After I cursed her ass out, I left. Didn’t even tell Theo, who’d disappeared on me, that I was leaving. Went back to the room, charged my phone enough to turn it on, saw the text from Nicky, and tried to call her about twenty times, texted her, too, but she wouldn’t answer or reply. And my ass panicked. My flight was scheduled to leave at ten the next morning, but I headed to the airport that night, tried unsuccessfully to get an earlier flight out, and ended up spending the rest of the night in the airport.
And now, as I pulled up to my place, I felt like I was going to throw the hell up. I couldn’t lose Nicky, not over some bullshit like this, not after the shit I went through to get her.
I hopped out of my car and ran inside my place to find it empty, tried to call Nicky again only to get her voicemail. I snatched the closet door open, and closed my eyes, collapsing my shoulders in relief when I saw her clothes were still in there. Then I remembered her car was still outside and rushed over to Angie’s side of the duplex, knocked on the door, waited two seconds, and knocked again. Ryan answered.
Before he could say anything, I looked around him, and asked, “Hey, man, Nicky in there?”
He nodded, stepping outside and closing the door behind him. “Yeah, uh…look, man. You probably should give her some time. You don’t wanna go in there right now.”
I shook my head. “I can’t give her time. Nicky’ll be done backslid or something.”
“Backslid?”
“You know…backslid.”
Ryan’s eyes lit up with recognition. “Ooooooh, I got you.”
“Look, I just need to explain this shit to her, make her understand I didn’t do anything wrong!” I didn’t mean to yell at him, but I couldn’t help it. I was past frustrated.
He sighed as he glanced back at his front door and shook his head. “Man…”
I jiggled my keys in my hand. “Can you just tell her I’m here, that I wanna see her?”
He seemed to think about that for a moment, then nodded and disappeared into his apartment, leaving the front door slightly ajar. I started to go in there, but heard her shrieking, and changed my mind. She was pissed the hell off.
Ryan reappeared. “Yeah…you should definitely give her some time.”
“What did she say?” I asked.
“Uh…that she didn’t wanna hear a word you had to say and that you and your bitch could go straight to hell.”
I dropped my head and my shoulders. “Is she, is she still feeling sick? I mean, is she feeling any better? Fever?”
“She’s better. Look, I’m sorry, man. I’d let you in, but I ain’t tryna have Angie up my ass. She’s pissed at you, too.”
“It’s all right. Just let Nicky know I’ll be next door. I—thanks, Ryan.”
“Yeah, man.”
I went home and texted Angie, explaining my side of things. It took five hours for her to reply that she believed me, but that I needed to give Nicky time to calm down. I knew that was sound advice, but it didn’t change the fact that I missed her and needed to talk to her. But something told me to chill and wait.
*****
A whole day passed with no word from Nicky. She was still ignoring my texts and calls, and Missy’s posts were damn near going viral with likes. I couldn’t eat or sleep; I was so wound up. I just didn’t know what to do to make this shit right.
After the second day, I called Angie trying to plead my case again. She reassured me that she was on my side, but reiterated that Nicky was still too upset to listen to reason. I needed to give her more time. The only positive thing was she hadn’t left Angie’s. At least I knew she was safe and getting better and wasn’t out screwing some random dude, since that was her go-to coping mechanism.
Day three came with more of the same, and I was about to lose my mind. At this point, didn’t she need clothes or something? Underwear? Shouldn’t she have come home for those things? Maybe I could take some of her stuff to her. I shook that thought off just as quickly as it hit my mind. Shit, I wasn’t going to help her leave me.
Day four arrived, and by then, I was mad as hell that her ass left me and refused to hear me out. Didn’t what we had at least deserve a conversation? If she loved me like she claimed to, shouldn’t she want to hear my side?
Maybe she didn’t love me. Maybe this was just as one-sided as it felt back in high school. Maybe what we had was never real in the first place.
Maybe I should pack her shit and take it to her.
Maybe I should be done with her.
Yeah, right.
One thing was for sure: I needed to get up out of that apartment before I totally lost my damn mind.
I sat in there staring at nothing for ten minutes before I grabbed my keys and left with no destination in mind. I drove past Aunt Monda’s, knowing I needed a clear mind in case Nicky came home, and if I stepped foot in my aunt’s house in my current state of mind, I was going to get high. No doubt about that. So I kept riding, wishing my ass had more friends, someone to talk to about the shit I was dealing with. I hadn’t spoken to my Navy buddies in so long, their numbers had probably changed. So all I had was Theo, who still lived with Aunt Monda…and Nicky.
I kept driving, thought about dropping in on Nicky’s mom since she’d always been kind to me, but she was Nicky’s mom, and being there would only remind me of Nicky. Zo and Renee? I was never as close to Renee as I was to Angie, because she was so much older than me and Nicky. Damn, I had no life in Romey that wasn’t connected to Nicky. This shit was pathetic.
I eventually made my way to my mom’s house, of all places. I guess home is home no matter how jacked up it is. I didn’t expect her to be there before five in the evening, but her car was in the driveway, so I parked, took a deep breath, stepped out of my car, and found myself at her door. I stood there for a minute or two before I knocked. Another minute passed before I heard her ask who it was, even though there was a peephole on the door.
“Damon,” I said, almost as if I was unsure if that was my name.
The door swung open, and my mother didn’t even try to hide her surprise at me being there without her requesting it. Her eyes, the ones she gave me, were wide, and her mouth hung open before she finally stuttered my name and invited me in.
I stepped inside my childhood home and stood by the front door, thinking to myself that this was probably a mistake, but I needed something and I guess I thought I could find it there.
“Uh…” she said, nervously rubbing the thighs of her jeans then fiddling with the collar of her yellow oxford shirt. “Are you hungry?”
I should’ve been, since it’d been a couple of days since I’d eaten, but I wasn’t. Nevertheless, I said, “Yeah.”
She nodded, her eyes avoiding mine. “Uh, I haven’t cooked today, but I could warm up some leftovers. I’ve got spaghetti. And I could make a salad to go with it.”
I nodded.
“Wanna have a seat?”
I hesitated. “Is Kyle here?”
She had turned to leave the living room, where the front door led into, but froze. “Uh…yes. He lives here now.”
I stood there, trying to decide what to do. I didn’t want to see him, but the thought of being alone at my place with nothing but my thoughts was even less desirable to me, so I said, “Okay,” and sat on the sofa.
“Should-should I tell him you’re here?”
I shrugged.
She nodded and left the room.
I sat there and looked around. All the times I’d come over for those ambush dinners, I hadn’t noticed that not much had changed. My school pictures still hung on the walls along with my academic awards. I was smart in school, so smart my decision to join the service rather than go to college had been a point of contention with my ambitious mother. But more school was the last thing I wanted. It bored me. I wanted the adventure and travel I believed the Navy could afford me, and I got it, too. The Navy transformed me from a boy to a man, gave me experiences that changed and molded me. So did living in South Korea
and being an entrepreneur here in the states. My parents never understood me, from my hanging with a pretty little girl all through school, to my decision to struggle rather than get a regular job. Nicky was honestly the only person who’d always understood me. That was why she meant so much to me. It was also why losing her again was driving me nuts. No matter her crazy ways, slick mouth, or loose past, I needed her like I needed air to breathe.
“Hey, son.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, told myself not to get upset about him calling me that. Biologically, the word was correct. I was his son. My height, skin tone, build, and even my damn nose and teeth were proof of it, whether I liked it or not. Plus, this was evidently his home now, and I’d shown up uninvited. The least I could do was act like I had some damn sense.
“‘Sup,” I replied, giving him a reverse nod of my head.
His eyebrows lifted, and I could see the smile in his eyes. He was happy I didn’t curse him out. Damn, had I been acting that crazy with him?
“Glad to see you. When Wanda said you were here, I was surprised.”
“Yeah, so am I,” I mumbled. “Just needed to come home…I guess.”
He was silent, and although my eyes were on the floor, I could feel his eyes on me. Finally, he said, “You feel like talking about it?”
I looked up at him. No, I didn’t want to talk about it, but I needed to. As messed up as my head was, I knew I needed to talk to someone who wasn’t related to Nicky or high on marijuana. So I shrugged, and said, “Relationship problems.”
“With Nicole Strickland or Missy Mae?”
I frowned, my eyes glued to him.
“I follow you on Instagram,” he said, answering my unspoken question.
My father is on Instagram?
“I’ve seen all the pictures of you and Nicky,” he continued.
“Mama know?”
It was his turn to shrug. “She’s not on social media, and I haven’t mentioned it to her. We don’t talk about you much. You’re a sensitive subject for her. She blames me for…how things are between all of us.”
I nodded.
“So which one are you having trouble with?”
“I’m only in a relationship with one woman. I only love one woman. I’m not like you,” I shot at him.
He raised his hands. “Okay, I guess that’s fair, but it doesn’t answer my question. There are pictures of you with two women.”
Damn, if this was how my father and the rest of the world saw things, no wonder Nicky was so upset.
“Nicky! I didn’t post that shit with Missy! Why are you acting like I did? How’d you even see those pictures she posted? You follow her, too?”
He shook his head. “Those pictures were on my explore page, probably because I follow you.”
I sighed, leaned forward, and rubbed the back of my head. Then I sat up and began gnawing on my thumbnail. “Shit,” I muttered.
“Yeah…”
I looked up at him. “She won’t talk to me. I need to fix this, but I don’t know how when she won’t talk to me.”
“Well, in my experience—and you know I have plenty experience when it comes to messing up with the woman you love—you’re just gonna have to be patient and wait her out. Give her a little time. You say you love her, right?”
“More than anything in this world.”
He smiled. “And she loves you?”
“I believe she does.”
“Then she’ll hear you out eventually.”
I shook my head. “You don’t know her. I can’t wait her out. No telling what she’ll get into in the meantime.”
He was silent for a moment or two before saying, “Okay, I’ll give you that. I don’t know her, not like you. You’ve known her since you two were kids, so tell me about her.”
I sighed, staring at the wall across the room. “She’s headstrong, rude, loud, impulsive, protective, always been there when I needed her. Jealous as hell when it comes to me. I actually like that about her, but it’s working against me right now.”
“Okay, knowing all of that, what do you think you should do?”
“I know I need to make her listen to me, but I don’t know how when she refuses to see me.”
“Then I guess you need to figure out a way to get her to see you.”
“Yeah, I know.”
I didn’t solve anything during that visit. I had dinner with my parents, a peaceful dinner, and then I left, but not before my mom pulled me into a hug, and whispered, “I know about you and Nicky, and I hope you two work things out.”
I had no idea how she knew, and I really didn’t care. I gave her a smile and have to admit it felt good to hear something so motherly coming from her. Nicky still wasn’t home when I returned, but my heart didn’t feel as heavy. I’d been able to offload some of the weight of what was going on, and I felt better because of it.
*****
Eight days passed and still no Nicky. I had dinner with my parents three or four more times, somehow finding comfort in being with them. We talked about a lot of things, including my relationship with Nicky. Little by little, I saw them for what they were, two human beings who’d made mistakes they regretted, just like I had. I regretted hurting Nicky, regretted ever leading Missy on, regretted letting Nicky be with Travis for so long. My family hadn’t morphed into the Huxtables, but things were better between us, and that was a welcome change considering how screwed up other parts of my life were.
Things with Foreign Son were still going well, with the launching of it and the other comics on the Southside Strips site still on schedule. There was a huge launch party Theo and I were supposed to attend in LA in a couple of weeks, but I knew there was no way I could go with things between me and Nicky still up in the air.
The thing was, although she hadn’t returned home, I kept seeing signs of her having been there. On those evenings when I had dinner with my parents, I would return home to find some of her clothes missing from the closet, or that her toiletries had disappeared from the bathroom. She was moving out little by little while I was away from the apartment. That shit made my stomach twist into a knot. She was actually leaving me. For good.
Hell, no! That shit was not happening.
I searched my mind for a plan, some way I could make her talk to me, and finally, one came to me. I left like I had many nights that I had dinner with my folks, but this time, I parked my car down the street and walked back home, quietly entering my apartment, trying to be undetected.
I sat in my bedroom, no TV or stereo on, and waited. I texted Nicky a couple of times, like I did every day, sent her a link to DeJ Loaf’s No Fear in one of them, hoping she’d pay attention to the lyrics. She still didn’t reply, and after an hour passed, I thought my plan was a bust. Then I heard a key in the front door, and my damn heart shimmied in my chest.
I stood from the bed, listening to her move around in my apartment, and when she finally appeared in the bedroom doorway with her eyes downcast, my heart dropped. She’d lost weight, and Nicky was already tiny. There were dark circles around her drooping eyes, and she just looked so…sad.
“Nicky…” I said.
She jumped, startled by my presence, mumbled, “Shit,” then turned to leave.
“Don’t,” I said softly. “If you have ever loved me, then don’t leave.”
Her back was still to me as she said, “The way I feel doesn’t have anything to do with it. I’m not staying, Damon.”
“You ain’t leaving, either. The fuck you thought this was? This is forever, Nick. You don’t get to leave me. Not today or tomorrow. Not ever.”
She turned to face me, mouth hanging open. “What you gonna do? Make me stay? Tie my ass up and screw me into submission like you did in high school?”
“You asked me to do that!” Damn, I was yelling already. I calmed myself. “Nicky, I don’t give a damn what you say, you don’t get to leave me over some shit I didn’t do. I know you. This is about more than just some pictures. That
overactive brain of yours got you thinking I screwed that girl, but I didn’t. I did not mess with Missy’s ass, and if you know me like I know you do, you know I’m not lying.”
She moved a little closer to me, the strap of her thin tank top slipping from her shoulder. “What I know is, another woman, some fake Korean skank, declared on social media that she was gonna fuck you while posting a pic sitting up under you, and your ass hasn’t said shit about it in response. You haven’t addressed it at all. No posts, nothing!”
“I’ve been too busy tryna get my damn woman back to worry about posting on IG, and I did address it! I cursed her ass out for it!”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you did.”
“I did! You want me to make a post cursing her out? I will! What do you want me to do? Tell me and I’ll do it!”
“I want you to stop breaking my heart! And the only way for that to happen is for me to take it back from you!”
“I didn’t do shit!”
She was in my face in seconds, smelling like she always smelled, making me want to throw her on the bed and screw her beyond reason. “I saw the pictures. Yeah, the first few were stalkerish as hell, but the last one, the one of your dumb ass sitting there with her grinning and shit? That one showed me just how much you love me! How could you let her post some mess like that?! Did you screw her, Damon?”
“Hell, no! I already told you I didn’t! And I didn’t let that motherfucker do shit! I didn’t even know she was taking the picture at first, and when I realized what was going on, she’d already posted it! My damn phone was dead so I had to see what she did on Theo’s phone. And that’s when I cursed her out, because right or wrong, Missy don’t mean shit to me, never really has and never will. Hell, she means less than not shit to me now. It’s always been you. I ain’t the best man in the world and I know it, but I love you, Nick, and I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Not again.”
Be with Me (Strickland Sisters Book 3) Page 19
