by Nikko Lee
“Might need more wine,” Jaime choked out the words as he tried to clear his throat and come up with a good excuse for ditching Tomas that wouldn’t land him on Leila’s shit list.
Dating was turning out to be a lot trickier than picking up. The stakes were so much higher than just sex.
“Don’t worry, I learned my lesson.” Tomas laughed nervously. “I’m not looking to jump into a serious relationship on the first date. I just believe in being up front, and you did want to know what inspired me.”
“Honesty is probably a good thing.” Jaime just wasn’t used to this much honesty right from the start. Sex didn’t even require names, let alone life goals and aspirations to be shared. Maybe if he wanted more he would have to give more of himself. The thought was as exhilarating as it was terrifying. “As long as we are being honest, you should probably know this is my first date.”
It took Tomas a few seconds to process Jaime’s confession.
“You mean you’ve never been out with a man before?”
Now it was Tomas’s turn to sound nervous. That gave Jaime a certain satisfaction. It was reassuring he wasn’t the only one with something to lose.
“I’ve been with a man, men.” Jaime emphasized been in the hope he wouldn’t have to give details. “But it’s usually more of a casual thing.”
“So what made you agree to this date?”
Jaime took a long breath. Being honest with someone else required he was honest with himself. Somehow saying the words out loud was actually as hard as realizing them. It made them all the more real, and he wasn’t quite ready for that.
“I’ve gotten tired of that scene.” Jaime finally put the words together. They weren’t a lie, but he knew they were only a half-truth. The rest he was still discovering. “I’m not saying I’m ready to settle down on the first date.”
“Acknowledged.”
“But maybe I’d be willing to see if I’d go for a second date.”
The rest of the date was filled with the ups and downs of getting to know someone through snippets of conversation. Jaime found it surprisingly easy to talk to Tomas about his own passions and interests, spilling his guts like he’d never done before. In return, Tomas told him about his younger sister, who finally provided his mother with the grandchild she longed for and how a knee injury in high school led him to coaching an inner city young women’s softball team.
It was almost too much to process, but Jaime loved listening to Tomas speak about the things he loved. Despite the semiserious attitude, Tomas could really laugh it up and no more loudly than when he was the butt of the joke. The man might be all seriousness when it came to tax law, which he fortunately talked little about, and starting a family, but he was able to laugh at himself when he’d done something foolish.
The evening raced by in a blur of personal and superficial details Jaime knew he wouldn’t be able to remember, but he held onto the few he knew he’d never forget—like the way Tomas’s left cheek dimpled when he was on the verge of laughter or how deep brown his eyes were when he was just listening to Jaime go on and on about the virtues of hip-hop and staccato bass. The rest, like names and dates, Jaime filed away the best he could in hopes the details would surface when he needed them.
“I had a really good time,” Tomas said as they walked toward Jaime’s car. “I’d almost be tempted to ask you over for a nightcap.”
It was an invitation Jaime had toyed with extending as they finished their meals and lingered far longer than the wait staff liked over coffee and dessert. While they were getting to know each other, Jaime was more concerned with not making a fool out of himself as he oscillated between panic at the realism of their conversation and bliss that he was finally just talking with someone. As their date neared its end, he became more concerned with how to make their time together last just a little longer. For once, Jaime wasn’t trying to avoid getting into a personal conversation.
All the more reason to call it a night before he got carried away.
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Jaime started but couldn’t figure out how best to politely say he’d rather not screw things up by screwing Tomas on the first date. “It’s just I’m trying to turn over a new leaf by taking things a little slow. I definitely want to see you again and see where this goes.”
Jaime stopped talking as he felt his cheeks flush. Leave it to him to make a fool out of himself when he was trying to leave a good impression.
“Don’t worry,” Tomas said with a disarming laugh and placed his hand on Jaime’s shoulder. “Slow can be really good. Some things are worth the wait.”
With the last word, Tomas squeezed Jaime’s shoulder in a gesture that was both possessive and affectionate. Jaime’s knees softened when he pictured how Tomas would look in his bed with nothing but the sheets and Jaime’s hard body to cover him. Now Jaime was cursing his vow of chastity all the more.
“I’m sure you will be.” Jaime couldn’t help flash his come-hither look and nip at his lower lip. Somehow, spending time with Tomas and getting to know him had more than made up for Jaime’s doubts about finding the man attractive. Even though he wasn’t Jaime’s usual fare, Tomas could put on the moves when he wanted to make his point known.
“I think a goodnight kiss would be appropriate.” Tomas moved in closer which only made resisting his allure that much more difficult. “As long as you promise me a second date.”
A quick glance around the parking lot assured Jaime there were no gawkers. Usually he was pretty discreet about his encounters. But this time he wasn’t sneaking out of a party for a quick lay or heading to the parking lot for a blowie. He was on an honest to god date and those weren’t clandestine affairs.
“I’m definitely up for that.”
A second date would bring him ever closer to his third date vow.
Tomas leaned in but held his body achingly separate from Jaime’s as their lips met. The soft, lingering kiss held the promise of much longer and harder ones. Jaime hadn’t even realized he had been holding his breath until their lips parted and he let out a sigh of longing. All Jaime had to do was make it to the third date without ripping Tomas’ clothes off, and maybe he’d have his chance at a real relationship.
Chapter 6
Tyler spent the next two days trying not to look at his phone. Unfortunately, he could think of nothing else except how he was going to hold onto Jenny. She was the only thing standing between him and a whole lot of awkward thoughts he’d rather not have. The weekend came and went without a call from Jenny. It wasn’t until Tyler was getting ready for class Monday night that her name displayed on his phone.
“Jenny, I’m so glad you called.” Tyler tried not to sound too desperate. “I know we can work things out.”
“Let me go first,” Jenny interrupted.
“Go ahead.” Tyler swallowed his worry.
“I think we’ve got something special,” Jenny’s voice was calm, although it did little to reassure Tyler’s nerves. “You are a great boyfriend, most of the time. And I know we can build a future together.”
Tyler held his breath as he waited for Jenny to continue. The confidence he felt that he could compartmentalize his life was slipping away. Jenny was the key to everything staying the same. He had to keep his life as it was, and that meant keeping Jenny. No matter the cost. The alternative was one that was too scary for him to consider. He was on the edge of everything changing, and nothing had ever scared him more.
“But it’s going to take compromise,” Jenny continued. “On both our parts. Come over to my place, and we can discuss it.”
“Tonight’s a karate night.” His answer was reflex more than a conscious response. He could almost hear Jenny cringe. “Sensei Melissa is out of town. I told her last week I would teach for her.”
“Can’t someone else do it?” Jenny’s patience was reaching its ends if the strain in her voice was any indication. “Why does it have to be you? Why does it always have to be you?”
Tyler didn’t have an answer for her, at least not one that wouldn’t upset her. Karate was a part of him. And he had given Sensei Melissa his word. Maybe Randy could have taken over the class. But barring illness and injury, Tyler hadn’t missed a karate class in two years, not since Sensei Hunt’s funeral. Watching his sensei’s casket lowered into the ground, Tyler had vowed to never miss another class. Giving in on this one issue felt like going against who he was and what he believed in.
“I’ll come over after class.”
“No.”
The one word was so final.
“Either you come over instead of going to class or we are through.”
How was that a compromise? Try as he might, there was nothing Tyler could say to change Jenny’s mind. A sinking feeling built in his stomach as the world he wanted was pulled out from underneath his feet. With a heavy heart, he said goodbye to Jenny and returned to getting ready for class.
* * * *
The two days after Jaime’s first date with Tomas, Jaime could think of little else. He spent his weekend cleaning his apartment and trying to resist the urge to call the marvelous man who had all but swept him off his feet. Now all Jaime had to do was think of a way to resist his charms and not maul him on their second date. Assuming there would be a second date.
Jaime didn’t have much experience with anything beyond a one-night stand. Was Jaime supposed to call Tomas back to let the man know he was interested? Certainly there should be no doubt in Tomas’s mind Jaime was into him even if Jaime had resisted sharing a nightcap. Jaime wasn’t used to worrying about whether the man he was interested in was interested in him. Then again, Jaime hadn’t ever had to worry about a second date.
Maybe he should wait for Tomas to call him.
In between loads of laundry and dusting, Jaime picked up and hung up his phone about seven times. There was definitely a dial tone. How long was he supposed to wait? How long without hearing from Tomas meant that there wasn’t going to be another date?
Obsessing over a phone call that may or may not come was making Jaime more anxious. At least he’d decided he’d let Tomas make the next move. Jaime knew where he stood. He wanted a second date and maybe something more. The thought made him giddy and nervous in equal measures. Now all he needed was the go ahead from Tomas.
Jaime was rushing around his apartment to get ready for class Monday night when his phone rang. All the calm he’d mustered in convincing himself that Tomas wasn’t going to call went right out the window. Lunging for the phone, Jaime knocked it off the receiver and scrambled to get it to his ear. He took a deep breath before he did. It might not even be Tomas.
“So I waited the standard three days before calling you and it just about killed me.” Tomas’s voice was the sweetest music Jaime had ever heard. “Tell me someone else hasn’t swept you off your feet yet.”
“Still on the market.” Jaime breathed a sigh of relief. All his doubts dissolved. “I was wondering when I’d hear from you.”
Play it cool. Jaime didn’t want to seem too eager. Yet, he didn’t want to send the opposite message. He was back to playing a familiar game of attraction, but the stakes felt higher than they had ever been.
“I’ve got a busy week of cases and early mornings,” Tomas said. “But maybe we can get together later in the week. I know this great place for a hike.”
“That sounds fun.” Jaime wasn’t sure he’d ever been on a hike, but he’d go ice fishing in January if it were with Tomas. He was sure they’d find some way to keep warm. “I had a fantastic time last Friday.”
“Me, too.”
Jaime grinned so hard, his cheeks hurt. Waiting until the end of the week to see Tomas again seemed like an eternity.
“What are you doing tonight?” Jaime asked.
Tomas sighed. “Booked solid until bedtime.”
Even though he felt a little disappointed, Jaime reasoned he should probably go to karate class and work out his excitement.
“Maybe I can call you later, after I get home from karate class?”
“I’d like that.”
* * * *
Tyler’s mood hadn’t improved by the time he arrived at the dojo. Not even a hard set of basics that had everyone breathless and groaning could improve his mood. Tyler watched the students drag their exhausted bodies out of the dojo with only mild satisfaction. His energies on the other hand were still running high. He felt like he could run a marathon and still be ready to fight.
“Let’s spar,” Tyler said to Jaime when they were the only ones left in the dojo.
“Are you okay?”
The look of concern in Jaime’s eyes only made Tyler want to fight all the more. Anger was building inside him, and he had to find a constructive way to get it out. He felt guilty using Jaime that way. But since Jaime was the source of so much of Tyler’s turmoil, it only seemed fair. Tyler trusted his training enough to keep his emotions somewhat in check, and Jaime’s skill to keep him safe from the rest of it.
“I’m fine.”
Even through the formality of the beginning bow, Tyler felt ready to jump out of his skin. Every muscle strained and twitched, waiting to be used. Before Jaime rose from his bow, Tyler was on him.
At first, Jaime looked startled by his aggressive attacks. Tyler struck a little deeper and a little harder than in their previous matches. Jaime’s apparent surprise only fed Tyler’s appetite for contact. This was a match Tyler wasn’t going to lose. It was a match he couldn’t lose without acknowledging a part of himself he wasn’t sure he was ready to face, let alone share.
As hard as Tyler pressed Jaime, Jaime evaded most of Tyler’s attacks and even managed to take advantage of the openings Tyler didn’t know he was offering until it was too late. The dull thud of Jaime’s fist on Tyler’s ribs was a welcome and familiar sensation. Pain rippled through Tyler’s body, but it did nothing to quench his need for victory. In defeating Jaime, Tyler would defeat the rebellious thoughts in his head. Then he could mourn the loss of Jenny instead of feeling like it was a chance to explore something he never knew was inside him until he met Jaime.
“What’s gotten into you tonight?” Jaime rubbed his jaw as they returned to the center of the dojo.
Tyler had somehow managed to evade all of Jaime’s attempts to bring him to the ground. Tyler was prepared to fight until his muscles snapped and his last breath was spent if Jaime tried to pin him.
“Had enough?” Tyler taunted Jaime, knowing it would only encourage him to press harder.
Panting and bleeding from a few superficial cuts, Jaime smiled as he brushed his long bangs out of his face. He was tougher than anyone gave him credit for, even himself.
“Not even close.”
* * * *
Jaime couldn’t remember the last time he’d been challenged so hard and felt like he could take whatever Sempai Tyler threw at him. He was enjoying the match as much as his opponent seemed to be. As hard as Jaime tried to find an opening to take him down, Sempai Tyler always found an escape and came back with a shot to the ribs or a kick to the head. Jaime had never seen anyone so eager to fight.
Another exchange of punches and kicks brought Jaime to the edge of his endurance. He sucked air into burning lungs and rested his hands on his knees. Sempai Tyler was also struggling to catch his breath, but the look in his eyes warned Jaime he didn’t have long to rest. His rebellious muscles ached from use and several bruises. His only comfort was he appeared to be gaining on Sempai Tyler, who staggered back into a defensive posture. Sempai Tyler was unsteady on his feet and when he moved in with a flurry of kicks, Jaime saw his opening. He moved in for the throw, catching Sempai Tyler completely off his guard. Sempai Tyler’s eyes opened wide, and his jaw clenched as he hit the ground. Jaime moved to pin him.
Sempai Tyler kicked out and knocked Jaime off him before Jaime could secure a hold. Jaime was so caught up in the moment, he didn’t see his own move being used on him until Sempai Tyler wrapped a leg around Jaime’s waist and twisted h
im onto his back. Sempai Tyler scrambled on top of Jaime and pressed him against the floor. His body molded to Jaime’s. No matter how Jaime shifted, he couldn’t get free. Jaime was trapped by Tyler’s heavier body weight, but he wasn’t ready to submit.
When Sempai Tyler moved to twist Jaime’s arm, Jaime twisted with him. Suddenly, they were rolling. As Tyler lost his hold, Jaime saw something foreign in Sempai Tyler’s eyes. His normal firm but good-natured attitude took a darker turn, and Jaime knew he’d gone too far. Sempai Tyler’s control snapped. Jaime knew if he didn’t control the situation, he was going to get hurt. There was no place to run.
Sempai Tyler flayed desperately to escape Jaime’s arms as they ensnared him. Jaime pulled Sempai Tyler against his chest and interlocked his arms at the elbows. When Jaime’s arm wrapped around Tyler’s throat, he knew Sempai Tyler would have to tap out. Yet Sempai Tyler still fought, possessed by some madness. He had never waited this long to tap out. Jaime prayed he would before he passed out because there was no way Jaime was going to let go. Sempai Tyler reached back and grasped at Jaime’s sweat-drenched hair, but Jaime’s temple trapped Tyler’s head as he tightened his chokehold. He counted the seconds, knowing he had about thirty before Sempai Tyler would blackout.
“Tap out.” Jaime breathed through his mouth guard.
Sempai Tyler bucked and twisted even as his airway constricted. He was losing but didn’t seem to want to admit it. Jaime felt every breath Sempai Tyler took as his own. It was more intimate than the nameless sex Jaime was used to. He’d never felt so connected to another man before. As much as it scared him, he knew he couldn’t let go until Sempai Tyler was ready to admit defeat.
* * * *
There was no denying it anymore. Jaime took him further than anyone else had. Simply acknowledging those facts deflated all of the anger Tyler had been possessed with. He realized how unfair it was to take out his confusion on Jaime. This was something Tyler had to deal with himself.
As darkness edged Tyler’s vision, he relaxed into Jaime’s hold and enjoyed the all-encompassing feeling of putting his life in Jaime’s hands. He could almost slip into unconsciousness in those arms, but that would probably scare Jaime. Tyler never wanted to see him scared or hurt. Just before Tyler passed out, he tapped Jaime’s arm.
