by Lane Hart
"I’ll keep throwing them away, so don't waste your time or money. You should send them to your wife instead."
"Elizabeth, I love you, and only you. Even though I wasn't honest with you, in your heart you know that what we have is real and so damn right. Hell, it’s perfect. She never meant anything to me. I was an idiot for marrying her in the first place, and now it's killing me that I hurt you and you won't talk to me."
His words and the hurt look on his face seemed so genuine, but I couldn't believe anything that came out of his mouth.
"I'm sure you'll find someone else to fuck behind your wife's back in the next town you visit," I told him, then cringed when I remembered there were customers around. “I never want to see you again, so please just leave me alone."
He finally gave up and left the store, and I let the tears run down my face.
The next morning I was working the breakfast shift at the restaurant when he came in. I walked by our hostess, Maggie, before she could seat him. "Don't even think about sitting him in my section," I told her.
"Elizabeth, I'm not going to leave you alone until you hear me out," Tom said, and that was it. I’d had enough. I walked right up to him and got in his face.
"You are going to get me fired from the jobs I desperately need, so don't you dare show up at one of them again or I will call the police, and I don't give a shit who you work for."
After that Tom found out where I lived, and showed up to our house. That was a mistake. Jason answered the door, then hauled back and punched him in the face before closing it again. That same scenario went on for several more days until New Year’s Eve. Tom's birthday.
There was a big box on our front porch that morning. I almost threw it in the trash, but I was too stupid and curious.
I cried as I sat down on the couch and opened it. There were two beautiful oil paintings, one of the ocean at sunset, and one at sunrise, both looking like they could have been photographs from the days Tom and I had been on the beach. There was also a ring box. I opened it even though I knew what I'd find. The single solitary diamond on a silver band, with a note.
"Elizabeth - I'll never give up on you or stop loving you. I want to be with you more than anything else in this world. Please forgive me. I want a life and a family with you, and I thought you wanted the same thing with me. I have to wait a year for the divorce to be finalized, but we're officially separated. I started the divorce the morning I met you. It was inevitable, but I knew when I saw you that you were the only one I’d ever want. Here's my phone number at home, where I live alone, at work in Pennsylvania, and both addresses. I have to go back because your case is closed, but I'll come to see you whenever I can. I hope you'll call me or write me some day. I love you so much, Tom"
I kept the pictures and note, but mailed the ring back to him. Then the letters started. One every single day without fail. It was killing me to read them, and after a few days I stopped opening them, throwing them right into the trash. They all said the same thing anyway.
January
The second week in January came before I knew it, my first day of school at Madison. I was excited, but still so sad and depressed thinking about Tom, missing him and my mother.
I found my way around the big, beautiful campus, and went to all my new classes. When I came home Tom was waiting for me outside my house. The sight of him leaning against the front porch hurt so much. I wanted to be with him, but I just couldn't after what he'd done. He was holding a bouquet of red roses and looked as sad as I felt. His frame seemed leaner, and the bags under his eyes told me that he'd been sleeping about as much as I had lately.
"Hey, how was your first day?"
"Fine, thanks."
"Elizabeth, I miss you so much. Don't you miss me too? You told me you loved me."
"Tom, I only spent a few weeks with you. I was an idiot to believe anything you said, and for thinking I could care about you so soon. But this has to stop. I can't take it anymore. Stop sending letters and flowers and showing up. You're not going to change my mind," I told him, even though it was all a lie. I did love him, but I didn't trust him not to hurt me the same way he’d hurt his wife.
"I'll never give up, because I can't live without you," he responded, his voice thick with emotion.
"You don't get to make that decision for me."
"Please forgive me Elizabeth. It was stupid of me to keep that from you, and I regret it every second of every day. I love you and miss you so much, and I'll never want anyone but you. I swear I could never even think about being unfaithful to you."
"Goodbye Tom," I told him, then tried to make it inside before my tears fell.
February
February rolled right around. I hated that stupid month. All it did was remind me of Valentine's Day, love, and how lonely and sad I was.
I was getting ready for class one Wednesday morning when my stomach turned, and I started throwing up. A stomach virus had been going around, and I was worried I'd miss school because of it. Thankfully, a little while later I felt okay enough to go on to class, and figured it was just something bad I'd eaten the night before.
The next day I was sick again. Jason came into the bathroom to check on me when he heard the sounds of my retching.
"Liz, damn it, are you sick again today?"
"Yes, I must’ve caught that virus that’s going around," I told him as I wiped my mouth with tissue.
"Or you’re fucking pregnant."
Oh shit. I threw up again, and again. Oh no. I didn't have periods so I wouldn't know if I was. But deep down I knew it was true. I'd already seen our baby. Our daughter that I was going to have to raise on my own without him. Oh God. I sobbed on the floor where I was kneeling.
"Liz? You are, aren't you? I knew I should’ve killed that son of a bitch, then this never would’ve happened!"
"Jason, I don't know. Will you please go get me a test? I can't even stand up right now," I told him through the tears.
"Oh, Liz. I love you, but to be so smart, how could you have been so stupid? I'll be right back," he said with a sigh, before he walked away.
I was such a stupid girl. I had finally started school at Madison, after working so hard to get in. How could I go to school, work two jobs and raise a baby? How could I raise a baby on minimum wage jobs? How could I do it all by myself?
A few minutes later Jason was back with the test and we had the confirmation.
Valentine's Day came and so did Tom on our doorstep. I couldn’t even look at him. I was afraid if I saw him I'd tell him. I didn't want to give in and end up going back to him to only be hurt again. I begged Jason not to say anything, and he didn't even punch him when he told him to go away. He knew how miserable I was.
“Liz, I’m worried about you,” Jason said, after he came back from the front door. He sat down beside me on my bed, which I hadn't considered getting out of all day. I tried and failed to wipe away the tears that just kept running down my cheeks.
“I’m fine,” I told him.
“No, you’re not. But you know I’m here for you, and I’ll help you with the baby. It’s going to be okay.”
I looked up at my twin. He usually kept me at an arm’s distance, and avoided emotions or heart-to-heart talks. He looked so sad and lonely. I knew it wasn’t just because of the mess I was in. I couldn’t believe I’d been so self-absorbed that I hadn’t seen the depression in him before now.
More convinced that my dreams were not just my subconscious running while I slept, I thought about telling him what I’d seen.
“Jason, you know I dreamed about mom’s accident before it happened, right?”
“Well yeah, but that was just a coincidence. It’s not like auto accidents are all that uncommon.”
“It was more than that. I knew she wasn’t going to live through it, I saw the police at our door. I also saw Tom in a dream a few weeks before he came into the restaurant the first time. In that dream with him I was pregnant. Then in December I dreamed we had
a little girl and named her Kate.”
He arched a suspicious eyebrow at me. “So are you saying you let yourself get pregnant because you dreamed about it, and therefore just assumed it was going to happen anyway?”
“What? No!” He thought I had created a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Mom didn’t die because I believed it was going to happen. I didn’t meet Tom because I wanted it to happen. Over the years, some of my dreams have actually been premonitions.”
“How do you know which ones are premonitions and which ones aren’t?” he asked, still skeptical.
“I can’t really, until it happens, and I get the déjà vu feeling I guess. But thinking back to the ones that have been real, I’m pretty sure they are clearer than regular dreams, and I remember them easier after I'm awake.”
“I’m still not sure I buy it. I’m your twin and I’ve never had a premonition.”
“Maybe it’s just me. But do you want to know what I’ve seen about you?”
His jaw dropped before he jumped up off the bed and paced around my bedroom for a few minutes. Finally he asked, “Is it good or bad?”
Like I’d tell him something bad. I’d only warn him if I thought it was something he could avoid, but luckily I haven’t had to worry about that.
“Good, it’s only been good things,” I told him.
“Okay then, tell me,” he said, sitting back down beside me, with his nerves making his knee bounce.
“Shit, now I feel like a hokey carnival psychic. All I need is one of those crystal balls,” I joked.
“Don’t try and downplay it, now that you’re about to tell me my future.”
“Sorry. So, there’ve been two of those clear dreams that I remember about you. The first one was of you in a uniform-”
“A uniform? What kind of uniform?” he interrupted.
“I’m getting to that, hold your horses. It was like a police uniform I think, because it had those badge things on it.”
“Huh,” was all that came from him, like the idea wasn’t as farfetched as I thought it would be to him. Jason had never been a rule follower, and had always hated the authorities because of our secret.
“Jason, have you actually thought about becoming a police officer?”
He sighed. “Well, your asshole ex-boyfriend suggested it when he first came to town.”
“Tom suggested it?” I asked, surprised. When had they talked? We only dated a few weeks and then it was over. I knew they hadn’t talked all those times Jason punched Tom in the face when he came to our door. And Jason was actually considering something Tom suggested?
“Yeah, the day he dropped you off at work, after you drove off to school. He said we should have left town as soon as mom died. I told him I couldn’t leave you, and asked if he had any advice on hiding. He said something about law enforcement, since the D.R.A. wouldn’t expect one of us to work there.”
“So you’re thinking about doing that? But not here in town?”
“Why wouldn’t it be here?” he asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.
“In the first dream you were outside running, or maybe chasing someone in a busy city with tall buildings. Then in the second one you were in the uniform standing in front of some mailboxes holding a stack of mail. With the buildings and all it was definitely a city bigger than Greensboro.”
“A busy city huh? I would like to get away from here, and go somewhere where no one can connect us to mom.”
“Then you should,” I urged him.
“I can’t leave you, Liz. Especially now that you’re pregnant. You know that, and I know you’re not going to leave Madison until you graduate.”
“You don’t have to stay here for me, Jason. I’ll be fine.”
“You can say that all you want, but I don’t believe you. Regardless, it doesn’t matter what you say, because I’m not leaving you.”
“Now you’re just making me feel guilty for holding you back.”
“Damn it, don’t feel guilty because of me. Be pissed off at that asshole, or happy you’re going to have a baby, or whatever else, but I want to stay here with you, so just give it up already.”
I couldn’t help but smile at his attitude.
“Fine. You can stay for now, but I’m almost certain that those dreams were premonitions. You’re going to move away eventually.”
“Maybe,” he said with another shrug.
March
By the end of March I was showing, since I’d been lean to begin with, and it was so damn embarrassing. Single woman, walking around pregnant, with no father in sight.
I was working one Saturday morning after the breakfast rush when my depression caught up with me.
"Can I get you two anything else?" I asked my regulars, Sam and Joselin. Really, they were more than that. I actually considered them to be my friends. I'd been waiting on the two of them since I started at Tex & Shirley's years ago. Sometimes the two of them were together, but not always, and I knew they weren't a couple, but just close friends.
"No thanks, we're good. Liz, are you expecting?" Joselin asked with her gaze on my belly.
"Yes, actually I am," I admitted.
"Congratulations," Sam said. He was too handsome to be real, and of course he knew it. "All those times turning me down, I'm glad you finally said yes to someone. He's a lucky guy," he said, giving me his charming smile.
Sam had always flirted with me, and even asked me out a few times, but I always turned him down. The man was in here eating breakfast with a different woman almost every week.
"Thanks," I responded as the tears started. I couldn't take people asking me and reminding me of how pathetic I was all day.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Sorry, I'm fine. Hormones, you know. Didn't mean to get all weepy on you."
"Trouble with the father?" asked Joselin.
"Something like that. He's a D.R.A. agent currently living in Pennsylvania with his wife."
The two of them jumped liked they'd been shot when they'd heard the words "D.R.A. agent," which could only mean one thing.
"The two of you are too?" I whispered, as I wiped away the tears.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Sam said quickly.
"You are! But what exactly?" I asked quietly. They looked as normal as anyone else, other than being more attractive.
"So, you are too?" Joselin asked and I nodded. "We drink more than tea," she said with a smile.
Ah, so they were vampires. I wasn't sure I'd ever met any vampires before, and they were nothing like I'd imagined. They were both beautiful, Joselin with her long brown hair and warm dark eyes, and Sam with his, well, everything about him was stunning.
"You probably wouldn't like mine because it's so dark," I told them, and their eyes widened in understanding.
"Holy shit," Sam said. "So, how the hell did you end up with an agent?"
"Long story short, he was sent here to find me and my brother, said he was in love with me and wanted to marry me, so he lied to the agency to protect us. Then what do you know, his wife came to visit him. He hadn’t told me about her. They'd just gotten married two months before so he was nowhere near being divorced, or even separated from her. I was so stupid."
"Oh no Liz, I'm so sorry," Joselin said, rubbing a comforting hand down my arm.
"Thanks, but I know that she and I are going to be just fine without him," I said, patting my growing pregnant belly.
"So you're having a girl?" she asked.
"Well, I don't know for sure, but I hope so. If I'm right I've already picked out the name Kate for her."
"I'm so jealous. I've always wanted a baby, especially a little girl, but it’s impossible for the two of us to have kids," Joselin said.
"You can still be a father or mother even if you can’t conceive," I told them.
"That's true," she said with a nod and a smile. "So do you still love him? The father?"
I sighed. "Unfortunately. I can’t let go of him, and part of me wants to beli
eve he really did love me."
"Then maybe you should give the bastard a break just this once. Men do stupid shit all the time without thinking. Not me of course," Sam said, flashing his perfect smile.
"Maybe, but I just worry he'll do the same thing to me that he did to her."
“There's always that risk when it comes to love," Joselin said. "You just have to decide if he's worth the risk for the chance of happiness."
I thanked them for listening to my sob story, and before they left Joselin and I traded phone numbers. We felt like us non-human women should stick together.
Chapter Fifteen
Tom
I missed Elizabeth so much, and my depression was eating away at me. All I did was think of her and how I'd give anything for her to forgive me. I tried to see her at least once a month. In January she only said about three sentences to me. In February she wouldn't even come to the door. Now it was the end of March, and I was heading back to Greensboro.
It didn't matter if she'd see me or not, I was never going to stop begging her to take my dumb ass back. I'd been so fucking stupid. I should have told her I was still married, but I knew she wouldn't have wanted to be with me if she'd known. And now look where not telling her had gotten me. I was a total and complete fucking mess.
I'd moved out of our house as soon as I got back to Philadelphia at the beginning of January. Vanessa had hired a lawyer and wanted alimony for my affair. I didn't give a shit about the house or the money. She could have whatever she wanted as long as I didn't have to stay married to her.
I ignored my mother and sister, and they quickly gave up trying to talk to me. I was completely alone with nothing but the heartache in my life. When I wasn't working at my godforsaken job I started drinking heavily. That went on for several weeks until I came to my senses. I didn't want to numb myself to avoid thinking about Elizabeth. The memories of her were all that I had left.
I pulled up on the street near Elizabeth's house and watched as she got out of her car and ran inside to get out of the pouring rain. At least on this trip I’d gotten to see her for a second, if she refused to come to the door. I didn’t see Jason’s truck, so maybe she would actually answer it.
