by Deanna Chase
Then I threw three more into the dirt. Dimitri pulled me aside, taking me several yards into the target range. He stood close, his face earnest. “Okay, tell me what you were thinking on that one.”
No doubt, he expected a pithy answer. Well, I was getting too frustrated to wax poetic.
“Lizzie,” he said intently, rubbing his palms up and down my arms, as if he could draw it out of me. “Reach deep down. You’re hiding.”
He didn’t know the half of it.
Dimitri wrapped a finger around a section of my hair, half mashed to my head from my exertions this afternoon. He rubbed it between his fingers like it, I, was something special. “You can do it, Lizzie. You just need to let go. Sacrifice yourself.”
His touch wound through my body.
“I understand,” I said, wishing that were true.
For being a natural, I was sure working hard. Still, I had to get this by tomorrow night. We had to do the job for the werewolves in less than twenty four hours. I’d never gone to work less than fully prepared and I sure wasn’t going to start now.
No rest for the wicked. I pulled another switch star from the hanging plant hook I’d jammed onto my scarf belt. The switch star’s blades radiated and spun. I clutched my fingers until I felt them dig into the metal holes. I drew back, fired. The star flashed through the air and dropped to the ground like a dead weight. It sprayed a shower of dirt and grass about ten feet in front of me.
I held my breath as a wave of dust blew over us. In the moment’s calm, I distinctly heard one werewolf say to another, “I think she’s getting worse.” I would have been insulted if I hadn’t feared they were right.
Let go. Sacrifice yourself.
I didn’t know how.
“Again,” Dimitri said.
I nodded, and reached for another star.
***
I practiced until the sun started to fade. The wolves and even Sidecar Bob and Pirate had wandered away by then.
Dimitri stood by me.
“What is it?” he asked, as I watched Scarlet in the parking lot behind the Shoney’s. She was climbing out of the dumpster. Behind her, the sun cast purple shadows over the horizon. Her red hair stuck together, stringy and greasy. Her T-shirt, wet with sweat, clung to her curves and hitched under her bra strap. And, phew, she no doubt smelled like the Deluxe Sanitation Master she’d been calling home lately.
“Can we take a break?” I asked Dimitri. “I’m starving.”
“Sure,” he nodded. “I’ll get us something to eat.”
I couldn’t help but grin as he made his way toward the same entrance Scarlet had used.
“Nice work, by the way,” he called out over his shoulder.
I waved back at him. There was more work to do.
Scarlet had been channeling the first layer of hell for a good chunk of the day. The witches had been tight lipped about what she’d discovered. With Ant Eater in charge, I was firmly out of the loop.
I loaded up my switch star belt and made my way toward the restaurant. Through the windows, I saw Scarlet meet Frieda at one of the back booths, within view of the dumpster. Blast it. I stretched my cramped fingers and tried to walk casually. Their chicken fingers baskets arrived in record time. Frieda must have ordered early.
This was it. I’d have to make do with the time I had.
Back at the Red Skull, I’d never made it into the Yardsaver to confess to Grandma that I didn’t take the potion. Now, I had even bigger problems and no Grandma. I was dying to know what Scarlet had been doing in there. Not that I expected to conjure up whatever these witches did in the Cave of Visions. But if there was a tiny bit of my grandma in there…
I clambered up on a stack of wooden produce flats and slipped inside the rotting dumpster. If I thought the acrid smell of garbage burned my nose from the outside—jiminy Christmas—try standing on the stuff. I cringed as I sank down to my ankles in the remains of this morning’s Rootin’ Tootin’ Breakfast bar. The back of my mouth watered. Don’t heave. I didn’t know how Scarlet did it.
A cockroach landed on my shoulder. “Off! Off! Off!” I leapt and flung it away. The thing shot to the other side of the dumpster. I hoped.
However bad it was in here, it had to be a million times worse for Grandma.
I swallowed hard. “Grandma?” I focused on her ten ton diesel voice, the way she cocked a grin. “I don’t know if I had to come in here to tell you this, but, well, I’m here now.” The garbage shifted under me, and I had to adjust my stance.
“I want to let you know I’m working on things, getting better.” I rubbed my arms. I felt so alone. “I will figure this out.” I paused as tears welled behind my eyes. “Then again, you always seemed to know that.”
I scanned the darkness for something, anything to show she heard me. “I’m doing pretty well with the Truths. They sure helped me pitch Ant Eater on her rear this afternoon.” I couldn’t help but smile. “Thought you’d enjoy hearing that.” I sighed. “But the whole idea of sacrifice is so hard for me. Sacrifice myself. I don’t know. I like myself. I don’t want to change. Maybe I don’t know how.” I wiped my eyes on my sleeve. “But I’m working on it. I am.”
Muffled voices sounded outside the dumpster. No, I needed more time. “Grandma, while I’m here, I need to tell you something else.”
Why did this have to be so hard?
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry I thought you were crazy when you showed up at my house. I’m sorry I made you drag Pirate into this. I’m sorry I got grossed out by the raccoon liver and the animal pelts, and I’m sorry I didn’t drink the protection potion you worked so hard to give me. I should have told you. I tried to tell you. But when that didn’t happen, I should have told somebody else. I understand that now. If I hadn’t messed things up, you might still be here instead of—” I couldn’t even say it. I didn’t want to think about Grandma being taken by Vald. She must have been so scared.
“I’ll bet you tried to kick him in the balls.” My voice hitched with tears. “You probably got him a few times. Knowing you.” I wiped at my face. “Well hang in there. I’m coming.” I laughed despite myself, and self-consciously smoothed my hair behind my ears. My fingers touched the edges of the bronze helmet. “And, yes, Dimitri did this to me. He’s…complicated,” I said in the understatement of the year. The emerald glowed warm against my fingers. “Still, you might end up liking him. I do. I just wish I knew what he wants out of all this.” I couldn’t shake the idea that he might not have my best interests at heart.
“But don’t you worry about that. You be strong. You fight. I’ll come for you soon.” Grandma knew I could do this. I did too.
***
Nine hours later, I was regretting every word I’d spoken in that flipping dumpster.
I’d promised her I could do this. I launched another switch star into the dirt, like the seven before it. I squinted my eyes closed as the cool night breeze blew back a wave of dust. Hells bells. For a good chunk of the night, I’d blamed the werewolves and their loud partying for my lack of aim. At three a.m., they’d finally settled down and I’d run out of excuses.
Of course Dimitri had stayed with me the entire time. I wish I could have said I’d grown blasé about his presence, or his touch. But I don’t like to lie.
I rubbed my eyes as his boots crunched behind me.
Keep your distance.
Repeat as necessary.
And uncurl those toes immediately.
It had become my personal mantra, except for the toe curling part. That was simply an annoying side effect—one I’d conquer soon enough. I stared out at the trees at the edge of the practice field, willing myself to stay strong until I could look at Dimitri without wanting to wrap myself around him like Pirate on a pork chop.
I was on edge, tired. My defenses were weak.
“What are the Three Truths?” he asked, smooth as silk on naked skin.
I gritted my teeth. “Look to the outside. Accept the universe. Sa
crifice yourself.” I threw another switch star. This one skipped over the field in front of us like a flat stone on a pond.
He moved in close behind me. “Focus, Lizzie. Lives depend on this.”
Like I didn’t know that. “Thanks for the pressure.”
I could feel him like a solid wall behind me. Sexy, powerful and completely not helping.
“You don’t understand the Three Truths or you’d have released more of your powers.”
I knew that. I knew all of it. Except how to put everything together. And here he was trying to tear down my walls when I needed everything I had just to keep myself together.
“Look, hot stuff,” I said, turning to look him straight in the eye. Darn it. He did look concerned. If anything, though, it made me even more frustrated. “I’m doing the best I can. And I think it’s darned good considering last week I had a home, a job and a bunch of friends waiting to celebrate my thirtieth birthday. Now I’m supposed to automatically understand three mysterious Truths while doing a hit job for a bunch of werewolves before my grandma gets slaughtered by a demon.”
The lines around his eyes crinkled as he grinned. “Hot stuff?”
Oh no. We did not want to explore that right now.
I planted my hands on my hips. “How are you helping me?”
He flashed a crooked smile. “I tossed you in with Ant Eater.”
I gaped at him. He left me alone with that psycho on purpose? I couldn’t believe it. “Then as protectors go, you stink.” Damn the man. “And stop grinning at me.”
“You looked outside yourself,” he pointed out.
At the risk of life, limb and dog.
He took me by the shoulders and I felt everything, down to the night breeze on my cheeks and his warm fingers through my lumpy dress sleeves. The raw, almost exposed part of me wanted to cover up and run for the hills. The part of me that wanted to jump his bones turned a few cartwheels. So much for my iron control.
He drew me closer. “I’m willing to bet you reached for the death spell only when you Looked to the Outside. You stopped worrying about yourself and focused on the problem.”
Easy for him to say. “I almost killed Pirate and Ant Eater.”
“You wouldn’t let that happen,” he said, his lips inches from mine.
Oh lordy. Why was I getting turned on during a discussion of my particularly horrible afternoon?
“You Accepted the Universe.” He brushed his lips against my forehead until my toes curled like the traitors they were. “You did,” he insisted heartily. “Nothing happens by chance. The tools and the people to aid you will appear. You found what you needed this afternoon. And I am the person you need. You found me on the road,” he said, eyes twinkling.
That was a nice way of putting it.
“Accept help, Lizzie,” he said, too earnest to resist. “You need to be open to the universe if you expect to rescue your grandma. And you’ll definitely need it if you want to defeat Vald.”
Fear tickled my stomach. “I don’t know if I can do it,” I told him.
His eyes searched mine. “You have to kill him, Lizzie.” It felt like he was on the verge of saying more when he abruptly let me go.
Dimitri shoved a hand through his thick, dark hair. “You can do it when you Sacrifice Yourself. Look beyond what you think you know,” he said earnestly. “I’ve seen you, Lizzie. You’ve spent your whole life burying your instincts. Step back from that. Search for who you really are. Trust yourself.”
“Okay,” I nodded. Trust myself. I bent over and stretched my hands to my toes, wrapping my fingers around the ends of my second-hand cleats. He might as well have told me to fly.
“Take this,” he said.
I straightened and found him holding a blue Gap bag out for me. “This is from the universe.”
Inside, I found khaki pants and a white button down shirt. “Dimitri!” I couldn’t believe it. “This is perfect.”
It truly was. I pulled the pants and shirt from the bag, holding them up one at a time. They were just like the ones I’d ruined. And he even got the sizes right. It didn’t surprise me that Dimitri had taken in every detail of my former self. It was uncanny at times how precise he could be. But never in a million years would I have expected this.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“Are you alright?” He asked, clearly unsure what to make of my reaction.
I nodded, afraid I’d tear up if I said more. I didn’t know what to say. No one had ever done anything like that for me before. Growing up, when Cliff and Hilary had bought me gifts, they gave me what they liked, not what I liked.
Even for my thirtieth birthday, I planned the dinner, maybe a little afraid someone wouldn’t. And I specified no gifts. I didn’t want to expect them.
“I’m almost afraid to tell you, but there are shoes in there too.” He eyed me uncomfortably. “Those oxfords you like. Size eight.” It had to be the closest Dimitri would ever come to rambling.
My head stopped up and my giggle came out more like a snarf.
“Are you okay?” Dimitri frowned. The man would run headlong into a demon infested biker bar, but he seemed terrified I’d break down in tears. So much for wanting me to get in touch with my feelings.
Screw it.
I pulled him down and kissed him thoroughly. Yeah, it was probably a mistake. That was the last rational thought I had for awhile as he devoured my mouth, to my complete and utter delight. His fingers traced my shoulders, trailed down my spine, up my sides, all the way…oh my.
Embarrassed, I pulled away. I could feel my face burning. It grew even redder when I saw the intense, exuberant expression on his face. “This doesn’t mean anything,” I told him.
“Of course not,” he replied blithely.
So much for my iron control.
He pulled me into the crook of his arm and gave a squeeze. “Anything to make you happy.”
“You did,” I said, enjoying the feel of him. Let him have his fun. No one had ever done anything like this for me.
I knew whatever was going on with Dimitri and me couldn’t be permanent. Once I learned to control my powers and rescued Grandma, I’d go back to teaching at Happy Hands. He’d race off to live his exotic Greek griffin life. I snuggled closer, feeling the warmth of him through his shirt, knowing I didn’t need to tease myself with any possibilities. But I could wish.
***
Back at the trailer, I grabbed a quick shower and changed into my new clothes. They felt right. I wondered if Dimitri knew how much he’d given me.
Pirate padded into the front room where I sat on the edge of the brown couch, tying my shoes. He’d been sleeping. “You coming to bed?” he asked, ending the question with a humongous doggie yawn.
I tugged on the laces. “Too much on my mind.”
Pirate nudged my leg with his nose. “You want to talk about it? You know how I like talking about things with you.”
I sighed. “Sorry, guy.” I needed to learn how to sacrifice myself and while I had no idea where to start, I knew it wasn’t here. Pirate was the least introspective creature on the planet.
“Oh, I see. It’s important enough to keep you out all night with Dimitri, but as soon as I want to talk, it’s ‘never mind.’”
I sunk back into the couch, trying to ignore him.
Dog tags jingled at my feet. “You know what your problem is? You never let anybody help you.”
“You’re a dog!”
“Now that hurt. Fine. If you want to think about your problems all by yourself, then you do that. I know when I’m not wanted.” He turned to walk back into the bedroom.
“Pirate…” I said, looking away, trying to think of a way to reason with a twelve pound dog.
He spun back around. “What? You want to talk? Let’s talk.”
“No.” I caught a faint glow outside. I heaved myself out of the couch and pressed my nose to the window. “Stay right here.”
Light poured from the dumpster. Scarlet must be
channeling something big. I banged out through the screened door and jogged across the field. The hulking remains of refrigerators, washing machines and cars cast dark shadows over the ground.
Grandma staggered out from behind the dumpster and my heart stopped. Whole sections of her long gray hair hung in shreds. Blood clotted her head. Her arms twisted at painful and unnatural angles.
Was it really her?
I approached slowly. The scent of garbage and—was that a tang of ozone?—growing stronger. Sidecar Bob had said it himself—a demon can take on many forms.
The creature perked up when she saw me.
“Grandma?”
“Shit, Lizzie. This isn’t the god damned Easter parade. Get over here!”
I wanted to skip. It was her! My mind reeled. “Oh wow. Grandma!” Her back hunched at an odd angle and she looked ready to collapse at any moment. “You look terrible!”
“Thanks for reminding me,” she huffed. “No. Don’t touch me,” she said as I came close. “I’m on borrowed power. It’d be like jamming your finger in a light switch.” She struggled to stand as straight as she could. “Now, when are you going to stop throwing switch stars at the dirt and get me the hell out of here?”
My throat had all but closed up. I swallowed. “I’m trying, but I’m not there yet.” My excuse sounded lame, even to me. “I’m so close. I know I have the power. I just can’t seem to find it.”
She rolled her eyes. “You know what your problem is?” She threw her arms out like an Italian grandmother. “You’re so busy worrying, you’re not doing. You’re going through the motions. And frightening a lot of people from the sounds of it.” So she’d heard about Ant Eater. “Your mind is too crowded. ‘I didn’t take the potion. I don’t want to feel all exposed and vulnerable in front of Dimitri. Ant Eater is a big bully.’”
“What?” I couldn’t believe it. “How did you know about the potion?”
“You told me.”
No, I didn’t. I never had a chance to tell her.
“Shut your mouth, Lizzie. You’re catching flies.” She eyed me, hands on her hips. “Did you come to the Cave of Visions to keep a secret? Honestly, Lizzie, sometimes I don’t understand you at all.”
