by Holly Rayner
Mia couldn’t feel her feet. James had lifted such weight from his shoulders in telling her his story, and now, of course, he was requesting that she do the same. Reveal herself, and negate all the secrets between them.
For a moment, she imagined herself as that little girl in the children’s home, counting down the days till Christmas. So often, the manager hadn’t remembered her name, calling her Marie instead. For so long, she had been less than a nobody.
“I was given up for adoption when I was born,” Mia finally spoke, her voice quivering slightly. “My mother couldn’t look after me for some reason. I was never told why—if she was a teenager, if she was broke, if she just couldn’t find a safe space to raise me, whatever.”
“This was in Portland?” James asked.
Mia nodded. “I was born there and over time I ended up at nearly every foster home in the area. I was moving every couple of months. Sometimes, I didn’t even bother to unpack my things, not that I had many.”
“You never had the chance to put down roots,” James whispered, playing with her hair. “Not the way most of us did.”
“You were isolated all the way up here, too,” Mia responded. “You were isolated from the love of your father, and after the death of your mother.” She felt a tear creep from her left eye down her cheek. She cuddled closer to him. “We were both so alone, for so much of our lives.”
They sat together, listening to the crackling fire. A small portrait on the mantle showed a young boy and a woman in her late twenties, and Mia knew without asking that the pretty blonde was James’ mother. The woman gazed at her son, who was holding a fishing rod, with a pure expression of love. Mia hoped she held those same eyes for him now.
“Christmas was the only time I felt good,” Mia continued, her voice quiet, almost lost. “Every December, we’d decorate the children’s home with garlands, trees and tinsel, and I’d feel an excitement that seemed to outweigh my loneliness. On Christmas Eve, I would lie awake, craning my ears for Santa. Of course, a mean boy eventually explained to me that he wasn’t real,” she grinned, shaking her head. “But that didn’t matter; that wasn’t what Christmas was about. To me, it was about pretending, just for a moment, that the world was filled with magic, and that light could exist in darkness.”
“And it was, wasn’t it?” James asked her, wiping a tear from his own eye. “You proved yourself right. You were adopted, eventually?”
“I was,” Mia said, her mind replaying the events of that fateful day. “My mother and father appeared at the foster home when I was 14 years old. We played a game of Scrabble, and I beat my soon-to-be father. I remember that moment so well.” She let out a brief chuckle, remembering the look on his face. “He didn’t believe I could be better at words than he was. But I proved him wrong.”
“He must be incredibly proud of you,” James said.
Mia leaned her head to one side, realizing that she’d been hiding her parents from James. They lived an hour outside of Portland, in the country, and knew, of course, from their weekly phone calls, that Mia was pregnant. But they hadn’t yet met James. “I’d like you to meet them,” she whispered. “I think they’d like you.”
“They have to like me, now,” James grinned. “I’m going to be part of the family.”
Mia brought his hand over her stomach, allowing him to touch her tender skin. They shared the moment, their eyes filling with emotion.
“I understand your past now, Mia,” James finally spoke, his voice weak. “I’m sorry that it took me so long, but I vow to you that I will put all of my energy into ensuring this baby inside of you feels all the love and support that we were deprived of growing up. I vow to play Scrabble, and to play catch, and to stay up all night with the crying baby. I vow to do all of it. And most of all, I promise to love you completely and totally as we go on this journey together.”
Mia closed the distance between them, then, and kissed him fully with earnest lips. They held each other close, long into the night, fueled by the lust for each other’s bodies—bodies that had held such secrets for countless years; bodies that would stand beside each other, surmounting every obstacle, until the end of their lives.
TWENTY-ONE
Four months later, on December 24, Mia awoke in James’ mansion, in the sunroom. Portland’s winter haze had broken for the afternoon, emitting sunlight through the drapes. She stretched in the heat of it like a cat, throwing her arms upward. Her great belly arced through the air. The baby was nearly ready to enter the world, and she was mere days from truly becoming a mother. She could sense that everything was about to change.
In the months since Mia and James had journeyed to the Canadian wilderness and shared with each other the depths of their secrets, their love had bloomed madly, fueling every cell. “Now that we don’t have to hide our pasts, we can look forward to our future together,” James had whispered to her during the plane ride back. There, as they’d flown over the sun-tinged, snow-capped mountains, he’d asked her if she wanted to move in with him. She’d accepted. “You are perfect to me,” she’d whispered to him, sealing the moment with a kiss.
Mia hadn’t been at work for several weeks, since the pregnancy had begun to fatigue her too greatly, and the doctor had advised her to focus on her health from the comfort of her own home. Jeff had rolled his eyes at the news, but he’d accepted it, so long as Charles could work until the Christmas break.
Charles had tentatively agreed, although his anxiety about imminently becoming a father was beginning to affect his performance on-camera, causing him to stutter through headlines. Jeff was wild with anger, but James continued to tell him to calm down. “We’re all bringing kids into the world right now, Jeff. Focus on your own happiness. The news will go on either way.”
Beside her in the sunroom, Mia felt her phone buzzing. She rolled toward it, glimpsing the caller’s name to be Jeff himself. She cleared her throat, preventing that “I’ve just woken up from a nap” voice from greeting him.
“Jeff. What’s up?” she said. She hadn’t spoken to him in about a week.
With his first panicked words, she could envision his bulbous cheeks, his red scalp. “Mia. You’ll never guess. Melanie’s gone into labor, and we’re panicking. The piece about you and James’ toy drive is meant to be filmed in exactly one hour, and we have no one to go on.”
Mia brought her fingers to her eyebrows, massaging her skin. She frowned. “Why can’t you go on, Jeff?”
“Mia. I wouldn’t be calling you if the situation weren’t dire. You know I’m terrible on-camera, and this toy drive is incredibly pertinent for the future of SNO News. And—I mean. I know it means a lot to you guys.” Jeff seemed humble, almost, as he spoke.
“That’s interesting, Jeff. I seem to remember you scoffing at the idea of a toy drive.”
“Mia, I know what I said. I know I’ve done a lot of crappy things over the past year.”
“Years,” Mia corrected him. She didn’t care. She was heavily pregnant, ruled by her emotions.
“Sure,” Jeff stammered. “But you have to believe me. We need you to go on. You’re the best at what you do, and the kids deserve to be represented by one of their own. You know?”
Mia thought for a moment, biting her lip. She could hear James whistling in his office next door; he’d taken to working part-time in their home so he could care for her, cook lunches for her, and cuddle with her throughout the afternoons. Her heart skipped a beat as she thought about going on-air for the first time in weeks. In truth, she craved it—and she didn’t want to leave Jeff, or anyone else at the news station, in a lurch.
She pushed herself up from the sunroom cushion and shook her head, clearing it. “I can be there in twenty minutes,” she said primly. “Send Theresa with makeup.”
Jeff sighed, clearly relieved. “She’s already on her way to the children’s home.”
After Mia explained the situation to James, switching her heavy weight from one foot to the other, he agreed to drive her
in the Porsche. “What if it kicks up a snowstorm again?” Mia laughed, as he pushed his arms into his jacket and helped her into hers.
“I got lucky with that last time, didn’t I?” he laughed.
“I guess we both did.”
The Porsche whizzed through the chill of the early afternoon. The sun had snuck behind a cloud, leaving them shrouded in a kind of cozy darkness. Mia shivered in her heavy coat, looking toward James for comfort.
“You seem nervous,” James said, eyeing her.
“I haven’t been back to the home in years. Who knew I would end up filming there?”
“You had to know this would happen when we organized the toy drive,” James said, skirting the Porsche around a corner. The wheels squealed. “You want to see them as they receive their presents, don’t you?”
“I want to see their faces on Christmas. That’s right,” Mia whispered. “This is the best time of the year for them; I know that so well.”
James squeezed her hand reassuringly before diving the Porsche into a downtown parking spot. As Mia exited the car, she could already see the SNO News truck parked outside the building. Theresa’s wild black hair swirled in the biting winter wind, and Mia sent her a hearty wave.
She walked toward the building, clutching James’ hand. Mia felt small pangs of fear as she approached, remembering how she’d felt when she first saw the place. So small. So timid. Just a knobby-kneed kid without a future. She snuggled close inside her coat, reminding herself that her baby would never know that sadness—her baby would never know that fear.
Theresa wrapped her arms around Mia, absorbing her into a hug. “I can hardly get to you now with that belly,” she laughed. “You’ve grown so much in the week since I saw you!”
“It’s happening every minute, it seems like,” Mia laughed. She accepted a mic from a production crew member, sighing nervously. She watched as James and Theresa greeted each other with little, sarcastic digs. They’d become friends in the months since her and James’ return from Canada, and Mia could sense the warmth between them, which brought her joy.
“I never knew I needed so many people in my life,” James had confessed to Mia around Halloween, when they’d gathered for a bonfire in his massive backyard. Theresa and Jack, along with several others at the news station, had joined them, Jack spouting jokes into the night, and causing uproarious laughter.
Mia allowed Theresa to swipe makeup over her cheeks and her forehead, apologizing for her plumped features.
“No time for contouring,” Theresa teased. “We’re on in five. Jeff is about to explode.”
Jeff was waving his arms, creating a scene in front of the children’s home. It featured several of the children who lived there, each holding onto a brand new toy. Mia’s heart ached for them. A quick look into their eyes revealed something incredible: the magic of Christmas was swimming through all of them. Excitement over their toys was making them giddy, and the camera crew was complete insanity to them. “We’re going to be famous,” one of the cockier boys told the others.
“All right, Mia. We’re on in 5, 4, 3—” Jeff hollered.
Mia looked beyond Jeff, to James’ familiar position behind the cameras. He always had her back. Those dark eyes smiled at her.
As Jeff gave her the final point, Mia erupted into that familiar smile, placing her free hand on her pregnant belly. For the first time, she was allowing the public to see her less-than-remarkable figure; over the past few months she’d been filming, she’d hidden herself behind a desk.
“Good afternoon, Portland, and a very Merry Christmas Eve to you,” she began. “Today, my extremely pregnant self is on location at the downtown children’s home, where I once lived myself. This is a very special place in my heart, especially around this time of year. While most of the year, the children’s home can be a very lonely place, on Christmas, it morphs into something else. As you may be aware, my partner, James Chance, and I decided to elevate that magic this year with a city-wide toy drive.”
Mia felt her heart glowing with the joy of this. After introducing the segment, she marched through the gaggle of children, asking them hard-hitting questions about the toys they had received, about what they loved most about Christmas, and about their wishes for the new year. She gave each of them an earnest hug after they spoke, wishing she could bring all of them home with her. Perhaps allowing them a bit of screen time would help with the adoption process, she thought. She knew that somewhere, miles away, her own adopted parents were watching her on television, reminded of that day they’d picked her up and changed all of their lives forever.
After explaining the process by which Portland residents were invited to drop off their donations for Christmas, Mia swept another smile across her face and dove into her goodbye. “I want to wish everyone in Portland a very Merry Christmas today. This will be my last time on the news for a while, as you can see, and I can say truthfully that I will miss you more than you know.” She swallowed. “Stay close to your loved ones over the holidays. And we’ll see you after the break.”
“And, cut!” Jeff called out. “Great job everyone. Great show.”
Mia swept her eyes over her co-workers. They brimmed with tears. She handed the microphone off to a production assistant and brought her hands together, clapping. The team joined her, as did the children from the home. James swept into great strides to reach her, to wrap his arms around her. Her heart filled with such incredible love.
“Did I do okay?” she whispered. She swept the tears from her cheek.
“You were marvelous,” James answered, kissing her deeply. In the background, Theresa let out a mighty whistle.
As Mia laughed, however, she felt a strange, sudden sensation deep within her, in her abdomen. Immediately, she turned her panicked eyes toward James.
“It’s happening, isn’t it,” he said, his voice tinged with fear. “The baby’s coming.”
Mia nodded hesitantly. “Can we drive to the hospital?”
“OH. MY. GOD.” This was Theresa, rushing from behind the cameras. She smacked her hands on either side of her mouth, revving with anxiety, shouting orders. “Oh my God, get in the car! Go! Go! It’s happening!”
Around her, the production crew had parted like a sea, squealing with excitement. One acned cameraman leapt into the air, gesturing frantically toward the Porsche. The celebration of James and Mia’s child had already begun.
The couple was ushered to the car and within seconds James was revving toward the highway and the hospital, where a new, completely different reality would begin.
TWENTY-TWO
Mia clung tightly to James’ hand as they rushed to the hospital. “They said to breathe, but I don’t know how, because it hurts so much!” she screeched, placing her free hand on her stomach. “Jesus Christ!”
Beside her, James bit his tongue, clearly unsure of the right words to say. He assured her, with unspoken looks and the occasional comforting smile, that he was there beside her, that he heard her, that he would do his best to help if he could.
Mia was miles away inside her mind, but later she would look back at that half-hour drive, prior to her life changing forever, and remember that the man who would be her child’s father knew exactly what to do. There was such beauty in that.
The hours at the hospital were erratic, clouded with pain. Mia wailed in the hospital bed, scrunching her toes together and screaming. Her vocal chords quaked within her. Between contractions, she teased James, telling him she’d probably lose her news anchor voice after this.
“I think I’d hire you as my news anchor even if you just screamed into the camera all day,” James joked. “You do it better than anyone else I’ve ever seen.”
“I don’t want any fake compliments,” Mia laughed. “I know I look horrendous right now.”
“You’re gorgeous,” James said, kissing her. “And look.” He swept his finger toward the window, showing her that snow had started to fall from the sky. Snowflakes whizzed around them,
making the hospital a real-life snow globe. “Do you remember the day I brought you to the hospital, after you fainted?”
“You mean, after I told the world I was pregnant?” Mia laughed. “How impressive was that.”
James slipped strands of Mia’ sweaty hair behind her ears. Her smile stretched between rosy cheeks. “I told you I was here for you, one hundred percent. And I’ve never wavered from that. I’ve always been so sure of it,” he said softly.
“Now, who’s being sentimental?” Mia laughed. Her face scrunched with the onslaught of another contraction.
