by Aimée Thurlo
As Lucas worked on Joshua, Nydia heard boys’ voices just down the hall. Her thoughts drifted to her son, John, and the task she’d undertaken at his request. Despite her best efforts, she was no closer to bringing the hataalii back.
She pictured his serious face whenever he tried to convince her he was a man not a boy. He had so many goals for himself. In his intense black eyes, she could see the strength of the dineh.
An anguish as black as night speared her. She missed her son. Their relationship was a close one. It had been their love for each other that had seen her through the sorrow and loneliness of her life since becoming a widow. As she watched Lucas and Joshua, she longed to be with her own family and to hear John’s voice.
“I need to call home,” she said. “May I use your phone?”
Joshua’s gaze was filled with such compassion that Nydia knew he’d read her thoughts. “I will go back to the reservation with you. Assure them of that. This situation can’t last much longer.”
She nodded, but didn’t speak, not trusting her voice.
“Go down the hall, then turn left,” Lucas said. “My office is there. Feel free to use the phone as long as you need.”
As she opened the door and went out of the examining room, the crowd’s eyes fastened on her, and every conversation stopped almost at once. Nydia kept her eyes forward, went down to Lucas’s office and closed the door behind her. She sat behind his desk and dialed home. It was late, almost John’s bedtime, and she hoped she wouldn’t wake him.
Her mother-in-law answered as usual, and the frost in her voice made a shudder run up Nydia’s spine. “I need to talk to my son,” Nydia said simply.
“It’s very late. Are you bringing the hataalii?”
“No, not yet. There’s a matter here that needs to be resolved first.”
“Then why—?”
“I want to speak to my son,” she repeated calmly.
There was a silence, then she heard the phone being set down. A few minutes later, John answered.
“Mom?”
“Hi.” She nearly cried at the relief of hearing his voice. So much had happened, and she needed him now. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine,” he said, then added, “but you’re not. What’s wrong? Won’t the hataalii come?”
“He will, but there’s a complication here, some legal matters that make things difficult for everyone. How’s your grandfather?”
“He’s really weak. Grandma’s worried about him, but I think he’ll hold on because he knows you’ll bring back help. You can’t let us down, Mom, you just can’t.”
She heard the desperation in his voice, but it was the seed of doubt there that worried her most. He was losing faith in her, and that hurt her more than she’d ever dreamed possible. “If you need me for any reason, call the sheriff’s office here. He’ll know where to find me.”
“I just don’t understand….”
“About what, son?”
“I always thought I could count on the old ways and those who followed the Navajo Way to come through for me, no matter what. But maybe you were right all along, Mom. Maybe the only thing we really can count on is ourselves.”
“I’ll be back as soon as possible with the help we need. Hold to that.”
She heard the dial tone as John hung up, and felt the aching emptiness that being away from him always left inside her. Then her thoughts turned to Joshua, and the heartache eased, filling the empty spot with warm feelings she didn’t dare define.
Hearing a knock at the door, she glanced up and saw Joshua entering. “Is everything all right?” he asked, closing the door behind himself.
She smiled thinly. “I was just asking myself the same question about you.”
“That’s not an answer,” he said.
She shrugged. “You’re needed on the reservation. What else is there for me to say?”
As he stood with his back to the closed door, angry voices filled the next room. Then something was thrown against the wall, shattering with a loud crash.
Nydia heard Lucas’s voice rising above the crowd’s, then there was an uneasy quiet as he spoke to the gathering.
“They’re afraid and angry, but we have no reason to fear them here,” Joshua assured her.
She saw the pain in his eyes, and knew that despite his calm words, the reaction of the townspeople had opened a wound no amount of medicine would ever heal.
“I don’t fear them, I resent them,” Nydia said angrily. “And you have a right to that emotion, too.”
“I can’t afford that-I have to keep my thinking clear. Among them is a murderer. And instinct tells me that he’s the one who’s working hardest to turn the people against me by feeding their fears. He’s the one I need to find. If I allow emotions to sidetrack me, he’ll gain the advantage and he has enough of one already.”
A moment later, Lucas came in with Rosa, the owner of the grocery store. Joshua’s expression revealed he was surprised to see her there.
Rosa looked them both over with kind eyes. “I heard what happened to you tonight. Lucas explained to all of us. I wanted to assure you that no matter what, I will continue to sell you whatever supplies you need. But if you could come by after-hours, I’d really appreciate it. After the last time you visited my store, I received an anonymous note warning me that my store would be history if I helped you any more.”
“Did you recognize the writing?” Nydia asked. “And what did you do with the note?”
Rosa glanced at Nydia. “I didn’t recognize the writing, so I threw the note away. At first, it just made me angry-I don’t like people telling me what to do. But then I thought of Rosita, my niece, who goes to school here. I don’t want her pulled into this situation. To be honest, I’m afraid for her.”
“We understand,” Joshua said.
“I’ll open for you really early or really late if you need something. Or maybe your brothers can shop for you.”
“We’ll work something out.”
Nydia felt anger tearing at her. Now when Joshua needed friends more than ever, it seemed as if Four Winds was all but deserting him. She wondered how he could stay so calm.
Seeing the warning look Joshua gave her, she refrained from speaking her mind. After Lucas led Rosa back out, Nydia stared defiantly at Joshua. “Sometimes patience is not a good thing. You should have spoken up for yourself. She might be worried about retaliation, but capitulating to bullies is never the answer.”
“She’s doing her best, and she hasn’t turned me away. I’m isolated enough as it is, and to turn down her offer of help and the limited friendship she is able to give would be playing right into my enemy’s hands. He wants me to stand alone.”
Nydia walked to the window and stared out into the darkness. “When I lost my husband, I felt completely alone. My parents were in Europe, where my father was serving in the army. There was no one there for me except my in-laws, who don’t approve of me, and my son. But even in those dark days when my world was crashing down, my fight was nothing compared to yours.”
“I choose to think of this as a passage. You came through tough times, and became stronger for it. It will be the same for me.” He studied her expression. “But there’s something else eating at you right now. How’s your son?”
“His grandfather is growing weaker, and he’s worried, of course. But it’s not so much what he said, but what he didn’t say,” Nydia answered in a strangled voice. “He’s losing faith in my ability to bring you back. He’s losing faith in me. And in—” She stopped. Joshua had enough to contend with.
“And in the old ways he trusts,” Joshua finished for her. “We can’t let that happen. There’s more at stake here, too, than the life of one elderly man and the beliefs of your boy. I know what your son means to you, and that you need him to believe in you. It’s as much for you as it is for anyone else that I will succeed in helping your father-inlaw. I won’t let up in my search for the killer even if it means driving all of us relent
lessly, because I know time is running out for you and those you hold dear.”
She wanted to tell him that she held him dear, too, that his concern had touched her more than she could ever put into words, but just then Lucas came in.
“Okay, I’ve tended all the split lips and black eyes the boys who were caught in the fight came in with. Luckily, there were no broken bones this time. It’s time to get you back to the cabin.”
“You’ll follow to make sure we aren’t tailed?” Nydia asked.
“Yes, but you won’t see me, so don’t bother looking in the rearview mirror. Go your way, and don’t worry. You’ll have backup if you need it.”
“Is it necessary, you think?” Joshua asked. “People surely know that I didn’t dive into that pit on my own.”
“I told them what happened, but many don’t believe it went down the way you described. Somebody said Jake made up the story about the footprints to help you, since he’s your friend.”
“It’ll be dangerous for him, too, then,” Joshua said.
“Jake can take care of himself—you know that. You’re the one I’m worried about.”
“Before we get too swayed by Jake and what he’s doing, I think I should point out that he’s still the best suspect,” Nydia said. “That man is trained to make and use bombs and he’s probably a crack shot, too.”
Joshua looked at Lucas and shook his head. “No, he isn’t responsible.”
“Maybe you’re just so relieved to find someone who believes in you that you’re not taking into account the obvious. Jake may be taking your word because he knows he’s the guilty one.”
“She’s got a point,” Lucas said. “Finding a sympathetic ear could be coloring your judgment.”
“But it isn’t,” Joshua said flatly. “I’m seldom wrong about people—you know that.” he added looking at Lucas.
“That’s true. Well, it doesn’t matter now. At the moment. what we have to do is make sure you get out of town safely,” he said, leading them out the back door.
Nydia took the wheel, knowing Joshua was still in some pain. As they drove down Main, she glanced in the rearview mirror. “I can’t see your brother anywhere.”
“He told you that would happen. You can count on Shadow. He’s there.”
As they drove past the feed store, Nydia slowed down slightly. “Look at that truck parked in the alley.”
Joshua sat up and glanced out the window. “It’s Darren Wilson’s truck.”
“You know what? That truck could easily have been the same one we saw parked by Mrs. Farrell’s place the day of the murder.”
Joshua studied the truck as they passed by. “Yes, you’re right. I never linked the two until now.”
“And if you think back, Wilson’s truck wasn’t there that night. You noted that yourself.”
Joshua kept his gaze on the vehicle as she drove by. “Our view of the pickup that night was sketchy, though. I can’t say for certain it’s the same truck. Can you?” “No,” she admitted dejectedly. “Still, it’s something the sheriff should be told about.”
“My brother will be coming later. You can count on it. Shadow has already spoken to him.”
“I’ll stay up and keep watch until he does. You’re going to have to get some sleep. And tonight, you take the bed, no arguments.”
“No. Sound sleep is still an enemy, particularly now. We need to stay on our guard.”
“My night vision is as good as yours. I’ll take care of that. If you don’t get some rest, you won’t be any good to anyone, including yourself.”
When he didn’t argue, she realized just how exhausted he was. And it was more than physical exertions that had worn him down. Emotional blows had wounded him deeper than the wooden spikes in the pit he’d escaped from. Nydia’s heart went out to him.
Allowing him whatever rest he could get as she drove to the cabin, Nydia remained quiet. She only wished there was more she could do—and not only for him, but for those who were counting on them both.
Chapter Ten
When she finally pulled up by the cabin, she saw Lucas’s truck emerge from the high ground to the north. “You’re okay here,” he said, parking next to them, “but I’ve got to go back. Fuzz and I will both stop by later.”
As he drove away, Nydia and Joshua walked inside the cabin. Joshua took slow steps, then sat down on the sofa with a soft groan.
She was at his side instantly. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m just sore from the fall.”
“Come on. Let me help you to bed.”
He stood, and she wrapped her arm around his waist. As awareness shimmered between them, she felt the shudder that traveled through him.
“It’s better if you don’t help me right now,” he said softly.
She nodded. She prided herself on logic and selfdiscipline, but around Joshua her thoughts were clouded by desires and needs as reckless as her wildest dreams. But she was an adult with too many responsibilities to allow herself the luxury of these distractions. As she watched him move slowly to the bedroom, determination shot through her. She wouldn’t let him down. He needed her help, whether he admitted it or not.
Nydia strode past him into the room and tossed the covers back. “Come on. I’ll help you take your boots off. No way you’ll feel like bending down to do that.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, and she knelt in front of him. She could feel his gaze flowing over her.
“What else will you remove for me?” he taunted softly.
His whisper felt like warm oil poured slowly over her skin. She felt a honeyed weakness winding itself around her. Then passion’s fire crept through her, making her burn with yearnings too powerful to simply brush aside.
“We are a lot alike,” he said. “You and I tend to overestimate our own willpower.”
Nydia set his boots against the wall and then went to help him remove his torn shirt. His muscles flexed and bunched at her slightest touch.
“You’d better let me do this,” he managed to say through clenched teeth.
He was so powerfully male, yet he needed her. The knowledge was like sweet wine. She wasn’t sure what happened, but she began to tremble. Following the leanings of her heart, she rested one knee on the mattress between his thighs, then leaned over and kissed him.
His response was explosive. With a guttural cry that sent its vibrations rippling through her, he took her mouth possessively, a storm of hunger unleashed.
She cried out softly, but he drank the sound from her lips, answering with all the heat and power of the man he was.
For an exquisite moment, she allowed desire to run free. She wanted to love this man who’d haunted her dreams. She shivered when he buried his lips at the hollow of her neck. The night exploded into a million bright colors.
Her emotions were at fever pitch, but it was that intensity that frightened her. She was losing a part of herself to him, a part she’d never recapture.
Nydia pulled away abruptly. “I’m sorry. I started this, but I had no business…”
“What we feel…is difficult to fight.”
She wanted to slip back into Joshua’s arms, but knew she could not. Frustration tore at her. “Ever since I came to Four Winds, nothing makes sense. Sometimes, I don’t even recognize myself.”
“Yes, you do, and you understand what’s happening just as I do. That’s what scares you the most.”
“And you? Does it frighten you, as well?” Bewildered, she gazed into his eyes. The white-hot passion mirrored there sent a jolt of longing all through her.
“I don’t want to hurt you—in any way. I also don’t want to play games. Loving you, but knowing I could never truly have you—” He shook his head. “You’re not ready to lie with me, sawe, because for us it would mean acknowledging love.”
She couldn’t breathe; she couldn’t think. Like a coward, she started to leave the room, but he reached out for her hand.
“No. You never have to run from me. I failed
you once, but I’ll do my best never to do that again.”
“Failed me?”
“By not being able to leave with you-to go help your father-in-law. I failed you, them and myself most of all.”
“You can’t blame yourself.”
“But I do, particularly when I think of your son.”
Nydia nodded. “But there, I’m the one who failed. I should have discouraged his faith in the old ways a long time ago. Hard facts and science are more reliable than beliefs shrouded in mystery and antiquity. As his mother, I should have given him the wisdom to see that a long time ago. It’s just that I wanted him to know both, then let him make the final choice. But in trying to give him everything, I’ve left him vulnerable and, possibly, without anything to depend on in life at all.”
Joshua grasped her shoulders, forcing her to face him. “I know how desperately your family needs me and I have a duty to honor the trust the tribe places in me as a singer. But I have responsibilities here, too, and for now, I have to stay. But I give you my word that if your father-in-law’s condition deteriorates any further, we’ll both go back to the reservation whether or not matters here are settled.”
“If you do leave with me, it will be seen as an admission of guilt. You’d never clear your name.”
“I know.”
“I believe you would do this,” she whispered in a raw voice.
“I need you to have faith in me.”
“I do.”
She moved away, knowing that if she remained where she was, they’d kiss again and this time, she wouldn’t walk away.
“But we have to stop these feelings, this crazy attraction, between us,” she said, her voice taut. “If we don’t, we’ll hurt each other more than either of us ever thought possible.”
“You’re so certain….”
“It’s wrong between us, hataalii, and it’s on a level too deep to fix. You’re not the man I want in my life. I know only too well what it’s like to have the love of a man whose heart is already given.”
“There is no one else—”
“No, but there is something you have given yourself to completely. My husband was like you, only his love was the rodeo. He loved my son and me, too, but he spent most of his time pursuing his work. I could never count on him. Whenever I needed him, he just wasn’t there. I won’t put myself through that again. Your first loyalty is to your way of life, to your path as a singer, and that will never change.”
