by Kate Hardy
He understood her aversion to hospital gossip. Even though he was pretty sure that the people in their department were all nice people and had only talked about her because they were worried about her and wanted to help, he could understand that it wasn’t much fun being the subject of everyone’s scrutiny.
‘So did you live at your flat with Evan?’ he asked.
She shook her head. ‘We lived three roads away, in a slightly bigger flat. We were saving up for a place of our own. But I couldn’t handle living there when he died, Sam. I hated walking into the flat and expecting to see him there, and for a second thinking that I could see him or hear him—and remembering all over again that he wouldn’t be coming home any more. So I talked my landlord into letting me terminate my lease early and I moved here about a year ago.’
‘Do you still see Evan’s family?’
‘No. They weren’t close. Anyway, they lived miles away.’
Distance in all senses of the word, he thought. His own family would’ve made sure that his partner still felt included. They would’ve made the effort. But not all families were like that.
‘I noticed there weren’t any photographs of him with you on your mantelpiece or your fridge—they’re all of your family, Dani or the department,’ he said.
‘I haven’t put his photographs up in my new flat. It hurt too much to see them,’ she admitted.
‘Maybe,’ he said, ‘looking at some pictures of him are what you need to do right now. So you’ve got some good memories to get you through today.’
She looked at him as if surprised that he’d make the suggestion. ‘I guess. There are a few on my phone.’
‘You get your phone,’ he said, ‘and I’m going to make us some hot chocolate, and then maybe we can look through the photos together.’ If he could make her feel better, if he could make the good memories outweigh the bad for her, then he’d be happier. He hated seeing her in so much pain.
By the time he’d finished making the hot chocolate and ushered her through to the living room, she’d pulled up the photographs on her phone.
‘This is the summer he died,’ she said. ‘We’d decided not to have a holiday that year, because we’d got the wedding coming up in September, so we just had days out. We went to Brighton so we could paddle in the sea.’ There were pictures of them together on the rides on the pier, with the sea in the background, and with Brighton’s iconic Pavilion.
What Sam noticed was that they looked really happy together.
They’d thought it was their last summer before getting married; yet it had been their last summer, full stop.
How horribly, horribly sad.
‘He looks a nice guy,’ Sam said.
‘He was. He got on well with everyone. And he put his life on the line to help people—just as you will with the MERIT team.’ She swallowed hard. ‘And it scares me, Sam, to the point where I can hardly function. I hate the idea of having to go through all that again.’
‘Then it’s simple. I’ll give up MERIT,’ Sam said. ‘I can still make a difference to people’s lives in our department.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t think it will be enough for you. I know you miss the mountain rescue work. And I don’t want to stop you doing something you love.’
‘So what are you suggesting?’ he asked, not sure where she was going with this. ‘Because if you don’t want me to stop doing the MERIT team but you also don’t want to have to cope with me doing it... That sounds like you want us to go back to being strictly colleagues. That it’s over between us.’
‘No,’ she said. ‘I don’t want that either. I just don’t want to lose you. But I’m pushing you away and this is supposed to be the Year of Saying Yes.’
‘And now you’ve really lost me. What do you mean, the Year of Saying Yes?’ he asked.
‘Dani and I made a pact in the summer, when her divorce from Leo came through. She said she didn’t want to waste her life being miserable over someone who didn’t love her, and she said Evan wouldn’t have wanted me to be miserable and lonely. So we agreed we’d say yes to every opportunity to make our life better and happier.’ She swallowed hard. ‘Which was why I ended up going to Iceland on my own, after she broke her foot.’
‘And why you and I had a holiday fling?’
She nodded. ‘And then you turned up in our department. I honestly intended to be just colleagues, perhaps friends, but I just couldn’t resist you.’
‘Only you can’t get past the rescue stuff.’
‘I don’t want to lose you,’ she repeated.
‘I don’t want to lose you either. And if being with you means I have to give up MERIT, then I’m prepared to do that.’ He gave her a wry smile. ‘Which I think tells you how I feel about you, because I would never have given up the mountain rescue stuff for Lynda.’
‘But you loved her, didn’t you?’
‘I did. Until I realised that she didn’t love me for who I was—she loved me for who she thought I could be,’ he admitted. ‘Then I was suspended and she worked out that I never would be the man she thought I could be.’
Hayley frowned. ‘Hang on. She dumped you after you were suspended? But I thought you broke up before then?’
Even though he didn’t want to make Lynda the scapegoat here, there wasn’t any other way of putting it. He looked away. ‘Yes. It was the week after my team was hauled in to see the head of department. When I was suspended, she thought that my career was over.’
‘But why on earth would she think that?’ Hayley’s frown deepened. ‘You’re meticulous at work. You never cut corners. There’s no way the investigation would’ve had any other outcome—of course you and your team were always going to be exonerated.’
Hayley’s faith in him warmed him from the inside out. It was so very far away from Lynda’s attitude. ‘I have to be honest and say that she had a point. There was always the chance I might’ve done something wrong, or there was something I missed recording that could’ve made the difference. Nobody’s perfect,’ he pointed out.
‘But you were exonerated.’
‘That doesn’t really matter. You know what they say about mud tending to stick? When it came to getting promoted, Lynda’s view was that people would remember what had happened with me and then look a bit more closely at the other candidates, finding one of them more suitable than me.’
‘That would be unfair discrimination,’ Hayley said. ‘And anyone who’d ever worked with you would know you’re good at your job.’
‘Even so. She had a point about people remembering and having doubts, even if they got past them. And if mud stuck to me, it would also stick to her by association. She was engaged to someone who was suspended—so, whatever the outcome, the investigation would harm her career.’
Hayley’s eyes glittered with what looked like outrage. ‘That’s—that’s...’ She shook her head. ‘I can’t believe someone would be that selfish and shallow. She was your fiancée, for pity’s sake! The one person you’d expect to believe in you and have your back.’
His thoughts exactly. Lynda’s lack of faith in him had cut him to the quick. ‘It didn’t quite work out that way.’
‘She didn’t believe in you. I can’t get over that. That’s so horrible.’ She blew out a breath. ‘So when I went all quiet on you, I was worrying that you were going to end up the same way as Evan—but I’m guessing you’ve got similar worries about things repeating themselves, and you started thinking that I didn’t believe in you, too?’
‘I was probably being paranoid,’ he said, ‘and letting what happened with Lynda act as a kind of filter to the way I saw things. But you also said you didn’t want anyone to know we were seeing each other,’ he reminded her. ‘I thought maybe you were ashamed of me.’
‘No. I told you it was complicated. I knew it was time to move o
n, but I still felt guilty Plus you were the first person I’d dated since Evan, and...’ She rubbed a hand over her face. ‘I don’t know how to put this. You would’ve been grilled to an inch of your life by half the hospital if they found out I was seeing you. And then everyone would be talking about us, and saying how pleased they were that I’d finally decided to move on—as if I was replacing Evan and scrubbing him out of my life. I just couldn’t face that.’
‘You can’t replace a person,’ he said, ‘and you’ll always love Evan. Of course you will. You were engaged to him for how long?’
‘A year and a half,’ she said, ‘and we dated for a year before we got engaged.’
‘Anyone who asks you to share their life will understand that you’ll always love Evan,’ Sam said, ‘and that’s fine—because love doesn’t have limits like that. He was an important part of your life. Loving him and cherishing your memories doesn’t mean that you can’t share your future with someone else—that you can’t love someone else and live a rich, happy life together.’
* * *
Love didn’t have limits.
Yet she was limiting him.
‘I can’t make you give up MERIT,’ she said. ‘It’s part of who you are. You’re an emergency doctor. You save lives. And I can understand that it’s important to you to use your skills to do that on the front line. To make a difference where you’re really needed.’
He nodded. ‘But you’re important to me, too. I don’t want you to worry yourself sick and remember how you felt when Evan was killed, every time I’m called out on a job.’
‘Let me go through this logically,’ she said. ‘The Medical Incident Officer won’t let anyone on the team take unnecessary risks. A doctor at the site will have to wear personal protective equipment, and will only be allowed in the area right next to the incident if the service responsible for safety at the scene says it’s safe to be there.’
‘Exactly,’ he said. ‘The rule is not to risk your own safety, ever—because as a rescue worker you’re meant to be helping, not adding to the problem.’
But Evan risked his own safety. And then he was killed.
Though she didn’t say it, he clearly guessed what she was thinking, because he squeezed her hand. ‘I’m a doctor, not a firefighter,’ he said. ‘I know my limits and I won’t take unnecessary risks.’
She’d worry whenever he was on a MERIT incident. Of course she would. But over time she’d become more confident that she wasn’t going to lose him.
‘I love you and I want to be with you,’ Sam said softly. ‘But I also want our relationship to be public. I don’t want to feel as if I’m the shameful secret you don’t want anyone to know about.’
‘I’m not ashamed of you,’ she said. ‘You’re a good doctor. A good man. I’m proud of you. You’ve been through an experience that would make a lot of people walk away from medicine altogether—but you’re still here, doing your best to make the world a better place.’ She took a deep breath. ‘You make my world a better place, Sam. With you, I’ve been happy for the first time since I lost Evan. And you’re right. I’m never going to forget him and a part of me will always love him. But there’s room in my life for another relationship—and I want that relationship to be with you.’
‘I love you,’ Sam said. ‘I’ll compromise and tone down the dangerous stuff.’
‘You’re never going to be able to talk me into doing mountain-climbing or even skiing, and I’m not even sure I can bear to watch you do it,’ Hayley said, ‘but I won’t stop you from doing what you need to do. I’ll trust that you won’t take unnecessary risks. I’ll worry about you—of course I will—but it’s part of who you are. Part of why I love you. I won’t stop you doing any of the stuff you need to do.’
He kissed her. ‘Today’s been a rough day. But it’s going to get better, because from now on we’re going to be right by each other’s side.’ He paused. ‘It’s probably the wrong time to ask you this, but I think we’ve already wasted enough time. And today’s taught me that life is really precious, and you should seize it and make the most of it.’
‘Seize the day,’ she said. ‘That’s a good plan.’
He slid off his sofa and knelt before her on one knee. ‘Hayley Clark, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me—and preferably as soon as possible?’
Given that it was the Year of Saying Yes, there was only one answer she could make. ‘Sam Price, I love you, too. Yes.’
CHAPTER TEN
December 1st
IT WAS THE night of the departmental Christmas party, with a sit-down meal in the function room of the local pub and everyone pulling crackers and wearing the paper hats and groaning over the terrible jokes.
Michael Harcourt, the head of the department, presided over the Secret Santa, and everyone laughed when Josh’s present turned out to be a miniature model of a go-kart and a home-made rib protector crafted from bubble-wrap.
‘There is one more thing,’ Sam said when Michael had finished, ‘except I need to be the one to give this, not Michael.’ He walked round the table to Hayley’s chair, and held out a cracker to her.
She smiled, knowing what was inside; they’d agreed to go public on their relationship, and Sam was making it very public indeed. She pulled the other end of the cracker, revealing a velvet-covered box, and everyone gasped.
Sam adopted the traditional pose of going down on one knee, and held out the box to her. ‘Hayley Clark, would you please do me the honour of becoming my wife?’
‘Yes,’ she said, and he took the simple diamond engagement ring from the box and slid it onto her left hand.
‘I think this calls for bubbles,’ Michael said. ‘Congratulations, both of you.’ He shook their hands warmly.
‘So have you set a date?’ Dev asked.
‘Christmas Eve,’ Sam said.
‘So we have a whole year to wait for wedding cake?’ Melissa, one of the nurses, asked.
‘Um, no. More like a shade over three weeks,’ Hayley said.
‘What—you’re getting married this Christmas Eve?’ Josh asked, sounding shocked.
‘Yes. We’ll be giving out the invitations to our wedding tomorrow,’ Sam said. ‘And we hope to see as many of you there as possible.’
‘How on earth are you going to organise a wedding in three weeks?’ Melissa asked. ‘I mean, I know you two are efficient machines, but weddings...’
‘We gave notice to the register office ten days ago and we have a venue booked nearby—and the venue’s organising the bar and the catering for us,’ Sam said. ‘I’m hiring a suit and Dani’s already taken Hayley shopping for a dress. Plus we’ve been making lists of people we need to call for everything else.’
‘My aunt makes cakes,’ Josh said. ‘So if you can’t get a baker, I can ask her to make the cake for you.’
‘My sister does flowers,’ Melissa said. ‘I can ask her to do yours for you.’
‘And my brother’s a photographer,’ Darryl said. ‘I know he’s not doing anything on Christmas Eve. I can book him for you.’
‘What about a band?’ Dev asked.
‘Dani’s asking Maybe Baby,’ Hayley said. The maternity unit and paediatric ward had a house band between them, which often played at hospital functions. She smiled. ‘I think you’ve all answered Melissa’s question between you. It looks as if we’re organising it by teamwork. And thank you, all of you, for being so supportive.’
‘It’s really good to see you happy again, Hayley,’ Melissa said, and hugged her. ‘I can’t think of a nicer couple for this to happen to. And it’s so romantic, getting married on Christmas Eve. This is going to be one of the best Christmases ever.’
Michael started handing out glasses of bubbly. ‘Agreed. And I propose a toast: to Hayley and Sam.’
&n
bsp; ‘Hayley and Sam,’ everyone chorused, lifting their glasses.
Christmas Eve
‘Turn round so I can check it’s all perfect,’ Danielle said when she’d done up the zip at the back of Hayley’s dress.
Hayley dutifully performed a pirouette. ‘Do I look OK?’
‘More than OK,’ Danielle said, and gave her a swift hug. ‘That dress is perfect for you.’ The cream dress had a sleeveless V-necked lace bodice and a full skirt with layers of tulle and organza that floated down to just below Hayley’s knees.
Hayley stepped into her dark red high-heeled court shoes, which matched the spray of roses she was using for her bouquet, and also matched Danielle’s empire-line knee-length bridesmaid’s dress.
‘Don’t we look fabulous in our tiaras?’ Danielle asked, standing next to her in front of the mirror and pouting.
But there was an over-brightness to her best friend’s smile that worried Hayley. ‘We do. Dani, are you sure everything’s OK?’
‘Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be? It’s your wedding day.’
Which was precisely the reason Hayley knew Danielle wouldn’t talk to her today about what was really wrong. She made a mental note to pin her best friend down the day after Boxing Day, when she and Sam were back from their brief honeymoon in Iceland, and find out exactly what Danielle was hiding. ‘I love you,’ she said. ‘If it wasn’t for you insisting on the Year of Saying Yes, I wouldn’t have met Sam in Iceland, I wouldn’t have given him a chance when he started at the hospital, and I wouldn’t be here right now, getting ready to marry him.’
