“I got it,” Sam says, nodding. “I understand.”
I move back over to sit by Daniel, sliding my hand into his. He squeezes it and speaks to Sam.
“So I went to get the book today, and Madeline told me she gave it back to Dax.”
Sam winces. It’s subtle, but I see it. After a heavy sigh, he says, “It might not have held up anyway. Caldwell’s an elusive son of a bitch. He always manages to skate.”
“There has to be another way,” I say, a pleading note in my tone. “I know who some of the people he deals with are. Maybe you could threaten them with arrest to get them to testify against him?”
Sam’s expression is grim. “We haven’t found anyone willing to roll over on him yet. It’s not that we don’t know what he does, it’s that we can’t prove it in court.”
“What about stealing the book back?” I suggest. “I know where he usually keeps it.”
“I’m guessing it’s always close to him, though,” Sam says.
I nod. “But I’ll do whatever I have to do to get it. I’m not afraid. I’ll break in if I have to.”
Sam starts to shake his head, and Daniel says, “No fucking way. We already talked about this.”
“We’re talking about options,” I say. “And that’s an option. What else do we have?”
Sam leans forward, his elbows on the table. “Do you want to keep your identity a secret?”
I look at Daniel. “I don’t care about that anymore. When he finds out who I am, Dax will want me dead. But as long as I can bring him down with me, that doesn’t matter.”
“The hell it doesn’t,” Daniel says, his tone aggravated. “Will you stop trying to—”
Sam interrupts him. “Guys, I’m not suggesting that she go in there on her own. But what if . . .” He looks from side to side, making sure no one is in earshot, then meets my eyes across the table. “Would you be willing to wear a wire? If you can get him on tape admitting he hired those two guns, then we’ll have something solid.”
“Yes.” I say it without hesitation.
Daniel shifts in his seat. “I don’t like this. It’s too dangerous.”
“I’d be outside in a surveillance van with a SWAT team,” Sam says.
“It would take one second for him to kill her,” Daniel fires back. “And who gives a shit if your SWAT team busts down the door and she’s dead?”
“You want me to send someone in with her as protection?” Sam offers.
“Yeah. Me.”
Sam gives him a skeptical look. “You’re a doctor. When’s the last time you fired a gun?”
“Last weekend when I was hunting.”
“Yeah, but—”
“It’s me or we’re not doing it,” Daniel says firmly. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe.”
“Our guys are trained to put her first.”
Daniel leans forward. “It’s me or no one.”
I touch his arm, and he turns to face me.
“Why risk both of us instead of just one?”
He narrows his eyes, and I see a flicker of hurt cross his face. “We go in there together or not at all. If you want me on board with this crazy-ass plan, that’s my condition.”
“But—”
“I love you. And I’m not losing you.”
The raw emotion in his voice brings tears to my eyes. “Oh, Daniel. I love you, too. And there’s no one I trust like you.”
He nods and turns back to Sam, who is trying to look like he wasn’t listening to us just now.
“So get it set up, then. We’re in.”
Sam sighs, his forehead creased with reluctance. “Okay. Probably tomorrow night, at his home.”
“Thanks, man,” Daniel says.
“I have to get it cleared with my boss.”
“You will.”
Sam scoffs and smiles. “Yeah, I should be able to.”
Our food arrives, and my stomach growls painfully at the scents of fresh baked bread and cheesy pasta. I’m so hungry.
“One more thing,” Daniel says as we all start eating. “Can you find out if there’s a missing person report or an abduction report for her?”
Sam sets his fork down. “Hey, motherfucker, you didn’t mention you’re a fugitive.”
“I might be.” Daniel puts a forkful of lasagna in his mouth. “That’s what I need you to find out for me.”
“I’m gonna be bailing your ass out of jail again, aren’t I?”
Silence falls over the table.
Again? Sam has bailed Daniel out of jail before? From their expressions, I can tell it wasn’t a small thing.
“Sorry,” Sam murmurs.
“It’s okay.” Daniel turns to me. “I’ll tell you about it later.”
Sam shakes his head and looks down. “I’m an asshole. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s fine,” Daniel says shortly. “Just check and see if I’m wanted, will you?” He reaches over to Sam’s plate. “And give me your garlic bread. It’s the least you can do.”
The rest of our dinner passes in uncomfortable silence or tense, short conversation. I’m relieved when we part ways in the parking lot, Sam promising to text Daniel as soon as he knows something.
I’m feeling shaken up on the drive back to our hotel. Daniel is good and honest. I can’t imagine him doing something that would land him in jail. And from his drawn expression and his death grip on the steering wheel, it’s something he’s ashamed of.
The man I’m in love with may be tumbling off that pedestal soon. I’m once again questioning my judgment with men, hoping I haven’t fallen in love with another criminal.
WHEN I WAS IN THE army, I once did one-handed chest compressions on a wounded soldier while firing at insurgents with a gun in my other hand. I didn’t miss, and my patient lived. I’m not saying I’m perfect by any means, but I’ve got my strengths. I’m a good guy for anyone to have in their corner. I pride myself on being strong and solid.
But it only takes a single bottle of booze to bring me to my knees. I’m sitting on the edge of the bed in the hotel room, elbows on my knees, my temples sweating, and my pulse pounding.
I could smell the alcohol when we walked past the bar in the hotel’s lobby, and it was like a reunion with a long-lost friend. All my memories of things I did after drinking are bad, but the memory of the way that first drink always went down is the most powerful.
The first drink made my problems seem smaller. The second made me feel like maybe life wasn’t so bad after all. And by the third, I was always feeling good. I never felt any incentive to stop after three, though.
Ava is taking a bath right now, and without her here beside me, my attention has shifted to the bar. I could run down there really quick and have a shot. It would calm me. Smooth things out. Maybe make it easier to have the dreaded conversation with Ava about why I was arrested.
Fuck. I can’t drink. I can’t go back there. I’ve got no self-control once I start.
I run my hands through my hair and sigh heavily. This is what I’ll be up against every day if I get fired from Hawthorne. I’ll end up at an urban hospital with bars near home and work.
A deep stab of contempt runs through me, slicing hot and fast. I’m supposed to be strong and steady for Ava, but here I am sweating and practically shaking over my urge to drink.
“Hey,” she says, smiling as she steps out of the bathroom.
There’s a white towel wrapped around her body and another around her hair. As she approaches me, all thoughts about the bar downstairs disappear.
Her fresh coconut smell fills my consciousness as she stops between my knees, and I sit up straight on the edge of the bed. Her hands go to my shoulders, mine go to her waist.
“You love me,” she says softly, her brown eyes warm as she looks down at me.
“Yes.” I tighten my hold on her hips.
“So show me.”
My body reacts in an instant, my cock hardening as I grab the towel to pull it away. But sh
e stops me by covering my hands with hers.
“Tell me why you were arrested, Daniel. Loving me means trusting me.”
A heavy sigh escapes my chest. “You’re right.”
She cups my bristled jawline, her thumb brushing over my lower lip. “I don’t mean trusting me with the information,” she says, her voice like warm silk. “Trusting that I’ll still love you. Because I will.”
“You see me as a man who puts others first.” I grip her waist again and lean forward, resting my forehead against the towel below her breasts.
“Because you do.”
“But there was a time when I didn’t.”
She runs a hand through my hair and down to my neck. “You already told me you fell short of the husband and father you wanted to be. I’ve fallen short, too. Allison might still be alive if I had trusted her instincts and not been so selfish.”
I lean back and look up at her. “It’s not that simple, Ava.”
“It’s probably not that simple with you, either.”
She looks down at me, her gaze filled with expectation and adoration. I soak it in, wondering if I’ll ever see it again. And then, I begin.
“I told you I was drinking heavily after Julie took Caleb and left me. I’m not going to make excuses about why I drank, because no matter how stressed and hurt I was, I should have acknowledged there was a problem and gotten help. I’m a doctor, and the drinking was starting to impair me. I’d go into work hungover, and halfway through my shift, I’d be counting the hours until I could get drunk again.” I shake my head, loathing the man I was then. “So one night . . . I treated a patient who came into the ER complaining of abdominal pain. I ran the usual tests, but I couldn’t find anything conclusive. It was close to the end of my twenty-four hour shift, and I was starting to feel shaky and . . .” I blow out a disgusted sigh. “I was a drunk. My body needed its fix. And I discharged the patient without completing the final few tests I should have run to rule out internal bleeding. I didn’t want to work over and wait for the results. After work that night, I was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving. My patient . . . died at home that night.” I close my eyes, fighting past the lump in my throat. “It all came to a head when I was arrested. My medical license was suspended, and I ended up in rehab to avoid jail time for the DUI.”
My shoulders sink with relief. No matter what happens from here, she knows the worst of me now. I thought I didn’t want that, but the pressure inside me has released.
“I’m sorry you went through that,” she says, cupping my face in her soft hands.
“Don’t be sorry for me. Be sorry for the man who died because of me.”
She nods. “I am. But you’re human, Daniel.”
“Don’t defend me.” I clear away the gravel from my throat. “I took an oath to do no harm, and I killed a man.”
“You didn’t kill him.”
“I didn’t catch the thing that killed him, and that was my job. He eventually would have died from the bleeding anyway, but I could have given him a chance to say goodbye to his family. Maybe just a little more time. Something.”
She leans forward and kisses my forehead. “Having life and death in your hands every day is a very heavy burden.”
“I was impaired, and I knew it.”
“You paid a price, though.”
I scoff. “Not enough of one.”
“And that’s how you ended up coming to Hawthorne?”
“Yeah. Joanne Hawthorne recruited me when I got my license back. She told me they have trouble finding quality doctors willing to relocate to the middle of nowhere, no matter how much they pay. But for me, it worked. I didn’t want to go back to a busy ER environment. I wanted a chance to reinvent myself, and I thought I could make a difference at Hawthorne. Mental illness is unfairly stigmatized. And as a veteran and a recovering alcoholic, I know what it’s like to battle demons.”
“You do make a difference there. You know that, don’t you?”
I shrug. “I try to. But it’ll never be enough to atone for my wrongs.”
“How can you know? Maybe you’re saving more lives at Hawthorne than you realize. It’s a hard thing to quantify.”
She’s not disgusted with me. I was expecting at least a little judgment, but there’s none. It reminds me again how lucky I am to have her in my life. I slide my hands from her waist around to her ass, cupping it through the damp towel.
“I never expected more than what I had.” I look up at her. “I’m starting to rebuild a relationship with Caleb; I had my work and my weekend hiking trips. I thought it was enough. But then you came along.”
It only takes a single pull on the front of her towel to make it drop to her feet. My eyes drag down her body slowly, from her round breasts and pink, pebbled nipples, down to her smooth stomach and then between her thighs.
“You looking at me makes me hotter than other men did touching me,” she says softly.
I hate that other men have touched her. There’s no way any of them has felt the same reverence for her that I do. And now that I’ve had her, I can’t go back.
“I swear you were made for me, Ava.” I tip my head back to look up into her eyes, fighting the urge to jump up from the bed and fuck her up against the wall. “Just for me.”
I swipe my tongue gently over one of her hardened nipples, then swirl the tip of my tongue around it, making her shiver. When I slide my hands back to her ass and cup it, her skin still warm from the shower, she inhales sharply. I squeeze harder and she moans.
“You were made for me, too, Daniel,” she says, her voice breathy and soft. “You knew me before I’d even spoken to you.”
She pulls on the back of my T-shirt, and I raise my arms to help her get it off. Then she puts a knee on the bed, and we fall back together, her straddling me.
When she kisses me, her hair brushes my shoulder. She tugs my lower lip between her teeth and I groan, gripping her hips and pulling her down against me.
“Did you think I’d stop loving you?” she murmurs. “I can’t stop, Daniel. You’re a part of me now.”
Warmth radiates through my chest. The only need consuming me now is for her. She unfastens my jeans and slides them off, the bouncing of her tits making my balls ache with lust.
I’m working my legs out of my pants as she grabs a condom from the nightstand and tears it open, her expression intent as she slides it down my erection. I groan from the feel of her fingers on me.
I never thought I’d have this. Living at an isolated mental hospital, where I’m only around patients and staff, I never thought I’d have any sort of partner again. I didn’t even consider a fuck buddy an option. But someone who sets me aflame with her touch? A woman I’d walk through fire for? I didn’t even hope for someone like Ava.
She straddles me and makes fast work of situating my tip at her opening, then sinking down onto me. We groan in unison.
It’s hotter than any fantasy I could imagine. Ava rides me hard and deep, using my cock for her satisfaction. Her mouth is halfway open in a perpetual state of bliss. Every time she says, “Oh, God” or “Daniel,” I have to force myself to hold back. It takes self-control not to grab her hips and pound myself into her. She’s tight and wet, and watching her take pleasure from me is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.
We’re both survivors, she and I. I survived my own mistakes and their fallout, and she survived a deep, violent loss. But pain doesn’t care about fault. It seeps into our bones and becomes a part of us whether we want it to or not. Whether we deserve it or not. Whether we feel strong enough to handle it or not.
She’s grinding against me, moaning as she gets close to climax. It’s a beautiful thing, two survivors finding release and hope in each other. When she comes, I grind my teeth, holding on to my own orgasm until she’s coming down from hers.
With a sated smile, she falls on top of me, breathless. I stroke her wet hair for a few seconds, as content as I’ve ever been.
“I was going to t
ell you anyway,” I say.
“Hmm?” She turns to face me.
“About the DUI and the license suspension. I didn’t only tell you because Sam let it slip at dinner.”
She leans up on an elbow and kisses me softly. “I know you would have.” Snuggling against my chest, she says, “I don’t want to go back, Daniel.”
“To Hawthorne?”
When she exhales, her warm breath dances across my chest. “To a life without this. I don’t want to go back to Hawthorne and pretend I’m not in love with you. But we can’t . . .”
“We’ll figure it out.”
“How?”
I kiss her head and pull her against me, my dick already responding to the feel of her soft body against mine.
“I don’t know yet. But we’ll figure it out, because I’m not going back, either.”
A DROP OF SWEAT TRICKLES down my chest, past the wire a female officer taped to my skin. Here’s hoping it’s waterproof.
“What’s the setup at Dax’s apartment?” Sam asks me. “I looked it up and was surprised to see he lives in a brownstone. Is there security? A maid?”
“No.” I think back to the nights I spent with him at his renovated historic home. “I mean, yes. There’s a security system, so there’s no getting in without setting it off. There’s a camera at the front door. He checks the monitor before he answers it.”
Sam nods and writes something in a notebook. “What about staff? We’ve got surveillance on him and we know there’s no one in there now, but could anyone show up while you’re there?”
I furrow my brow. “No one. His cleaning people come while he’s at work, and he uses a meal delivery service. He doesn’t like people around when he’s home.”
There are four of us in the back of a white van with tinted windows. It’s me, Daniel, Sam, and another detective. I scoot closer to Daniel on our side of the van, my knowledge of Dax’s home bringing on a wave of disgust.
“Okay,” Sam says, looking surprised. “So it should just be him?”
I shrug. “And possibly whoever he fucked last night.”
“A woman has come and gone a couple times since we started surveillance, but she’s not there now.”
Come Closer Page 16
