Bea gave her a soft smile. “I think that the chance of doing something you don’t think you want to do and having it turn out wonderful is worth taking. And I think even a few amazing moments that touch our hearts can overpower any fear.”
Addison had an almost melancholy look on her face. “Being afraid is a protective instinct. It keeps us safe.”
“Sometimes,” Bea agreed. “But while a fire can burn you, it’s also the best way to make toasted marshmallows. And you have to get pretty close to the flames to get the sweetness.”
Addison’s face relaxed, and she laughed lightly. And Gabe’s gut clenched with want.
And he suddenly realized that even if she didn’t like touching the metaphorical alligator in the end, he was going to make sure she at least gave it a try.
Chapter Five
“Hey, Stell Bell?” Addison asked two nights later.
“Yeah, Mommy?”
Stella was on her stomach on the living room floor, drawing with her markers, while Addison sat on the couch reading about—much to her chagrin—alligators.
“Did you know that alligators breathe like birds?”
Her nose scrunched in confusion, Stella looked up. “What does that mean?”
“They don’t breathe like other animals—air in and out from the same tubes—they breathe like birds. The air goes in one way and out another,” Addison told her. That was pretty interesting, she thought. “Kind of neat, right?”
Stella gave her a funny look. “I guess.”
Okay, so maybe she’d picked the wrong fact. Though she couldn’t help but wonder what Cooper would think of the breathing thing. “They lay eggs like birds, too,” she told Stella. “But they can lay thirty to fifty at a time.”
“Okay, Mommy,” Stella said, and went back to her drawing.
All right, so alligators weren’t really Stella’s thing. But . . . “We should go on a swamp-boat tour,” Addison said nonchalantly.
“What’s a swamp boat?” Stella asked, looking up.
Yeah, there was something about the word swamp that elicited all sorts of images. Maybe it wasn’t the sexiest thing, but there was something intriguing about the bayou for Addison. And Stella was all about things that went fast. Like boats. “Come here, I’ll show you,” she said, holding up her phone.
Stella scrambled up beside her, and Addison shifted to make room. So rarely did Stella sit on her lap or up against her, Addison actually stopped for a moment before wrapping her arm around her daughter. Stella just wasn’t a cuddler, and Addison didn’t want to scare her off. Looking into the big blue eyes that Stella had inherited from her father—but that made Addison think of another man altogether with a thump in her heart that startled her—Addison wondered if she’d turned her daughter off cuddling. Addison had never been big on physical displays of affection, but she hated the idea that maybe she’d somehow given Stella the idea that she didn’t want to hug and cuddle her. But Stella snuggled in close, and Addison took a breath. She was overreacting. After spending time with the single-parents group, she’d realized that there were all kinds of styles, and they were all good when they came from a place of love. Hers just wasn’t the warm, fuzzy style. Her parents hadn’t been warm and fuzzy, either. Addison saw herself as more of a teacher and a guide. She taught Stella good choices by talking and doing and by example. She comforted Stella when she was hurt or scared or sick, but Addison also tried to explain why something hurt or what was going on in Stella’s body when she was sick. That way she’d know that it would eventually go away and that it was normal. And when Stella was scared—as she was of storms—they talked about what made a storm and why thunder was loud and how to be safe, with the hopes that taking some of the mystery out of things would make them easier to handle.
It didn’t always work, but Addison felt it was harder to be scared of something that you understood completely.
And that thought sent her mind spinning to Gabe.
Again.
The entire reason she was looking up facts about alligators was because he’d said Cooper was newly obsessed with them. That had gotten her curious. What was so fascinating about alligators anyway? And if he knew all about them, didn’t that help with the fear factor?
But she couldn’t deny that when he’d been talking about how Cooper was interested in the idea of alligators but nervous about meeting one in person, Addison couldn’t help but think that Gabe could have been talking about her and relationships.
The idea of a relationship with Gabe was definitely fascinating, but facing the real thing was more than nerve-racking.
So she thought maybe approaching the relationship the way she approached scary things with Stella might be smart. Learn all she could, then break it down into smaller, more easily understandable parts and make it less intimidating. But learning about Gabe definitely meant learning about Cooper. And the only thing she really knew about Cooper was his alligator fascination.
So she was reading about gators. As if knowing how alligators breathed and laid eggs would make being with Gabe less intimidating.
Her stomach flipped at the idea of really being with Gabe, and she wondered if she was just crazy. Everything she’d told Gabe was true—she did not want any more kids, and she didn’t want a co-parent, not to mention a husband, and she didn’t want Stella getting attached to someone who wasn’t going to be around long. She’d always thought she might date again when Stella was older, maybe a teenager, and could understand that the relationships were just about companionship and fun and wouldn’t start automatically thinking about dads and brothers and sisters. But maybe at her age now, it would be easier.
Five-year-olds didn’t overanalyze everything. Just because Addison and Gabe might spend some time together, it didn’t mean Stella would automatically assume Gabe was moving in or anything. Stella didn’t really remember her dad being around. She had vague memories of some of the things they’d done together—the zoo, a Christmas with a stuffed teddy bear bigger than Stella, things like that—but she didn’t really remember him. And she’d never asked about not having a dad or if she would ever have one. She’d also never mentioned wanting siblings. Addison had always been surprised by that, considering Stella went to day care and saw other kids with families. But she’d also been relieved and not about to bring it up if Stella wasn’t asking.
So yeah, maybe Addison could meet the illustrious Cooper and satisfy that curiosity. And she could let Gabe meet Stella, since he seemed to think that was very important. And then they could just . . . kiss some more. Because she really freaking missed the kissing. It was strange, actually. She missed all of it—the sex, the laughter, the beignets. But if she had to pick one thing to do again, even if it was just once, it would be the kissing.
As her thoughts wandered, she and Stella paged through photos and information about airboats and swamp tours. They got to a page for the Boys of the Bayou tour company, and Stella was sold. The company took groups of all sizes out onto the bayou to see alligators and all the other wildlife and plants that made it a unique and captivating place. They had daytime tours, a sunset tour, a booze cruise, and even special packages for bachelor and bachelorette parties. And, most important to Stella, they had photos of people holding baby alligators, and tour guides feeding adult alligators in the swamp itself.
Stella might not care how they breathed, but she was all about holding a baby gator and watching one eat a huge chunk of raw chicken in person.
“Can we go? Please? Please?” Stella asked, getting up on her knees and facing Addison with a look that Addison was sure meant “I’m going to die if I don’t meet an alligator.”
Stella was gorgeous. Her big blue eyes like her dad’s, her dark hair like Addison’s, the curls that came from who knew where in the family tree, and the sweet smile all combined into a beautiful picture. But it was the light that seemed to come from within her, the enthusiasm for life, and the fearless spirit, that really made her dazzling.
On i
mpulse, Addison hugged her close. “I think we can,” she said. “It sounds like fun.” She had to admit this was not her kind of thing. She didn’t camp and hike and boat. She liked to walk outdoors if the ground under her was paved and she could stop every so often and shop. Or eat. Or both. But for Stella, she’d do anything.
“You’re the best mom ever!” Stella declared, giving her a big kiss on the cheek before vaulting off the couch and running back over to her art supplies. “I’m going to draw airboats and alligators!”
Addison grinned. She did love Stella’s exuberance and try-anything attitude. There were so many things Addison had done that she never would have otherwise because of Stella’s enthusiasm and Addison’s desire to give her daughter wonderful experiences. They’d run through the sprinklers in the park just because the sprinklers had been on and it sounded fun. Another day, they’d found a lost puppy and had taken it to a shelter, then ended up volunteering at the shelter once a month, playing with the animals. Once, walking by a fire station, Stella had asked if she could sit in one of the trucks. Addison had gone in and asked, and five minutes later, Stella was on a tour of the station, had a plastic firefighter hat, and had, indeed, sat in a fire truck. And Addison had sat in that fire truck as well. And enjoyed every second.
And Stella was only five. Addison was equally excited and dreading the things Stella would talk her into in the years to come.
And, as she watched Stella color in a not-too-bad-for-a-five-year-old alligator, despite her best effort not to, Addison wondered if Cooper liked to draw and if he had a puppy and if he’d ever sat in a fire truck.
“Stella was terrible about going to bed and staying there,” Addison said.
It was her third meeting with the group, and she’d quickly gotten comfortable talking and sharing. No one judged, and everyone had struggles with parenting. It was two hours that Addison very much looked forward to already. She’d booked a babysitter—much to Elena’s chagrin—for Thursday nights for the next two months. And it was only 50 percent about getting to see Gabe. Okay, 60 percent. It was hard seeing him and not wishing they could go to Café du Monde . . . or back to the apartment over the bar. But she did love the moments when he’d come up behind her and say something sexy that no one else could hear, and the looks he gave her from where he always sat directly across the circle from her.
“So I came up with a system,” she went on. “I put a clear glass jar in her room by her bed. After I’d tucked her in and we had bedtime stories done and drinks of water and everything else done, I’d put five pennies in the jar. Every time she came out of her room, she had to bring me a penny. At the end of the week, she could spend the pennies she had left on candy and gum and stickers and little toys at the pharmacy on the corner. So, the fewer times she got out of bed, the more money she had at the end of the week.”
Caleb gave her a huge grin. “That is a fantastic idea. I really think Shay would go for that.”
Addison smiled back. “No problem.”
“I have a couple of other things maybe I could ask you about sometime,” Caleb added.
“Sure.”
“No.” The single word from Gabe was delivered low and firm. Everyone swiveled to look at him, but his eyes were locked on Caleb.
“No?” Roxanne asked. “What’s no?”
“Caleb knows,” Gabe said.
Caleb nodded with a grin. “I sure do.”
Addison rolled her eyes. Everyone knew. Gabe was telling Caleb to back off. And Addison knew that should annoy her. She should probably flirt back with Caleb a little just to irritate Gabe and show him that he wasn’t in charge here. But it didn’t annoy her. It made her feel warm. No, that wasn’t true at all. It made her feel hot. She loved the idea that Gabe might be possessive of her, and that was the single most ridiculous, not-liberated, unfair thing she could have come up with. It wasn’t fair for her to like him having feelings for her that she kept telling him he needed to not have.
“Okay, so does anyone else have any bedtime tips?” Bea asked, clearly trying to move things off Gabe’s little power play.
“Well, I know everyone frowns on it, but about three nights out of seven, I give in and let the girls fall asleep in my bed,” Austin said.
Dana shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a bad thing. As my mom said, they’re not going to go to college unable to sleep in their own bed. If it makes them feel secure and sleep better, I think it’s okay.”
“How many here let their kids sleep in their beds sometimes?” Bea asked.
About half of the hands went up, including Gabe’s. He gave Addison a questioning look, and she shook her head. She would sometimes lie down in Stella’s bed with her, but Stella didn’t sleep with Addison.
They’d been doing that a lot—sharing looks with one another that communicated little bits of information and details about their kids and parenting. And, she had to admit, she was soaking it up. She told herself that it was about learning things in an effort to make the idea of Cooper less intimidating. Or so she told herself.
Truthfully, it was more that she was very curious about Gabe as a father.
He was downright sexy as a bartender. Seeing him moving behind the bar that was clearly a second home, joking with his brother, laughing with his regulars, charming the newcomers had, she realized in retrospect, told her a lot about him. He was clearly an extrovert who loved his family and took pride in his work.
He was also incredible as a lover. He was hot and sweet at the same time, always making sure that she was totally into whatever they were doing, very verbal about how she made him feel, and full of words and looks and touches that made her feel like the most adored woman on the planet.
Interestingly, he was the same way with her outside the bedroom. He always had a hand on her. Whether he was holding her hand, resting a hand on her lower back, or putting an arm around her shoulders, he made her feel safe and cherished. And when he listened to her talk and made her laugh and told her she was beautiful, it was with full sincerity and even affection.
And she hadn’t realized any of that until she hadn’t had it anymore.
And it definitely made her want to see him as a dad. Because she was sure that the attentive, affectionate, fun-loving, protective, proud, and sweet Gabe was strong when he was with Cooper. And she was equally sure that she would find all of that incredibly appealing . . . and irresistible.
She was so screwed.
Gabe hadn’t even pushed the idea of getting together or introducing the kids again. He hadn’t asked her out. He hadn’t invited her to his place for a quickie. He hadn’t sent her flowers or pralines.
And yet she wanted to meet his son.
She even wanted him to meet Stella. Because what mother wouldn’t want her daughter to get to know a man who could make her feel cherished and protected, who would make her laugh and pay attention to her favorite things?
Gabe was, no doubt, an amazing father, and as crazy as it was, that was what was tempting her about him.
Well, that and everything else she knew about him. And the kissing. God, she missed the kissing.
The group took a break ten minutes later, and it was Addison who approached Gabe this time.
“Does Caleb know that Lexi has a crush on him?” Addison asked as she joined him at the cookie table.
Gabe looked down at her with a grin. She wasn’t sure if it was because of her question or because she’d initiated the one-on-one conversation, but she loved it anyway.
“He does. Well, we’ve told him. He’s in denial about it.”
“Yikes,” Addison said. “It’s pretty obvious. And he’s what, thirteen years older than her?”
Gabe nodded, biting into a sugar cookie. “She babysits for him, so he tries to just ignore all of that and hope it’s going to go away.”
“And she’s only seventeen.”
Gabe nodded as he chewed. “Yeah. It’s a little uncomfortable, for sure. He is really careful around her. But she’s al
so amazing with Shay and is someone he knows and trusts. It’s so hard to choose people to take care of your kids. Plus, Caleb likes to think he’s helping her out by paying her, but also by feeding her when she’s there and giving her hand-me-downs for her baby, Jack. Some of the clothes work, but also toys and car seats and stuff like that.”
“I thought Lexi lives with her mom? Does she help out?”
“She does, but she’s a single mom, too. Young. I think she had Lex when she was only eighteen. So she’s working and stuff. Obviously, any help they can get is good, right?”
Addison nodded, feeling her heart warm. These people were something. She already found herself eager for the meeting each week and to find out how things were going at Bea’s new part-time job and what was going on with the woman Corey was seeing and to hear how Austin’s girls’ first dance recital went. She was getting invested. Damn Gabe Trahan.
And yeah, Gabe Trahan was definitely a part of the appeal here. It was just such a great excuse to see him without making it about anything more.
Except that she wanted to make it into something more.
Fuck.
“So you are aware that Caleb is a dad?” Gabe asked, propping a hip against the table and facing her fully. “I mean, he’s raising his niece, but he, for all intents and purposes, has a kid.”
Addison bit off a piece of cookie and gave him a no-shit look. “Yes, I am aware of that.”
“So this whole thing about dating him . . . that doesn’t really make sense, right? Because you’re not interested in guys with kids.”
She lifted a brow. Yeah, dammit, she liked this possessive Gabe. That was complicated. “I’m not dating him.”
“You’re flirting with him.”
“I’m giving him advice in the context of a single-parent support group.”
“And smiling at him.”
“I’m not supposed to smile at anyone here?”
Going Down Easy (Boys of the Big Easy) Page 10
