn place.
I was going to throttle him.
"Why did you do that?" I started stalking back toward him, fists curled into tight balls at my side.
Nolan watched me with his arms crossed casually and a light smirk on his thin lips.
"You should be thanking me," he replied sweetly. "I just made things so much easier when the results come back that I'm the father. At least this way he'll have a little warning."
I was seeing red and about to launch myself at him in rage when Amy shot out and wrapped her arms around me, effectively pinning my arms to my side.Sometimes I hated being the short friend. She easily kept me restrained as she led me back into the apartment, whispering reassurances in my ear.
"It's okay. It's going to be okay. This is is a little hiccup, but at the end of the day Brendon loves you and he trusts you. Don't worry."
No amount of telling me not to worry could make me not worry. Brendon wasn't normally the type to storm away in a huff, so he must've been pretty goddamn pissed to do so tonight.
Amy set me down on the sofa and Nolan followed us inside, closing the door and locking it for good measure.
"You had no right!" I snapped. "Just because you're in my apartment doesn't mean you get to answer my door or speak to my guests like that. The only reason you're here in the first place is because I need your DNA."
"Oh, baby, you already have my DNA." He reached out and I divined his intent before he was actually able to put a hand on my belly. I slapped his hand away and glowered at him.
Amy forced her way between us. Her expression read pure fury. She and I had been in the bathroom, re-reading the directions of the test to make sure we'd collected Nolan's sample correctly, when Brendon showed up. I’d asked Nolan to wait after giving his sample so that I could be sure we'd done it right, not wanting to risk having to calling him back, and now I regretted not kicking him out the second we'd swabbed him. I read in Amy's expression that she regretted it too.
I knew she was rooting for Brendon and would have rather seen me marry a big pile of dirt than go home with Nolan.
"You listen right here, mister," Amy said, waving a finger in Nolan's face. "You are not the father of this baby until we have proven you are. Even if we prove you are, you are not allowed to touch Aurora or her adorable baby belly unless she gives you explicit permission to do so. If I hear you've been touching her without her consent you best believe I'm going to make you wish you didn't even have hands. Understand?"
Nolan had never taken Amy seriously and he wasn't going to change now. Still, something about her tone must've gotten to him on some level as he nodded.
"Good." Amy pointed to the door. "Now get out. You've caused enough trouble."
"I'll go freely," he said, sauntering toward the exit. "I'll be close though, Aurora. I'm not leaving New York until we get the results of the test, and if it turns out that baby is mine, I won't be leaving without you."
My eyes stung with unshed tears. Going home with Nolan now seemed a greater threat than it ever was before. There were only so many
layers that separated me and the life I'd left behind in Bridgefield, and one of those layers had stormed off only a few minutes before. Brendon would never forgive me if it turned out that the baby wasn't his. Who was to say he'd forgive me if it turned out that it was?
The door slammed closed behind Nolan and I started. Amy wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me tight, burying her face in the top of my head.
"I've got to call Brendon," I said, pulling free.
"Wait!" she grabbed my arm and stopped me. "How are you going to explain what happened?"
"I don't know." I pulled away from her. "I just have to talk to him. I have to tell him I'm sorry."
I'd been treating Brendon horribly for weeks and was already plagued with guilt over that. Now he thought I was cheating on him too, and that was a burden I couldn't bear. I grabbed my phone from the coffee table and unlocked it, selecting his name from my contacts and waiting for him to answer the call.
He didn't.
I got Brendon's voicemail and hung up, calling him back. When it went to voicemail a second time, I hung up without leaving one. What was I supposed to say? The realization that I had no plan for how I was going to handle the outfall flooded me with bitterness.
I turned to Amy, heart thudding dully in my chest. "What am I going to do?"
"We only have to wait a few days," she said. "Just a few days and then you'll know for sure. Brendon will understand."
"But what am I supposed to do in the meantime?" I asked.
She pulled back and looked at me, brushing a strand of hair from my eyes. "What are you supposed to do? You can't explain what just happened without telling him you're pregnant, and I thought that was something you wanted to avoid until you knew for sure?"
"It is." I sighed. "Or at least it was, until that idiot had to ruin everything. I should have never asked Nolan. I should have just taken my chances and smuggled something out of Brendon's apartment."
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