by Asia Olanna
Jong-soo translated some of her words. I did feel sorrow for her.
“He raped me,” she said, over and over. “He raped me…”
JONG-SOO
I didn’t expect Bit-na to break on the boat. Nor had I expected such a sordid past. I mean, I knew about Oh-seong’s cruelty. But I thought he might treat his woman decently. How many men were woman beaters? Maybe the lowlifes at the bottom rungs, but the man at the top? The man controlling all of the money, the gang itself!
He hurt Bit-na.
She was falling to pieces.
All of us crowded around her, holding her, except for me. I stood far away, looking down at her, pitying Bit-na.
“It’s just not fair,” she said. “I don’t understand why everything has to be like this. I just want to hold him between my hands, rip his throat.”
I translated more words for Henrietta. And she said, “Me too, Bit-na. I know that doesn’t mean much but—”
“Someone like you just can’t understand it,” Bit-na said. Her sobs were becoming more delirious, incredulous. I went into the bathroom, getting a cup of water for her. I placed it down on the nightstand between the beds.
“Bit-na,” I said. “Drink some water, come on.”
She lifted up her head, looked at me, and then turned over. “I’m tired of this. I just want to die. Maybe I should just throw myself off the boat’s edge.”
“Stop that,” Hae-il said. “We’re not going to have a suicide here.”
“Then kill me,” Bit-na said. Screamed, almost. “Kill me already.”
“Please,” I said. “Listen to Hae-il. You’re not in the right state of mind. Just settle down, we can’t have a suicide here. You can’t have your revenge like that.”
Henrietta glanced at me, sadly. Then she turned to Bit-na. “I’m sorry if I’ve ever offended you. I’m really, really sorry. I didn’t ask for this either. I didn’t mean to be brought over here, and I don’t mean to make you feel lesser.”
“You really, really don’t get it.” Bit-na turned back over to face Henrietta. With a long and broad stroke of her hand, Bit-na slapped Henrietta.
A fight scene broke out. Limbs flew everywhere. Bit-na screamed at the top of her lungs. She held onto Henrietta’s hair, and I held onto Bit-na’s arms, and Hae-il was holding onto mine. Then Hae-il’s hands were on Henrietta’s, and then Bit-na’s. And I lost count of who was what, and what was happening.
I thrashed against the ground, wrapping my legs around Bit-na, gripping her and then tearing her away from Henrietta. I held her back. Bit-na screamed again, bloody murder.
“She’ll never be one of us,” she said. “If she even tries to, she won’t even approach it. Being like us.”
Henrietta went to the other side of the room, and then when Bit-na couldn’t stop crying, she left. I wanted to go after her, but she was too fast for me to say anything. The door slammed, and I stared at Bit-na.
HENRIETTA
She had disrespected me so much! But at the same time, I had to be empathetic. I stood outside the door of the room, listening to the words inside.
Screaming, mutterings.
I decided to go down the hallway, away from the drama.
I couldn’t say that I knew how Bit-na was feeling—I didn’t know what it was like to grow up poor and to have to join gangs—but at the same time, I didn’t want to be near her anymore.
She wasn’t in the right headspace for us to have a productive discussion. Or for anyone to actually be able to reach her.
I walked down a long green carpet, the color of algae, and then emerged next to a massive dining hall. There was no one about. I walked down the length of a mahogany table, looking at the windows framing the room. There were florescent lights above, and my reflection in the table itself.
As I walked, I contemplated to myself how I could’ve been better in that moment. Maybe I was patronizing to her, but I didn’t know?
I walked to the end of the room, where there were several stations for maids to put in cereal into dispensers, ketchup into baskets, and napkins into pullout containers. I went over to one of the napkin containers, getting myself one. I blew my nose, then wiped my tears away. Still, I was crying. Crying not only for myself, who was offended, but for Bit-na, who was hurt.
Maybe that’s how Latasha felt in her everyday life watching me. Even though she had a good job at a bank, as a manager, she saw me flying away to Korea, envious of me, succeeding in a venue of life that was rare to find achievement in.
I leaned against the back of the table, closing my eyes. The hum of the ship thrummed in my head. I balled up the tissue paper, and threw it away. Then, I walked out of the dining hall, in the opposite direction from where I came.
There was another hallway, leading into a larger room, where more people sat around coffee tables, pointing at the waves, talking to one another.
Some of the people on the boat were fishermen, traveling to other destinations—I could smell the sea off their skin.
Other people on the boat were visitors from Japan, traveling back. They wore flags over their shoulders, undershirts, had cameras wrapped around their necks.
Still more passengers were just rich people—I could tell some of the women who were very well-manicured and wearing long flowing sundresses had lots of money laying around.
They looked expensive, refined.
I found myself a chair by one of the windows, putting my hand into my palm.
The fresh ocean breeze buffeted the side of the ship, sending a scent of salt into my nose.
If I told one of these people about what was going on, would they believe me?
I was so tempted, I turned to one of the passengers next to me, a middle aged man in a business suit. Pinstripes and fine sheer socks, the glimmering of his cufflinks in my eyes. I approached him warily, but then I smiled, wondering if this would be a different way out.
“Hello,” I said.
The man glanced at me, and then he moved away.
Did I smell?
I tried again with one of the pretty women with manicures. They gave me the same kind of expression, and then shook their head. One of them shrugged.
When I approached the people who worked on the actual boat itself, they could not communicate with me except in the most broken English. I could only ask where the bathrooms were, even if I didn’t want to know where they were.
“Dammit,” I said to myself.
I turned around, to go back to my room, and there he was, Jong-soo.
They were never too far behind, these Double Dragons, these Twin Swords.
What had I gotten myself into?
Moreover, what was I stuck in?
JONG-SOO
“I didn’t know she would explode like that,” I said. I grabbed Henrietta’s hands, and although people stared at us, I didn’t care.
I only wanted to make sure she was doing all right.
“I didn’t expect it either,” Henrietta said, walking alongside me. We went out from the room—it was beginning to get crowded and noisy—and upstairs, along a series of stairs. We walked on until we reached a deck, where there were fewer people, and where we could talk more freely.
I felt paranoid, speaking in public. We weren’t on anyone’s radar except for Oh-seong’s, but I didn’t know if he had links to the government still.
His gang was falling apart—I could tell from the outburst Bit-na gave me.
But I didn’t know how deep his roots were. For all I knew, he could’ve had networks along the boat itself.
Could’ve been controlling the entire ship.
“She’s feeling a lot of emotions,” I said. “She has a right to feel them. But I don’t think she should’ve lashed out at you. But then again, what she’s been going through, it’s unthinkable.”
“I forgive her,” Henrietta said. “I have to say though, I kind of think that I shouldn’t have to forgive her. She treats me terribly whenever I’m around. Even though she did go thro
ugh…”
I couldn’t think about Bit-na’s torture, the evil that haunted her.
“Where do we stand now?” Henrietta said. “Do you think I could sneak off?”
“What about having revenge? Don’t you still want that?”
“I do,” Henrietta said. “But it’s kind of impossible if we don’t have a plan. And now, everything seems to be coming apart at the seams.”
“Bit-na has calmed down some,” I said. “She’s not fully together yet, but I think she’ll come around.”
The sea breeze sprayed against the ship, and then splashed into my face, wet and whitewater.
“If only we could be here without the chains of our past,” Henrietta said. “It would be nice to take a cruise.”
“It would be,” I said.
“Why don’t you run away with me? You can come to the United States. Hasn’t that ever been an option for you?”
My eyes widened in surprise.
I felt shock.
Leaving Korea?
My domain had always been in Asia. Never had I thought about going elsewhere, abroad and that far.
“I don’t speak English that well,” I said. “Although I could learn.”
“You could come with me. Maybe we can get away from all of this? You don’t even have to think about getting revenge anymore.” She didn’t sound like she believed herself though. She was dreaming about possibilities, knowing that our future was set in stone.
“That’s nonnegotiable,” I said. “I want to dismantle the underground world. That’s something I’ve always wanted to do from the get-go. I have to.”
“I don’t want to leave your side,” Henrietta said, her eyes looking out to sea. We rocked up and down, and her breasts pressed against my chest. I kissed her forehead, holding her.
“I don’t want you to go anywhere either.”
“I feel like this is crazy, but then I really like you too. Meeting a man in the United States—it can be really hard to find the guy that really likes you. Anywhere. But when I’m with you, I feel safe. You’ve saved my life before, even, so I know you’re a genuine guy. Most men would’ve just left me in the house to my own devices, I think. But you…”
I did save her, because I thought it was the right thing to do. Because I wanted to protect her in that moment.
“How are we going to get back at Oh-seong?” Henrietta said. “You can use me as bait, that’s my suggestion.”
“My idea would be to leverage Bit-na’s connection with Oh-seong. But I don’t know if she’s in a good state of mind right now. Unless… maybe you could go in with her and infiltrate Oh-seong’s domain?”
I was beginning to think about it.
“I mean, you could go with her as a Trojan horse. She could apologize and just say that it was me who caused all of the trouble. That’s how we were able to free you from the house you were trapped in. He probably wouldn’t believe her, but then I wouldn’t be too far behind to come and be with you. Your protection. Hae-il also.”
“That plan is really rough,” Henrietta said. “And it sounds dangerous.”
“You seem like the type who likes a bit of adventure though,” I said, laughing. “I think most women would have fled by now.”
“It’s kind of hard to leave you,” she said. “After what we’ve been through.”
“We’ll have to think about it more,” I said. “Because the last thing I’m going to do is put you in danger.”
HENRIETTA
My trip to Korea was getting wild. Having gone from a suburbanite to a world-traveler vagabond was a complete 180.
But what could I do anyway?
Trapped on a boat with Jong-soo, Hae-il, and Bit-na—the latter of whom I began to feel significant pity and sorrow for—I had nowhere to go.
“I want to try talking with her again,” I said. “I’m the only other girl here. She may not want to actually talk to me, but I think I can reach her somehow. Eventually.”
“Well, you can think about it over lunch. I’m super hungry. They should be too.”
We walked downstairs, back to the dining room.
It was like night and day: there were now maids servicing the table, placing trays of food across the mahogany color, bananas and oranges and apples and kimchi and rice and octopus and squid and pancakes made from shrimp and crunchy tempura.
Mm!
God, this was something I had not had a long time. I think the last time I tasted kimchi was when I was with Latasha!
Me and Jong-soo immediately grabbed ourselves a couple of seats, sitting down at the opposite end, watching the other people pile on in. Together, we took a plate for Bit-na and Hae-il, pouring on soy sauce and filling up with rice.
“It’ll be a nice gesture for her,” Jong-soo said. “But don’t expect any miracles. What she’s gone through—it’s probably destroyed her from the inside out. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ends up hospitalized down the road.”
I glanced at Jong-soo and glared at him. “Don’t say that. I don’t think she’ll end up that bad.”
“I’m just saying,” Jong-soo said, “life on the streets is rough.”
“I may be from America, but I’m not naïve. The United States has really horrible neighborhoods as well. And I’ve been around some of them.”
“You should try telling me a couple of stories later,” Jong-soo said, spanking my thigh when no one was looking. I had to laugh. He fed me a couple of scoops of rice, and then cut me some kimchi to eat. I dunked down so much of my rice and soy sauce, you wouldn’t have believed it.
“I can tell you something right now,” I said. “I can give you a short story.”
“I’d love to hear more about you,” he said. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
“Well…”
I told Jong-soo all about my days at university. And, unlike other men back in the United States, he wasn’t at all surprised about my college days. In fact, he lauded me for studying art history. “Too many people these days denigrate the arts,” he said.
“That’s how I feel about it too,” I said. “I haven’t had the capacity to make any of my own art in a long while. I wish I had some supplies and materials or something. I could show you so much about my world that way. That’s how I really express myself, through artistic mediums. Mainly by sculpting, although when I was younger, I really liked to paint.”
“In the same way about music,” Jong-soo said. “It really lets you connect with your inner self. To feel like you’re part of a bigger world. I write all the lyrics myself too. Some people are skeptical of that, but man, isn’t there something about communing with your inner self?”
And Latasha thought otherwise.
“Maybe you could write me something?”
He said, “You’re the apple of my eye // Sometimes you get on the wrong track // Not a day goes by // I won’t have your back.”
I laughed. “A little cheesy, but that’s some good rhyme.” Then I said, “You’re right though. When I’m sculpting, I feel something intrinsic within me. Like I’m channeling a spirit out there. Hey, I don’t think I’ve heard you really sing yet. Like a full song.”
“And that’s what you came here for, isn’t it?”
“Pretty much,” Henrietta said. “I guess you do look different after all. When you’re wearing your hair gel, a nice suit, or those high-end clothes, you come across as very sophisticated. I’m not surprised that no one has noticed you like this…”
I looked up and down at his raggedy T-shirt, torn jeans. He was still sexy, and had a muscular frame, but now I could see why he was so confident about walking around in public. And how he had been able to avoid people prying.
“All you have to do is just change the way you talk as well,” he said. “Have you noticed that when I’m on camera, I change my pitch a little bit? I say things in a higher tone. But when I’m with you, I’m natural. I’m myself. When I’m walking on stage, I have to have a swagger, a pretty-boy beauty. But out here—�
� he flourished his hands around us, to the food, to me “— I’m just as natural as could be. This is my element.”
“Rougher. Gruff. Sexy no matter what.” I laughed. “There must be some sort of alcohol in this drink I’m holding, because I can’t believe I just said that.”
Jong-soo shrugged his shoulders, and gave me a boyish smile. “Well, the cat’s out of the bag. You like me!”
