Rudy stared at us. “Mama. Rebel. Please don’t fight. It makes my spleen ache.”
“We’re not fighting, Rudykins. We’re just—discussing something.” Lynette rounded on me. “Be your bratty self. See where it gets you in life. Maybe one day Mama will be sorry she babied you so much.”
I stopped playing my violin. “That’s it! You’re jealous of me! I bet you hated it when I was born, didn’t you?”
Lynette flopped down in a chair. “You have no idea what it was like. I was fourteen years old. I had—girl problems. All teenage girls do. And there was my mother—my mother—having a baby! It was so embarrassing.”
“You told me you were thrilled when I was born!”
“I was, after I got over being embarrassed. Lord, you were a chunk. Did you know you weighed ten pounds, three ounces when you were born?”
“Is that a lot?” Rudy asked.
“Yes, it’s a lot. Rebel was a lard bucket!” Lynette laughed.
“I was not!”
“You were so big, Daddy had to build a cart so Mama could haul you around the house. Nobody could carry you! You about broke our arms.”
“A cart!” I said, insulted. “You’re exaggerating.”
“No I’m not. Mama’s got pictures.” Then Lynette frowned. “You know, Rebel, you grew up different from the way I grew up.”
“Different how?”
“Mama and Daddy didn’t have hardly any money when they first started out. Mama shopped at the thrift store for our clothes. We had fried Spam or grilled cheese three nights a week until Daddy got a promotion at Weber Tire and Auto. I remember wanting a chemistry set for Christmas. I asked for it every year, but I never got one.”
This was news. “A chemistry set? I thought you liked girly stuff.”
“You don’t know everything about me, Rebel. Anyway, after I was married, Daddy got promoted to manager and the money situation eased up a lot.” She sighed. “They were able to buy you things I didn’t get, like store-bought clothes and more toys for Christmas. I think that’s why Mama lets you get away with murder.”
“I don’t get away with murder,” I said. “She made me come here this summer, didn’t she?”
Lynette didn’t hear me. “I don’t want that to happen to Rudy. I don’t want him to suffer because there isn’t enough money. That’s why I’m going to beauty school. I want to make a good life for us.”
Rudy crawled into her lap and wrapped his gangly arms around her neck. “You’re the best mama in the whole wide world.”
“Only because I have the best boy in the whole wide world.”
I blinked and looked away. I’d never realized Lynette’s life was so different from mine. And that she was afraid she wasn’t a good enough mother to Rudy.
“I’ll watch Rudy more,” I said. “And I’ll clean up and do the dishes and stuff. If you promise me one thing.”
“What?” Lynette asked.
“Don’t tell anybody—I mean nobody—that I weighed ten pounds when I was born.”
“Ten pounds, three ounces,” she corrected. “Deal.”
“Mama, are we going to drive around and look for Doublewide, like you said?” Rudy asked.
Before Lynette could reply, the phone rang.
“Somebody found Doublewide!” Rudy shrieked in Lynette’s ear.
“Gracious, Rudy, you deafened me,” she said. “It could be Chuck. He’s supposed to call right about now. Rebel, you’re closest to the phone. You answer it.”
I snatched up the receiver. “Hello?”
But it wasn’t Chuck or anyone calling about finding Doublewide. I hung up the phone. “Just some guy selling insurance.”
Rudy’s face went slack and I knew he was about to cry. The poor kid couldn’t catch a break.
“Listen, Rudy, let’s walk around the neighborhood and ask people if they’ve seen your cat,” I said.
“No, we’ll drive,” Lynette said, gently shoving him off her lap. “We’ll cover more territory that way.”
“What about your test?” I asked. “Don’t you need to study?”
“My head is packed as full as it can get. If I cram in one more fact, it’ll all come falling out.” She picked up her purse and keys.
We drove up and down every single street in Grandview Estates and even by the houses on the other side of the trailer park. We stopped a lot of people, but no one had seen a large brown cat with a fake ruby collar.
Rudy sat in the front seat and cried all the way home.
Lynette rubbed his back until his sobs dwindled to hiccups. At home, she put him to bed.
“Here,” I said, tucking Tusky under his arm. “I haven’t been a very good friend to Tusky lately. He’ll like you better.”
Then Lynette and I folded laundry in the kitchen.
“Where do you suppose that cat is?” she said. “I hope he hasn’t been hit by a car. That would smash Rudy’s fragile little heart into a thousand pieces.”
I didn’t mention his father was already doing that by not calling when he said he would. But Lynette knew that.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Doublewide lives for food. You don’t think he’s so weak from hunger he can’t stagger home?”
“That animal could live off the fat of the land for weeks. But I wish he’d come back. The place isn’t the same without him.”
I held up a pair of underpants. “Whose are these? They have a big hole in the seat.”
Lynette snatched them away from me. “Mine. I can’t afford to buy new ones.”
“Oh. At least they’re air-conditioned.”
She giggled. “The only thing around here that is!”
“If you had a million dollars, what would you spend it on?” I asked.
She didn’t even think. “I’d buy a house first. And a new bedroom suite. The water bed is getting old.”
“Underpants?”
Suddenly we heard a loud, echoing uuurrrrrrrrpppp! from Rudy’s room.
“What on earth—?” Lynette began. “Rebel, did you teach my child that disgusting habit?”
“Way to go, Rude!” I yelled. “At least a twenty-four- seconder!”
Does your hair frizz like Brillo in the summer humidity? You don’t have to go out in public with Bride of Frankenstein hair, like a certain person who’s trying to be a beautician. (P.S. Always look at the hair of your hairdresser. If it’s a rat’s nest, don’t walk, run to another beauty parlor!)
If you weren’t blessed with natural curls like me, frizzy hair can cause needless heartbreak. But help is right here! Just try my foolproof tricks:
1. When you wash your hair, rinse it in cold water. Cold as you can stand.
2. While your hair is wet, use hair set tape all along the bottom (stick it to your neck or back if you have long hair). Your hair should dry straight.
3. For extreme cases, comb your wet hair in your normal style. Stick it down with hair tape. Then put a whole bunch of metal clips in your hair. Your head will look like a space alien helmet, so don’t let anybody see you. But your frizz will be gone!
Frizz can be tamed and you never have to look scary!
Until next time…smile pretty!
Dobulewide Seeks His Fortune
Rudy sorted through a bowlful of dry Alpha-Bits. “Rebel, how do you spell ‘Doublewide’ again?”
“D-O-U-B-L-E-W-I-D-E.”
“I can’t find a u. Or another d.” He looked like he was going to bawl again, so I dumped the cereal on the table.
“Flip this p around and it’s a d.” I sifted some more. “They probably didn’t put any u’s in the box.” I found an h and bit off the top part. Then I turned it upside down. “One u for you.”
Lynette appeared in her smock. This morning her hair looked like she’d combed it with a tornado. “Rudy, you’re supposed to be eating, not playing.”
“If I get Doublewide’s name, he’ll come back today,” he said, lining up his letters. Lynette glanced at me over Rudy’s head, planted a li
psticky kiss on his cheek, then unlocked the front door. A piece of pink paper fluttered to the floor. “What’s this?”
“Probably an ad for mowing lawns,” I said, though I recognized Bambi’s calling card.
“It’s from that prissy girl across the street.” She laughed. “What kids won’t think of.” Then she stooped and checked her reflection in the toaster. “What’s wrong with my hair?”
“Nothing,” I said. “Don’t pay any attention to Bambi. She’s not all there.”
“‘Trying to be a beautician’? I ought to speak to that girl’s mother, who by the way, has the worst dye job ever. Every time I see her I feel like saying, ‘Pick a color!’”
She wadded up the paper and left for school in a huff.
I was reading the latest issue of Bambi’s Beauty Tips when Lacey Jane came in. She carried the plastic bag from the bridal consignment store and a shopping tote.
“Dress rehearsal day,” she sang. “I brought your sandals and some white barrettes with turquoise flowers that match your dress perfectly. If you want to wear them.” She read the piece of paper. “Lynette was the target this time.”
“Yeah. She laughed, but I could tell she didn’t think it was a bit funny.” I glanced at Rudy, who had spelled dobulewide with the Alpha-Bits. “Rude, eat your cereal. We have to leave for Miss Odenia’s.”
“Rebel, can we go look for Doublewide again? Please?”
He had purplish smudges beneath his eyes from worrying over that cat.
“We don’t really have time,” Lacey Jane said to me. “Miz Odenia is expecting us at nine.”
“Pleeeease, Rebel?”
“Rudy, your cat’s been missing two days,” Lacey Jane said brusquely. “When something is gone, it’s gone.”
Behind his glasses, Rudy’s eyes grew watery. “Don’t say that! Doublewide is my best friend!”
I made a slicing motion under my chin so Lacey Jane would shut up. “She didn’t mean it the way it sounded, Rudy. Right, Lacey Jane?” I don’t know what got into her sometimes. Granted, Rudy was an oddball, but he was still just a little kid.
“Um—Doublewide isn’t really gone,” she backpedaled. “He’s…seeking his fortune. You know, like a cat in a fairy tale.”
Rudy scrubbed his eyes with his fists. “Really?”
“Yeah,” I said, brushing the cereal letters back into the box. I left Rudy’s dobulewide on the table. “Let’s go look for him anyway. Okay?”
We trooped outside into the searing heat.
“Doublewide!” I felt a little ridiculous yelling the name of a trailer in a trailer park.
“Double-wide!” called Lacey Jane. “Here, cat!”
Rudy cupped his hands like a megaphone. “Doubbbblewiiide! C’mere, boy!”
“Doublew—” Lacey Jane and Rudy yelled together.
“Shush!” With my superior hearing, I detected a faint sound. Was that a cat meowing on the other side of the fence between our yard and Lacey Jane’s?
“What?” Rudy asked. “What is it?”
Then we all heard the sound of claws desperately scrabbling up the smooth boards. Brown paws hooked over the top of the fence. Doublewide’s small head rose into view. He appeared to be struggling.
“DOUBLEWIDE!” Rudy shrieked, racing toward his cat.
“Rudy, wait!” I dashed behind him, remembering Old Yeller and other stories that involved painful rabies shots in the stomach and a bad end to the animal.
Lacey Jane lurched along beside me. “That cat must have eaten well, wherever he was. He’s so fat, he can barely get over the fence.”
By the time we reached the fence, Doublewide teetered on top on his little marble feet. But his head was still at a weird angle, like something was pulling him backward.
“Lacey Jane,” I ordered, “be ready to catch the cat!”
I tore through the gate and around the other side of the fence. Doublewide’s hind feet were slipping, and I could see why. Somehow the cat had gotten a hanging basket of geraniums snagged on his fake ruby collar!
“I’ll try not to hurt you,” I said to him, reaching through leaves and flowers to find the end of the chain snared around his collar. He actually sat still, even though my fingers working under his already-tight collar must have been uncomfortable. At last the chain snapped free, and Doublewide practically sailed over the fence.
“Rudy’s got him!” Lacey Jane called.
I hurried back through the gate with the flower basket. “This is what was caught on his collar.”
Hugging the cat, Rudy stared at the geranium basket in horror. “Poor Doublewide. It’s my fault! I put the collar on him so he’d be pretty like Kissy.”
“Don’t blame yourself,” I said, unbuckling the cat’s collar. “You know he’s always into stuff. I wonder how long he hauled that basket around.”
We all looked at Doublewide, as if expecting him to answer. He purred loudly in Rudy’s arms, relieved to have the basket and collar off.
“He’s probably starving,” I said. “Let’s feed him and then get to Miz Odenia’s.”
Doublewide bolted a can of kitty tuna down so fast, I thought it would come back up again. (He was famous for throwing up on Lynette’s bedspread.) He put one paw in the dish to keep it from sliding and licked the bowl until it shone.
Rudy lay on the floor beside him, stroking his broad brown back. “I think he lost weight, Rebel. I can feel his backbone.”
“He’ll gain it back,” I said. “Big moocher like he is.
Okay, Rudy, Doublewide is full as a tick. He’ll take a nap while we’re at Miz Odenia’s.”
“I can’t leave him!” Rudy said in alarm. “He just got back home.”
“You can’t stay here by yourself. You’re coming with us. Now, get up.”
Rudy wouldn’t budge. I reached down and lugged him up. He hung on to Doublewide, who was washing tuna juice from his whiskers. It was like lifting a draft horse.
So when Miss Odenia opened her door, she was greeted by two pageant girls, a seven-year-old tagalong, and a cat with serious tuna breath.
“Sorry,” I told her. “Doublewide just came home, and Rudy won’t part with him.”
“That’s okay,” she said. “They’ll pad our audience. Girls, go into my bedroom and change. We’ll rehearse interview and your talent.”
Lacey Jane and I stood awkwardly in the hall.
“I’ll change in the bathroom,” I said. With all the petticoats and bows and stuff on her dress, Lacey Jane needed more room.
I was just slipping my summer-spread feet into Lacey Jane’s white sandals when I heard her rustle down the hall. Leaving my shorts and T-shirt in a heap on the floor, I hurried out to the living room.
At first I thought a curtain factory had exploded. Then I made out pale red pigtails and matchstick legs poking out from bushels of pink lace and ruffles and ribbons. Lacey Jane’s dress looked even uglier than it had in Better-Off-Dead.
“Oooh,” Rudy said from the sofa, where Doublewide was spilled over his lap. “Lacey Jane, that’s the dress you should—”
If I hadn’t been clear across the room, I would have clapped my hand over Rudy’s blubbery lips.
“—be laid out in.”
“What?” Lacey Jane spun around like a life-size cupcake.
Miss Odenia jumped in. “He means parade! It’s the perfect dress to parade around in. I agree, Rudy. Now, you be quiet so Rebel and Lacey Jane can rehearse. Rebel, you start.”
First I did my pageant walk up and down, but when I tried to do a pivot turn, the bottoms of my shoes slid on the rug. I nearly did the splits instead.
“Darn shoes! Are you sure I can’t go barefooted?” I asked Miss Odenia.
“Those look like brand-new sandals.”
“They are,” Lacey Jane said. “They’re a little too small for me, so I never wear them.”
“Scuff them in the gravel to rough up the soles,” said Miss Odenia. “You’ll be fine.”
I wasn’t so
sure. Did Lacey Jane let me borrow slippery new shoes to wreck my pageant walk on purpose?
Next I answered the same interview questions and then I did my recitation. Rudy clapped Doublewide’s front paws together.
“Be sure and smile, Rebel, even while you’re talking,” Miss Odenia told me.
“My face hurts,” I complained. I glanced at Lacey Jane. “Don’t say it.”
“But it is killing me.”
I swung a punch at her and missed.
“Girls! Lacey Jane, go ahead.”
She managed to do her pageant walk with only a little lurching, and twirled her pivot turns perfectly. She grinned like a jack-o’-lantern through the interview. But she would not perform her talent for us.
That meant she was going to dance to that weird country music song. I saw Miss Odenia shake her head. I wondered if she was worried Lacey Jane would make a fool of herself in front of everybody.
Well, I wasn’t worried. Lacey Jane’s disaster dress would keep her out of the running in the appearance category. If Bambi dragged out that same old ukulele number and Lacey Jane lumbered around to “Sweet Dreams,” I had the talent part made in the shade. I just needed to work on my interview.
Did I feel guilty? A teeny bit. I liked Lacey Jane, even though she could be prickly at times. But I liked paleontology more, and this was my only shot at getting to that Kids’ Dig in Saltville.
Suddenly, we were distracted by the sound of heavy trucks rumbling down Grandview Lane. I thought it was the fire engines returning to the station, but Rudy bounced off the sofa and ran to the window.
“The carnival’s here!” Rudy cried.
We joined him, pushing Miss Odenia’s yellow drapes back so we could all see.
Huge flatbed trucks and tractor trailers slowly followed one another down the road like a train of elephants. Parts of carnival rides were chained to the flatbed trucks. On the sides of the trucks gaudy sparkle-burst letters spelled WIZARD AMUSEMENTS, MIDLOTHIAN, VIRGINIA.
“Midlothian,” Miss Odenia remarked. “That’s near Terrapin Thicket. They must have a big carnival warehouse there.”
“I thought the carnival starts Friday,” I said.
“I guess they need a day or so to set it up,” Miss Odenia said. “Look, Rudy, those are the cars for the Ferris wheel. Ercel and I would ride the Ferris wheel at the county fair. He’d motion to the operator to stall our car at the top and then he’d rock it to make me scream.”
Rebel McKenzie Page 13
