She drew in a controlling breath. 'I visited Clara and Eric Hayes, and they very kindly invited me to spend the night and following day with them. Their son Rick was the one who brought me breakfast in bed. What did you say?' she asked as Marcus muttered something under his breath.
'I said damn you!' he repeated fiercely. 'Why did you do that to me?' he demanded. 'Aren't I enough of a cripple without making me feel less of a man by flaunting your other lovers in my face?'
Olivia had paled at the accusation, the defensive hand she put up dropping lifelessly back to her side. 'I didn't do that. I only—'
'You only made me feel inadequate, incapable of being your lover! And to think I've been sitting here in this chair wishing to be just that!' he derided himself.
She was the reason for his depression of the last few weeks?
'Marcus—'
'Get out of here, Olivia.' He turned away from her. 'And that isn't a request, it's an order. I don't think I can bear to have you around me any more.'
'I'll leave you alone for a while,' she agreed desperately, very much afraid that he meant much more than that. 'I can come back at dinner, and then we—'
'I meant I think you should go from the house, Olivia,' he told her dully. 'I don't need you here any more.'
'But—'
'You know it's true,' he continued remorselessly. 'I'm taking no medication, not even sleeping pills,' he mocked her constant nagging at him to discontinue them, something he had acquiesced to several days ago. Whether or not he was sleeping without them he hadn't told her, and she hadn't liked to ask. 'I don't need a nurse any longer, you know it and so do I.'
'I—'
'It will be better for everyone if you leave, best for you and certainly best for me.' His face was averted from her, his expression rigid. 'I no longer need a nurse,' he repeated determinedly.
'How about a friend?'
He turned on her fiercely at the softly spoken question. 'You and I could never be friends,' he bit out icily.
'That isn't true—'
'I don't want to be your friend, Olivia.' Marcus stood up to move forcefully about the room. 'But then you already knew that, have been aware of it since the first.'
'The first?' she repeated sharply, instantly alerted.
'Since the moment you walked into my hospital room and started tormenting me with your hard little voice, throwing out those tiny barbs to get a response. Oh, of course I knew what you were doing,' he mocked her dismayed gasp, his mouth twisting. 'But underneath the anger was a sexual awareness, an awareness you may not have been averse to exploring. Unfortunately it didn't meet up to my expectations. It no longer suits me to have you here,' he added cruelly.
She swallowed hard. 'I see,' she moistened suddenly dry lips. 'I'll have to have Simon's approval before I go—after all, he is your doctor.'
Marcus breathed harshly. 'I'm also a doctor, and I'm quite capable of deciding that I can manage without a nurse. You asked me earlier if it's just you I won't discuss my blindness with.' He turned directly towards her. 'I believe it is.'
She gave a choked cry, feeling as if he had just struck her, as indeed verbally he had.
'Would it be too soon for you to leave tomorrow?'
She gulped, knowing that this time there was to be no respite, that Marcus was implacable. 'Not if that's when you want me to go.'
'I think so,' he nodded woodenly. 'And, Olivia…' he stopped her as she reached the door.
'Yes?' she turned eagerly, hope fading as she saw he wasn't even looking her way.
'I'm pleased about Sally and Simon. I'm sure they'll be happy together.'
'Yes,' she agreed dully, 'so am I. Sally is a young woman who knows what she wants.' And got it. Oh, how she wished she could have the man she wanted too, the man she loved. But he was turning her out of his house, out of his life, probably for ever.
Marcus didn't answer her; the conversation was over as far as he was concerned. The whole thing was over as far as he was concerned, now he just wanted to get on with the rest of his life, without her help. And he was right, medically he no longer needed her, and now that their verbal disputes had more or less come to an end he no longer needed her for mental stimulation. And he no longer needed her because he wasn't attracted to her sexually any more! Oh, how she wished she had realised the attraction, she would have taken any opportunity she could to be in his arms.
Simon was as disappointed with her leaving as she was, but like her, there was nothing he could do about it if Marcus had made up his mind. She managed to keep her own mind a blank as she began to pack her things into the two cases she had brought with her when she arrived a few weeks ago, her dejection not entirely due to the fact that she had failed Marcus as a nurse, she had failed him as a woman too, had made him feel less than the sensually attractive man he would always be. It would be better for them all if she left now.
She looked up as a light knock sounded on the door, her hopes dying an instant death as logic took over. Marcus hadn't given the impression that he ever wanted to see or talk to her again, and even if he did he wasn't likely to knock. He hadn't the previous time he had come to her room. 'Come in,' she invited almost wearily, her assumptions proving correct when Sally walked into the room.
'Grandmother is busy packing, and—What's going on?' the younger girl frowned as she saw the open suitcases on Olivia's bed, both of them partially full as she continued to put her neatly folded clothes inside the suitcase behind her. 'Are you leaving?' Sally realised slowly.
'That seems to be the general idea,' Olivia answered brightly.
'But why? I don't understand.' Sally came to sit on the bed next to the cases. 'Have you and Daddy argued again? You don't have to leave because of that, I'm sure he'll have forgotten about it by tomorrow.'
'We haven't argued,' Olivia assured her.
'Then why this?' Sally held up one of the skirts from the suitcase.
'Hey,' Olivia reprimanded gently, 'I've just packed that!'
'Sorry.' The girl put it neatly back in place. 'But why are you leaving, is it because of what Grandmother said about you earlier? She doesn't understand—'
'Your grandmother has nothing to do with my going,' Olivia told Sally truthfully, not halting in her packing, needing to have something to do with her hands so that the other girl shouldn't see how they were trembling.
'She's leaving herself tomorrow, she couldn't get a flight today—'
'It has nothing to do with your grandmother,' Olivia repeated forcefully, her cool reserve breaking momentarily. She took a deep controlling breath. 'Your father and I have—talked, and decided I'm no longer necessary.'
'But—'
'And Simon agrees,' she added softly.
Sally's eyes widened at the mention of his name, her respect for Simon having deepened during the time they had been going out together, and she very much valued his opinion. 'He does?' she asked uncertainly.
'He does,' Olivia nodded.
Sally still looked puzzled. 'Are you sure you and Daddy haven't argued? All this is a bit sudden, isn't it?'
'I suppose so,' Olivia shrugged, her nerves becoming taut with the tension of getting through this conversation. 'But once a nurse is no longer—needed, then she—she may as well go,' her voice began to quiver. 'That was the only reason I was able to come here so promptly in the first place, you know that. Now don't you think you should go and talk to your grandmother?' she reprimanded gently. 'She seems rather upset that you won't go to France with her.'
'She always is,' Sally dismissed.
Olivia schooled her expression to remain only casually interested. 'What was your mother doing in France when she—when she died?, Were you all on holiday there?'
Sally shook her head. 'Mummy lived there.'
'In France?' Olivia gasped. What was Ruth Hamilton doing living in France when Marcus had never moved out of London?
'Mm,' the girl nodded. 'But surely you knew that?' she frowned.
Olivia loo
ked startled by the assumption. 'Why should I know where your mother lived?'
'I thought Daddy might have mentioned it to you,' Sally shrugged. 'Mummy went to live there after they separated.'
'But surely—I thought she came back,' Olivia said dazedly.
'Sometimes, for holidays, things like that,' Sally nodded. 'But my stepfather was never keen on coming to England.' She grimaced. 'I can't say I ever liked him particularly. He was ten years younger than Mummy, and a bit of a flirt.'
Olivia swallowed hard, completely stunned by what Sally had told her. It seemed that Marcus's reconciliation with his wife had not only failed, but that Ruth had also divorced him and married someone else. Heavens, no wonder he was in torment!
'Still, Mummy seemed happy enough with him.' Sally got up off the bed. 'I really wish you were staying, Olivia,' she added softly. 'Daddy doesn't know what he's doing by dismissing you.'
'Oh, I think he does,' Olivia sighed softly. 'I've been like a barb in his side ever since I came here,' and after what Sally had just told her she might have been more so than she had ever imagined. Twice Marcus had called out in his sleep begging Ruth to come back to him, denying he had ever wanted or needed a girl called Olivia. She knew she had to be that Olivia, could it be that she had been instrumental in his reconciliation with Ruth failing? Sybil Carr had warned her six years ago that Ruth wouldn't care for the fact that Marcus had been amusing himself with a little nurse. She had also accused him, only hours ago, of forcing Ruth into another man's arms.
Olivia knew she would have to leave here, the possibility that Marcus would one day realise she was the Olivia who had made Ruth leave was something that could seriously harm him in his condition. She had told him she would leave in the morning, and that was exactly what she would do. But not before she had seen him once more.
Her dinner remained uneaten on the tray Sally had brought up to her room, the thought of sitting at the same table with Sybil Carr after the accusations she had made totally unpalatable to her. The deliciously cooked food held no appeal for her either, and the time dragged by slowly until she felt sure Marcus would be asleep, knowing this was the only way she would get to see him again.
The light had once again been left on in his room, but the man on the bed was fast asleep, only a sheet pulled up over his naked torso, a pair of black pyjama trousers resting low down on his hips. Olivia had seen him like this numerous times during the weeks she had been working here, but he still made her breath catch in her throat at his male beauty. He was much leaner than he had been six years ago, but he was still tautly muscled, and exuded an aura of power that made her fingertips tremble as she lightly touched his chest. Her hand moved away as if she had been burnt as he stirred restlessly in his sleep, relaxing once again as he merely turned over and away from her as she sat on the side of the bed.
'I never meant to hurt you, Marcus,' she told him softly, able to tell him exactly how she felt now that he was asleep and so couldn't hear her. 'I never meant to make you feel less of a man, I would have gladly shared your bed if I had once thought you really cared for me. Oh, darling, I—I've never stopped caring for you, not even when you hurt me so badly,' her voice broke emotionally. 'I wish you had been my lover, Marcus,' she added achingly. 'At least then I should have something to remember, something good between us.'
Her tears fell unbidden as she continued to look down at the leanly muscled back of the man she loved, unable to resist the urge to touch him yet again, loving the ripple of power beneath her fingertips, smooth skin only lightly covered with dark hair, his chest more so, the hair there thick and wiry.
'If you ever do want me, ever need me,' she began to talk again, softly, so as not to disturb him, 'I'll always be here.' She stood up reluctantly, turning to leave, knowing that if she didn't go now then she wouldn't go at all. And she couldn't bear his derision if she gave in to the impulse to share his bed.
Her own room seemed cold and lonely, and she climbed miserably beneath the covers, the pillow beneath her muffling the sound of her sobbing. She had known that to come here would cause her pain, and it was a pain that was tenfold what she had felt six years ago. She didn't even know where she was going tomorrow when she left here—and she didn't really care either. She had never felt such helplessness with life before.
'Olivia.'
She froze at the sound of that voice, turning slowly to see Marcus standing in the doorway. She blinked hard, sure she was imagining things.
'Can I come in?' he requested huskily.
She hadn't imagined him at all, he really was here. She gave him a panicked look—had he been awake all the time, had he heard the things she said as she said goodbye to him?
'I woke up a few minutes ago and couldn't get back to sleep.' His words reassured her that he hadn't. 'I had to come and say goodbye to you. I'm sure you weren't going to come to me before you left in the morning,' he added derisively. 'Were you?' he prompted at her silence.
Olivia moistened her lips, uncertain how to answer him, not even sure that she could.
'Would you mind if I come in?' he repeated softly. 'I wouldn't want Sybil to indulge in her nocturnal wanderings and jump to the wrong conclusions again,' he added mockingly.
Her spine stiffened, and she sat up suddenly. 'Please, come in,' she invited disjointedly. 'If you think we have any more to say to each other.' She held her breath as he came in and closed the door behind him, terrified he might not think they had and walked away.
'Don't worry,' he taunted as he walked surely to the side of the bed, his only clothing still the pair of black pyjama trousers, his hair tousled from sleep. 'I haven't come to try and persuade you into not leaving.' His mouth twisted. 'We both know I no longer need that constant attention.'
Olivia swallowed hard. 'Yes.'
'But there's something I do need.'
'Yes?' She instantly cursed herself for her eagerness, chewing on her bottom lip. 'Er—What's that?'
Marcus sat on the side of her bed, leaning forward, his hands moving lightly up her arms, across her bare shoulders to cup her face. 'I wish I could see you,' he muttered with a sigh. 'You're beautiful, aren't you?'
'No—'
'Yes, you are,' he said roughly. 'I asked Sally weeks ago and she told me you are. Your hair is like a flame shot through with sunlight, your skin is smooth and creamy, and you have eyes the colour of the deepest emeralds, big eyes that totally dominate your face. And a mouth that I ache to kiss!'
Olivia's breath left her in a gasp. 'Marcus…'
'Do you have any idea how much I've longed to kiss you?' he continued as if she hadn't spoken. 'How much I've needed to kiss you?' His voice roughened. 'But you've always been so damned efficient, so much the nurse. Is there a woman in there?' he mocked.
'You know there is,' she groaned, feeling weak. 'You once came here and spent the night with me.'
'Only part of it,' he reminded her harshly. 'You threw me out.'
'I had to.'
'Are you going to throw me out tonight too?' he rasped.
'Your mother-in-law—'
'Damn Sybil!' he dismissed raggedly. 'Are you going to send me away?'
She trembled beneath his touch, totally mesmerised by the hard beauty of his face in the moonlight as he looked down at her, tense as he waited for her reply. 'No,' she gave the only answer she could.
'Olivia?' Marcus prompted her barely discernible reply.
'I said no!' Her voice was raised almost angrily. 'No, I won't send you away,' she repeated raggedly. 'I won't ever send you away. Don't you know that yet?'
'Kiss me, Olivia,' he demanded arrogantly. 'If you don't soon kiss me I'm going to go insane!'
With a choked cry she raised her mouth to his, instantly feeling his response as his lips opened over hers. The kiss was deep and intimate, Marcus's hands knowledgeable on her shoulders as she slid the ribbon straps of her nightgown down her arms, the silky material falling down about her waist. She gasped as one of his hands gently
cupped her breast, and an ache built deep within her as he continued to caress her, probing the sensitivity of her lips until with a groan he lowered her back on to the bed. Olivia clung to the broadness of his shoulders in a world that had suddenly gone wild, only Marcus himself seeming like reality.
'You're beautiful,' he murmured gratingly as he kissed his way slowly down her throat, his hand leaving her breast now as his mouth paid homage to its beauty, kissing every silken inch before taking the deep red tip between his lips, holding her beneath him with ease as passion ripped through her body, cupping her other breast before that too received the same intense caresses. 'So beautiful,' he muttered on the journey down the taut flatness of her stomach, as he dispatched her nightgown to the floor, his lips and hands knowing her body better than his eyes ever could. But it still wasn't enough for him, and he swore under his breath as she arched in ecstasy, her head thrown back in abandon. 'God, how I wish I could see you,' he rasped. 'Wish I could see how you look with your hair spread out across the pillow, your eyes passion-drugged—for me.'
'It isn't important—'
'To me it is!'
'No,' she insisted firmly, coming up on her knees beside him, framing his dearly-loved face with tender hands. 'Let me show you,' she begged.
'Another lesson in psychology?' he snapped his bitterness.
'I won't let you do this to us again, Marcus,' she told him determinedly.
'Do what to us?' He lay back on the pillow, his eyes closed, deep lines grooved beside his nose and mouth. 'I was a fool to come here. Do you let all your patients make love to you to ease their tension?' he scorned.
She held on to her own temper with effort, knowing he was deliberately trying to anger her. And this time she wasn't going to let him do it. 'Why should I exclude them when the doctors have that privilege?' She watched as he flinched. 'I'm only telling you what you wanted to hear, Marcus. Only you see it isn't true,' her voice softened. 'No doctor, no patient, no one has ever made love to me,' she told him clearly. 'I've never wanted anyone to make love to me—until now. I want you, Marcus, and I'm going to make love to you.'
Everlasting Love Page 15
