She could understand why he wouldn’t want to go back to that life. But wasn’t that what love was, sacrificing everything for each other? Neither of them had been willing to do that back then. And now? Was it really any different? Was all they had between them really nothing more than physical attraction, a need that could be fulfilled with a night of passion?
His voice startled her out of her thoughts. “Pretty, isn’t it. It’s the same view you can see from these windows in daylight.”
He’d come up behind her and was standing a little too close. Still unsettled by her thoughts, she moved away from him. Panic surged through her, obliterating her thoughts, confusing her mind. She needed time. Time to sort out her feelings. Time to understand his. “I…I’ve changed my mind,” she said quickly. “I’m really tired. If you don’t mind, I’d like to go to my room.”
If he was disappointed, he gave no sign. “Oh, sure.” He placed the glasses on the glass coffee table. “I’ll show you where it is.”
She would have preferred to find it herself but that would seem childish. So she followed him meekly up the stairs, praying that he wouldn’t make things awkward for them.
By the time he paused in front of the room at the end of the hallway, her heart thumped so hard she had difficulty breathing. She should never have come back to the ranch with him. She should have insisted on going to a hotel in Rapid City.
“This is Lyla’s favorite room,” Cully announced, as he threw open the door. “She calls it the blue room.” He stepped inside and switched on a bedside lamp.
She’d seen the room yesterday when Cully had taken her on a tour of the house. She’d fallen in love with it right away. Her garment bag, now held together with swathes of duct tape, sat on the bed next to the empty canvas bag. The pale blue bedspread, dotted with yellow daises, matched the curtains at the window. The darker blue carpet was thick enough to bury bare toes.
The lamp, with its blue and white shade, stood over a fluffy blue rabbit wearing a yellow ribbon. Ginny picked it up, unable to resist a smile. “Is this a relic from your past?”
She looked up to find Cully’s dark gaze intent on her face and her heart turned over.
“No,” he said, his voice husky with some emotion she didn’t want to explore. “Lyla bought it. She helped with the decorating and thought a soft toy would make the room look more liveable.”
“She was right.” Ginny put the rabbit down and wandered around the room, every nerve in her body quivering with expectation. “This is very nice.” Her tongue seemed too big for her mouth. She sounded stilted. She tried to put more warmth into her voice. “Thank you, Cully. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me.”
He looked at her, his expression grave and his gaze burned into her soul. “You know where the bathroom is?”
She nodded.
“Okay, then…” He turned to leave, then paused, as if about to add something and her heart stopped beating. Then, without looking at her, he muttered, “Good night, Ginny. Sleep well.” He left so quickly she was still holding her breath when the door closed behind him.
She should be glad he was being a gentleman, she told herself. She should but she wasn’t. After all that hoping and praying that he wouldn’t try to kiss her again, now that he’d left her alone she felt let down. Disappointed, if she was truly honest with herself.
She was acting like an adolescent and couldn’t seem to help it. Damn Cully. And herself for the insecure, doubting person that she had turned into. Was this what Brandon had done to her? Made her doubt her own judgement? What had happened to the Ginny Matthews who was going to conquer the world? Where had all that confidence and rebellion gone? What was it Cully had said? He’s changed you, made you afraid. The Ginny I knew was never afraid of anything. Or anyone.
He was right. She was afraid. Of her own emotions. Of making another mistake.
In an effort to banish her turbulent thoughts, she took a relaxing shower, then climbed into bed. Now she was really tired. Exhausted. After all the emotional upheaval of this long, long day, all she wanted was to sleep, to forget for a little while her turmoil over her feelings for Cully. Forget that someone out there wanted her dead.
THREE HOURS LATER Cully still sat in front of the fireplace nursing a beer. He knew it would be a waste of time to go to bed. He wasn’t going to sleep. There was just too much on his mind. Even the shower he’d taken earlier hadn’t relaxed him.
He’d gone over and over the events of the day. Every time he’d tried to make some sense of what had happened—the tense moments on the mountain when they’d almost gone over the side, the shooting of Ben Wetherby and Sally’s boyfriend stealing her car, leaving her with the van that had threatened them earlier—all of it became a jumble in his mind.
To make matters worse, the only clear thoughts he had were of Ginny and how much his body ached with the need to make love to her. The knowledge that she was on the floor above him, lying alone in that big bed, just about tied his guts in knots. He’d had to tear himself away from her earlier.
There’d been a couple of times that day when he’d been driven to the very edge of his limits, when he’d felt his willpower slipping and his mind losing the control he’d always relied on. Only Ginny could do that to him.
Puffing out his breath, he buried his face in his hands. He’d be an idiot to let himself get that close to losing it again.
Okay, so he had an idea she was as willing as he was to revisit the past but what about afterward? What about later? Did he really think that one night was going to change anything? It certainly hadn’t before. Was he kidding himself by thinking that this time around, maybe it would be different? He just didn’t know the answer to that but hell, he’d give his right arm for the chance to find out.
But then when he’d looked at her sitting on the edge of the bed, looking so vulnerable, so tense, he’d known this wasn’t the time. Maybe there’d be a time for them after this was over. Maybe not. Maybe her life in the city had stretched a gulf between them that was too wide to cross.
“Damn.” He lifted his head and reached for his beer. He’d brought her back to the ranch so he could protect her from whoever out there was trying to hurt her. What kind of a cop would he be if he let his personal feelings get in the way of his job? A useless cop, that’s what. Personal feelings clouded judgement, slowed down reflexes, made him think too much instead of relying on instinct.
No, if there was ever going to be anything between them and at this point he couldn’t see much chance of that, it would have to wait until this case was over. It was the only sane thing to do. He drained the last of his beer and got to his feet. If he wanted a clear mind in the morning, he’d better get some sleep.
The dogs stirred and Rags whined.
“Okay boys.” He snapped his fingers at them. “One quick turn around the house, then we bed down for the night.”
Rags leaped to his feet, tail wagging, and Puddles scrambled up beside him. Running for the door, with both dogs ahead of him, Cully put his finger to his lips. “Shsh! No barking. We don’t want to wake up our guest.” He opened the door and let them out, where they raced joyfully to the side of the house, dashed up to the thick trunk of a pine and promptly lifted a leg.
Cully strolled after them, still wrestling with his tangled thoughts. He had to find out what Brandon Pierce had been involved in if he had any hope of finding the connection to Ginny. It had to be something big. The most logical place to start seemed to be Pierce’s house in Phoenix. He’d have to get a warrant to search it. Maybe take Ginny along, she’d know the layout and the most likely places to look for clues to Pierce’s movements the past six months. Somehow, somewhere, lay the answers. He just had to look for them.
Realizing he’d walked around the house twice, he whistled to the dogs. They came slowly, reluctantly, wandering toward him with a resignation that clearly said they knew it was time to go back in.
He opened the door and let them run ahead of him. The d
ogs had baskets in the kitchen and he waited for them to settle down. He was about to leave when Rags lifted his head and uttered a low growl in his throat.
Pausing at the door, Cully looked back at him. “What is it, boy?”
Rags’s ears pricked up and he uttered a soft whine.
Now Cully could hear what the dog had heard. A low moaning, followed by a shrill cry. The noises came from upstairs. Ginny.
Cully’s body moved the instant his mind registered the significance of the sounds. He plunged through the door, slamming it behind him. Shut inside the kitchen, Rags barked and Puddles joined in but Cully was halfway up the stairs, taking them two at a time.
He reached the upper hallway and now he could hear her more clearly.
“No, no, please, not again. Don’t hurt me. Please…”
He burst through the door, not knowing what to expect, his body braced for anything. He heard her scream, a shrill sound that tore through his gut like a buzz saw. The light from the hallway spilled across the bed, reflecting on her white face as she sat upright, her eyes wide with terror, staring at him as if he were about to attack her.
Relief exploded in his chest when he realized she was alone and safe. She’d been dreaming. “It’s okay, Ginny,” he said unsteadily. “It’s only me. You had a bad dream, that’s all.”
For a moment he thought she hadn’t understood him but then she whimpered and he saw tears shining on her cheeks. Something else burst inside him. Something that up until now had held up the barriers of self-control and willpower. It was as if all his doubts, all his self-warnings were being washed away by a great tide of emotion. Helpless to stop himself, he sat on the bed and cradled her in his arms.
She clung to him, her body trembling so much he thought she must be cold. He stroked her hair, murmuring senseless words and broken sentences, until the trembling slowed then stopped altogether.
She drew back and looked up at him. “Nightmare,” she said simply.
“I know. I’m sorry.” He pressed his lips to her damp forehead. “Feel better now?”
She nodded but her arms still clung to his shoulders as if she were afraid to let go.
He became conscious of her body, warm and soft beneath the T-shirt she wore. He was acutely aware that she wore nothing beneath it. Warning signals were going off all over his body but he was past listening to them. He was past anything except this deep, intense longing to kiss her, to run his hands over her body, to feel again the incredible pleasure of fitting himself inside her.
Hardly daring to breathe in case he should break the spell, he traced his lips down to her cheek, the corner of her mouth. He felt her tense and for one devastating second thought she would draw back but then she moved her head and locked her mouth on his.
The heat surged up through his veins, blasting all coherent thought from his mind. He’d wanted her so badly all day long and now she was his. He could feel it in her kiss, in her eager fingers tugging at his shirt, in her swelling breasts beneath his hands.
He slid off the bed and shed his clothes, flinging them aside in his haste to get back to her before she changed her mind.
She sat watching him, her gaze lingering on his body all the way down to his knees. That was more erotic than anything he’d ever known before. He couldn’t wait to get back to her.
The bed creaked as he sat down beside her. Now it was his turn to watch as she pulled off her T-shirt and bared her breasts.
His breath seemed caught in his throat and his lungs ached with the need for air. In all of his life he had never seen anything so breathtaking. He wouldn’t have thought it possible but she was even more beautiful than he remembered.
He leaned forward and touched her lips with his and passion once more exploded in his gut. With a groan that contained all the pent-up hunger he’d held back for so long, he pulled her against him. Her body was silky smooth and first his hands, then his mouth, sought the firm curves of her breasts, her hips, her thighs.
The soft sounds she made drove him wild. He fought his own need, anxious to answer the demands of her body, now arching under his touch. Memory vanished under the amazing sensations of the present moment. There had never been a past, a separation, a breaking of the ties. They were and always had been and always would be, a single unity, bound by the strange, primitive laws that governed the mating of a man and his woman.
She was ready, her cries louder, her thrashing body straining for release. He touched her and her body arched, tensed and then, with a heart-shattering cry, she relaxed, panting for breath, the tears still wet on her face.
He didn’t give her time to rest. His own body throbbed with the agony of need and he could wait no longer. She accepted him eagerly, folding her legs around his hips as he entered her. Stars danced in his head and he fought to hold back until he was helpless to halt the fierce torrent of emotion that threatened to consume him.
She rocked with him, their bodies joined in a frantic rhythm that shook the bed. Her hand clutched the pillow next to her face and he locked his fingers over hers, the blood pounding in his head as his hips strained for the final release. Then, at long last, they were there…together…rocketing through space and floating free.
He lay for a long time after she fell asleep, soaking in the pleasure of holding her naked body in his arms. He wanted to hold on to every moment, afraid that if he didn’t, the time would slip away and once more he’d be left with only memories.
He was afraid to hope, afraid to speculate, to dream. He’d had dreams once before and they had been cruelly shattered. He’d laid his heart on the line, only to have it crushed. All he could do was enjoy the moment right now and try not to think about what tomorrow might bring.
GINNY OPENED her eyes, certain at first that she’d dreamed Cully had made love to her the night before. Seconds later she felt the warmth of his body next to hers and carefully turned her head.
He lay on his back, his eyes closed, his breathing deep and even. She wanted to smooth her hand over his bare shoulder, run her fingers across his shadowed jaw but was reluctant to spoil the sleep that had softened the hard, tense lines of his face.
He looked younger, sensitive, totally endearing. The rush of tenderness took her by surprise. For some strange reason, she felt tears on her lashes.
If only she could be sure that what they had was enough. He hadn’t mentioned love at all. But if it came to that, could she love him enough to bury herself once more in a small town like Gold Peak?
The thought depressed her but when she thought about leaving and never seeing him again, the thought of that was far more devastating.
Had she been kidding herself that she was happy in Philadelphia? Did she really enjoy city life all that much, with its choking fumes, the constant rush, the transit jammed with warm bodies at the end of an exhausting day, the roar of traffic, blaring horns and grating rock music from too loud radios? Did she really like the loneliness, or had she simply been thankful for the freedom of being her own person once more, safe from the cruel abuse of her bullying husband?
She glanced again at Cully, so peaceful in his sleep. She needed to think, to sort out her feelings and she couldn’t do it lying next to his warm, naked body. It was too distracting. Too easy to remember him as he was last night, wild in his excitement, so giving, so passionate. She needed to put some space between them. She needed to think things out.
Carefully she slipped out of bed, grabbed up some clean clothes and crept from the room. In the bathroom she showered, dressed hurriedly, then stole down the stairs to the front door.
She heard Rags whine as she opened the door and winced, hoping he wouldn’t bark and wake up Cully. The thought prompted her to hunt in her purse for something to write on. Finding her release paper from the hospital, she scribbled across the top of the page. Gone for a drive. See you later.
She had always been able to think more clearly when she was driving. Maybe it would work for her this time and help her make a decision she kne
w might very well change her life forever. That wasn’t a decision to be made lightly. Yet she didn’t have a whole lot of time to make it. She had a job waiting for her in Philadelphia and if she didn’t get back to it soon, they would have to replace her.
She needed to decide now what she wanted to do. Go back to the new life she’d created for herself, or stay in Gold Peak in the hope that she might have a future with Cully.
She’d spotted her rental car parked in front of the house last night. It started right away, much to her relief. She thought she heard Rags bark as she pulled away and hoped again that he wouldn’t wake up Cully. It must have been close to dawn before he’d gotten any sleep.
She wound down the windows and took the highway fast, trying to clear her head so that she could think more clearly. She tried to imagine herself living in Gold Peak and made herself remember everything about living in Philadelphia. Not just the advantages but the drawbacks, as well.
Deep in thought, she slowed down for a crossroad and realized she was only a mile or two from the graveyard. Impulse made her turn the wheel and follow the road up the hill.
She’d always been able to talk to Mabel, about anything. Maybe it would help to visit the grave again and talk out loud. Perhaps then she’d find the answers she needed.
A few minutes later she parked the car at the gates of the graveyard and went in search of the two graves. It was nice they had been buried side by side, she reflected as she reached the twin headstone. It must be comforting to know they would be together for all eternity.
She knelt in the damp grass and straightened the flowers someone had placed in vases on the grave. They looked faded and she made a mental note to buy some more when she went back to town.
Official Duty Page 18
