by J W Rocque
“Michelle… can you give me the exact date you were born?”
“April 29, 1954.”
“You answered quickly and you were completely unprepared for the question. That leads me to believe that you have been honest about your age.”
“I told you I wasn"t lying.”
“A courier came by this afternoon and dropped off records from Ottawa General Hospital of both you and Evan. The doctors are not at all surprised that you claim that Evan"s body disintegrated into ashes. They confirmed that they also witnessed some similar deterioration while he was a patient there before he was transported here.” Michelle"s eyes watered as Liz spoke. “I"m sorry, Michelle. I know the last thing you want to do is relive the whole thing, but I bring it up only to tell you that I believe everything you say, incredible as it may be.”
“Thanks,” said Michelle as she tried to compose herself.
“So… that was your father who…”
“Yes,” sobbed Michelle. “I don"t know why he didn"t listen to my mother. She tried to tell him that Evan and I loved each other.”
“How are youdoing, Michelle?”
Michelle wanted to stay at Fletcher University Hospital no longer, so she wasdetermined to put on a brave front. “I"m… okay, Liz. I have fully accepted what happened. I want to thank everyone here for being so kind to me. My talk with you has proven to me that I am able to go on and deal with everything that happened.”
“If you would like to stay overnight, you may. In fact, I would recommend it. Your records also reveal that you are two weeks pregnant. After so much stress, it would be a good idea to be tested… especially for the baby. If all is fine… as I expect it to be… you should be able to leave tomorrow. Of course… the decision to stay overnight and get checked out is completely yours. You have not been admitted under our care. I"m just very concerned.”
“Thanks,” said Michelle. “I have no idea where I would go tonight anyway. A fresh start tomorrow would be better. You"ve been… just like a mother to me, Liz. Your kindness makes me look forward to going back home and seeing my mother again.”
“That"s good to hear, Michelle. I"m glad we were able to help. I was also concerned that you may feel some false guilt toward your father and blame yourself. Right now you need to distance yourself from your father and let your mother deal with his situation. Being there for your mother is the best thing you can do. Once we check out the physical health of you and your baby, I see no reason why I shouldn"t give you a clean mental bill of health so you can be properly released and get back home to your mother.”
XI
December 16, 1983 “Hey, Fleming. We got some good news and some bad news for you.”
John looked up from his bunk and saw the police sergeant standing outside the cell. “What more good news could I possibly receive today?”
“I take it you want the good news first then. You"re leaving us, Fleming.”
“Wonderful. I"d like to find my daughter. Does anyone here know where I can find her?”
“Whoa. Slow down, Pistol Pete. You opened fire on an ambulance outside a hospital emergency area. You expect to be let free?”
“Contradictions… first you tell me I"m leaving this hell hole. So what"s the bad news… sir?”
“We"re handing you over to the U.S. authorities. They"re coming for you today. We need the space for our own sickos.”
“Look… I am not a sicko. The sicko is the one who drugged and kidnapped my daughter.”
“You can take that story and stick it where it belongs. We talked to the hospital psychologist. Your daughter does not back up that claim. Besides, she has nothing to fear now with the alleged abductor out of the picture, does she?”
“She was obviously brainwashed. But yes, the abductor is out of the picture, and that means more to me than words could possibly express.”
“You know… I hope you keep talking like that… just so the charge of attempted homicide will stick to you like a fly on shit. Hey, they say that confession is good for the soul.”
“I want to contact a lawyer.”
“Oh, you"ll get that chance… when you"re back in the States.”
“So you think I"m sick, do you? Tell me… why do you think the dearly departed cadaver instantly became a pile of ashes when I shot him? Officer… I didn"t kill a human being… I killed a monster.”
“As much as I"d love to charge you with homicide instead of attemptedhomicide… there was no body in that vehicle.”
“Do ambulances always arrive at the admissions door of that hospital with ashes under a sheet on a gurney, officer? Explain that to me if you will.”
“I don"t need to explain anything to you, so just shut up. It looks to me as if someone knew you would be there, so they took the necessary precautions to foil your attempt.”
“Oh… come on. Then you"re saying that he"s still alive? If he is alive, then my daughter deserves an Academy Award for her performance when she looked at the ashes. He"s dead, officer, and rightfully so. You said just a minute ago that he is out of the picture… and I deserve a hero"s medal for it.”
Michelle walked alone on the Ottawa streets, pondering what she should do now that she was alone in unfamiliar territory. The staff at Fletcher University Hospital offered to call her a cab to take her where she needed to go. She replied that she was not sure how or when she wanted to go home. There was still the issue of her car. She didn"t even know if she wanted to find out if it was salvageable or not. She thought of simply having the insurance company let her know the status of the vehicle… but how would they know how to contact me?
Whenever I think of that car, I think of Evan, she thought as she stopped to look out from a street bridge suspended over a river. I should probably hate him for turning me into someone destined to go through herlife… year after year for who knows how long… alone. How can I possibly find someone to love me as I am… and how can I bear to watch every friend I make grow old while I stay like this? I hate you, Evan Troy. You said that you would never leave me… but you never said that this might happen. You should have given me all the facts and possibilities before giving me that elixir… and even then… you should have asked my permission. Michelle then looked to the sky and reflected back to when she was but a young girl in love. And what would I have done had he said all those things? Probably takenthe elixir, Michelle… that’s what you probably would have done. Michelle looked down into the river below. Maybe the drop would kill me before I drown. I feel so all alone. She hoisted herself up on the wall and felt intimidated by the rapids below. There’s got to be another way. I drank an elixir to get me into this situation. Maybe I can drink some poison to get me out of this situation. Evan was an experiment. I’m not an experiment. There’s no good reason for me to go on like this.
Michelle walked to the end of the bridge and squeezed herself between the last post of the bridge and the beginning of a chain link fence that made its way down the embankment to the river below. The dirt was thick with brush and she slipped a few times trying to navigate down to the river"s edge. Her last slide brought her to the bottom of the hill with a rush of momentum, as her body ached from dragging against the sticks and stones along her descent, and ended with the tips of her shoes touching the water. Then she cried, more so for the sharp pain in her heart than for the annoying pain on her skin from the fall, went under the bridge, braced herself against the wall, and slowly lowered her head under the water.
There is a fine line between a dream and a nightmare. Sometimes one deep sleep can produce a mixture of both dream and nightmare. Chemicals reside in the human brain, and the brain consists of distinct areas where short-term and long-term memories are kept separate from each other. Intense dreaming can cause the chemicals from these two areas to inter-mingle, causing images and scenarios uniting unlikely memories dwelling deep inside the subconscious, like people who are long dead with those who are relatively new acquaintances.
The mind, as well as the will
and emotions, is also tied to the soul. Evan"s soul was entrenched in a prolonged state of sleep and the images it conjured up caused his sleep to be anything but a period of rest.“Father! Father! Take me to the play! I want to be with you!”
“Alexander? You"re in England… in Stratford?” “Of course, Father. How come you never take me anywhere?”
“I… didn"t know you were here. How come you"re young again, Alex? I thought you were…”
“Dead?”
“I brought him to see you perform… since you never bothered to do it.”
“Gerasimos! You"re alive too? How did you get to England? When did you learn to speak English?”
“I"m sharing the elixir with everyone. You were very selfish with the portion you received. It"s a good thing I gave some to Alexander. He told me that you wouldn"t let him or his mother partake of the gift of youth.”
“It… it wouldn"t have been fair to either of them! There was only enough for one.”
“Oh… stop trying to fool your own son. You hid the rest of the elixir after you gave it to… that girl.”
“I… didn"t think there was enough for two. I was even surprised that it worked.”
“Surprised? I told you what to expect. You wanted me to die, didn"t you? Just so you could be the only one with the gift of eternal youth… well, you and that girl.”
“Michelle? Where is she? I want to see her.”
“Did you lose something… or should I say… someone?”
“She… I haven"t met her yet. How do you know her?”
“I have the rest of the elixir. You will never give it to her. She will die… just like your wife and son.”
“Where did Alexander go?”
“He"s dead.”
“He was just here.”
“To live is Christ… and to die is gain. Alexander is at peace. You are neither living nor dying. You shall suffer for eternity for your sin.”
“Paul? Are you judging me? I…”
“Silence! Answer to God!”
“Stop! Leave me alone!” Evan fled from the Royal Shakespeare Theater. He strained for speed but felt like his legs were weighed down. It seemed to take forever to reach the end of the Stratford road. As he took a turn, he found himself at 32 Grove Street in Riverside.I’m supposed to have dinner here, but it looks like nobody’s home. I better ring the doorbell and see if anyone comes to the door.
“Eric… is it you? Can you hear me? Eric?”
“Yes, I hear you.”
Michelle, cold, wet and shivering, trembled as she placed the collect call with the operator at a phone booth near the bridge. She did not have many coins on her and hoped that the call would be accepted. “Hello?”
“Will you accept a collect call from Michelle Fleming?” said the operator.
“Michelle Fleming? I"m not sure I know a Michelle Fleming.Nova, do you know any Michelle Fleming?”
Michelle"s voice cut in. Her voice cracked. “Sunbeam? Evan and I met you when we were in San Francisco, remember? We"ve written to each other over the years.”
“Soulshine? Hey, Nova, it"s Soulshine! Yes, we"ll take the call.”
“Very well,” said the operator as she removed herself from the call.
“How"s Evan doing, Soulshine? God, we really need to come up with a name for him.”
Michelle sniffled. “That"s one of the reasons why I called, Sunbeam. Evan"s… gone.”
“He left you, honey?”
“No… well, yes… he… died.”
“No way,” gasped Sunbeam. “Hey, Nova! Soulshine"s Evan died. Ain"t that a shame? Is there anything we can do, Soulshine? God, that Evan really loved you. I never saw any guy so in love with agirl.”
“I didn"t know who else to call. I didn"t want to call home. My mother would probably ask me to come home, and I don"t want to go there just in case my father returns.”
“Why"s that, Soulshine? Did your daddy leave your mom?”
Michelle could hardly get the words out. “Oh Sunbeam, it was terrible. My father… shot and killed Evan.”
“Oh wow, that"s heavy, man. Nova! It was her old man that did him in! Honey… where are you? Do you want us to visit you?”
“No… I was thinking of maybe going out to California to see you. I"m in Canada… Ottawato be exact.”
“When did all this happen?”
“This past week. There was a car accident and Evan got rushed to the hospital. As he was being transferred to another hospital, my father found us and… killed him.” Michelle broke down and cried.
“Honey? Soulshine? Hey… remember why he called you Soulshine, alright? You shine, girl. Can you afford a plane ticket to come out here? Just let us know when you get here and we"ll pick you up at the airport. You need friends right now, sweetie.”
“I think I"d like to come out to visit sometime, Sunbeam. I… just need a friend to talk with right now. I… almost killed myself tonight.It scares me that I"m even thinking about it. I just don"t see any other way out of my predicament.” Michelle stopped talking as she was not ready to divulge the details of her physical state.
“Oh,no. Well, we"re both glad you didn"t go through with that. Nova… she"s really having a bad time.”
“Tell her she can talk to us any time, Sunbeam,” chimed in Nova. “We love you, Soulshine!”
“Did you hear that, Soulshine?”
“Yes. Tell Nova I said thank you very much.”
“I will. So let"s talk, Soulshine. Better yet… you talk and I"ll listen. That"s what you need.”
“Well… I already told you about my dad and Evan. Sunbeam, I just didn"t know how I was to go on. My life is a mess without Evan. I want to die.”
“Don"t say that, Soulshine. You have so much to live for. You"ll be okay. You"ve got friends, honey.”
“Don"t worry. As much as I want to die… I could never go through with it. I"m… pregnant. I couldn"t kill an innocent baby growing inside me.”
“Pregnant? That"s… good news. You"ll make a wonderful mom, Soulshine. But… hey… it"s a bummer that the kid will never knowits daddy. But you"re strong enough, Soulshine. You"ll see. Your memories will make Evan very alive to your kid. When is the baby due?”
Michelle hesitated. “I… don"t know. It"s a long way off.”
“Soulshine, do me a favor, will you? Just imagine me giving you a great big hug over the phone, okay? I know it sounds weird, but you need a hug from a friend right now.”
“Thanks, Sunbeam. Just knowing that you care makes me feel better. Maybe I can imagine Evan giving me a big hug.”
“Yeah… yeah… that"s cool, Soulshine. I bet his spirit is hugging you right now. I believe in spirits lately, you know.”
“Sunbeam, I think I know what I need to do now. Listen… if I decide to visit, I will call you and we"ll make plans.”
“Okay… hey, call me anytime. Use the name Soulshine and I"ll remember right away. We love you, honey.”
“I love you guys, too. And Sunbeam…?”
“Yeah, Soulshine?”
“Can you please remember the name Michelle? Evan came up with the name Soulshine, and it really is painful to keep hearing it.”
“Okay, Michelle… you got it. Michelle is a pretty name.” Michelle cried. “Honey… are you okay?”
“I will be. It"s just that… Evan always said the same thing aboutmy name… and that Beatle song with my name in it was his favorite song. I guess no matter what you call me, I"ll be thinking of him.”
The voice was strangely familiar to Evan as he regained consciousness. “Well… you responded to the name Eric, didn"t you? I thought it was you.” He focused on the eyes and the smile of the gray-haired lady looking over him as he lay in a bed. He felt as though he drifted from a nightmare into an alternate reality.
“J-Jean?” “The one and only. You"re looking pretty good… except for that leg.”
“I"m not dreaming now, am I?”
“No… but it sounded like you were having a nightmare
just a minute ago.”
“You were in a very deep sleep,” came a voice from the other side of the bed. “The kind of deep sleep that can induce a nightmare. The drugs had a lot to do with that.”
“Who are you?” asked Evan.
“Your keeper… for lack of a better term.”
“I expected a doctor.”
“I guess you could call me that, too. After all… it looks like your treatment is coming alongnicely.”
“What kind of hospital is this? You"re not even dressed like a doctor. You look like a… monk.”
The man chuckled. “I"m just putting on appearances, Evan… or is it Eric?”
Evan looked at Jean. “I guess it"s either. I changed my name to Evan. I… thought it sounded better.”
“Relax… you can be yourself here. Your friend, Jean, helped ensure that you arrived safely in our care.”
“You... you were the volunteer in the hospital… the one that got the stationary and envelopefor me.”
Jean nodded. “They call me Auntie Blue at the hospital. I can"t blame them. I"m old enough to be the aunt of most of the nurses there.”
“Auntie Blue… Jean?”
“I always wore a lot of blue. But what about you? You actually look younger than you did thirty years ago. How did you pull that off? By your account, you should be… oh… about sixty years old.”
“I told you I thought he was closer to twenty back then, Jean,” spoke a new voice entering the room. “But that would put him at around fifty today. I must say that you look great for whatever your age is, Eric.”
“It"s Evan,” said the monk. “Eric was just a passing phase. I"m not aware of his original name, but I am pretty sure it is Greek. Am I right, Evan?”
Evan looked at the two men. “Bryan… Bryan Moore! And who are you?”
“I"m Brother Hawkings… Oliver Hawkings. At least that"s my latest moniker. I don"t change mine nearly as much as you change yours, however. So you recognize Mr. Moore?”
“Hello, Eric… or should I call you Evan? The last time I saw you, I was on my way up to New Brunswick for a magazine article. When I came back, you had moved out and nobody knew where you went.”
