by Murphy, V
“What do you want, Kylee? Seriously. You freaking ruined my relationship, now you want to taunt me with it? I am not dealing with this.” I was about to click the phone off when I heard Kylee’s hesitant hiccup of a sob.
Kylee? A human being with feelings? Is that at all possible? It couldn’t be! Kylee was a self-consumed little bitch is what she was. A bitch who wanted Ryder more than she wanted any other guy on this planet. Ugh!
But alas, something told me to stay on the phone and continue listening. Maybe she had something valuable to add to the conversation, and the fact that she was getting all emotional about it really drove home for me.
“Harper, I swear to God, I never meant to hurt you. I admit, in the past, I wanted Ryder back. But that wasn’t my intention at the wedding. My intention was the same as his. In fact, I was…well, listen. Would you mind meeting me in person? I have a lot to say, and I promise I won’t chew you out or anything. I really just want to explain my story.”
What would be the benefit of meeting this bitch in person? She just admitted she wanted Ryder in the past. A part of me knew I shouldn’t meet with her, but another part of me was curious. There was always that little innate side to ourselves that forced curiosity through our blood. I wanted to know what she had to say to the “other woman”.
Was she going to bite my head off, or was she actually interested in telling her side of the story? I knew deep down inside that I should just move on from this, but the fact that I kept thinking about Ryder, the fact that I…touched myself thinking of him, flicked something in my brain to recognize that I wasn’t over him completely. Maybe Kylee could shed some light into who he was as a person, and what his intentions were. Meeting with Kylee would either emphasize what I already knew, that Ryder was a no good piece of shit; or she would tell me something I didn’t know.
Sure, I was secretly hoping that she would tell me Ryder was perfect and wonderful, that this feeling I had for him, she never did. All of that was just a shot in the dark though. I really expected her to tell me Ryder was an ass, but shit, my damn curiosity got the best of me. I was just going to meet her in a public place, and make sure that Skye and I had something planned so that I could run to her after the meeting was over.
“Okay. But I am only staying for a little bit,” I finally said.
“No problem!” She replied, all too bubbly and excited. She probably had no idea that I would say yes.
“Text me when and where, and we will go from there.”
“Sure! Let’s plan on next Thursday. That’s when Ry…um, that is when Evelyn will be at her dad’s,” she corrected herself, as if the thought of hearing his name was going to get me all anxious.
“Yeah, see you then, Kylee.” I hung up and immediately dialed Skye’s number.
“Hey, bitch!” She answered with her usual greeting.
“Oh my God. You will never guess who just called me?”
“Who?” Skye asked.
“Kylee. Freaking KYLEE!” I almost screamed over the phone.
“Ew. What did she want?”
“She wanted to meet up with me. Something about talking about what happened.”
“What did you say?” Skye asked.
“I said yes. I mean, I am so freakin’ curious about what she has to say to me. She has never once wanted to talk about it, and hell, maybe it will provide some sort of closure, ya know?”
“When is the meeting?” Skye asked without any sort of emotion in her question.
“Thursday. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to meet up afterwards?” I asked hesitantly.
“Absolutely, babe. Gotta go to class. See you then.” Skye air kissed over the phone and quickly hung up. Strange, but that was Skye: a big weirdo.
***
A few days passed and it was finally Thursday. We were going to meet at this little chain coffee shop in the middle of La Jolla. I wanted to meet her in public and not over a meal so that I had an excuse to leave. Afterwards, I was meeting Skye at a boutique to shop for her wedding dress. That only left me like a half hour with Kylee.
My palms were so sweaty, but I think as I processed this meeting throughout the week, I realized that I had nothing to be worried about. In fact, I was the one in control of the conversation, and anything I didn’t want to say did not have to be said.
I saw her walk in with her perfectly curve-hugging yellow sundress and oversized sunglasses. Her hair was a sun-kissed blonde and brushed to the side. She had a small bow on the left side of her hair where it held together some loose strands. She looked glamorous in a completely unintentional way. Most girls would envy such beauty…including myself.
I watched her walk over towards me, and that’s when I really felt my heart pick up and start racing. I was suddenly super nervous to meet with her and hear what she had to say. But as quickly as she walked in, I found myself faced with her sitting in front of me.
“I see you already ordered a coffee. I’ll be right back,” Kylee said, her voice laced with a seductive-like whisper.
I watched her walk over to the coffee stand, and saw her standing there getting a drink. She walked gracefully, with determination and ease. She ordered her drink, paid the barista, and sauntered back over to the table.
“Thanks for meeting me,” she said, while taking off her sunglasses and sticking them on top of her head.
She took a sip of coffee and stared at me, expecting a response. I couldn’t respond, so I just sat there looking at her, waiting for her to continue with whatever she had to talk about. After a few moments, I think she got the hint, and continued with what she was going to say.
“I know this is totally awkward for you, but I wanted to pull you aside to tell you about what happened at the wedding. I am so sorry, Harper. If I did anything, it wasn’t my intention—”
“Other than sleep in the same bed as Ryder…” I mumbled gruffly.
“I am so sorry, seriously. I was drunk, and that wasn’t my intention at all. I brought you here today to show you that I am involved with someone else. I am seeing someone, and I am falling in love, so I get how you feel. I understand how hurt you must have felt when you saw me, Ryder, and Evie together. Honestly, it was nothing. It is so hard for little Evie to grow up without her parents together. She constantly asks me why Mom and Dad don’t live together, and why she always has to travel between houses. It really hurts to tell my daughter that Mommy and Daddy don’t love each other like that. How do you explain that to a little girl?”
I sighed, because for a moment, I felt sorry for Kylee.
“I just wanted a picture that would capture a complete family for Evelyn. Who knows what the future will bring, ya know? I just wanted that memory, and I think that’s what Ry wanted too.”
I shuddered when she said Ry; the familiar nickname bothered me with a tinge of jealousy.
“So, seriously. I never met to do any of that. I was stupid, and this is effecting my new relationship as well. I am trying to make amends here.”
“I understand, Kylee, but there is a part of me that feels broken when I remember Ryder kissing you on the very spot that he kissed me in a romantic way. I remember you kissing him before we even got together. I just can’t shake it.” I confessed truthfully.
“That was the old Kylee, Harper. Love does crazy things to some people, and I have fallen head-over-heels in love with Finn…”
“Wait a second. Finn? As in Ryder’s Finn?” I asked, baffled.
“Yes, him.”
“Does Ryder know?” I asked.
“Yeah, Finn told him last night. When I dropped Evelyn off at Ryder’s house today, we talked about it. He is cool about the whole thing, surprisingly.”
“Well, wow. Congrats, I guess, are in order.” I was stunned. I never expected such an upidty Kylee to get together with surfer-dude Finn, but hey, they say opposites attract.
“I guess this has got me thinking. I can’t stop thinking about him, Kylee. You know that weird butterfly feeling you get when yo
u see Finn? That’s how I feel about Ryder. I know you guys didn’t work out, but does that mean we won’t?”
“Harper, we didn’t work out because we weren’t compatible. The only reason Ryder was with other women when we were together is because, honestly, I was a huge bitch to him. I sort of forced our relationship, and it was so wrong of me. I felt so bad once I realized how love actually felt; it suddenly allowed me to realize how fucked up I used to think when I was with Ryder. There was nothing good about us together. Nothing.”
I was about to say something, when Kylee continued.
“Listen, I know how much Ryder talks about you. He does it with me, and I saw him, and he looks absolutely miserable without you. He hasn’t been going out; and he just sits there with Evelyn, going through the motions, but you can see how absolutely depressed he is. There is nothing good about this separation, Harper. I would love nothing more than to see you guys together with a future.”
It took me a while, but I realized how hard this must be for Kylee. To tell the “other woman” that it was okay to date her ex-husband and the father of her child—it took some balls on her part, and I appreciated it. I knew we weren’t going to start any Brady Bunch ordeal, but the fact she was pushing me to Ryder said something. It made me believe that maybe Ryder was actually the one for me, that I made a gross mistake.
It wouldn’t make any sense to call him now, though. Talk about embarrassing. I have too much pride. After everything that happened with Tye and my past, I feel like I have built up this independent persona around me. I couldn’t make the first move with Ryder. It would be too much of a kick to my ego. I know I sound so whiny, but it really is something that means a lot to me. I just don’t think I have it in me to make that first move and confess that I was wrong. Call me stubborn. It’s just something that’s part of my personality.
“Thanks, Kylee. I appreciate it. It’s been a long journey with Ryder and everything. Please know that I would never cross any lines with you and your daughter. I actually really appreciate you meeting with me.”
“So, are you going to call him?” Kylee inquired.
“I don’t think so, but who knows? I have to go now. Sorry. Thanks, again,” I said, and started getting up to go. I didn’t want to be late meeting Skye, and quite frankly, this conversation was just too intense for me. I was sort of overthinking all of this. Kind of like the numb feeling. I was trying to numb out any emotion I felt that was creeping to the surface about Ryder.
“He really misses you, Harper,” she said, getting up and surprising me with a hug.
I was not a hugger. In fact, the only person I let hug me was Ryder and Skye. It was something about that close intimacy with someone that I couldn’t stand.
I just kind of curled up and patted her on the back, and walked away, saying goodbye. I walked to the car and drove over to the bridal salon, where Skye was probably harassing the poor sales lady about dresses.
It was a weird sensation. On one hand, I felt sort of relieved that Ryder’s intentions were always with me, but I still felt uneasy about the whole situation. I was irked that Ryder would even do those things. He should have pushed Kylee away when she snuck in bed, and he could have not kissed her on the forehead and gotten the same family photo effect.
But there was another side of me that loved that crazy stupid man. We all make mistakes, it just matters what the impact those mistakes make on lives that counts. Is it really worth this crazy fight/break up we are having? Honestly, probably not.
But like I said, I have way too much pride to even bring this up to him. I couldn’t. There is absolutely no way.
When I pulled up to the bridal salon, I walked inside to see Skye harassing the sales lady about how sample sizes should come in different sizes besides size 0.
“Skye, play nice,” I called.
“Harper! So glad you are here.” She came over in a beautiful, poufy, tulle wedding gown, and kissed me on the cheek. She looked absolutely stunning. The corset on top hugged her curves like a second skin, and the bottom poofed out like a fairy tale princess’s dress.
“Wow! Skye Monroe. You look freaking amazing.” I was completely speechless.
“This gross thing? Ick. I hate it. It’s too much dress for me. I want something classier. I was trying…” she emphasized, while staring at the poor sales lady who was probably shaking in her boots, “to tell this lady that I wanted something with a little more class, and a less prom dress look.”
I walked around the store for a few moments and started picking up different dresses for Skye while she argued with the sales lady. I started running my hands over the beautiful white and off-white dresses. They were absolutely gorgeous.
Secretly, I had dreamed about my wedding since I was a kid. I always wanted a big white dress to walk down the aisle in. I had always imagined my father walking me down the aisle, although now, I’m not too sure. With everything that happened with Tye, I don’t even know if he would consider coming to my wedding…
Anyways, I had always imagined walking down a long lined aisle, and looking at my future husband’s face at the end of the aisle. I imagined the look on his face, the smile that would spread ear-to-ear. I could already feel the way his hand would feel when he would take me from my father. That spark that we would share in that brief moment would be a testament to our undying love.
I could imagine his eyes staring into mine as we hold hands and the officiator goes on about staying true and faithful to each other. I pictured it almost like a movie. Where everyone is talking around us, but we are there sitting in our own moment. We are there as one, sharing that moment and holding each other close. Our wedding would be the most flawless event that I would ever plan because, as a Type-A personality, I know I would have everything down to the very last flower petal.
And the sad part?
Those eyes I pictured are pools of sparkling blue. Those hands I touched are big strong ex-football player’s hands. Those moments we shared are only with him. Ryder. My one true and only love.
I knew I messed up. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. In fact, the wedding I seriously have dreamt about since I was a young child included him. When I was younger, the face always changed as I grew, from Ken doll and GI Joe, to Matthew McConaughey, all taking the place of the groom. But now, all I could think about was Ryder. This whole wedding was just pulling on my damn heartstrings. Of course I wanted this for myself. I would be ignorant to say that I haven’t secretly hoped I could find my Prince Charming and walk into the sunset all happy-go-lucky.
But I guess that lifestyle wasn’t for me. It wasn’t in the works for me. I was always going to be that girl who lived in the reality of today. There was no bright future or exciting romance planned out for me. I was average, and had to deal with the pain of a breakup just like everyone else who has gone through something like this. It was just something I had to go through, and I chalk today up as a weak day.
I snapped out of my thoughts and picked up a dress I knew Skye would immediately fall in love with. It was a mermaid-style dress and puffed out where the knees were. It had some lace on the top, and thin straps that were wrapped with lace too. It was the epitome of a stereotypical classy wedding gown and perfect for Skye.
I brought it to the saleslady, who had driven Skye back into the dressing room, and was clearly frantic, trying to find the perfect dress, but was struggling.
“Here, bring this in and have her try it on.” I gave the dress to the lady, and walked over to the sitting area where a very attractive server gave me a glass of champagne. I could hear squeals coming from the dressing room and immediately knew I had done well.
After a few moments, I heard the daintiest footsteps come clamoring in from the back.
“ERMAGOD.” Skye was able to squeak out when she saw herself in the mirror.
“I just died over this dress.” She looked at me, waiting for my approval.
“And guess whose best friend picked it out for you?”
“You did not?!” she half-asked and half-yelled.
“I did too.”
“I love you so much, Harper Mae. You just get me,” Skye said.
“You look stunning babe.” I got up to go give her a hug, and she got down from the pedestal and wrapped her arms around me.
“Don’t get makeup on this dress, because I am buying it,” she squeaked, and we both fell into a fit of giggles.
“Seriously, this is amazing.”
“So,” I asked, “are you saying yes to this dress?” I asked.
“Yes! Absolutely,” she cried, and ran back to the dressing room to change. I downed the rest of the champagne and sat back down to wait for her, not letting my thoughts wonder anywhere else.
Once Skye came back in casual clothes, she grabbed my hand, dragged me out of the store, and down the street to her car.
“Hop in, homeslice,” she demanded.
“What is going on?” I asked nervously.
“Don’t question it.”
“What happened to the dress?” I asked her.
“Oh, it is going to be altered. It’s a process, Harper Mae, and the wedding isn’t for a while,” she said, getting into the driver’s side.
“Where are we going? You know my car is, like, parked right there.” I pointed just up the road to her.
“I know, but you are not driving. I am.” She was being super shady, and it was bothering me. I knew she was up to something. She never acted like this.
“What is going on?” I asked again, more annoyed.
“You know how much I love you, right?” she asked, pausing as if she was waiting for an answer from me.
“Yeah, I mean, we have been friends for so long. I would hope at this point you love me,” I batted my eyelashes at her” to try to act goofy because she was being super serious.
“I am trying to be for real, Harper. You know I do everything for you, and not because I am trying to hurt you, right?”
“Sure. You’re seriously starting to freak me out though. Can you please tell me what is going on?” I asked, shifting in my seat.
I looked outside my window, and saw the familiar road down Genesee, which led to my apartment complex, that we took quite often.
