by Murphy, V
“Don’t blame yourself. It took two people to make the baby. It’s my fault, too. I shoulda wrapped it up.”
“No, you’re not listening. It is my fault for lying and thinking everything our parents were saying was fine. It was my fault for seducing you earlier. It’s wrong and inappropriate, and I apologize profusely. To be honest, I was completely miserable in San Diego, but I think I might have met somebody who has shown me what I think Harper has shown you.”
“Who?”
“I don’t want to jinx it right now, because it really is in the early stages of our relationship. It’s just new and being developed, but I think he has shown me that you and I aren’t meant to be; and just because we have a child together, doesn’t necessarily mean we have to be together.”
“That’s what I have been trying to tell you for a while, Kylee.”
“I know, but I am just now realizing it, okay? Sorry, I am a little slow.”
“So, you’re going to stay in San Diego?” I asked.
“Yeah, I am going to stay with Evelyn. You are an amazing father. I have heard horror stories about women who have children with men and they run away and are never in that child’s life. I don’t want that, and you aren’t like that, so you deserve this shot.”
“So do you, Kylee. I want you to be happy as well; but you can’t continue meddling in my relationship and tryin’ to ruin it.”
“I know that now.” She started runnin’ her fingers through her hair nervously.
“I just need Harper to be okay with you, Kylee. I need you to understand that she will be around Evelyn, and both of you need to sit down and deal with whatever you got goin’ on.”
“I think that’s a good idea. Really, I do. I want to feel comfortable with the woman that’s spending so much time around my daughter. I think that’s acceptable to ask as well.”
“Yes. I have always told you when she is going to be there.”
“Well, at least now you can stay with her.”
“This isn’t just about me, Kylee. It’s about you, too. I don’t want you stayin’ in a place that isn’t going to make you happy. Are you happy in San Diego with this new guy around?”
“Yeah, I think I am. He is showing me that sometimes, you can find happiness in the most unexpected place.”
“It’s the best kind of love, as stupid as I sound,” I admitted.
The waitress came over and brought us our food. It was so fuckin’ delicious I pounded that thing in seconds. Kylee sat in silence, thinkin’ the same thing I was. Everything wasn’t exactly fixed like expected, but there was a content feelin’ blooming in the air. Everything was okay. Kylee was going to stay in San Diego, which meant I could be around both Harper and Evelyn.
Damn, Harper would love to visit this place. She would get a kick out of the Texas-themed decor, the cowboys, and the waitress with the thick accent. I wished her here…now. Hopefully, she’d reconsidered coming up tomorrow. Otherwise, honest to Pete, I couldn’t wait to see her when I got back. Just thinkin’ about her made me…fuck.
I couldn’t wait to see her perky tits as they bounced up and down. I needed to taste her sweetness in my mouth, licking it up until my mouth felt sore. And damn, I needed her warm, wet mouth around me, moving up and down, driving me even crazier than I already was.
“Ryder?” My daydream was interupted.
“Yeah, what?”
“I just asked if you had spoken to Harper since our meeting with your parents.”
I hadn’t called her on the drive to the diner because I turned my phone off and shoved it in my pocket. When Kylee reminded me, I pulled it out and started it back up. I noticed a bunch of texts that were coming in.
“Are we clear then, Kylee, that we are nothing more than just two parenting friends? Everything’s okay?”
“Yeah. We both have our own relationships we are working on, so I think we are better than just okay, Ryder. I think we’ve finally figured out what we are good at doing, being parents and not lovers.”
I nodded and quickly paid the bill. We both took off heading back to Sugar Land to spend some time with Evelyn before the big wedding tomorrow. I texted Harper again with no response. I prayed to God she wasn’t mad at me for what I told her earlier, about sleeping next to Kylee. I don’t know what I would do without that woman in my life.
Chapter 8
Harper
I was scared something was going to happen between Ryder and Kylee in Texas. Even more scared because Ryder had texted me about going to visit his parents. I knew he had to have been with Kylee, but I don’t understand why he would do something that big unless something between him and Kylee happened. I knew he was with Kylee because she was staying at her parents right by his parent’s house. They had talked about going there and talking to his parents for a while now, so I figured this was bound to happen. Kind of put two and two together if that makes any sense. Ryder hated his parents, so why was he going to see them? Something must have happened.
The fact that Ryder felt the need to call me and tell me Kylee slept in his bed freaked me out even more. But beyond all this, I was having my nightmares again with no one here to protect me. I felt completely alone. It was only mid-afternoon, so I knew I had time to call Skye and talk to her before she went into class. I didn’t have class on Fridays, but Skye did.
I pulled out my phone and dialed her number.
“Hey, Harp!” she squealed over the phone in her usual perky manner.
“I need your help. Come over after class?” I asked directly, not wanting for her to be late for anything.
“Uh-oh. You ‘kay?” she asked me; this time her voice was more laden with concern.
“Yeah, I just don’t know what to do.”
“Okay. I just got to go to this class, but I promise I will be there in an hour. Love ya.” She clicked off the phone, and I got out of bed and went to take a shower.
I felt disoriented from the reality I was living in. I was numb, almost, to the fact my boyfriend was sleeping in the same bed as his ex-wife. It should have hurt me more than it did now; but it didn’t, and I wasn’t sure why.
A part of me knew I should go to Texas and figure something out with him, but the other part wanted nothing to do with it and live my life pretending like the phone call didn’t happen. I wanted to run away from all of this and forget my problems. After I got dressed in a white skater-style sundress, I heard a loud knock on the door.
“Open the door, Harper Mae!” I heard Skye bellow from the other side.
I ran to get the door and opened it to my flustered best friend.
“How can you call me and just tell me you need help right before I was going into class? You know my class schedule; I couldn’t even concentrate during the lecture!” She shrilled at me before plopping down on the couch, with her book bag making a loud thump on the ground.
“I need to talk to you about Ryder. I don’t know what to do and I’m freaking out.” She looked at me in surprise when I told her. Normally, we didn’t talk about guys, unless they were her guys we were chatting about. I didn’t like talking too much about my personal life, so this was a big step for me.
“Oh. Well, what’s going on?” She propped up on her elbows and stared at me straight in the eye.
“It’s Kylee—” was all I needed to say before teardrops started to form in my eyes.
I began telling Skye everything, about how Kylee wanted to move to Texas, and how Ryder was acting differently before he left. I told her that I knew he loved me, but I felt like something was off. I thought maybe he was stressed or something, but wasn’t exactly sure what was going on. I hadn’t spoken to him in a while and knew he was planning on going to his parent’s place, and what a big deal that was for him. I told her all about how he called me earlier that day and told me he slept in the same bed as Kylee, but there was no sex.
Skye just simply stared at me the entire time, listening to my entire word-vomit as I spit out how I felt about the whole thing.
When I finished, she finally pitched in.
“I know Ryder loves you, but the thing with Kylee is wrong. Regardless if he is stressed or whatever, she could have slept on the couch or done something differently. You need to go there…today. I know we just started school, but you could fly out tomorrow morning and get there just in time for the wedding. I understand where he is coming from with his family, as should you. He had to go over there and deal with all that drama; I am sure he needs you, or someone, and he is searching for the nearest comfort.”
“I can’t simply go over there, Skye; it’s much more complicated than that. I have my last day of work at Rita’s tomorrow, anyways. I also have a ton of schoolwork I have to do, even though it’s only been the first week of classes.”
I was a self-professed bookworm and nerd. The first day of classes stressed me out more than finals week, because I needed to get everything organized and started. I also needed to prove to myself that I wasn’t becoming dependent on Ryder. I felt as if I was getting too close to him; because our relationship felt rocky as it was, I didn’t want to get too close only to have to run away later.
“Well, then, how about you come out tonight with me and Jayson? He is finally back from his trip, and we both want to celebrate by going to The Grove or something.”
The Grove was one of the clubs I first met Ryder at without even knowing. I can remember that moment vividly. His hands sliding down my swaying hips, then cautiously skimming over my throbbing core; his body moving slowly, then gyrating quickly to the beat of the music. Damn, I missed him.
“I guess I can go out, but it’s already pretty late; you wanna just get ready here and then head out?” I glanced at the clock and discovered we had been talking for a while now, and the sun had finally set in the sky.
“Anything for you! I just have to text Jayson and let him know the plan.” She quickly pulled out her phone while I ordered us some Chinese take-out. I grabbed a couple outfits from my closet and we played dress up as if we were a couple of five-year-olds. I forgot about texting Ryder again, and left my phone at home when we finally left the house.
By 8pm, we were at Skye’s penthouse, fully dressed to go out and enjoying some of Jayson’s infamous cocktails that he had prepared. We were sitting on her balcony because the night was warmer than usual.
“Hey, Harper. Guess who is coming?” Jayson directed at me.
“Who?” I asked, quite curious, but thinking it was probably some of Skye’s sorority sisters.
“Do you remember my buddy Nate? He was here one day when me and Skye first started hanging out a couple months ago, before you met Ryder?”
“Oh sure, I remember him fine.” I knew exactly who they were talking about. It was the night I met Ryder on the dance floor. I almost started talking to Nate, but was easily distracted by the dance floor and didn’t get a chance to get to know him.
“He’s coming, and he hasn’t stopped talking about you since he met you.”
“Jayson,” Skye squealed, “you know she is in a relationship with another man. You can’t be setting her up with anyone else. Ryder would just kill you!”
“Baby, I am not setting her up with anyone. I just wanted to let her know he was coming, and that he had the hots for her; that’s all.” Jayson said.
“Thanks, Jayson, but Skye is right. I am not looking for anything right now. I have everything that I could ever need…or handle.”
As if his ears were ringing, Nate stepped into the apartment. As we heard the balcony door slide open, we all turned towards him. He was handsome in a very preppy sort of way. If I wasn’t involved with Ryder, I might have even considered giving him a second chance, but it wasn’t enough for me. I needed a man who needed me, and that certainly wasn’t Nate. Nate was all too consumed with himself, which was obvious when he walked into any room and started smiling a cocky grin.
“What’s up guys?” He said as he marched out and grabbed one of the extra drinks. He went around the table, high-fived Jayson, kissed Skye on the cheek, and when he got over to me, he moved slowly and whispered something delicately in my ear.
“Letting you go was my worst mistake.”
I just held a fake smile and continued what I was saying to Skye, blatantly ignoring him. After an hour or so, we all got up to go to the club and jumped into Skye’s town car.
When we got to The Grove, it was completely packed; luckily Skye had gotten us a table in the VIP section. It was dark inside, and there was a female DJ in the elevated DJ booth in the right hand corner. There were tons of VIP booths on the left-hand side, which were for bottle service only. There was a long, illuminated bar down the center of the club, and a large dance floor in front of it. It was very exclusive, and the line to get in was over two blocks long. I couldn’t imagine what Skye spent to get us a VIP table, but it had to have been in the thousands. A server came over with buckets of Grey Goose Vodka, Bacardi, and mixers.
“Cheers to seeing old friends again.” Nate raised his glass and we all clinked. As the alcohol burned down my throat, I realized I hadn’t thought of Ryder in a while, but the thought of him spending tonight with Kylee made me take another shot…or two…or three.
“Damn girl, you really know how to pound those,” Nate said, completely enamored.
“Just trying to ignore some shit that’s going on right now,” I said truthfully.
“Aren’t we all?” He beckoned with his glass, we said cheers, and I threw more booze down my throat.
I wasn’t in the mood to dance, but Jayson and Skye had gone off to join the crowded dance floor, while Nate stayed behind and chatted.
I found out that he was part of his dad’s consulting business, and we talked about the incessant perfect weather San Diego offers, which club was actually the hottest, and why cranberry-vodka was the perfect female drink.
It was actually quite enjoyable, but for some reason, I felt wrong. I felt as though I was emotionally cheating on Ryder by talking to Nate and laughing with him. Skye and Jayson were nowhere to be found, and my phone was stuck in a drawer in my room…back at home.
“So, you seeing anyone?” I figured this dreaded question was going to come up at some point. Why couldn’t men have a light-hearted conversation without thinking about getting in your pants?! This is why I used to use men for what they used women for: sex.
“Yes, I am actually seeing someone pretty great,” I responded taking him aback a little bit. I think he had assumed we were flirting. I was simply trying to make light conversation with a male.
“Oh, wow. That’s a surprise, but congrats.”
“Why is that a surprise?” I asked curiously.
“Because I had just assumed we were flirting together and things were going good. When Jayson invited me here, I figured it was because you wanted to see me or something.”
Ohhhh kay, cocky asshole.
“Yeah, no. I am happy.”
“Are you really happy if you are sitting here flirting with me?” He inquired, looking at me with a grim expression on his face.
Suddenly, the room around me felt like it was moving a hundred miles a minute. I started to stand up straight, but my legs weren’t responding with my brain, and I felt myself collide with the table. The last thing I remembered was hearing was a muffled “boom” as I cracked my head on the table and fell to the floor..
It felt as if I was being transported to a different world— or a new place. But maybe it wasn’t very new after all.
***
It was dark inside the room, and felt so familiar. The boy was crying over in the corner as blood poured from his arms. He had the same familiar features I could point out from afar. His body was contorted in the corner so no one could see him. I felt like I needed to rush over there and save him, but nothing around me was quite right. Everything was moving in slow motion and I was trapped, unable to do anything.
“What are you doing?” I tried to scream from where I was, but he couldn’t hear me over the sobs that spilled fro
m his mouth.
“I am so sorry, baby; I never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me.” He turned over and looked at me while he was crying. I was stuck, as if my feet were locked in quicksand.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to hurt yourself,” I repeated over and over, until finally, he turned and looked at me with a blank stare.
“Yes, I do,” he said, as he took the razor and sliced his wrist again and again, making little slices and marks in even rows on his right wrist.
“Please, stop. This isn’t right; please, stop,” I screamed at him, trying desperately to get over to him, but still locked in place.
“You shouldn’t have left me. I never meant to lay a hand on you, you know that, right?” he cried, and I wanted to feel nothing for him, but my heart felt heavy, and the guilt was cripplingly present.
“I’m sorry, baby; I will never leave you again. But will you please stop hurting yourself?” I begged, now in the corner where I finally was able to sink down to his height onto the moldy and crusty carpet.
“I loved you. Why didn’t you love me back?” he cried.
I finally realized it was Tye I was talking to, but it wasn’t the Tye I remembered. He had aged a few years, and there were heavy wrinkles lining his face. I could never forget the face of the man who abused me for four years; but this guy looked older, as if life took him for a ride.
The stubble on his face was starting to become more of a beard, and the black bags under his eyes were heavy. His hair was longer now, and slicked back, as if he hadn’t gotten it cut in years and had forgotten to take a shower in a while. It wasn’t a hair product slicking it back, but the grease of an unwashed person. His hands were rugged, and there were pockmarks all over them. You could see the lines of scars marring his wrists where he had previously taken a razor blade to them. We were in the same house we lived in during high school. I remembered the same crying sun mural on the wall, and the mold that covered the carpets and walls. It was pathetic, this man who took everything away from me lived the same life in the same place as he always had. He had never moved away or moved on.
