“This,” she answered with a wiggle of her toes. “I was bitter for a long time. About losing my sight,” she clarified even though he already knew exactly what she was referring to. “I met What’s His Name right after I finished blind school.” She’d already told him this story over the phone, but it was important to tell him again now that he was here in person. He needed to understand how much she’d been hurt in the past.
“I was just starting to regain my confidence and learning how to cope with my situation. I fell hard for him. Too hard for my own good. I guess I needed someone to be there for me—besides Kate—so that I could feel halfway “normal” again. Things were good in the beginning, but I guess when love is new it’s always good in the beginning. I thought he understood. That’s where I went wrong. And then one day he told me he didn’t want to see me anymore. Well, his exact words were that he couldn’t see me anymore. That it was just too hard to see me this way.”
Gabe ran his fingers softly up and down her arm.
“This way.” She repeated the words that had caused her so much pain all those years ago and still caused a dull twinge when she replayed them in her mind.
“He was afraid.”
“Yes. He acted as if I was causing him pain when all I wanted was for him to love me in return.”
Gabe wanted to say those three little words to her now. But he wouldn’t say them as a substitute for another man’s rejection. When Gabe told Julia he loved her, they would be the only two people in the room.
“I’m not afraid,” he said, hoping his voice conveyed the love he felt inside his heart.
“I know.” She patted his hand and rested her head on his shoulder. “I know.”
“Good.”
She turned to face him so that she could feel his breath on her face. “Why is VINCE so important to you? I mean besides what it will do to enrich people’s lives,” she rushed to add. “You told me about the woman you knew who was blind…” she trailed off, giving him the opportunity to fill in the blanks.
“Victoria,” he said her name on a whisper. “She had Von Hippel-Lindau Syndrome. She had tumors on her eyes and adrenal glands and had cancer of the kidneys. She was so full of life that I wanted to give her more. I wanted her to be able to see the butterflies fluttering over the flowers, how the sun turns the clouds pink as it comes up in the morning… But I couldn’t give her those things, so I tried to create something that could help her in other ways.”
Technology wasn’t as advanced then as it was now and Gabe didn’t want to lose his chance to bring VINCE to completion. Just because he had lost the opportunity to help Victoria, didn’t mean he was going to give up the idea of helping others completely.
“She was very special to you,” Julia said softly.
Gabe nodded. He knew Julia couldn’t see the gesture, but she could feel his body move from the slight nod. “We lost her to kidney failure and it was all over before I could even catch my breath about the diagnosis.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Me too. Victoria was my sister.”
* * *
While Gabe was in the shower, Julia took the opportunity to run through her sonata. He never did get a hotel room and she was glad for it. But after a few days spent together, Julia found she had a surplus of nervous energy. They had been spending the night curled up on the couch or snuggled in her bed. He hadn’t pressured her to do anything more than cuddle and hold hands and she enjoyed the feeling of his body pressed against hers.
The more he respected her and her boundaries, the more she thought about throwing caution to the wind and going for it.
A nice jam session on the keyboard sounded like the perfect remedy. Inspired by the street performer, Julia had an idea for a new sonata.
* * *
When Gabe came out of the bathroom, he stopped short when the sound of something magical drifted in from the living room. Slowly, he made his way down the hall toward the music. Julia was sitting in front of her keyboard, her body swaying as her fingers danced effortlessly across the keys.
She was crying.
The notes she played were like a tickle in the throat that bubbled up and became a glorious giggle, light and free. Emotions followed the melody of the music, up hills and down valleys and back up to soaring crescendos. Each note played off the next and was needed to tell the story. Having only ever heard her play over the phone, Gabe had no idea that she practically became one with the music.
When the song ended, her hands dropped away from the keyboard.
“That was beautiful.”
There was emotion in his voice and his praise startled her. “Thank you.” She turned toward his voice.
“Sorry,” he apologized for eavesdropping. “I couldn’t bring myself to interrupt.”
“It’s okay.” She swiped the tears from her cheeks. “As long as you don’t think I’m conceited for crying at my own music.”
“Not at all. You wrote that?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Jeez, I thought it was Beethoven or something.”
She smiled, flattered.
His voice moved closer and she felt his knee brush against hers as he sat next to her on the bench. He was wearing shorts and the coarse hair on his legs tickled. She swallowed. Before Gabe showed up, it had been a long time since she’d felt a man’s skin against hers. And since he’d been here, he seemed to constantly be finding reasons to touch her. She liked the feel of his hand holding hers and how he had a habit of stroking his thumb back and forth across her knuckles.
He reached up and cupped her cheek. Using his thumb, he wiped away the wetness left there. She could hear his breathing speed up.
The moment turned serious. His body language changed—she didn’t know how, but she could sense the shift all the same.
“What are you doing?”
“Wiping away your tears…and kissing you.”
She rested her hands flat against his chest.
He cupped her face gently in his hands and smoothed his thumb across her bottom lip. “May I kiss you?”
Instead of answering him with words, Julia reached up and pulled his face to hers. She pressed her lips to his and kissed him. Her aim was a little off and she caught the corner of his mouth, so she readjusted by moving over slightly and kissing him square on the mouth. The kiss quickly grew from being soft and tender to something more passionate and hungry.
She pulled away and touched her fingers to his lips. “No…I can’t.”
“It’s okay, Julia.” He sounded as breathless as she was. “It’s okay,” he said it again, meaning each word.
“No. I can’t do this again.”
“Can’t do what?”
She made a face that told him all he needed to know.
“Oh, you can’t kiss me because your ex was an asshole?”
“Please, Gabe. I don’t want to fight with you. Would you please just go?”
“Go? You want me to go home? Ah, hell no.” He raked his hands through his hair. “That’s the last thing I’m doing.”
“Please Gabe,” she pleased. “Just go home.”
“What, so I can be just like him? You want me to leave so you can prove I’m a scumbag like he is? Well, that’s not going to happen.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Me? Why am I…” He trailed off with a mumble of incoherent words. “I’m not doing anything. I’m the one sitting here showing you I have feelings for you and you want me to walk out on you so you don’t have to admit you’ve fallen for me.”
Her hand fluttered up to cover her beating heart. He wasn’t supposed to develop these kinds of feelings for her. “No, Gabe, you can’t. Do yourself a favor and leave before… Just go! You don’t want this. You don’t want to hold yourself back with someone like me. You deserve better than this. You deserve more.”
Even though they had just technically “met” in person, she could say these things to him because they’d known each other for far longer
than a few days. And Julia had never been one to sugar coat things anyway. Life was too damn short for that kind of nonsense.
“I think I deserve a say in what it is that I want,” he said. “And I say I want you. I’m not leaving. If you’re so disabled then you won’t even notice I’m here.”
Oh, she would notice all right. She could smell his skin. Could hear his breathing. Could feel his presence and the way he made every one of her nerve endings stand at attention.
“Fine,” she huffed. “If you insist on being stubborn.”
“Hey, I can be just as stubborn as you.”
Great. Now they had established that no one was going anywhere.
“C’mon, Julia.” His voice softened. “I don’t want to fight with you. I only have two days left and I don’t want to waste them this way.”
“I’m sorry,” she said weakly.
“Me, too.” He put his arm around her and pulled her close. “You’re so tense,” he said, rubbing knots from her shoulders.
Because she was afraid.
Not only was she afraid that he would love her, but that he would leave her afterwards. She wouldn’t know how to pick up the pieces that kind of heartbreak would shatter and leave behind. She was strong—she’d always had to be—but not that strong.
There she went, thinking too far ahead, putting worry into a situation that didn’t warrant it. Gabe wouldn’t hurt her on purpose.
But, she thought with a heavy sigh, he would hurt her all the same.
Chapter Sixteen
Love is Blind
“Would you stay at a hotel with me tonight?” Gabe asked Julia. He sounded hopeful. “We can sleep late and order room service and raid the mini bar.”
Julia didn’t answer right away and he was afraid she might say no.
“You can bring Shamus and there’ll be enough room for all of us on the king-sized bed.”
She nodded. “I’d like that.”
While Gabe loaded his duffel bag in the car, Julia carefully packed her overnight bag. She hadn’t filled her wardrobe with sexy items like satin negligées and lacy underwear, but somehow she didn’t think Gabe would mind what she was wearing once they reached the hotel.
She made sure to bring plenty of food for Shamus and that Cassidy’s feeder was full of food and water.
It was the first night she’d ever stayed away from her apartment, but the idea sounded exciting. She knew what this night would bring. She knew why Gabe had invited her to a hotel. It was time and she was tired of fighting it.
Their week together had been leading up to this moment. She could only prepare herself so much and hoped he knew how much courage it took for her to put her heart on the line like this.
“Are you ready to go?” He came up behind her and kissed her neck.
An electric shiver shimmied down her spine. “Yes.”
Gabe’s time in Red Valley was drawing to a close and he would be going back to Chicago tomorrow. She wasn’t ready for him to leave yet, but the sooner she accepted the situation, the better. The miles between California and Illinois told her they weren’t meant to be together, not long-term anyway. But she would let herself indulge in this one night of recklessness. Maybe it would be enough to get her through the next thousand years or so until she was too old to care that she was alone.
It wasn’t like she needed the extra thrill of making love with him in an unfamiliar place like a hotel. It was that she knew it would be a fleeting moment and that he would be returning to Chicago afterwards. She couldn’t live with the memories that being with him in her own bed would create long after he was gone. She knew the moment she let him make love to her in her own bed with Shamus and Cassidy curled up around them, there would be no letting him go again. A hotel was neutral ground and right now that was a welcomed thing. Especially with the way her heart was traversing over uneven, unfamiliar territory.
“I reserved us a nice suite,” he told her in the car.
It doesn’t matter, she wanted to tell him. She couldn’t see it anyway.
They didn’t say much to each other during the ride to the hotel. Shamus sat in the back seat of the rental car, happy as a clam, his head hanging out the window, his big tail thumping on the upholstered seats.
Inside the hotel elevator, Julia prepared herself for the whoosh that would bring them to the room.
“Have you ever been kissed in an elevator, Julia?”
“N—”
Before she could finish, Gabe was cupping her neck and pressing his lips to hers. The sensation of the rising elevator combined with his kiss was incredible.
His mouth was gentle on hers as if he was afraid she might break. When she took the initiative to deepen the kiss, a primal sound rumbled from deep inside his chest and he tightened his grip on her neck. He pulled her hard against him and crushed his mouth to hers.
The sensation of being lifted into the air by the elevator coupled with the feel of Gabe’s tongue made Julia feel weightless. It sure as hell made for a sensational climb to the twenty-sixth floor.
His hand snaked a path up the back of her neck where he fisted his hand into her hair. Every hair follicle zinged at the sensation and she stood on tiptoe to meet his kiss. She could taste the need there, just beneath the deep friendship they had developed and nurtured. Even as he plundered her mouth, she sensed he was still holding something back. Something dark and dangerous that would devour them both whole if it were to be freed.
Just as she felt herself becoming drunk on his desire, the elevator dinged, announcing their arrival. The elevator came to a stop and Gabe released her as the doors slid open.
He reached out and smoothed her hair where his eager hands had tousled it and she caught his hand in hers. With fingers laced together, they began the long walk down the empty corridor in search of room 489.
Inside the room, Gabe informed Julia where the furniture was placed around the room. “The bed is along the left wall and the bathroom is to the right.”
“Thank you. Do you mind if I feed Shamus? It’s his dinner time.”
“Not at all.”
She felt around inside her bag and came out with his food. Then she removed his harness so that he could get comfortable while he was off duty.
Gabe took one of the bowls from her and filled it up with water.
Shamus gulped down his food and settled at the foot of the bed where he wouldn’t budge for the rest of the evening.
“What else do you have in there?” Gabe asked. He was standing close to her again, but somehow not close enough.
Julia felt herself blush. “Panties and a toothbrush. You know, all of the third date essentials. What floor is this?”
“The twenty-sixth.”
“I bet you have a great view.”
He stood close to her, their elbows touching. “This room overlooks the river.”
He started to describe the scenery below and the color of the leaves on the trees and the flow of the traffic, but she stopped him with a kiss. She didn’t need to know what was going on outside. There was enough going on inside her head that needed to be processed. She was falling in love with Gabe and he was leaving town tomorrow night.
She took his hand and pulled him toward the bed. She had ideas of seducing him, but the way they came together so equally and so longingly, there wasn’t anything left to convince him of. He came to her willingly and wholly and she sighed when she felt him move above her on the crisp white sheets.
She lifted her hand to his face and traced his features. Forehead, the ridge of his brows, the bridge of his nose, temples, the curve of his ear, collarbones, upper arms, elbows, wrist, hands, fingers, ridged fingernails. She trailed her fingers across his jaw, down his neck and over his shoulders.
She waited for his touch and when he cupped her face in his palm, she sighed with pleasure.
Gabe thought he’d be nervous, hindered by the fact that she could only navigate by touch, but touch was all they needed when they were alone in the
dark. Touch, smell and taste. The sensations crashed around them and pushed them toward pleasure.
He tasted her innocence, her need, her passion matched only by his own. Fingertips glided over smooth, taut skin and explored, eliciting moans of pleasure, groans of release.
Senses heightened, Julia absorbed everything. The sound of her name on Gabe’s lips, the beat of his heart beneath her ear, the whoosh of his breath, in and out of his lips as he kissed her into oblivion. Breathy sighs, guttural moans…
The taste of his tongue as it plunged into her mouth, teasing her with the taste of desire. The smell of his skin and hair, clean and fresh, unique only to him.
Julia memorized his face and body through her fingertips, tracing every curve, every slope. Her mouth traveled over his body, teasing him with hot, moist breath.
Even when she was forced to only feel, she trusted him. Completely. She trusted him with her body, her feelings. And her heart.
When she touched him, tracing his body with her fingertips, he clutched tight to his control and vowed not to lose himself too early. Her hands fluttered over his skin, teasing, testing, tempting every last drop of control. His teeth ground together, desperate to ward off an early climax. She deserved more from him. He had waited months for this moment and wouldn’t squander it away in a mindless rush. He took time to savor every inch of her soft, fragrant skin. She deserved to be worshipped and pleasured and loved. She deserved everything.
He couldn’t wait any longer and yet he wanted it to last forever. If he could somehow stretch this moment out over the next fifty years he’d be happy and would never ask for anything ever again.
Down her shoulders, to her arms, and up her waist and over her breasts. Over and over he stroked her until she was straining against him, arched and ready to receive him completely.
Lingering at her breasts, he drew out her nipples until they were tight buds, begging to be suckled and plucked with teasing fingertips. He traveled back up to her face and kissed the throaty moans from her lips.
He had wondered if something would feel amiss when she couldn’t gaze into his eyes, into the windows of his heart while he moved within her. But tonight he didn’t need her to look into his eyes to know what was inside of his heart. The message was conveyed loud and clear with the gentleness of his touch and the urgency of his kiss.
Blind Ice (Razors Ice Book 5) Page 14
