“Let’s go have dinner and talk.”
*
Kaatje wanted to treat Laurie to dinner at a restaurant, but Laurie prevailed when she insisted she’d like to go back to the boat. They didn’t bother to stop for food as Kaatje said she had a good supply of leftovers from lunch.
Kaatje stood at the counter in her galley, carefully filling two plates with various cold salads while she companionably told Laurie about her day. They sat down at the banquette and Laurie found herself wolfing the food down, remembering just how hungry she was after skipping lunch.
“Do you cook at home?” Kaatje asked.
Laurie’s mouth was full. She shook her head, chewing quickly. “No, not much at all.” She wiped her mouth with her napkin. “I can cook, a little, but I haven’t used the oven in my new condo.”
“How long have you been there?”
“Mmm.” She squinted her eyes, as if she could see a mental calendar better that way. “A year and a half? Two years? Maybe a little more?”
“You don’t cook,” Kaatje said, giving her a quick grin.
“After I broke up with my boyfriend…” She trailed off, then made a face. “That’s such a stupid term for someone you lived with. Anyway, after Colin and I broke up, I let a lot of things go to pot.” She pinched the flesh around her waist. “I’ve gained twenty pounds in two years, and it’s just from eating the wrong things.”
“Twenty pounds? You must have been like a stick.”
“Not really. Everyone in LA is thin.”
Looking doubtful, Kaatje said, “Maybe you exaggerate?”
“Not much. Luxor wants us to be lean and mean. Not one person above me is overweight. They think it’s a sign of lack of control. For me— they’re right.”
“What do you eat?”
“A lot of junk.” She tried to hide her disgust with herself, finding that unattractive in others, but it was difficult. “I have good intentions. I eat a healthy lunch and think I’ll stop for sashimi or a salad on the way home. But then I get involved in something and wind up eating pizza that someone orders in or, even worse, eating a couple of candy bars and having a couple of Cokes to keep me alert. I know I should drink Diet Coke, but I can’t stand the taste, and sometimes a Coke is the only pleasure I get all day.”
“It wouldn’t take long to gain weight eating that way. Were you… depressed after you broke up with Colin?”
“Not really.” Her reply was so offhanded it made her wince. “I was sad, of course, but not depressed.”
“Who made the choice?”
“To break up?”
Kaatje nodded.
“He did. After six months of arguing about this and that, he said he wasn’t happy. He moved out the next week when I was in Osaka.” She took another bite and chewed for a few seconds, hoping Kaatje would change the subject. But when she was met with those inquisitive eyes, she added a little more. “He was pretty needy.”
“How do you mean—needy?”
“He wanted to spend more time together.” She let out a sigh. “I tried. I really did. Colin liked to have dinner together, and I made a huge effort to get home and cook. It was usually just a big salad or something simple, but I tried.” She deftly transitioned back to the previous topic. “After he moved out, I didn’t have to rush home, and I started my candy bar and pizza nonsense.”
“I don’t think anyone recommends candy for a balanced meal.” Kaatje gave Laurie an impish grin that didn’t show a bit of judgment on her part.
“Even worse,” Laurie said, popping a cherry tomato into her mouth, “I stopped exercising. Colin was a runner, and he dragged me with him on weekends. Once he was gone it was all too easy to go to work.”
“It sounds like you need a supervisor.” She adopted a stern tone. “Laurie, we’re not going to be able to keep you on if you don’t eat some vegetables and go out for a walk.”
Smiling, Laurie said, “You might not believe this, but I’m…I was… very athletic.”
“Why wouldn’t I believe it?” She reached over and pinched the same area Laurie had. “You can call this flab, but this is what makes you look womanly. You’re not overweight.” Her eyes lingered on Laurie’s body for a moment. “You have a beautiful shape. Such nice, shapely curves.” Kaatje’s voice had taken on a husky, sexy timbre, but when she looked up and their eyes met, Laurie almost cried again.
“Sorry,” she said, shaking her head roughly. “I’m not usually very emotional. I must be getting my period.”
Kaatje reached over and took Laurie’s hand, holding it tenderly. “Maybe you’re upset. I would be if I were you. This has caught you by surprise.”
Head nodding quickly, Laurie said, “I guess I am.” She took a long breath. “It just seems silly.”
“Silly? What about this is silly?”
“I’m almost thirty-two years old. I should have had my sexuality figured out when I was fifteen. How old were you?”
“You can’t compare yourself to other people. And thirty-two isn’t old. Lots of people, women especially, come out when they’re adults.”
Laurie shook her head. “I’m not coming out. Everyone says sexuality is fluid. I’m just being a little…fluid,” she added weakly, looking unhappy with her choice of words.
“I’m only using ‘coming out’ as a term for people who discover a new part of their sexuality. Like my father’s sister. She fell in love with a woman when she was a grandmother.”
“Really? A grandmother?”
“Yes. Absolutely. She fell in love with a woman at work. Things were very…tense, I guess you’d say, with her children, but that only lasted a year or two. They were mostly upset that she divorced their father, I think. She seems very happy now, and my uncle remarried and he seems good too.”
“Wow. That must have been hard for your cousins. Not to mention your uncle.”
Kaatje shrugged, seemingly unconcerned. “I think everyone deserves to be happy and fulfilled. It’s awful to disappoint the people you love, but sometimes you have to.” She took Laurie’s hand in her own and turned it over to run her finger down the lines on her palm. “Will you upset the people who love you if you tell them you’re…you’ve had sex with a woman?”
Laurie thought about the question for quite a while. “Not much, I don’t think. I told you yesterday that my mom has asked me if I might be a lesbian. She made a point of telling me it would be just fine with her if I am.”
“That’s encouraging. Maybe she sensed something.”
“Yeah. Maybe. My sister has asked me a dozen times. I’m not sure how she’ll take it.” The truth of that statement made her stomach flip, and she couldn’t back away from it fast enough. “If it turns out that I think this is something I want to do again…you know. I won’t tell anyone now. It’s too…new.”
“Yeah, I know,” Kaatje said, still looking at Laurie with calm equanimity. “You don’t ever have to tell anyone.” Her mouth quirked into a grin. “You have vacation immunity.”
Laurie smiled back. “Immunity, huh?”
“Absolutely. You can go home and forget all about it. Just tell yourself you had Caribbean fever.”
Laurie scooted over until she was pressed up against Kaatje’s side. Looking at her smooth skin, burnished by the sun, she was unable to resist the urge to kiss her soft cheek. “I don’t remember ever being as attracted to anyone as I am to you.”
Kaatje gave her an almost lecherous look. “You make my pulse race. I thought about your body so many times today I could barely keep up a conversation.”
“Really?” A flash of doubt hit her in the chest.
“Really. When you were grousing at me yesterday morning, I thought, ‘I don’t like getting chewed out, but having a beautiful woman do it makes it tolerable.’”
“You’re teasing.” Laurie playfully slapped at her tan leg.
“No, I’m not. You’re a great-looking woman. I don’t want to seem shallow, but if you hadn’t been as pretty as you are, I ne
ver would have offered to take you out.”
“Ack!”
“Well, it’s true. You were pretty grouchy, not to mention judgmental. The only positive aspect I could see were these.” She ran her hands ostentatiously along Laurie’s curves.
“That’s a funny compliment, but I kinda like it.”
Kaatje tilted her head and moved a little closer. “Can I kiss you again?”
“Yeah.” Laurie was surprised to hear the desire in her voice. “I want you to.”
Moving forward, Kaatje captured Laurie’s lips in a long, tender kiss. Their lips merged as though they were made for each other, soft, yielding and welcoming. They continued to kiss and gently touch each other until Laurie whispered, “Let’s go to bed.”
“Let’s,” Kaatje echoed, smiling like a happy fox.
*
They lay together in a tangle of sheets, a cool, light wind drying the perspiration from their bodies. Feeling drained, Laurie could easily have fallen asleep, even though it was barely dark. But Kaatje seemed alert and energized, so Laurie forced herself to sit up and try to get a second wind. She stretched and stuck her hands up in the air, then shook them briskly. After taking in a few deep breaths, the lethargy started to ebb. She looked down at Kaatje, who was gazing at her with ill-disguised desire.
“You are remarkably beautiful,” Kaatje said softly. “If I had to tell someone about my ideal woman, I’d describe you.”
Laurie tweaked her nose playfully. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am.” Kaatje’s voice was calm and thoughtful, and her expression was earnest. “Why would I say that if I didn’t mean it?”
Laurie thought about the question for a moment and couldn’t think of a good answer. “Well, I didn’t know I had an ideal type of woman, but if I had, she’d look like you .”
Since Laurie was sitting up, resting against the wall, Kaatje was able to scoot around and lay her head in her lap. “Why don’t you do something fun like play with my hair?”
Laughing gently at the way she’d phrased the request, Laurie did as she was asked, taking strands of hair and idly arranging them. “I’ve never played with a woman’s hair. I like it.”
“Let’s explore your psyche for a while.” Kaatje said this with the same tone she’d used for having Laurie play with her hair.
“I’m not much for that kind of thing.”
“Okay. That’s fine. But you’ll indulge me and answer a few questions, won’t you?”
“I guess it can’t hurt.”
“Good enough.” Kaatje was looking up at her, a playful grin quirking up her lips. “Why do you think people have asked if you might be a lesbian?”
Laurie rolled her eyes. “Because my mom and my sister love to be in my business.”
Kaatje’s hair rubbed against Laurie’s thighs when she nodded. “You might want to think about that for a while. That’s not the first question most people ask if they’re curious about your life.”
“Maybe they’re really lesbians and they’re projecting their hidden desires onto me.” She giggled and gently picked Kaatje’s head up and placed it back down on the bed. “I’m going to get something to drink. Want anything?”
“No, thanks.”
When Laurie returned, Kaatje was lying right where she’d left her. Laurie lay down and sipped at a glass of water. “It’s awfully nice out here.”
“Yeah, it is.”
A long silence descended upon them and Laurie could feel a flash of anger start to bubble up. By her silence, Kaatje was forcing her to talk about something she had no interest in, not to mention something that was none of Kaatje’s business. “I don’t know why my family asks questions, or why Colin or Fernando asked me. How can I know what they’re thinking? Do I have to tell them all I slept with a woman just to get more feedback on things that aren’t their business?”
Kaatje looked at her for quite a few seconds. Her eyes blinked slowly, then she sat up and said, “I didn’t mean to pry. We don’t have to talk about it.”
A frustrated sigh made Laurie’s lips flap. “No, I’m being a jerk. I don’t like to talk about feelings. I ignore them whenever humanly possible.”
“Isn’t that hard to do?”
“Not if you practice hard enough.” She noticed that her plastic smile wasn’t returned. “Okay.” She took in and let out a big breath. “My sister has been on me since I was in high school, asking why I never seemed to care whether I had a boyfriend or not. She’s two years older, and always tried to see my world through her eyes. I always thought she was being overdramatic: Will a guy call? Does he like me as much as I like him? What will I do if he breaks up with me? Stuff like that.”
A small frown settled between Kaatje’s brows. “That seems common to me. I thought the world revolved around whether my girlfriend would call me when I first came…when I started having sex.”
“I’ve never been like that. I like having a boyfriend, but they’re a lot of work too. Being single is underrated.”
“What’s the best part of being single?”
“Easy one,” Laurie said, smiling. “Being able to do what you want when you want to. Not having to think about the other person before you commit to anything.”
“What’s the worst part?”
Laurie’s smile faded slowly. “Holidays.”
“Holidays?”
“Yeah. When I take a few days off and visit my family in Cincinnati.”
“I don’t know that place.”
“It’s in Ohio. A little east of the center of the country. My parents and my sister and brother-in-law all live near there. And sometimes, like at Christmas, I see how my sister and my mom have something I’ve never had.”
“And that’s…?”
“It’s hard to describe.” She took a minute, thinking of what quality her mother and sister shared. “I suppose it’s love.” She fleetingly met Kaatje’s gaze. “I can tell they’re both happy to have someone to share things with. For them, the good things about a relationship seem to outnumber the bad ones.”
“That should be true for every relationship.” Kaatje stroked Laurie’s leg, making her skin pebble.
“It hasn’t been for me.” Laurie’s voice was very quiet. “I’ve never been in love. I know that now.”
“Now?” Kaatje’s eyebrows shot up. “You’ve just now realized that?”
Laurie nodded. “Just now. I was going through the motions, but I didn’t love Colin, or Ben, or Jeremy. They told me they loved me, and I replied like I thought I should.”
“How did you…what makes you know this now?”
Laurie slid down until she was right in front of Kaatje. Looking into her eyes, she said, “I wasn’t connected. I’ve just met you and I feel like we’ve really shared something.” Tears came to her eyes and she wiped the annoying distraction away. “You made me feel more than I ever felt with Colin and I knew him for years. We had sex hundreds of time.” Her tears continued and her voice shook. “Was he as absent as I was? How could he not have known I was barely there?” She cried harder, sobbing as Kaatje took her into her arms.
“Shh, don’t cry. It’ll be all right.”
“I know,” Laurie sobbed. “I’m going to make it right. I know what I’ve been missing, and I won’t ever settle for less. I’m going to find love. It can be with a man or a woman, but it’s going to be love.”
*
It was still early when Laurie came back to bed for the second time. She stood in front of Kaatje and deliberately ran a brush through her hair, removing all of the tangles their thrashing around had created. “Have you ever slept with a virgin? I mean a woman like me?”
“Probably.”
“You don’t know?” Laurie paused, brush in mid-air.
“I assume the first girl I had sex with was a virgin, but I didn’t specifically ask her.”
“Why not?”
Smiling slyly, Kaatje said, “Why should I have? I thought we’d discovered something new.”
Sitting down next to her, Laurie said, “That’s cute to think of. How old were you?”
“Fourteen.”
“Mmm, that’s pretty young. I was sixteen when I started fooling around. Almost eighteen when I had real sex.”
“Real sex means intercourse?”
Laurie nodded. “Yeah.”
“Mmm, then I haven’t had real sex yet. I hope I like it.”
Laurie almost fell for her innocent smile. “Lesbian sex is real. It’s just…I don’t know.” She blushed, the color racing to her cheeks. “That’s how my friends and I referred to it when we were in high school. Sex meant intercourse.”
“I suppose many people feel that way. But all of the categories seem unnecessary to me. To me sex is sharing your body with another person you’re attracted to. Giving and getting pleasure doesn’t have to be complicated.”
Laurie moved so she could reach Kaatje’s head. She started gently untangling her hair and brushing it. “Do you like this?” she asked unnecessarily, given Kaatje’s purring.
“Very much.” She shifted to lie on her belly, allowing Laurie access to the back of her head.
“Have you had sex with a lot of people?” There was a moment of silence, then she said, “I can’t believe I asked you that!” Patting Kaatje’s back, she added, “Don’t answer.”
A muted laugh rose up from the bed. “I wasn’t going to. I’ll talk about relationships I’ve had, but not my sex life. No good can come from that.”
“That’s probably a good practice. I’m sorry I asked, but…I’m very interested in you.” She put the brush aside and started to run her hands down Kaatje’s back, feeling the muscles under the thin layer of flesh. “Everything about you is fascinating.”
Kaatje turned her head but her eyes couldn’t reach Laurie. She lay back down and said, “Do you have a crush on me?”
“Yes.” Laurie bent over and kissed along Kaatje’s spine, making her giggle. “I have a very big crush on you.”
*
They slept together, cuddling against one another while a cool ocean breeze blew through the cabin. The bed was smaller than Laurie was used to, but she didn’t need an extra inch. Kaatje wasn’t like most of the men she’d slept with, who seemed to take up massive amounts of space. In fact, Laurie realized she was encroaching on Kaatje’s half of the bed and started to move away. But Kaatje’s arm ensnared her and held her in place. Then Kaatje rolled onto her side and nuzzled against Laurie’s neck. “Stay close,” she murmured.
Smooth Sailing Page 11
