Since that day in the library, the day of the mind altering kiss they'd shared, it was evident to Maggie that Jonah was avoiding her and any attachment she might place on him regarding her baby.
Maggie thought about that day often, usually during the early evening hours when Mary would retire to her room and the rest of the staff had long since gone home. She'd pull a baby book and her favorite quilt into the Library and collapse on the sofa after a long day. And while she waited to hear Jonah's car pull into the driveway, she had plenty of time to think about how wonderful she felt in Jonah's arms, how much he made her feel, and how much she longed to have him hold her like that again.
In the weeks following the kiss, he'd been pleasant, cordial in a formal way, as if he were purposely keeping her at arm's length. She wondered for whose benefit he was doing it. Was it to protect her from getting too close and being hurt when the year was through? Or was he protecting himself?
Maggie couldn't help but think there was much more to Jonah's unrest. She was fully aware of her own attraction to Jonah as well as her growing feelings for him. But she also knew that Jonah's feelings for her were strong, too. She could feel it as if it were as tangible as the book she was holding.
She glanced at the baby's sonogram picture, taken that afternoon, then carefully placed it in the page of the baby book she'd been reading to mark the page. She closed the book and propped it on her chest, letting her eyes drift shut. It wasn't fatigue. With her eyes closed it was easier to remember...
If she let herself, she could almost feel Jonah sitting next to her again, smell the alluring scent of his cologne, hear his voice, deep and husky, as it had been the day in the library. In his arms she felt like smooth, sweet butter melting in the sun. She'd never felt as much physically or emotionally with any man before.
And he'd wanted her that day, too. That much was evident. His response to her had been just as powerful as hers was to him.
She opened her eyes, sighing as she watched the shadows on the wall stretch and bend over the end chair and the rich oak bookcases. Daylight was slowly slipping away on another Saturday that Jonah had worked.
He'd worked every Saturday since the day they'd kissed. Except for their Sunday dinner ritual, when Cam and her mother were present, the only time she got to spend with Jonah was when he came home late. She would fall asleep on the sofa in the library. He'd come through the door and rouse her. They'd talk for a few minutes, sometimes a little more, and she always found it to be the perfect ending to her day.
His smoky blue eyes gave him away. When he looked at her, even when she was all sleepy and crumpled from the day, it stole her breath away. Even as pregnancy took hold of her body, stretching and straining it, he made her feel like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Oh, he never uttered the words, but he always said it with his eyes.
That's why she waited, pathetically even, for him to come home when she could just as easily get a good night's sleep in her bed. She loved the warm and mellow feeling she had whenever Jonah was with her. He'd simply ask her how her day was, like it was the most important thing in the world, and she felt like she really mattered in his life. Not just as a stand-in wife so he could get his precious estate in England. She mattered to him.
Lord, was she that hard up for attention?
As much as she loved being with Jonah, she also hated that all day while she was working at the coffee shop she actually looked forward to that brief time she'd spend with him. Hated what it meant. She was falling...
No, she was not falling in love with Jonah. She couldn't fall in love with him. Because that wasn't part of their arrangement. Pathetic as she was, she hadn't married Jonah for herself. The arrangement they'd made didn't give her a basis for asking more from him. She didn't have the right to demand he spend more time with her. They were married for their mutual benefit and that had nothing to do with emotions. He was keeping his end of the bargain, sometimes too well by staying away.
She saw the headlights shining through the window and knew that Jonah was finally home. She had to push away all these crazy feelings she had for Jonah. She wasn't doing this for herself. She was doing this for her baby. She couldn't ask for more.
The instant Maggie heard the key slip into the lock, heard the sound of the wide oak door opening and closing, and the light thud of Jonah's brief case echo off the foyer's marble floor, she knew she did. She really and truly did want more.
She counted to ten and waited for Jonah to come to the library. There was no reason for him to check on her, to see if she'd fallen asleep again, but he always did.
“Good, you're awake,” he said as he appeared in the doorway.
Fatigue pulled at him as he shrugged out of his overcoat. He'd dressed casual today in a pair of denim jeans and a navy Henley shirt. She absorbed the sight of him and smiled, her pulse racing.
“What do you think about the name Johnson?” she asked before he even had a chance to sit down.
He puffed his cheeks. “You could call him John or Johnnie as a nickname.”
“No nickname. I always hated my nickname. Johnson Wallace isn't something you could turn around and make into something embarrassing or cruel.”
“Virginia told me you weren't at work today.”
Maggie eased up to a sitting position on the sofa to make room for him to sit in his favorite spot, trying to hide her surprise. “You stopped by the coffee shop?”
“Why didn't you tell me you were having trouble with the pregnancy?”
She sighed, her shoulders sagging. “I'm not. Not really.”
“That's not what Virginia said. And since you've been ordered by your doctor to stay off your feet, that only confirms it.”
“Only for a few days. It's just a precaution.”
He dropped down to the opposite end of the sofa and rested his arm along the back. “Precautions are meant to be taken seriously.”
“I am. I won't be going in to work again until Tuesday.”
“Virginia said-”
“I know, a week.”
Maggie shook her head. She should have never mentioned the details of her appointment with Virginia. She'd already had this same argument with both Virginia and her mother and wasn't in the mood to battle it out again now with Jonah.
“I know you're concerned, but I just hired a new college student to help out a few days a week and he's starting on Tuesday.”
“You need someone to help you every day.”
“I can't afford to hire any more full time help.” It was inevitable that she was going to need more help, especially after the baby was born, but Maggie had hoped to hold off until right before giving birth.
Jonah's mouth grew tight, but he didn't say anything. Money need not be an issue anymore. He'd said it to her often enough that she could read the expression on his face without him uttering the words.
Well, it still was an issue with her. A big one. She couldn't take Jonah's money.
“And Tuesday Brian always stops by in the afternoon. So you see, I'm all covered. I'll have plenty of help.”
His blue eyes widened with sudden interest. “Who's Brian?”
“He's a young friend of mine who started coming into the coffee shop last September. He visits me every Tuesday and Thursday like clockwork, to be exact. I enjoy his company.”
“You never mentioned…him before.”
She couldn't help but laugh. Jonah's whole body was visibly tense and he actually looked jealous, as if Brian was some kind of threat.
“He's twelve years old, Jonah.”
“You hired a twelve year old?”
Rolling her eyes, she said, “Of course not. He lives in the area and gets off the school bus down the street from the coffee shop. His mother works late on Tuesdays and Thursdays and he baby-sits his younger sisters until ten o'clock when his mom gets home.”
“That's an awesome responsibility for a twelve year old.”
She nodded her agreement. “He comes in t
he shop and sweeps up for about a half hour or so until his sisters get home from school. In return, I wrap up a hot plate for the three of them so they don't have to eat cold cereal for dinner. It makes him feel good, like he's taking care of his family. You remember what it was like to be twelve.”
Jonah nodded, expelling a slow breath, his eyes weary with worry. “I still don't like the idea of you going back to work. What happened today?”
Her shoulders sagged. “It was nothing really. I picked up a little box of empty soda cans and got a sharp pain.”
“You shouldn't be picking up boxes at all. You shouldn't be doing any lifting in your condition,” he barked out.
“They weren't heavy. I think I just shifted the wrong way. Anyway, it scared me so I called my OB. He gave me a sonogram and everything is okay.”
Jonah raked his hand over his head. “You should have called me,” he said quietly. “I was just across the street. I would have gone with you. You must have been terribly frightened.”
Just like Jonah looked now, Maggie thought.
“My mother met me at the hospital.”
Maggie's heart raced. She didn't want to think of what she would have done if Jonah had been there this morning when it happened. She'd thought about calling him, if only to hear his voice and have him comfort her. But she couldn't do it. She couldn't need him. So she called her mother instead.
“Why did you come by the coffee shop today?”
“It doesn't matter.”
“You always stop by in the morning, and never twice in one day. You must have had a reason to come by again in the afternoon.”
Jonah hesitated. “I wanted to tell you that I am leaving for England tomorrow.”
Maggie's heart sank to the floorboards. “I didn't realize you’d planned a trip.”
“It's sudden. I just spoke with my grandfather today and he wants to meet with me to discuss some family business. But it's totally out of the question now. I won't go with you in this condition.”
“Jonah, you're making too much of this. There's absolutely no reason you shouldn't go.”
“Yes, there is. I don't want to leave you.”
His gaze pierced her as if it were an arrow shooting straight to her very soul. Even though she knew the reason he didn't want to leave her was because he was worried about her overdoing it again, she couldn't help but wonder if part of him didn't want to leave her because he didn't want to be away from her. Because he'd miss her. Just the thought of Jonah being away for a few days already had her aching inside.
“I'm going to be fine,” she said. “Really.”
Maggie tossed the quilt covering her legs to the side of the sofa, forgetting the name book with the sonogram picture was still in her lap. The book fell open on the sofa next to Jonah, and the sonogram picture slipped out.
Jonah caught the picture in his hands before it floated to the floor. “What's this?”
He lifted the black and white picture and stared at it for a long moment. Maggie's heart hammered in her chest. He'd been worried about her. She knew Jonah genuinely cared about her wellbeing. But now he was staring face to face with solid proof of her baby.
“It's the picture of the baby from today's sonogram.”
He turned the small photo, cocking his head from side to side. “Can you...tell what it is?”
She rolled her eyes and tossed him a wry grin. “You mean the sex?”
He nodded.
“No. The baby didn't cooperate, I'm afraid.”
A strange cloud of emotion flashed across Jonah's features. One that Maggie didn't dare define. He carefully tucked the sonogram picture back inside the page and closed the book tight.
“I want you to reconsider not working until after the baby is born. If you're worried about how much it will cost to fully staff the coffee shop in your absence, I will take care of it. I insist. You need to take care of yourself, Maggie. For your baby's sake.”
Her baby, of course. For a fleeting moment when she saw Jonah staring at the sonogram picture, saw the emotion that welled in his eyes, she thought that maybe...
She sat broomstick straight on the sofa, unable to meet his gaze, unwilling to allow him to see the hurt consuming her.
“We've been through all this before. The doctor said I'd be fine in a few days. Do you really think I'd jeopardize my baby by going back to work too soon?”
“No,” he said, bursting from the sofa. “But you certainly don't make things easy on yourself, either. You don't have to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders, Maggie. You can lean on me just a little if you need to. I don't know why you insist on refusing any offer of help I make. You even refused the damned piano lessons!”
“I didn't feel right about it.”
“Bloody hell, you're my wife!”
“Only for a year. What happens after that, huh? Do you want me to call you every time the baby gets a cold or has a doctor's appointment? Are you going to want me to go on calling you every time I need something? We went into this arrangement knowing there was going to be an end date to it. I can’t have my world turned upside down only to have to right it all again at the end of this year.”
He didn't say anything. He just stared at her, his chest rising and falling with each labored breath he took. The look of frustration that plagued him was replaced with panic.
Blood pumped furiously to her head, banging against her temple like a sledgehammer. She prayed silently that he would say something. Yes, I'll be there. Yes, I want you to be part of my life forever. Yes, I want you to love me and be my wife, my lover.
Oh, it was a wonderful dream, one that she'd found herself having too often lately. But Jonah wasn't going to say the words she wanted to hear. And in that moment, Maggie knew without a doubt she did want those things more than anything. Because she'd fallen completely in love with Jonah.
She clamped her teeth down on her bottom lip to steady it, and pushed herself to her feet, crossing her arms over her chest as best she could over her ample belly. She dragged in a gulp of air to tamp down the sob that threatened her.
“Go to England, Jonah. I can take care of myself.”
She turned away from his stricken expression, unwilling to reveal the truth of her own heartache. She loved Jonah. It was absolutely the worse thing she could do, but she did love him. With all her heart and soul. But she wouldn't need him. She wouldn't make that dreadful mistake. She couldn't, because she couldn't survive leaving him if she did.
“Are you sure?”
Maggie's heart shattered with sound of Jonah's voice, rough and laced with pain.
“I'll be okay without you.”
I refuse to need you.
She glanced up at him and gasped softly. It was if she'd just slapped him across the face. She wanted to turn around, throw her arms around him and tell him to stay. She really wanted him to stay.
She left the library instead.
# # #
Chapter Eleven
As usual, Jonah met with his grandfather in the smoking room in Wiltshire. As a child, it wasn't a room Jonah had ever felt comfortable venturing in alone, and even now, considered it a refuge solely for the elder family member.
Aaron Wallace was seated in the same leather wing chair in which he always sat whenever he visited Wiltshire. A cigar was clipped between his index finger and thumb, and a noxious cloud of smoke hung in the air, surrounding his head like a ghostly halo. The elderly man slowly dragged himself to his feet as Jonah entered the room.
“It's good to see you, my boy.”
Jonah firmly clasped Aaron's outstretched hand and shook it. There had never been any outward displays of affection or emotion in his family, one of the few things he could safely count on. Distance and too few visits had a way of keeping their relationship “proper”.
“You're looking good, Grandfather.”
Aaron laughed, a cloud of gray and white smoke seeping from his mouth. “Likewise. Marriage agrees with you. So, where is the youn
g girl?” Aaron said, peering passed him as if expecting Maggie to magically appear at the doorway. “I hope you didn’t fill Maggie with stories about your crusty old grandfather or your bride will make herself scarce all evening trying to avoid me.”
Tension wheeled its way through Jonah as he recalled Maggie's words before he left. Her declaration that she didn't need him should have come as a relief, but it hadn't. Instead, it had left him empty.
“Maggie stayed behind in America.”
Aaron wrenched the cigar from his mouth. “She's not ill, is she? You should have told me if she was having trouble with the baby. I would have gone to see you in Boston instead of dragging you away.”
Mouth slightly agape, Jonah stared at his grandfather. “No, the baby's fine. She had some...other commitments at work.”
They both sank into matching chestnut leather wing chairs opposite each other. Like a prewritten script they'd rehearsed a hundred times over, Aaron silently offered Jonah a cigar and Jonah shook his head in refusal.
“How did you know about the pregnancy?”
Aaron laughed again, deepening the craggy wrinkles around his gray eyes. “Mary all but busted her apron telling me about it. Maggie has stolen Mary’s heart as well. Perhaps I'll have the pleasure of meeting her next time you visit.”
Mary had talked with his grandfather about Maggie? “Perhaps.”
Aaron flicked the tip of his cigar in the stand alone brass ash tray that sat between them. “I understand women are more independent now than when I was a young lad. But do you really think it's wise Maggie continues working during her pregnancy?”
Jonah didn't miss the note of disapproval in his grandfather's tone. “If it were up to me, she wouldn't. But that's Maggie's decision. I can't force her to do anything against her will.”
Wiry gray eyebrows stretched high and formed creases on Aaron's forehead. “Is that why you're here? Because I've forced your hand?”
Jonah loathed the tension between him and his grandfather, created these last few months over Wiltshire. Despite the distant relationship he had with his parents, he'd always been somewhat close to his grandfather. He only hoped that when all the legalities were finalized, they'd be able to repair whatever damage had been done.
The Knight and Maggie's Baby Page 13
