“You’re in real estate, darling. I shouldn’t have to explain that to you.” She entered the office and sat down in one of the chairs opposite my desk. Shit. “A condo, unless you’re in a huge city, is temporary. A place card. And even if that wasn’t true for some, it’s definitely true for you. Can you honestly tell me the condo is where you want to be?”
“It’s a great little place, especially with the updating I’ve done.”
A painted eyebrow arched. “See, you couldn’t even lie about it. You want a house. A place to put down roots. To make your own. To start a family.”
I scoffed and even attempted to keep the bitterness out of my voice. “Well, we’ve seen how well that’s gone, haven’t we? You think if I buy a house, then all my dreams will come true?”
She studied me for a second. “I knew the life I wanted wasn’t in Dallas. I could’ve waited there forever, waiting for someone to come along, for my dreams to knock on my door. But I didn’t. I packed my suitcases and hit the road, no waiting for this lady.” She lifted her arms with a flair. “And here I am. I wouldn’t be here if I’d kept waiting.”
My blood ran cold at her words. “You think I should move?”
She rolled her eyes. “Good Lord, you can be such a literal straight man, sometimes. No, of course, you shouldn’t move. This is where you want to be. You’ve got the where already, which is a big step. You just don’t have the when.”
I mentally checked to make sure it wasn’t Wednesday. A Tuesday night book club would explain Regina’s logic. But it was Monday, and she didn’t seem the least bit hungover. “I’m sorry, Regina, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
Another eye roll, and then she pushed up out of her chair, tossed a lock of big blond hair over her shoulder, and came to me behind the desk. She took my face in both of her hands. “You’re on pause, sweetheart. You’re sitting in that condo dreaming of the life you want, waiting for the right man to come along so you can have it.”
She wasn’t wrong. But I needed the right man for it to happen. What did she expect me to do?
Regina gave my cheek a motherly stroke with her thumb and leaned in. “Quit waiting.” She kissed my forehead, stared into my eyes for an uncomfortably long time, and then returned to her office.
I drove to the palisade after work, parked at Gilbert’s house, and then took the same small trek through the trees I’d done with Joel. That day seemed like mere seconds ago and yet from another life entirely. And like before, he was there with me. I could feel his hand in mine. As I rounded the clearing, the cliffs and the sea opened up before me, and I swore I could hear his sigh of wonder at the sight. Sense his muscled arm over my shoulder. See his clear green eyes looking into mine.
I’d been so certain.
How could I have been so wrong? So very wrong. With a man who was lying to me. How had I not seen it? It had to be me who was broken. With the other men, at least they hadn’t been deceitful about who they were or what they wanted. But Joel, the one my soul and body responded to like no one else? No part of him had been real. And what must that say about me?
I wandered through the lavender, which was already beginning to fade, and stood at the top of the palisade. I forced myself to look down at the spot where we’d made love on the beach. It was so clear I could practically see us, Joel under me, so beautiful in the afternoon sunlight. Hear our cries of pleasure, even his whispers of love.
Though I knew the truth, knew how the story ended, I couldn’t see the lie as I watched that remembered vision. Couldn’t hear the falsehood in his words.
He’d loved me.
Either that or I was irreparably broken.
I looked away, leaving the Joel and Andrew of two weeks before to make love in an infinite loop on that perfect spot of sand, and stared out at the sun sinking into the sea. Regina was right. I was on pause. That hadn’t really been a secret, to me or anyone else, probably. And maybe there would be other men. Maybe even just one other man. But he would be the consolation prize. I’d already met the man who was my soul mate. I had no doubt about that. Joel was it. He was the man I was supposed to spend my life with. Only, things didn’t go as planned. Whoever was in charge of those types of plans had fucked up.
Regina was right about another thing as well. I had to stop living on pause. I’d gotten what I’d been waiting for, even if only for a few days. It wouldn’t come again, so I’d be waiting forever. No more.
I let out a shaky breath. Letting the terror settle over me. I could deal with the fear, deal with the disappointment, and even deal with the loss of Joel. Maybe one day I’d even be thankful for the time we had, as so many would never even get that. I wasn’t there yet, but maybe. Either way, it was time to live my dreams as best I could. No more waiting.
The sun had drowned by the time I walked back from the cliff, through the trees, and to my truck. Gilbert’s cabin, despite its beauty, looked forlorn in the evening gloom. It apparently felt like I did. It’d had Joel’s and my love in it for a moment. Maybe it had pictured the years to come, filled with laughter and sex. With a dog and children. The smell of bread and roast and Thanksgiving pies. All the things that turn a house into a home. It had tasted its dreams and lost them.
I turned away, the house’s heartbreak too much to add to my own. As I drove away, I spared a glance in the rearview mirror and hit the brake so suddenly I smashed against the steering wheel with a yelp. having forgotten to fasten my seat belt. Slipping the truck into park, I studied the cottage in the mirror, then picked up my phone and called Gilbert.
“Oh dear God, Andrew! He is the cutest thing in the world.” Dad took the puppy from my arms. “And talk about a cock magnet. Every time you take this little guy out for a walk, you’re going to have to beat the men away with a stick. Or just take them all home with you. Not sure why you’d beat them with a stick, actually.”
“You’re awful!” Regina smacked his arm as she giggled and then leered at me. “He’s right, though, just what you need in every way.”
“You’re both awful.” Mom looked at Patrick for confirmation, and he nodded. “Maybe a little less talk of cock during this year’s Fourth of July celebration. We don’t need a repeat of last year.”
“Let loose a little, dear. If I recall, by the time the night was over, you ended up having quite a good time at last year’s party.” Dad nuzzled the puppy, rubbing their noses together.
“That’s because you spiked my drink.” Mom turned to me and smiled. “He is a sweet puppy, dear. I think he’s just what you need.”
“What’d you name him?” Heather reached over Dad’s shoulder and ruffled the pup’s ears.
He was doing well, considering nearly the entire Kelly and Bryant clans were gathered around him, as well as half of the partiers. Of course, what golden retriever puppy didn’t love as much attention as possible? “Morris. After Grandpa.”
Mom beamed. “Naming him after a town founder. Perfect.”
Regina and Dad exchanged glances.
Mom kept going. “I am a little worried about the fireworks. They can startle most dogs.”
“I know. I’ll go into the house when everyone goes down to the beach. He’ll be fine. Maybe next year Morris can join us.”
I spent most of the party letting Morris get passed from person to person and finally put a stop to it when he began to look tired, and then I just held him in my arms. I’d only had him for two days, but I already couldn’t picture life without him. How I’d made it all these years in my lonely condo without a dog was ridiculous. I found a corner of the patio and settled in. Lamont was nearby and smiled at me occasionally; he didn’t love large parties.
Usually, I’d be up, flitting from person to person, making sure everyone had everything they needed. But for this year at least, it was a little slice of heaven to be surrounded by the noise and bustle of the townspeople I loved so much, but a little separate from it all. I was blanketed by the cheerful buzz of their chatter and by the warmth
and affection of Morris falling asleep in my arms.
If I sat there too long, I’d join him and be lost to sleep. The past two weeks since the cliff had been a whirlwind of change. I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. And despite the constant thrum of sadness at Joel’s absence, I was starting to feel happy again, or at least somewhat content. Strange how much a person could transform in such a short time. Some of my joy had been lost, but in its place, a solid core had started to grow, and I truly felt more grounded than ever before.
My folks were making their rounds, checking to make sure guests got one last drink before everyone headed to the beach for the firework display. I was dozing off. Chances were, by the time I got home with Morris, we’d both be asleep on the couch before the fireworks were halfway through.
I felt my head drift down, and I jerked it back up, blinking to stay awake. Beside me, Lamont sucked in a sharp breath. I turned to find him staring wide-eyed into the crowd of guests. I followed his gaze and then gave a gasp of my own.
Joel stood twenty feet away, partly lit under the string of lights overhead. He looked beautiful as ever in his dark wash jeans and light blue shirt. His hair was thick and windblown, so different from the slicked-back reserve of the night we met. His green eyes found mine across the short distance, and I saw desire. Just like I had weeks ago. But now there wasn’t just lust in his gaze; there was fear.
He started to move toward me and then halted, obviously unsure what to do. Such a strange thing to see in a man who was always so certain.
Joel was back. My heart leaped, joy sweeping over me, then washing away as quickly as it came. The scene in my office flooded my mind, the memory of what Joel had done and why he’d been in Lavender Shores making certain I didn’t get caught up in a fantasy, no matter how much he resembled one.
If I were smart, I’d get up, walk away, and refuse to look back. I stood and turned to Lamont, passing the sleeping pup into his arms. “Will you watch Morris for me?”
“Of course. I’ll skip the fireworks and take him to my place.”
“No need to do that. I’d hate for you to—”
“Shut up, Andrew.” He cut me off. “We both know I’m looking for a reason to cut out early. And”—he nodded toward Joel—“the two of you are going to need some time.”
“No, we won’t. He’s probably here to deliver some papers from a lawyer saying that Lavender Shores has to accept his stupid coffee company.”
“No, he isn’t.” Lamont leveled his gaze at me. “Don’t be stubborn or turn away your dreams because he hurt you.”
“Aren’t you supposed to convince me to tell him to fuck off and remind me that I’m too good for him? Are you forgetting your role of big brother?”
“I’d rather see you happy.” He smiled gently, though there was sadness in his expression. “Quit talking to me, and go find out if he’s here for coffee or your heart.”
“And I thought you said you couldn’t write a good romance.” I turned away from him, but halted in my tracks at the sight of Joel again. He really was there. Still looking beautiful and terrified.
He lifted his brows questioningly, as if he expected me to do what I should, flip him off and walk away.
Instead, I crossed through the crowd, a few of whom were clearly watching us, and stopped just out of arm’s length. “You’re here.” Brilliant. Though for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what I should say instead.
“Yeah.” He nodded, started to step closer, but stopped in an awkward halt. “Is that okay?”
Yes. Yes. Yes. The most okay thing in the world. “I guess that depends on why you’re here.” I forced a hardness into my tone that I didn’t feel but knew I should display. “If you’re hoping to discuss coffee, then I suggest you get the hell out of town.”
Joel didn’t even flinch. “I’m not here for coffee.”
This time my anger was a bit more genuine. “Maybe I shouldn’t be so specific. If you’re here for any business venture with the Harvest Corporation hidden somewhere in the shadows, leaving as fast as you can would be the smartest choice.”
He shook his head. “I’m not. I don’t even have a job.”
I tried to process his words. “What?”
“I don’t have a job.” His lips curved into a smile, but it faltered and faded quickly. “I’m no longer associated with Harvest or any other business with the Rhodes name behind it.”
He’d left his father’s company? As in… left? As in… he was here for… me? “What?”
This time his smile stayed, but his gaze flicked behind me for a second, then back to me. “You got a dog?”
Dog? “Oh yeah. Morris.”
“A golden retriever?”
I nodded.
And damn him if I didn’t see hope spark in his eyes. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
Twenty
Joel
I’d practiced what I’d say to Andrew on a continual loop over the past four days. Ever since I’d walked out of my father’s high-rise. I think I started rehearsing in the elevator on my way back down. Without the hope Andrew would take me back, I might have crawled my way up to my father’s office and begged to return.
How he had screamed. Screamed like I’d not heard in nearly two decades. Not since my mother left. For once, his cool, disapproving stare hadn’t done its work. For some strange reason, I’d not practiced what I was going to tell my father. I’d been too caught up in my decision to fight for Andrew. Too overwhelmed by the realization that without him by my side, nothing else mattered. For once in my life, I’d not considered what my father would say. I simply walked into his office, waited for him to finish reading his computer screen, and blurted out, “I’m leaving the company.”
As soon as the words left my lips, two things happened. My heart calmed for the first time since leaving Lavender Shores. The decision was made. Whether he’d take me back or not, I was on my way to Andrew. And, I realized my lack of preparation in adjusting for my father’s reaction.
He was stone cold, which wasn’t unusual. But there was a dangerous edge in his tone that rarely made an appearance, and never with me. “I’m sorry. What?”
My brain scrambled for a plan, to come up with some way to ease into the news. But it was too late. The words had been spoken. To soften them would only lessen their resolve, diminish what I felt for Andrew. So, I settled for the truth, knowing there’d be hell to pay. “I’m leaving Harvest, Father. I love Andrew, and I want to build a life with him. If he’ll have me.”
“Have you lost your mind?” Still cold. Still granite.
“Probably.” Despite myself, I laughed. “Whether I have or not, I know I’m miserable. I know that I’ve never wanted anyone like him. Never wanted anything as much as I want to build a life with him.”
He rolled his eyes. “Then bring him here. That way when you tire of him, your life can continue.”
I opened my mouth, ready to argue. Offended and needing to defend my feelings for Andrew. Stupid. I was talking to my father about love. Nothing would come of that. “He needs to be in Lavender Shores. I won’t ask him to leave all he loves.”
He studied me. Perhaps trying to judge if I was losing my mind, which maybe I was. Whatever he saw, though, cut off his argument. He didn’t try to persuade me. “You are going to throw your life away for a man you were with for a matter of days.” It wasn’t a question. “You are a fool like your mother.”
I nearly pointed out that she’d not run away for the sake of love, but simply to escape him. “No, I’m not throwing my life away. I’m simply choosing a different one. One not centered around business and coffee and making the next million dollars.”
“You are a fool.”
Again, I tried to think of something to say. Something to help smooth this over. Again, I came up with nothing. To keep going would only make matters worse. “Sorry, Father.” I rose, considered offering my hand, thought better of it, and headed toward the door.
I
was less than three feet from making my escape when a picture frame flew past my shoulder, barely missing my head, and shattered against the wall. “No! No son of mine will be this stupid. This weak! Sit your ass back down in this chair.”
For a split second, I considered running. Instead, I turned slowly, but stayed where I was. “Sorry, Dad. My mind is made up. I’m leaving Harvest.” I hated the tremor I heard in my voice at my next words. “I’d like to keep my relationship with you, though.”
He sneered. “Get your ass back in this chair, like I said.”
His expression made me wonder if he was the one losing his mind instead of me. “No, Dad.” Even as the words left my mouth, my body moved to obey him, so used to satisfying his every whim. I came to a stop after just a step or two. If I stayed any longer, I might give in, no matter what my heart demanded. “I’m leaving. I’ll call you later, though. After we’ve had time to calm down.”
“If you walk out that door, you are cut off. From the business, from the money, all of it. You will no longer be my son. No longer be a Rhodes.”
Part of me wanted to laugh. It was such a cliché. If I had played it out in my mind, I would’ve expected more of him. I nearly reminded him that I had my own fortune by this point, and that I was a Rhodes. Regardless. Again, it was all pointless.
Cliché or not, there would be no arguing with him, and I knew without a doubt his words were final.
A wave of loss shot through me, but I pushed it aside, allowed the sliver of freedom to take root. Focusing on the hope I had for Andrew, I shook my head. “Sorry, Father. I love you, but I’m leaving.”
He began to scream, his rage such that his words slurred as he snatched items off his desk and began to throw them at me. I was out the door and in the stairwell within a matter of steps, my mind already on Andrew. Planning what it would be like to see him again, going through the words I’d say. The apologies I’d have to make. The begging I’d do.
The Palisade (Lavender Shores) Page 19
