“Crooked walls and thin insulation and creaky floors are way more fun.” He rolled his eyes. “I have all of those here, by the way.”
“They give it character.” Her eyes widened as she took in the stone fireplace at the end of the huge living room. “Oh, my God. That fireplace!”
For the next half hour, he led her around the house, floor by floor, until they ended up back downstairs in the kitchen. The whole time, she’d oohed and aahed, and he’d actually loved seeing the house through her eyes. He took for granted the way the morning sunlight crept through the kitchen windows, the way the fireplace opened into the master bedroom, the way his dad had built a window seat in each of the towers. But watching Delaney discover the house sent such an incredible buzz of warmth through his body that it floored him.
As Josh got two bottled waters out of the fridge, Delaney sat down on a bar stool, pointing at the cast-iron rack of pots over the granite island.
“Dr. Mackenzie, I think you’ve been holding out on me. This looks like the kitchen of a real cook.”
He shook his head. “Unfortunately, it’s all for show. I can’t cook any better than my mother ever could.”
“Could? Is she not—alive?”
“No.” He paused, taking a deep breath. When was the last time he’d talked about this? Had he gotten any better at it since then? “They died when I was in med school. Car accident.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Joshua. I can’t imagine.”
He reached up to pull glasses from a cupboard, not sure how much he wanted to share.
“Is that them?” She pointed at a picture he’d hung on the wall—his favorite one of his parents. In it, Dad had his arm looped over Mom’s shoulder, and she was laughing. It was the way he liked to remember them—laughing, happy, embarrassingly infatuated with each other even after almost thirty years together.
He glanced over, smiling. “Yeah. That was actually just a month before the accident. My aunt took the picture out at the lake.”
“What were they like?” She took the glass he offered her, then followed him out the back door to a stone patio with chaise lounges.
“Oh, that’s such a big question.” He sat down, looking out at the backyard.
“I know.” Her face fell, and he felt guilty. “Sorry. I just—wonder.”
“Don’t apologize. My mom was funny. She was goofy and smart and sweet, and she kept my dad and me in stitches all the time. She couldn’t cook worth a damn, but she didn’t care. I ate so much mac and cheese growing up that it’s a wonder my skin doesn’t have a yellow tinge.”
Delaney laughed. “Better than the kale and spinach smoothies my mom foisted on me.”
“My dad—he was head over heels for her. They were inseparable, you know? A love story for the ages and all that.”
“Sounds amazing.” Delaney looked away from him, and he could see clouds shadowing her face. He wondered how her parents’ marriage had weathered Parker’s death. They were still together, defying depressing odds, but he got the strong sense that together didn’t necessarily mean they were happy.
She looked back at him. “Do you have any sisters or brothers?”
“No. They tried. But apparently destiny had other plans.”
“And then—wow.” She took a deep breath. “You ended up alone.”
“With this really huge house, yes. My mom inherited it from her parents, but she and Dad never really had the money—or time—to keep it up the way they wished they could. I think they always had someday as their mantra. Someday they’d do the insulation. Someday they’d go to Aruba. Someday they’d actually retire. But then—their someday got taken away from them.”
He took a slug of his water, trying to steer his thoughts elsewhere. Before he could, Delaney took his hand.
“I think they’d be really proud of you—of all you do. I also think they never doubted for a second that all of their sacrifices were worth it.”
He smiled sadly, squeezing her hand. “I wish I was so sure.”
They were quiet for a few minutes, sipping their water and looking out into the yard. Delaney could hear kids playing somewhere on the street, and then the tinny tune of an ice cream truck broke through the relative peace.
She looked at Joshua, a whole new understanding of the man poking at the edges of her heart. No wonder he was so driven. He’d had parents who were behind him every step of the way, sacrificing all they could to help make his dreams come true. And then their lives had been cut short before they’d even gotten to see him realize those dreams. His guilt must have overwhelmed him at times.
No wonder he worked from dawn to dusk. No wonder he’d poured obvious hours and dollars into this house they’d never had time to update. No wonder he—by all accounts except his own—spent every waking hour thinking about other people, rather than himself.
No wonder … no wonder she was falling for him fast and hard.
“Joshua?”
He turned to her, eyebrows raised.
“Think I could have another tour? I’m not sure I remember which bedroom is yours.”
He smiled, shaking his head as he set down his glass and took hers. Then he pulled her over to where he was half sitting, half lying on the chaise lounge. As she settled her body gently on top of his, he caressed her hair away from her face, looking into her eyes.
“I have to admit, you are not at all what I expected, Ms. Blair.”
She laughed. “Good to know, since I’m pretty sure my ice-queen rep preceded me onto your floor.”
He kissed her softly. “You are most definitely not an ice queen.”
Their kiss turned hotter, deeper as he buried his hands in her hair, then let them travel down her back.
His fingertips brushed across her chest. “You kill me with these blouses. Every time I look at your buttons, I remember that second time you came to my office. I still swear it was a distraction strategy.”
She kissed him. “I’ll never tell.”
He laughed softly. “It worked, by the way.” Then he braced her hips against his. “Did you want to go upstairs?”
* * *
“You are being impossibly tight-lipped, missy.” Megan glared at Delaney across her desk on Monday morning. “And am I to assume that the fact that you’re arriving at nine o’clock means your weekend was extended until this morning?”
“Shh, Meg. Seriously.” Delaney clicked on random windows, trying to figure out what she needed to do this morning, but the feel of Joshua’s lips on her skin was still way too fresh in her mind to even contemplate focusing.
Megan narrowed her eyes as she leaned back and sipped her coffee. “Was he good?”
“Megan!”
“Well, come on. Give me a little here. I go shopping with you for sex clothes, and I don’t even get to hear whether you wore them?”
“I didn’t.”
Delaney smiled, biting her lip. No, there’d been no time to put them on. And she hadn’t missed them—or anything else—for the entire afternoon Sunday.
“You are impossible. You spent the entire weekend naked, didn’t you?”
“Go.” Delaney shooed her. “We have a lot to do today.”
“Fine. See if I go shopping with you again. That was a perfectly good negligee. Wasted, I tell you!” Megan shook her head as she opened Delaney’s office door, then turned around and came back to the desk, leaning over to hug her.
“What’s that for?”
“Just happy for you, that’s all.” Megan hummed her way out of the room, and Delaney couldn’t wipe her own silly smile from her face.
One minute later, her intercom buzzed.
“Delaney Blair speaking.” She clicked on a report, determined to get it finished by lunchtime.
“It’s Gregory. I need to see you in my office. Immediately.”
She stopped clicking, eyes wide. What did that mean?
And why was his tone so dire?
Chapter 28
“What’s the status of you
r proposal?” Gregory’s voice assaulted her before she’d even sat down, and she noticed new lines of exhaustion around his eyes.
“It’s going—well,” she blatantly lied. Despite a valiant effort, she had no cuts to suggest, no money to add to the equation, and the only thing she’d seemed to accomplish was to get some media coverage that hadn’t led to one red cent pouring into the pediatric coffers.
Gregory pulled out a piece of paper and waved it her way. “This is your original proposal. Are we still going with this? Or has your research turned up anything else?”
Delaney felt a tinge of panic. “The original proposal needs to be shredded, Gregory. There’s no way we can make those cuts.”
“Because?”
“Because the impact is huge. Way huger than I could have predicted.”
He put down the paper. “So what’s your new proposal include?”
Delaney swallowed. What, indeed?
“I’m still poring through some grant paperwork, but there’s some potential there to bring in some funding. I reached out at the dinner the other night and made some contacts.…” Her voice faded as she realized Gregory wasn’t going to buy her bullshit any more than she did.
She sighed. “We’re sunk, Gregory. There’s not one dollar that department can do without, and I haven’t managed to find enough other funding sources to fill the gaps. This isn’t a process that can happen in a few weeks’ time.”
“Well, that time just got shorter. Board is meeting on Wednesday. They want to hear proposals, whether they’re finalized or not.”
“Wednesday? This Wednesday? Two days from now Wednesday?” Delaney gripped the arms of Gregory’s guest chair, her knuckles going white.
“Wednesday.”
“What—what am I going to say? They’re not going to want to hear that my conclusion is not to cut this budget.”
“No. They’re not.”
“But I have no other option. I can’t in good conscience recommend that they take dollars away from this department.”
Gregory picked her list back up. “You could always go in with this. Step back from it later. But this at least makes it look like you’ve done some due diligence. If you go in with nothing, there’s gonna be hell to pay.”
“If I go in with that, they’ll approve it before I can even make my arguments that it was my preliminary and underresearched proposal, which I’ve now abandoned. No, I can’t even put that thing in front of them.” She shook her head. “No.”
He sat back, crossing his arms, going for a casual pose, but Delaney’d known him just long enough to see one foot tapping on the floor under his desk.
“There’s something else we should probably talk about.”
“Oh?” Her stomach zinged in alarm.
“Is there any chance anyone could make an accusation of undue influence here?”
She cocked her head. “What?”
“I had a call from a member of the board. She had received information that you were possibly involved personally with Joshua Mackenzie. She thought it would be prudent for the board to be aware of whether that was indeed true, before they voted on any proposals that might come in front of them this week. Her words.”
“What? From who? How? What?” Delaney’s baby grasshoppers returned with a vengeance, making her hold her stomach.
He sighed, leaning forward and putting his elbows on his desk. “Delaney, I know Joshua. He’s a good man. He’s an excellent doctor. But if you’ve let yourself get involved with him, you need to think about the possible ramifications.”
“Which are?” She crossed her arms. “Not that I’m saying I have.”
“You could lose your job, Delaney. So could he. An internal investigation would most certainly be launched, and either or both of you could end up with any number of consequences, the worst of which being dismissal. I’m not saying it would happen. I’m saying it could happen.”
“I’m not—we’re not … involved. Personally.” Delaney closed her eyes, hating the words as they came out of her mouth, hating that she was abjectly lying to a man she had the utmost respect for.
“I’m not asking you. But they’re going to.” He shuffled papers and pointed to the door, effectively dismissing her. “I’d recommend practicing your answer, because the one you just gave me isn’t going to convince a soul.”
* * *
Later that night, Delaney picked up her pace as she crested the killer hill three miles into her normal circuit. Any other day, she’d stop right here, put her hands on her knees to try to lower her heart rate, and take a nice long drink of water. Today, though, she ran right by her usual stopping spot, didn’t drink a drop, and couldn’t care less about her heart rate.
Gregory’s words had been knocking around in her brain all day, and combined with the freak-out she’d already worked herself into since leaving Joshua’s house last night, she was one short step away from a nervous breakdown.
She’d done the what were you thinking? exercise till she was blue in the face this afternoon, but besides coming up with a hundred reasons why anyone would have found Joshua hard to resist, she wasn’t getting anywhere helpful.
She’d promised herself long ago that she’d never get involved with a man who would never, ever be able to put his job in second place. She’d lived that life, she’d seen her parents’ marriage disintegrate, and she’d watched hordes of other wives head down the same lonely path. It wasn’t going to be her life, dammit. She would come first, hell or high water. And if that wasn’t going to be the case, then she was outta there.
Right.
Decisions like that were so much easier in the hypothetical. Decisions like that didn’t take into account a pair of eyes that could melt you with one glance, or a pair of hands that could fire you up with one touch. They didn’t take into account the way a certain man’s laughter touched you way down deep, or the way the sight of him made you feel like everything—everything—was just … better.
And who wouldn’t fall for Dr. Joshua Mackenzie? It wasn’t her fault, dammit. He was sweet, funny, and sexy as hell. To his patients, he was dedicated, selfless, and gentle. The man spent his every waking hour taking care of other people—what flaw could she possibly find in that?
None … except when she thought ahead. She knew the end play on this already. The thing she most admired about Joshua was his dedication to his patients. The thing that would kill their relationship in the end—not that she was getting ahead of herself or anything after just two nights with the man—would be his dedication to his patients. Work-life balance was a myth, a workshop they all went to once a year … but it wasn’t reality. Even if he’d wanted to change the balance, he was a doctor in an understaffed little hospital. Balance was a joke.
However, it was the life he’d wanted since high school. Ever since little Avery had come into his friends’ lives and changed them all forever, he’d chosen this path in hopes that other kids might have it easier … in hopes that he could help others come out on the other side, unlike her. His parents had sacrificed everything for him, and every day, he was powered by the memory not only of Avery, but also of his parents putting off their new windows, fresh paint, and retirement so that he could live his dreams.
She knew all this. He’d told her.
But she hadn’t realized how much it would hurt to realize that all of those things that made her admire him … might stand in the way of her being able to love him like she already feared she could—and would—do.
Because where would she fit in? She wasn’t going to be the one blowing out candles on a cold supper table. She wasn’t going to be the one reaching out at night to feel nothing but empty sheets. She wasn’t going to be the one trying to explain to their someday-children that Daddy was busy again … always.
Not that she was getting ahead of herself … again.
She reached the footbridge where she usually stopped to watch the beavers in Stillwater Pond, but didn’t halt. A pulsating, nervous energy w
as powering her forward, and even if she’d wanted to, it felt like she couldn’t stop.
When Gregory had pulled her into his office this morning, he’d added another whole layer of hell onto the whole thing. Good God, how had she let Saturday happen, knowing it could have professional implications for them both? She knew it could, and yet she’d said yes, had gotten into his car … had gotten into his bed.
And now she was looking down the barrel of a hospital board that might or might not question her about her professional relationships. In one fell swoop, she’d risked her career, his career, and the entire pediatric floor.
She’d analyzed all of the angles all afternoon, and by seven o’clock, when she’d donned her running gear and headed out on a desperately overdue run, none of those angles had been remotely appealing. At best, she’d be disciplined. She’d most certainly have the pediatric budget yanked away, which meant it would land squarely in Kevin’s lap. That was the best-case scenario, and it sucked.
At worst, she actually could be dismissed. The HR policy was pretty clear on that one. No matter what, if there was concrete suspicion of a personal relationship, an investigation would happen. And no matter what came out of it, both of their reputations would suffer long-term consequences. That investigation would stay in their files, and any future career move within the hospital could be influenced by the findings.
In essence, it meant that Delaney would never be CFO of Mercy Hospital. It was the position she’d been working toward for five years now, but her actions over one twenty-four-hour period could now derail all of that work. The fact that she’d let herself become involved with someone would not only color this pediatric proposal—it would color every proposal she’d done prior to it … or any she completed in the future. She’d enjoyed a stellar, beyond-reproach rep until now, but it could all go up in a puff of smoke.
She’d known this on Friday. And yet she’d said yes.
Like she was powerless to say no.
And what did that say about her integrity, really? Could she honestly go before the board on Wednesday and be sure she wasn’t unduly influenced? People looked to her on a daily basis to be analytical, forthright, and objective—to put together recommendations for the hospital’s finances based on impartial, analytical, honest research. If even she didn’t trust her own integrity, how could she expect anyone else to?
Heart Like Mine Page 24
