by Night, H. T.
I was too late with the comment. The guy had opened his door and was now standing in front of Tommy. It didn’t get any better for the guy because he towered over Tommy. He was about 6’4 and weighed around 300 pounds. He fully expected Tommy to back off once he saw how enormous he was. No dice. Tommy ate guys like him for lunch.
“Get in the fucking vehicle, Tommy.” I yelled. I’ll take care of this.”
I jumped out of my truck on my side. Now we were holding up traffic. “Look man,” I said. “No harm, no foul. I’ll make it real easy for you to walk away. You cut me off and I am a polite driver, so it’s no big deal. I’m going to give you a chance to be able to walk away from this situation in one piece. I know that sounds absurd because we are both half your size, but trust me on this one. This would not end well for you.”
The guy stared down at me and was shocked at my boldness. “You’re obviously joking, blue eyes.”
“He thinks you’re joking, Josiah. Let’s show him how we like to joke, ” Tommy laughed.
“Tommy, get in the truck!” I turned the guys and said, “Look we’re holding up traffic. If you want to continue this, we can pull into the Carl’s Jr. parking lot and we can take care of business without stopping traffic, which is a crime. People want to get home from work and eat dinner. Let’s not hold up their fun.”
The guy stared at me and my confidence was throwing him through a loop. He had no idea why a guy half his size would be so sure of himself.
“All right, blue eyes, I’ll meet you over at Carl’s Jr.”
The guy jumped back in his truck and screeched to the exit.
I got back in my truck and looked at Tommy. “All right, let’s go get the cribs.”
“Are you kidding, Josiah? We’re not going to show that guy he can’t act like that?”
“Seriously, can we have one time where we aren’t saving the world from fuck-ups in society? Let’s let this guy go. He is so not worth it. And you picked a fight over almost nothing.”
“Wow, Josiah, never thought I’d see you back down.”
“It’s not backing down. I’m prioritizing my choices. I would much rather buy cribs for my kids than bash some fat ass guy’s head in. If I don’t go home with cribs tonight, my children might have to sleep in a cardboard box with a blanket in it.”
“You’re an idiot if you don’t also go in a jewelry store and bring Lena home a set of rings and get on your knees to her. What’s wrong with you, Josiah?” And Tommy made some chicken clucking noises.
“Hey, I’m not chicken and we were talking about the guy who cut me off in traffic, not Lena’s naked ring finger. Think about all we’ve been through and tell me if some redneck in a tractor truck is worth getting into a fight over because he cut me off?”
Tommy calmed down for a second and then smiled. “You know, five years ago I would have let that go?”
“Five years ago, you would have killed him.”
“Yeah, you’re right. But you’re gonna be a father any day now.”
“God, Tommy. I am. What the hell am I going to do with twins? I’ve never changed a diaper in my life!”
“I think you’ll have plenty of chances to do that, bro,” Tommy said drily.
Chapter Six
Tommy and I found a parking spot that was about a mile from the mall, and walked back, so I wouldn’t have to deal with big blue-trucked douche bag in the parking lot. I had shit to do before the stores closed.
We ended up at a baby store in the mall. They had a giant sale on cribs but I was pretty sure they always had a giant sale on cribs. I’m not sure what I would have done, in terms of money, if it wasn’t for Hector’s generosity. The guy literally gave each of us an allowance each month. He even gave us a bonus this month because it was Christmas. Ha, vampires celebrating Christmas. Who would have thought it? I had never asked Hector, ever, to give me a dime. But each month, I had about $10,000 dropped into my bank account. He even had been helping Tommy out, since the ordeal in Mexico. Tommy proved his loyalty to the group after what he endured in Mexico.
Hector had had a girlfriend awhile back, but they broke up around Halloween. Since then, he and Wyatt had made up for lost bro time. The two of them were always together. I used to think they were gay. I later realized that they just got each other, best friends—like Tommy and me. No one else got either one of them, but somehow, they got each other.
So, here I was with Tommy in the mall, each carrying a very heavy box. “Have mercy, Tommy. On the box. it says this crib is a two-man lift.”
“Hey, I am carrying a two-man-lift crib, too, ya pussy,” Tommy quipped.
“Ah, thank you, bro. My back isn’t killing me, now that I know you have to carry one, too.” Tommy and I had history that rivaled epic twosomes. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid had nothing on us. We were brothers to the core.
“Pizza, dude,” Tommy hinted. “Before Sbarro’s closes.”
We dragged our cribs and bags of baby blankets and stuff to Sbarro’s and I watched Tommy wolf down a large pepperoni pizza in about five minutes, while I ordered two slices of Hawaiian pizza, a la carte, and ate them at a normal pace. We washed them down with large Cokes and Tommy’s belch was the signal that we were done eating.
“Onward,” I said to him. As we made our way to the front of the mall, each carrying a hefty crib in a box, I saw a jewelry store and stopped in front of it. “Hey, Tommy, hold on. I need to go in there.”
“A jewelry store?”
“It’s for Lena.”
“No shit, Sherlock! What have I been saying to you tonight? But then again we could get matching BFF bracelets made out of gold.”
“Shuddup!” I said, and grinned at him.
And then, Tommy was egging me on. “It’s the right thing to do, Josiah. Screw what is done or not done in Mani society. You love her. She loves you. Kids are coming. And she’s a girl with serious emotional needs. If you don’t marry her, she’s gonna nag you and whine for years about how you wouldn’t marry her when she was pregnant. Your kids will know it when they are old enough. And they will think you were a shithead for not marrying her after you knocked her up and put those two buns in the oven. Man up, sucka!”
“You’re making sense, Tommy. Don’t make me say just what a standup guy you are and how politely you talk about Lena.”
“Damn straight I am standup, bro. And…you are the Chosen One and you can set a precedent for all of us. If anyone says boo to you about marrying Lena, I’ve got your back. You know this.”
I nodded. “I love you, man. You have always got my back.”
Tommy and I set our boxes down at the front of the store. He punched me in the upper arm.
“Ow, what the hell was that for?” I asked.
“For luck. And to remind you that you should always listen to Tommy.”
I rubbed my arm and we walked in the jewelry store. Somewhere in the back, a little bell tinkled to let someone know they had a customer in the store. The shop was dead, considering it was Christmas time.
And, just like a starved bird waiting for a worm, the second we walked in, the lady from behind the counter put down her Cosmo magazine and pounced on us. She was a cute girl, around our age. Early twenties. She hung her boobs over the glass counter at us, wearing a low-cut dress with a diamond necklace that disappeared into her cleavage.
I tore my eyes away from her rack and looked inside the cases and quickly saw why business might not be blooming. I wasn’t into jewelry, but I knew when prices were ridiculous.
“You know, diamonds are a girl’s best friend,” she said as hokey as I ever heard an opening sales’ lines as I ever heard.
“Well, then I’m glad I brought my boyfriend with me,” I said jokingly.
“Hey, diamonds are anyone’s best friend. Whatever floats your boat? I say live and let live.”
“I was kidding. I’m sad to say we are just friends and, I’m buying something for my girlfriend.” I looked down at her name tag: Theresa.
<
br /> She nodded, waiting.
“So, Theresa,” I said, “I’m actually thinking about a diamond ring for my girlfriend. An engagement ring with a matching wedding ring.”
“Seriously?” Tommy said to me.
“Yes, Tommy, I have a pregnant girlfriend. I’m sorry I can’t return the romantic feelings you have for me.”
“You know what I’m talking about. You’re really planning on proposing to Lena?” He was just playing with me now. He knew darn well that I hate shopping so much that I just never go in a store to look. If I go in a store, I buy what I came for.
“Why wouldn’t I? She is carrying my twins.”
“I know she is, but you have never mentioned it to me. That you planned to make an honest woman of her.”
“Funny boy. We just talked about it and you punched me for good luck. Do I need to run everything I do by you?”
“Of course not.” Tommy was quiet. “But, the really big stuff, I would think you would. I didn’t know you were serious when you said you were buying her a ring tonight.”
“Well, sorry I didn’t run this one by you. Lena had a big talk with me this morning about us, and I figured it was time for me to make the plunge. To man up, just like you said. I was thinking about it the whole time she was pregnant and you said it out loud, probably picking up on my Lena vibes.”
“Look, I can’t believe it took you this long to propose.”
“I didn’t. Yet.”
“Oh. I just wish you would have told me. That you were going to really marry her.”
“Look, I wasn’t even sure myself. But yeah, I’m planning on proposing. What do you think?”
“For serious? I think it’s incredible.”
“Good, now can I pick a ring out for my future wife before our kids get here?”
Tommy laughed. “Of course, just don’t get anything too gaudy. Dainty and elegant, like Lena.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
After about an hour of me looking through rings, I finally settled on one that was a beauty. It was a little over $14,000. It was a two-carat Asscher-cut diamond. It was the most gorgeous ring in the store. Theresa wrapped it up in a velvet black box.
I felt a bit numb at the experience as I tucked the receipt into my pocket as we left the store. I didn’t know if I felt bad about putting fourteen grand on Hector’s credit card for Lena instead of for our cause or if it was about what I had ahead of me: Married with children.
“You’re awful quiet, bro,” Tommy said.
“Yeah. I am. Asking Lena to marry me is a bit sobering. I have had a lot of responsibility as of late, but marriage and family will be a whole new chapter in that category. My balls are shrinking up, thinking of it all, how I will change, and how she will. I don’t even know how to ask her without it sounding like I am doing it just because she is pregnant.”
“Aren’t you?” Tommy challenged me.
I exhaled a hard breath.
“No shame in admitting that to yourself, Josiah. You’ll do fine, bro. And I was just razzing you about marrying her and all that junk about what your kids would say if they found out they were born out of wedlock. I was just talking outta my ass like you know I always do, because I am the world’s biggest bullshitter. I didn’t mean for you to take me seriously and run and buy a ring that same freaking hour.”
“Well, you were right, Tom. About all of it. If there was ever a time to man up, it’s now. Later would just be anticlimactic. And it would hurt Lena if she had to wear me down with whining to get what she wanted. For her heart. For our sons.”
“Yeah,” Tommy said. He looked thoughtful. We stood in front of the mall, each of us with a giant heavy box of crib parts to assemble. “Let’s put these down,” Tommy said, and we each rested our crib boxes on the ground. “I want to say something. I feel like I am losing you as my best friend. You’re going to be married and Lena and your kids are going to be your world. I hardly get enough bro time as it is.”
I shook my head. “Our friendship runs deeper than a wife and kids,” I assured him. “Why don’t you wait here? I’ll run and get the truck. There is no reason to kill ourselves carrying these heavy crib boxes to the truck.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about that. You’re speaking my language, brother. I’m chilled here with the big boxes of baby beds and bags of sheets and blankets and baby pacifiers and other crapola. You can leave the ring, too. I think it’ll look pretty on my pinky finger.”
“Nope. Safe right here.” I patted my front pocket where I placed the ring. I was going to keep it on my person until I proposed. I still had no idea how I would do that part. It would be almost impossible to do it before she gave birth, but I thought it should be beforehand. Maybe I was being selfish, but I want to do the proposal right. Not just hand her a ring while she was lying on her back with her legs up in stirrups, getting ready to deliver the boys. The hard way.
I hurried down the parking lot row and made my way to my white truck. As I approached my white truck, I was suddenly taken aback. I stopped and stared at my vehicle. It was completely torn up with scratches. It had been keyed about a thousand times. Someone had scraped their keys all over my paint job. Whoever it was put over $4,000 worth of paint and body damage on my truck. I stood there dumbfounded. I didn’t know what to do or what to think. I was pretty sure I knew who did this. I thought he would cool off and just go on with his life. Boy, was I wrong.
Then I heard a loud honk from the other side of the parking lot. It was Mr. Douche Bag in his giant blue truck. He waved to me and shot me his middle finger. Then he took off out of the parking lot in a loud screech.
Classic dipshit! Oh, hell no.
I looked around and didn’t see anyone around me and just reacted the only way I knew how. I transitioned into the great white eagle and darted across the parking lot on high pursuit after ‘big blue.’
The truck went down to the first light and turned left on a side street that was a long desert road.
I tried to give the guy a chance, I thought.
I tried to be a decent guy in the situation, but he couldn’t let it go. But...I was tired of beating people up. Yes, I said it. Look, kicking ass has a time and place. This guy deserved an elegant ass-whipping. However, I had a better idea. I flew like a missile down the street. I caught up to the truck. I was right outside his window on the left side of his incredulous vehicle.
I smacked my beak on his window to get his attention. He looked over at me and nearly sent his truck over the side of the road at the sight of me. As he swerved to right, he caught control of his steering wheel. He sped up to try to get away from this eagle that was ready to get majorly up close and personal with this road-rage asshole.
Again, I darted down the road and caught up to him. I smacked my beak on his window once again. He looked over at me. I stared him in the eye. He was absolutely horrified. He had no clue what was happening.
Now, this is where I was going to make things interesting. I decided to transition into my vampire form and continue to fly next to his truck. As he looked at me, his face was priceless, watching this blonde, pale-faced man fly at the same speed as his truck; speeds that were around 80 miles per hour, blazing down this dirt road in the dead of night. Being that it was so dark, I could tell that he was thinking his eyes were playing tricks on him. So, this is where I made things even more fun. I transitioned back and forth from eagle to vampire. Each time I was in my vampire form, I would wave at him and smile, but close-mouthed, without my fangs showing. He was terrified. And, oh, but this was fun!
After miles of my pursuit, apparently, he couldn’t take it anymore. He slowed his car to a stop and locked his doors. He left his brights on. I flashed over to the front of his truck. I decided to float up, giving me the appearance of an angelic aura.
“License and registration, please,” I said, in as spooky a voice as I could muster up.
“Are you kidding me?” the guy called out.
“
Let me see your license!”
“Seriously?” he asked, not sure what he should do.
With my left hand, I made a power motion toward his passenger side mirror and with my telekinesis, I shattered his mirror from about ten feet away just using my hand motion.
He looked at his window and nearly shit his pants. “What the fuck? Okay, okay, I’ll get my license.”
Reaching into his pocket, he took out his license and showed it to me. “Put it up to the window, so I can make sure who you are.” I looked at his license. His name was Peter Cram.
“Just what I thought,” I said.
“What?” he asked.
“I’m dealing with Petie Cram,” I said, still in character.
“No one has called me Petie since I was a kid.”
“Don’t you think I knew that!” I yelled at him from outside his window. I was not entirely messing with him. Now, this is where I was going to take it to another level.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I was assigned to you until you were eight years old,” I said, floating in front of his truck in my best ghost-like motion.
“Assigned to me?” he asked, loudly. I was still floating up, giving the appearance that I was a spirit ghost, or an angel. Angel was good.
“Peter Cram,” I said. “I have just been reassigned to you.”
“Aren’t you the guy that owns the white truck?”
“Unfortunately, I gave you a test and you failed. Not only did you act like a prick. You keyed your guardian angel’s spiritual vehicle.”
“It didn’t feel spiritual. It felt like a real …”
“Silence! I have a couple of choices here. I could just say your life is damned, and there is no hope for you and let you live out the remainder of your days in a pitiful existence.”
“Or?” he asked.
“Or, I can start to watch over you and give you another chance at this life.”
“I like that second choice,” he begged.
“Of course you do. I want you to do three things, and then I’ll think about watching over you, so you might have a chance.”
