by Jade Parker
It had meant that we were gossip central. We each had a MySpace page and posted things on the Internet. We revealed secrets, no matter how hurtful they were. We’d get together and laugh about how much we had embarrassed someone. We gave awards for the most devastating comment. No one was safe from us. Not even those within our own group, as it turned out.
So now I found it difficult to trust. Robyn wasn’t anything like Marci. I knew that. But still, I wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t become like Marci, if she ever found out the truth about me.
“I’m totally fine,” I assured her.
We were ready for work so we walked out of the employee locker rooms together. Since we were both wearing sunglasses, I couldn’t see her brown eyes. When I can’t see someone’s eyes, I always have a hard time knowing what they’re thinking. But I also felt safer, more protected when I was wearing mine, so I took a chance. “How did you know that Sean liked you?” I asked.
Robyn laughed lightly, like she was embarrassed. “I didn’t. Not until he kissed me.”
That wasn’t much help. Jake had never even tried to kiss me. He didn’t talk to me much. He seemed to just watch me more than anything. Not in a weird stalker kind of way. More like he was trying to figure me out. I didn’t know if that was good or not.
“He didn’t even hint?” I asked.
She laughed a little more loudly. “I think he did. I was just too … I don’t know … stupid, I guess, to notice.”
Okay, this was a little more helpful. I tried to remember how my therapist had attempted to trick me into answering questions before he’d discovered that I was no longer trickable and we’d started playing video games.
“I don’t think you were being stupid. If you didn’t know they were hints then how would you know that they meant anything? What’s an example?”
“He brought me ice cream when I was on break.”
Huh. Jake gave me ice cream, but I didn’t think it meant anything. He was one of the guys with an ice-cream cart. He gave ice cream to many employees. It was one of our perks. We got free ice cream when we were on break.
“What else?” I asked.
“He just always seemed to be there.”
Jake was always there, but again, I thought it was part of his job. I worked in P&E, so I oversaw a lot of birthday parties. The park provided the ice cream for those parties, and Jake was the one who brought the ice cream over. He’d stay around and help out. But I wasn’t sure that I was the reason he stayed. I think it was his job to hang around.
“Are you wondering about Jake?” Robyn asked.
I stumbled to a stop. “Why would you think that?”
She grinned. “Come on, Whitney. I see the way y’all look at each other.”
“And how’s that?”
“Like maybe you like each other.”
I shook my head, because I suspected she wasn’t good at reading people. “I don’t know, Robyn. I’m not so sure he likes me.”
“He does. He’s always around you. Besides, you’re so nice. How can he not like you?”
“I know it’s difficult to believe, but not everyone likes me.” I sighed. “He may be one of them. He doesn’t usually talk to me. He’s just kinda there.”
“So, maybe you should just ask him.”
“Ask him?”
“Yeah, ask him if he likes you.”
If he said no, it would hurt too much. I’d be mortified. “Would you have asked Sean?”
“No way! Even when I started to like him, I was afraid he didn’t like me.” She wrinkled her nose. “I guess that’s where you are, huh?”
“Yeah, I guess. Does he like me? Does he not? I totally don’t know.”
“I could ask Sean to ask him —”
“No!” I exclaimed before she’d even finished with that crazy idea. “I don’t want people to know that I like Jake. If they know and he doesn’t like me, I’ll just be more embarrassed. So don’t tell anyone, okay?”
“Sean wouldn’t tell anyone, except me. And I’d tell you. It would be a small circle.”
But I knew that circles could grow, like throwing a rock in water. The circle just got wider and wider and wider. “I really don’t want anyone else involved.”
She shrugged. “Okay. I’ll respect that.”
“Thanks.”
We were at the part of the park where the main offices were. “I’ll see you at lunch,” I told her.
“Okay.” She headed off toward Mini Falls.
I wandered over to the office building. It really looked out of place. No thatched roof, no sand leading to the door. No palm trees. Maybe everyone inside wanted to be taken seriously.
I opened the door and was hit with a blast of air-conditioning. That was another thing about the office that was so un-tropical island. They kept it Antarctica-freezing in there. I knew the truth of that because Dad and I had gone on a three-week cruise to Antarctica. Not that the cruise ship had stayed there very long. Just long enough for us to set foot on the continent at the bottom of the world, so we could say we’d done it and I could color in an entire continent on my map.
I went to the P&E office. Charlotte was the permanent full-time entertainment manager, which meant that she stayed on staff year-round planning things that would happen during summer, like the season opening and special days. She was at her desk, talking on the phone, making notes. Probably taking reservations for a party.
I walked over to the main white board on the wall that listed the parties coming in today. We had only two birthday parties. The first started at eleven, right when the park opened. I smiled. I’d begin my work shift with Jake. Maybe if I paid more attention, I could figure out if he was trying to send me signals.
I heard Charlotte hang up and turned to face her. She smiled brightly. “Good morning.”
“Hey. Is Lisa already at the pavilion?” I asked. Lisa was the summer supervisor. She was a freshman in college. I liked working with her, mostly because she was a control freak, which might sound like a bad thing, but she did all the work. She didn’t trust anyone else to make it perfect, so I got to do the fun stuff, like greet the guests at the gate, escort them to the pavilion designated for their party, and take pictures. Pretty much anything I wanted.
“Yes, she is.”
“I’ll head over there, then.” I turned to go.
“One sec.”
I looked back over my shoulder and smiled. “What’s up?”
“As soon as y’all get the second birthday party cleared away, I want to see both of you back in my office. I just took a reservation for a huge affair. The Spencers have rented the park after hours this coming Sunday for their daughter’s sixteenth birthday. They want a luau —”
She was still talking about the luau and what the Spencers wanted, but all I heard was a loud rushing in my ears. The same rushing I heard when I took an inner tube down the raging rapids that were part of the river that circled the park. Spencer was a common name. It couldn’t be —
“What’s their daughter’s name?” I finally dared to ask.
“Marci. With an i. Mrs. Spencer was really insistent about that. That we spell everything correctly.” She stopped talking and stood up. “Are you all right, Whitney? You look like you’re going to be sick.”
“I’m fine. I gotta go help Lisa.”
I walked out of the office, out of the building, into the heat of early August, but I was still cold.
The i’s have eyes were coming to the water park. All my secrets were about to be revealed.
I thought about not going to help out with today’s birthday parties. I considered going back to the locker room, getting my cell phone out of my tote bag, calling David, and telling him to come pick me up. I contemplated quitting.
Instead, I walked to the pavilion in Mini Falls where the first birthday party of the morning was being set up. Twelve little monsters would soon descend on us. As far as the amount of work involved, this morning we didn’t have much. Sometimes we had as m
any as eight parties going at one time, and some of them had a lot more than a dozen guests.
I saw Jake standing inside the pavilion. He was using the helium canister to blow up the balloons that would be tied to the table reserved for our party guests.
I stopped walking and just watched him. He had auburn hair that he kept buzzed short. It made him look like maybe he should attend a military academy. A lot of the guys — and even some girls — who worked at the park kept their hair short. We were outside most of the time and it was hot. Besides, visors messed up any other kind of hairstyle.
But it wasn’t only Jake’s hair that made him look as though he might salute you at any minute. He was also in shape. When he dipped ice cream, the muscles in his arms actually bulged a little. He had dark brown eyes that were almost black. And the longest black eyelashes. It was wrong for a guy to have eyelashes that long. I’d stared at his eyelashes, his eyes, and him a lot when he didn’t realize it.
It was really a little pathetic, because I enjoyed studying him and trying to figure him out. I knew he had a tiny scar on his chin. I didn’t know how he got it. I knew that when he smiled, one side of his mouth curled up a little higher than the other. I knew he had an almost perfect smile, except for one front tooth that slightly crossed over the other one, as though maybe he’d once worn braces but hadn’t been good about wearing his retainer once he got them off. He just looked like the kind of guy who wouldn’t always follow the rules, who wouldn’t always do what he was supposed to.
I put on a show, pretended that I was rebellious and didn’t always do what I was told, but the truth was that I always did what was expected of me. That’s the reason I was at the pavilion now: because it was my job to help with this stupid birthday party. Knowing that Marci was coming, suddenly everything seemed lame.
At the beginning of the summer, I worked at Splash, a really safe and unexciting slide in Mini Falls. When I told Mr. T that I wanted to work in Parties and Entertainment, he moved me with no questions asked. So now I needed to move someplace else, so I wouldn’t be around for this dumb luau. It probably would be a lot of fun to arrange, if not for the person that it was being planned for. I needed to figure out where to move. It had to be someplace where I wouldn’t be visible to the i’s.
Jake suddenly stilled, and I realized that he’d spotted me. I felt that little jolt of awareness that I always felt when he first looked at me. I always tried to look neutral, not to let it show. So maybe I was giving him confusing vibes, too. Maybe he was wondering, “Does she like me? Does she not? Should I make a move? Should I not?”
I really wished that I didn’t feel the need to keep everything secret. I wished I could just be me, without worrying about getting hurt or being taken advantage of.
The bells echoed through the park signaling that the gates were opening. The madness was about to start.
Jake grinned. “Hey, you’re a little late to help.” He carried the balloons to a table and attached them through a hole designed to keep the balloons tethered at the end of the table.
“I was busy,” I lied. “Where’s Lisa?”
“She left to get the birthday guests.”
“Oh.” That was my job, but since I hadn’t been around she’d had to do it. It wasn’t my fault, though. If Charlotte hadn’t detained me so she could tell me about this great birthday party that we’d be hosting, I would have been there sooner.
Then I had a crazy thought. What if Marci invited me to this insane party? She was bound to invite just about everyone who went to the private school we attended. Yes, she was probably inviting the whole school. Why else would her parents rent the entire water park?
With each thought, this situation was getting worse. Survival seemed impossible.
“Are you okay?” Jake asked.
“Why is everyone asking me that today?”
He rolled his shoulders. “I didn’t know everyone was. Maybe you just look like something is wrong. So what’s up?”
I really wanted to tell him about Marci and the i’s. I wanted to ask if he liked me. Instead I said, “Just bored working here. I’m thinking that I want to work somewhere else.”
“What? You mean, like work at some other water park?”
He sounded seriously disappointed. That was a good sign, right? He wanted me to be here.
“No, just work someplace else around here.”
“Like where?”
“I don’t know.” I sat on the metal bench of the metal picnic table. Metal was easy to keep clean. Just spray it down with a water hose at the end of the day.
Jake sat beside me. “Really, Whitney, what’s wrong?”
He sounded genuinely concerned. That was another good sign … I think. Or maybe he just cared about everyone. Still, I couldn’t tell him about the i’s without telling him about me. I wanted him to like me without knowing everything about me. Was that even possible?
The party pavilion was in Mini Falls, near the Lost Lagoon, which was a shallow pool with a fake wrecked pirate ship in its center. Lifeguards were standing around. Kids, along with their parents, were starting to make their way to the area. No unsupervised children were allowed in this area of the park.
I thought about what Robyn said about Sean being there whenever she needed him. I needed someone. And Jake was there. But did it mean anything? How could I figure it out without actually asking him?
I needed some way to test his interest in me, something that would tell me what his feelings were.
“Some of us are going out for pizza after work. Do you want to go with us?” I heard myself asking, without thinking it through.
“That’s the reason you’re acting funny and thinking of working someplace else? Because you’re going out for pizza?”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind. So do you want to go out for pizza or not?” I knew I sounded put out. Why would he be interested in me when I was so difficult? I had a feeling that he was going to fail this test. And it wouldn’t be his fault. I was a whiz at taking tests but lousy at giving them.
“Sure,” he said.
I almost hugged him, but it would have been so uncool to let on how excited I was that he’d said yes. So maybe he did like me. I grinned.
“I love pizza. So which place?” he asked.
Or maybe he just wanted the pizza. I really should have given this plan more thought before putting it into action.
“Uh, I forgot to ask where we’re going. I’ll let you know later today.”
We heard shrieks and looked over. Lisa was leading a dozen or so kiddos and their parents over to the pavilion.
“Looks like it’s showtime,” Jake said.
For now. The real show, though, would be later tonight. Maybe then I’d have a chance to figure out what our relationship was: coworkers, friends, or more?
* * *
“Pizza? You want to go out for pizza tonight?” Caitlin asked.
Robyn, Caitlin, and I met at the Tsunami lounging deck for lunch. The area was covered in sand, at least twelve inches deep, so guests had the sense that they were on a tropical beach. The perfect place to host a luau. But I didn’t want to think about that upcoming nightmare. After the luau, I had a feeling I’d have nothing but bad memories of this place.
“Yeah.” I was stretched out on the lounge chair, trying to look like nothing mattered. “I sorta invited Jake to go out for pizza but I made it sound like it was a group of people, so now I need a group of people. So are you interested?”
“That is so Whitney,” Caitlin said. “You make plans and assume people are going to do what you want.”
My aunt called me a little dictator. All I had to do was say what I wanted to do and we did it. Since my mom died, no one in the family told me no. I was poor little Whitney, and people didn’t want me to be sad. So yeah, a lot of times I planned things without thinking them through. But it always worked out somehow.
“Is that a problem for you?” I asked. “Because I can un-invite you.” The words we
re just talk. I really wanted Robyn and Caitlin to be there. They were the closest thing I had to friends. Since they had boyfriends, if I had questions or needed someone to guide me, they would be the best ones to seek advice from. Like a lifeline on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I just needed help in figuring all this possible-boyfriend stuff out.
“It’s not a problem. It’s just weird,” Caitlin said. “The way you try to control everything.”
“So are you in?” I asked, ready to move on to the next problem on my list.
“We’re in,” Robyn said.
I knew she’d agree to it without giving me a hard time. Maybe if I told Caitlin about my doubts regarding Jake, she’d be a little more enthusiastic about coming along tonight.
“Sure, we’re in,” Caitlin said.
She didn’t complain that Robyn had spoken for her. She only complained about things that I did. My relationship with her was almost as confusing as the one I had with Jake. Is she my friend or isn’t she? I was pretty sure she was.
“I’ll call Michael,” she continued. “He should be able to come. So where are we going?”
“Uh, well, I don’t know. I hadn’t gotten that far with my plan.”
Caitlin laughed. “You invited us for pizza and you don’t know where we’re going?”
I didn’t like her laughing at me. I knew it was because she didn’t know the entire story, so I felt compelled to explain. “If you want to know the truth, it was a test for Jake.”
“A test?”
She was surprised by the test, but not about Jake? Had Robyn said something to her or had she figured it out, too? I decided that she probably figured it out. She was pretty observant, which was one reason that she made such a good lifeguard and had saved a kid’s life. So if both Robyn and Caitlin figured it out, why couldn’t I? I was embarrassed to admit the truth. “I don’t know if Jake likes me, so I thought if I invited him to do something with me, it would help me figure it out. If he liked me, he’d say yes. If he didn’t, he’d make up some excuse about being busy.”
“Huh. That kinda makes sense I guess,” Caitlin said. “So you asked, he said yes, so you know he likes you.”
