“Then there’s your answer,” she replied softly. “As long as you, yourself, don’t feel like something wrong is happening, then nothing wrong is happening. It’s as simple as that.”
They lay in silence for a time, a thousand thoughts and emotions swirling through Allen’s mind. He honestly didn’t know what to think, what to feel. The only thing he was desperately, absolutely certain of, was that this woman understood something about him, Allen, that he’d never even known existed.
And, if he could bring himself to trust her, she might be able to help him understand it, too.
He cleared his throat again. “Okay, so you and Tatum are both Dominant. Why does that mean you can’t be a couple?”
She laughed. “To quote the indomitable Paula Abdul, opposites attract.” He groaned, earning another laugh. Sidri spread her fingers over his heart. “Sorry, couldn’t resist. But it is appropriate. The reality is that, for a Dominant personality, it is very, very difficult to find sexual gratification with a partner who can’t accommodate your needs. In fact, if Tatum and I hadn’t grown up together, hadn’t loved each other from a very young age, we never would have gotten together in the first place. Doms don’t play with Dommes, usually. And the basic reality is that we’ll never be enough for each other. We need someone else.”
Allen went completely, totally still. “Who?” he asked in a barely audible whisper.
Her voice dropped. “You, Allen. We both need you.”
His heart started beating out of his chest. This was the other topic that had been screaming through his mind ever since their little interlude in front of the elevator. He gulped. “Why? Why me?”
Her voice went hard. “We had this discussion,” she informed him shortly. “You are perfect, Allen. In every way. I will not have you questioning yourself again.”
He winced. “No, I meant, why a man? Why would Tatum want…me?” The last word came out strangled with lust. “Is Tatum gay?”
For about the millionth time that night, she surprised him with her answer. “Tell me something. Why is it men are so afraid of three little letters?”
He frowned. “What?”
Another of those sexy, sultry chuckles. “Ask a strong man if he’s willing to fight a ravening grizzly bear with bare hands to save his one true love, and he’ll answer ‘Yes, no question.’ Ask the same man if he’s gay, and he’ll turn tail and run like a scared little girl.”
“That’s not fair,” Allen replied hotly, the words popping out of his mouth before he could stop them.
“No, it isn’t fair,” she said, unrepentant. “But it is the truth. If more people, men in particular, were willing to trust themselves, there would be a whole hell of a lot less strife in the world.”
Now they were getting into uncomfortable territory. Allen squirmed. “It’s more than that, though,” he tried again. “This whole ‘gay is okay’ thing only started in the last thirty years or so. It’s hard for whole societies to change in so short a time. Especially when…”
“Especially when the Bible still says it’s wrong?” Sidri completed his sentence for him, surprising the ever-loving shit out of him.
Chapter 13
He blinked at her in the darkness. “H–how did you know what I was going to say?”
She sighed. “Tatum was right. You are—or, at least, you were raised by—Bible-thumpers. I should have known. Michael and Lucifer.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he answered hotly, starting to get pissed off.
She soothed him with a single touch. “I’m sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to insult you. Please, hear me out.”
He settled, mollified. “Okay. Explain. Why is it so wrong to believe in the Bible?”
“There’s nothing wrong with it,” she said. “However, there is quite a bit wrong with choosing to believe in something because someone else told you it was true, rather than choosing your own beliefs based on what you yourself have determined to be true. Lemmings versus wolves.”
That, quite simply, floored him. He frowned, mind racing. “All right. I’m listening.”
Sidri was quiet for a time, obviously gathering her thoughts. The air conditioning hummed in the background, raising goose bumps on his exposed skin. He draped the afghan over both of them while waiting for her to speak.
Finally, she took a deep breath. “Answer me something, first. Were your parents religious?”
Allen controlled his flinch—barely—and gritted out, “Yes. They were.”
“So you’re familiar with the section of the Bible that condemns sodomy?”
“Yes.”
She ignored his growing consternation. “Consider, for just a moment, the history surrounding this subject. I’m not denying the Bible exists, not denying the words were written. What I want you to consider is the timeframe in which they were written.”
He paused. Thought. “What about it?”
“Two main considerations, really.” She drew another heart on his chest. “First, consider what the world itself was like at the time of Christ. Humans may have claimed to rule the world, but in reality, civilizations were few and far between. In order to grow, to conquer, people needed to have vast, overwhelming numbers at their disposal, true?”
He bit his lip thoughtfully. “True.”
“All right. Consider the same concept, but from a smaller scale. Aside from the top one percent of the top one percent, most people in the world were destitute. Subsistence farmers, living hand to mouth, grateful for a single full meal every day. They depended on having as many willing hands as possible to work the land, to make enough food to feed themselves and pay the taxes their overlords demanded of them.”
“You’re talking about population.”
“Exactly. And what’s the one thing same-sex couples cannot, of themselves, produce?”
“Children,” he said in an awed whisper.
“Right.” Her sigh brushed her bare breasts against his side, and he knew she was thinking of her own state of childlessness. He pulled her closer but didn’t comment. Obviously, she didn’t want the subject brought up again. He waited.
“Both civilization in general and communities in specific wanted, needed more children to make up for all the ones being killed, slaughtered in the wars of their overlords. They needed children to work the fields, to become willing hands to help feed the rest of the community. They required, not wanted, more people to be born into the world, simply to ensure the survival of the species. And so, when the time came when human beings began searching for a code of conduct to base their actions on, it was not only expected, but assumed that all humans would obey the basic imperative of nature, which is to reproduce, often and with great vigor.”
She chuckled, which he echoed appreciatively.
“So, to the people of the time,” she continued logically, “It wasn’t really a question of right or wrong, good or bad. It was considered a sin against the species to take a lover of the same sex, since no children could ever come of the union.”
“That…makes a lot of sense,” he breathed quietly. God, it really did make a lot of sense. At the time, it would have been considered worse to deny the community children than it would to consider having sex with someone of your own gender simply for the sake of lust or love. It wasn’t about sexual gratification—it was about procreation.
“You’ve obviously given this a lot of thought,” he said with a grin.
She shrugged. “Somewhat. Anyway, that’s the first reason the concept of the sin of sodomy was written into the Bible. It was considered such an understood concept, imperative to the continuation of the human race, that it was never thought of on a basic, human level. It had nothing to do with sexual preference. It was, and still is, about providing the world with more people to populate it.”
“So it’s not sinful to have sex with another man,” Allen whispered. “It’s sinful to deny the community your offspring.”
“Exactly.”
He lay there in sil
ence, mulling it over for a long time. She let him have his time to think, her fingers busy tracing the dips and lines all across his chest. He squirmed, starting to get turned on again. Sidri chuckled, noting his growing arousal, and stopped her light exploration. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
“Okay, so that’s one reason,” he said hoarsely. “You said there’s a second.”
“Indeed there is. This also has to do with the history surrounding the time the Bible was written. Tell me, what was the biggest, most frightening power known to man at the time Jesus walked the earth?”
He found it interesting, not to mention gratifying, that she didn’t question the fact that Jesus had walked the earth. “The Roman Empire,” he answered promptly.
“Precisely. The Romans were a terrible, terrifying foe that the Jews had no idea how to deal with. They swept in, destroyed their way of life, and tried to overthrow their religion with some paganistic pageantry of gods they’d never heard of.” She moved closer, mashing her breasts against his side. He swallowed hard.
“Now, consider this. You’re a religious man, desperately trying to save your people’s beliefs from a much stronger, much scarier power than God had ever been in their lives. You’re looking for something, anything, to help the common man realize that the Romans are, at the very root of their collective existence, evil.”
“Okay, I can see that.”
She started tracing his collarbone. Apparently, she found it very, very difficult to keep from touching him, even for a little while. She really, truly wants me. The thought made him giddy.
“Now, consider the conversation we just had, about the moral imperative to procreate.”
“Okay,” he said slowly, not sure where she was going with this.
“The Jews, and most other civilizations at the time, had that ingrained aversion to denying the world of children. The sin of sodomy.”
“True.”
“And now, here come the Romans. A strong, terrifying civilization, where the most common practice among adult men happens to be—”
“Keeping cupbearers!” The words flew out of his mouth so fast he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it sooner. “It was common practice—no, expected practice—for men to have sex with other men. And not even men, boys—cupbearers.” He stared at her in awe. “For the Romans, it was actually considered a gross transgression to sleep exclusively with women. Women were for childbearing, for keeping the house. For a real man to find sexual gratification, it was expected he would seek out other men.”
Her eyes sparkled in the dark. “Exactly. An entire society that not only sanctioned, but required same-sex coupling. To the Jews of the time, there could be no greater transgression against God. And for that, they wrote the Romans off as evil, soulless, godless men who could never understand the Jewish heart.
“It was nothing more than a tool, a manipulation of the common psyche. Something the religious leaders of the time could hold up and say, ‘See? The Romans are evil, because they embrace a practice we know to be evil.’ And it worked, obviously. The Jews never did embrace the Roman way of thinking. It was a great victory for the church of the time, all around.”
Sidri sighed again. “The one thing that people of today consistently choose to ignore is that humans, and human society, evolve constantly. What was true back then—the moral imperative to procreate, the desperate need to undermine Roman authority—is no longer valid in today’s world. I, personally, do not believe humans should continue holding to a moral standard that was, at its very heart, written by stodgy old men during a time in our history when it was also common practice to stone women to death for adultery. Do you?”
She was a sorceress. A genius. A living, breathing goddess. She wasn’t just arguing theology, wasn’t basing her statements on blind belief or faith in what she’d been told by someone else. She’d thought about every aspect of the subject, theological, logical, historical, physical, and emotional, and come to her own conclusions.
He was in awe of her.
While he was still trying to figure out a way to express his feelings, she suddenly drew back and sat up. “Turn over on your stomach.”
The quiet command made him hard—harder—instantly. He obeyed, resting his chin on his forearms as he waited. She took hold of his hip, nudging and pushing his leg forward and arranging his body the way she wanted. When she finished, he had one knee bent, forming a v on the soft white suede, the other stretched out straight beneath him. His chest and arms still lay flat, which meant his lower body was canted so his dick wasn’t crush between him and the futon.
“Stay where you are. I’ll be right back.”
As if he would even consider going anywhere while a naked Sidri was in the room with him. Grinning to himself, he waited, feeling the cool wash of the air conditioning over his skin. He heard her walk to her desk, open a drawer. Then the futon dipped as she returned to him. She stretched along his back, overlaying his outstretched leg with one of hers, bent to mimic the v he already formed. He hummed, closing his eyes as she began tracing the tattoo on his back.
“Fuck, I love your art,” she said in a reverent whisper. “And so appropriate, considering our current topic under discussion. Tell me, something, Allen. Do you believe, in your heart of hearts, that God created men?”
He frowned, thinking. “Why do you ask?”
“Just answer the question.”
He huffed out a sigh. “All right. Fine. Yes, I do believe it.”
“Good,” she purred, tracing Michael’s wing on his left shoulder blade. “Then there’s something very, very important I would like you to consider.”
She traced the angel’s outline, slowly, reverently. As her fingers neared the small of his back, Allen started purring himself, loving the fact that she was petting him. She chuckled, pressing her bare breasts against his overheating flesh. He jerked, moaning, as she slid her hand down and suddenly took a strong grip on his ass.
“Holy fuck, Sid,” he rasped, panting.
She hummed her approval of the taut, heavy muscle in her hand. Sidri began kneading his ass cheek, her thumb slipping dangerously close to the dark, forbidden place he’d never allowed anyone to touch before. He groaned, body shaking.
“Consider,” she said in that sinful, sexy purr she did so well. “God created men, which means He designed the male body. True?”
“Yes,” he panted. Her forefinger brushed the striated muscle guarding his chute. He whimpered.
He heard a rustle, felt her shift slightly. Then her other hand joined her forbidden explorations, her fingers now coated with a warm, slippery substance. Christ on a pogo stick, that’s lube. Sidri has lube in her office. And now she’s using it on me.
“So, we know He created the male body. Which means, in turn, that God meant for the male body to function the way it does. Also true?”
“I…I…” But the ability to form words deserted him. Her delicate yet strong fingers were massaging his anus, pressing against his resistance, sending shards of sharp, forbidden pleasure skittering through his veins. He felt hot, heavy, twitchy, like he was about to fly apart in a million different directions. He dug the fingers of both hands into the soft suede covering the futon and held on for dear life.
“And if that’s true,” she continued relentlessly, just as the tip of her finger breached his ass, “that means that He meant for men to feel pleasure from certain things. Still true?”
He was panting, gasping, shaking almost violently. She kept up the insistent pressure, taking him deeper and deeper with every tiny thrust. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t understand why such a small thing as her finger in his ass could feel so fucking good. He moaned desperately.
“So, the fact that men do, indeed, enjoy anal play means that God did, indeed, mean for them to enjoy it. Don’t you agree?”
She was inside him now, past the second knuckle. He could feel that penetration from the bottoms of his feet to the roots of his hair, litt
le bolts of lightning ricocheting throughout his whole body. He could do nothing, nothing but lie there and take it, loving every second of what she did to him. It blew his mind how fucking good it felt all over.
Sidri leaned forward, resting her torso across his back as her finger continued its slow, steady thrusting. She added a second digit, making him gasp and shake uncontrollably. The stretch was incredible, the burn addictive. He started gyrating his hips against the futon, glad now she’d moved him around so his cock would be free of encumbrance. He was panting, moaning, twisting in a sea of forbidden pleasure and loving every minute of it.
“So tell me something,” she whispered, her lips close to his ear like a naughty angel on his shoulder, “If God did not, in fact, intend for men to enjoy the pleasures of anal sex…” She paused, bit his earlobe, and breathed, “then why did He give men a G-spot?”
Right at that exact moment, her fingertips danced over a place deep inside him, a place so perfect and amazing and fucking wonderful his head almost exploded from the shock of pleasure rocketing through him. She rubbed it once, twice, three times.
And for the first time in his entire life, Allen came without touching his cock.
He shouted, completely out of control, shaking so hard the futon rocked. His seed spattered the white suede, hot jets exploding from his balls. He lost complete control of his vocal chords, moaning, gasping, panting, shouting.
When it finally ended, he lay with his face pressed into the futon, rocked to the very foundation of his being.
Sidri withdrew her fingers, briefly stood, and returned with a soft, wet cloth. She cleaned him while he could do nothing but lie there, stunned into immobility. When she draped herself over his back once more, he was trembling with utter shock.
“That is why I believe,” she murmured against his ear, “that there is no sin in finding pleasure with your own gender. Because if God hadn’t meant for us to enjoy each other, he never would have given us the capacity to enjoy it in the first place. It’s built into your DNA, Allen. Built into every male that has ever walked the earth. To deny that is to deny that God created men, and to deny Him his very existence. That, my love, is what I believe.”
Demons Within [For Love of Authority] (Siren Publishing Ménage and More) Page 14
