by Dee Palmer
“How would you know, Finn? You’ve not given it time.” Tug slams his fist on the table, but I know he’s lashing out in frustration, and he quickly looks regretful. I squeeze his hand in understanding and face him.
“Please don’t make this any harder than it is.” I close my eyes, but I still see the devastation in all their faces, and it’s fucking killing me. I draw in a deep breath and try to explain the unexplainable. “I can’t bear the thought you will never be able to move on with me here. That I’m only here because of a plan which will never be. It’s broken, and all we will be trying to do if I stay is fix something which is irrevocably broken.”
“Do you really believe that?” Pink asks.
“This is unbearably hard for me, but yes. I’d like to think I can see a time when it won’t hurt so damn much, but even if the day ever came, we’d always have something so significant missing, we’ll never feel whole, and I love you all too much to let that happen. If I’m not here, you at least have the chance to have something so different, there will be no constant comparison.”
“Better, you mean, because that’s bullshit. Nothing is better than this—us.” Toxic snaps, and I wince when he does. His sudden movement causes him obvious physical as well as emotional pain. Shit.
“I don’t mean better. I just mean different. I’m not explaining myself very well.” I shake my head and pull my hands from Toxic and Tug. I wrap my arms around my waist, trying to hold myself together.
“No, darling, you are. I get it.” Pink tilts his head, and a somber edge to his striking features softens his eyes. “It’s just hard to hear, after everything. It feels like a kick in the balls that we are going to lose you too, but I do understand.”
“I don’t fucking understand. This is bullshit!” Tug stands roughly, sending the chair flying, and I jump at his outburst, not his justified anger. He storms out the back door.
I knew that was a likely response from at least one of them. I feel unbearably guilty for having done this now, but honestly, I’m running out of time, and I wanted to give them a week at least to come to terms with it. I go to after him, but Pink calls me back.
“Let him blow off some steam, sugar. We still only want what’s best for you. It’s all Charge ever used to say, so if this is what you need, he’ll come round.”
“I think it is. It all hurts so much, I can’t go on like this. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want you guys to hurt anymore. It breaks my fucking heart. It’s so fucking unfair.” My voice is raw, pitched and bordering on hysterical, and the unbearable sense of loss overwhelms me. I run for the front door needing some escape, some air, and some space. The front door swings wide, and I scream.
I jump out of my skin and scream the fucking house down at the beautiful ghost on the doorstep.
I’ve died. This is heaven, but the pain coursing through my very soul feels like my own personal hell.
This isn’t real. Is it? Is he?
I’m still screaming when he rushes to crush my mouth and silence the noise. I’m stiff as a board and shocked through, broken and scared, elated and thankful. It’s all too fucking much. My heart beats so hard, I feel bruised and battered, my head is a mess and for my sanity’s sake I focus on one thing, his kiss.
His soft lips, his demanding tongue diving into my mouth like a starving man. This kiss I feel in my soul, and I don’t ever want it to end. Please don’t ever let it end. Stay with me…don’t ever stop.
I clench my fists. I’m reluctant to move, because it might break the spell. It might stop this tortuous dream, even if I am so very desperate to wrap my arms around him. I don’t, though. I pull my arm back and swing.
My tiny furious hand pummels his shoulder, but he just keeps kissing me. The tears are rolling in rivers, uncontrollable and soaking us both. Salty kisses on now swollen lips, and I’m yet to take a breath. I pull back on a frantic gasp of air, shocked and stunned. There’s a moment in time, frozen and pure, when a heart is saved, and all the strength holding a person together is no longer needed.
I stare at the ghost of Charge and know he’s real, he’s here, and he’s mine, and I crumple to the floor.
“Holy fucking shit!” There’s a rush of thunderous footsteps behind me. Charge is on his knees, his hands on my face, strong, warm—alive.
“You could’ve fucking called, man!” Pink barks.
“I just wanted to get home. As soon as I got the all clear, I just wanted to come home.” His hands cup my face, and his eyes bore through me.
“You’re alive,” I mouth, but I’m not sure there’s any sound. The blood rushing in my ears drowns any noise.
“Yes, angel.” His smile is a vision, and I suck in a sharp breath that makes my heart beat for the first time in what feels like forever.
“I’m sorry.” I say quickly and his smile just widens.
“What are you sorry for, angel?” I’m too scared to blink in case he’s not real, and I rush to say all the things that have been eroding my sanity since we parted.
“I left. I left and chose Dave, and I never got to say goodbye. You died, and I never got to say—” I break into sobs, and my words lose all intelligibility.
“Shh, shh.” He threads his arm underneath me and lifts me to his chest. I hold his gaze, his lips curling in a warm and tender smile. My eyes are still the size of saucers with a mix of shock and awe. “Angel, you didn’t choose Dave. You’re here. You chose us.” He kisses my hair, and his arms constrict a little tight. Not tight enough.
“You’re timing is spot on, man. She’s going back to London,” Toxic speaks, and I can hear them follow in close behind.
“You are?” Charge quirks his perfect brow.
“Yes. I mean, I was. It’s complicated. You were—Oh God, how? How are you here? God, Charge.” I don’t even care about the answers, I just can’t believe he’s here. My arms tighten, and I bury my head against his chest. I breathe him in and hold him. “I can’t believe you’re here,” I whisper.
“I’m so sorry, angel. I know you’ve all been through hell.” His lips press firmly into my hair, and I can feel him breathe me in, too.
“’Lil’ bit, yeah.” I sniff, sucking back the sobs still bubbling with the overflow of emotion I have no chance of keeping in check.
“Understatement of the year—century actually, man. Where were you?” Toxic asks. Charge looks away from me, up over to Pink, Tug, and now Toxic.
“Does it matter?” Charge rests his warm gaze back on me, and he knows the answer before I say it.
“No. No, it really doesn’t.” My smile splits my face, because the only thing that matters is right here.
“Classified?” Toxic asks, but it’s more of a statement. Charge gives an imperceptible nod and I find I couldn’t care less. He’s here, he’s alive, and I’m in his arms. Perfect.
I HOLD HER FACE, AND I know I should let her up for air sometime soon, but the taste, her lips on mine, it’s the sweetest fucking flavor this side of heaven. I pull back and take my time searching every millimeter of her face. Savoring the fresh image and replacing the one in my mind that has kept me alive and sane these last few weeks. I don’t want to think about my nightmare when I can clearly see in her face; she has also been through hell. The hope that I would at some point be right here, kept me alive, but I can see my absence has taken its toll. No, not my absence, what they could only assume was my death. Well, I’m back, and I won’t waste another second dwelling on what could’ve been, not when I hold my future in my palms.
“Angel.” I exhale, but even to my own ears her nickname sounds like an answered prayer on my lips.
“Charge.” She closes her eyes when she breathes out my name, and I wonder if she feels the same sense of divine intervention. Her lids flutter open, and her crystal blue eyes sparkle and glisten with unshed tears. She shakes herself and just holds my gaze, searching me for answers. I can’t give her details about my crash, but I know those aren’t the ones she really yearns for. Now th
e euphoria of this reunion has started to dwindle, and I can see traces of the unresolved issues creeping back into every bit of her, etching her beauty with a dark cloud of concern. Her frame begins to subtly stiffen as doubt starts to spread through her body like a disease, worry in her features and weighing heavy on her shoulders. I scoop her into my arms before her defenses kick back in, and I lock her tight against my body. The move takes her by surprise. She flashes the brightest smile and lets out a loud, unladylike belly laugh. It’s the best fucking sound, and I’ll take that over her shutting down.
“I’m ready to tell you everything, Finn.” I hold her gaze and watch her eyes light at my words. I feel the burst of warmth in my soul. I just pray she looks at me like that afterward.
“Really?” She exhales, her tone tinged with wonder.
“Yes, angel. I promise, but not right now. Right now I need you in every filthy way possible.” My voice has a rough gravelly sound to it, but the tone drops from serious to sensual, mid-sentence. She shivers in my arms, and I notice her thighs clamp tighter together.
“Really?” She bites her trembling lips flat. Her pupils are so dark, they look more black than sapphire blue, and her skin has an amazing flush of color to her cheeks. She’s off-the-charts aroused by my statement, and I feel ten-feet fucking tall because of it.
“Oh, angel, you have no idea.” I chuckle a throaty laugh, and start to walk us both to the stairs when Tug calls out.
“Hey, Charge, it’s not your day. You’re messing with the roster.”
I know he’s joking, but I growl back my answer just in case he isn’t. “Fuck the roster and leave food and water outside the door. This week is mine.” I climb the stairs two at a time, Finn’s head is thrown back with full, wonderful laughter bursting from her lips, and in the distance I can just about still hear the guys’ grumbles of disappointment. They are halfhearted at best, and when I turn to look back they are all grinning just as wide as I am. Well, nearly as wide as I am.
“A whole week, hmm?” She pulls her bottom lip slowly into her mouth, suppressing the stretch of her smile, but she fails to hide her delight at the idea. Her eyes sparkle, and her whole body shudders in my arms.
“Trust me, it won’t be long enough.” I swing my bedroom door wide and slam it shut with a hefty backward kick. I stride two steps into the room and drop her carefully, but from a height, onto my bed. She squeals and bounces, then quickly rights herself until she’s perched on her knees at the edge of the bed, eager, breathless, and fucking perfect. Her gaze is intense and searching. I have never been looked at with such attention, devotion, such love. Unashamed and unmistakable, pure and precious, and it makes my heart feel like it’s about to explode within the confines of my chest. I shuck my jacket and pull my sweater over my head. She sucks in a breath at the merest flash of skin when I raise my arms, and I panic. My stomach knots, and I feel a sudden bite of acid in the back of my throat as sickness threatens, but I fight it.
I have played this over and over in my head. Picturing the scenario a thousand times, praying I would get the chance to tell her everything she deserves to know. I know if we are to stand a chance, at the very least, I need to be honest with her so she can make up her mind whether my ugly scars are the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my confession. I lean over to the bedside table and open the top drawer. I didn’t expect anything would’ve been moved and I’m happy that’s the case. I slip the blindfold from the drawer and turn to see Finn’s smile vanish and her eyes drop with instant sadness.
“It’s not what you think, angel. I need this for me, just this one time, okay?” She’s about to speak but snaps her mouth shut, and that’s all I see, because I have the blindfold secured tight around my own eyes.
“Charge, what are you doing?” Her hand is quick to rest on my chest over the T-shirt, and I hope she can feel the fierceness of my heartbeat, because it’s for her.
“Just this first time, Finn. I don’t think I could take it to see your face when you look at me. I don’t mean that to sound as bad as it does, but any change, however subtle, will cut me right up. I thought long and hard about this. I think this is the only way I can show you. Does that make any sense?” My hand is now over hers, pressing firmly so she can feel every beat beneath.
“It does.” Her voice is soft with understanding. She pulls her hand free, and I jump when I feel her fingers at the waistband of my jeans. Feather-light touches rest against my skin, and I feel the connection like raw electricity, sparking at that tiny delicate contact. I suck in a deep breath and blow out slowly as heat rises from the pit of my stomach, and my heart continues to thump so loud, it’s all I can hear. She slides the T-shirt up my chest and I squeeze my eyes tight under the blindfold when her soft lips kiss my abdomen. She follows the slow reveal of skin with tender kisses, her fingers gathering the cloth until I have to raise my arms and dip to allow her to completely remove my final layer. I haven’t heard any gagging or gasps of horror, but then the scar only just reaches the front of my body around my side on the left, under my arm.
“Charge, I can’t see anything.” Her hands rest on my hips but I twist in her hold and clench my jaw just waiting for the horror to sink in. Nothing. Not a sound, no sharp intake of breath. Her hands, which have drifted over my skin as I turn and continue to move, smooth over the tortured twisted burnt skin covering most of my back. I hold my own breath as she traces the pattern of the tattoo I have, which failed to hide the burn as I’d hoped. I think it made it worse, if that was actually possible. Her lips touch between my shoulder blades, and I step away.
“You don’t have to do that, Finn. I know it’s—”
“You clearly know nothing,” she snaps, her voice harsh and a little angry. I’m about to turn when I’m blinded by the sudden bright light. My eyelids instantly clamp tight, but quickly open to see a furious look on Finn’s flawless face. “You’re an idiot if you think this would make a toss of difference to how I feel about you.” Her hands are tight fists on her hips, and she’s radiating fury from every pore.
“It’s disgusting,” I retort, but hold her gaze because I’m looking for the truth in her outburst.
“It’s a scar, nothing more. Honestly, I’m a little disappointed you think so little of me as to believe this would change what we have.” Her throat moves in a slow swallow, and I can see the hurt in her eyes. My hand cups her cheek, and she tilts into the gentle hold. I try my best to explain something I never thought I would have to, to anyone other than my brothers.
“I didn’t think that, but this is more than just twisted flesh. It’s an ugliness which is part of me, so why would I want to share that, Finn? Why would you want anything to do with me once you know the truth?” I close my eyes as the pain of my memory pinches an unbearable pressure behind my eyes and in my heart.
“You will have to trust me that I will,” she offers softly, her eyes crinkle and her lips curve with a tender, encouraging smile.
“I do trust you.” Holding her gaze, she gives a brief nod at my earnest declaration.
“Then tell me,” she whispers, though it’s a demand nonetheless.
“I will, I promise. But right now, I feel all kinds of raw, exposed and desperate. I need to prove to you that I not only trust you, Finn Sanderson, but I love you too.”
“You do?”
“Oh, yes, angel, heart and fucking soul. And if you still want me after I have told you everything, then I’m yours, because you already own me, lock, stock and barrel.” She leaps into my arms, legs wrapped around my waist like a spider monkey on a tree. Her hands thread into my hair and her lips crash to mine.
Oh my fucking God, I have missed her.
Her tongue duels with mine with an urgency I return tenfold. Falling to the bed, feral passion ignites in me, and I roll my body over hers, pressing into her, dropping my full weight until she groans. Her eyes fix on mine with undiluted lust and desire. Fucking perfect, but even so, I can’t stop the spiral of dark thoughts clouding in
my head. Analyzing each move, each sound, trying to spot a difference now she has seen me. My heart clenches, and a warm burst of utter joy soaks my body when I realize nothing has changed—absolutely nothing. She claws at my skin like she can’t get enough, her kisses devour me, and the fire in her eyes tells me she’s mine. I chuckle out loud, because her actions, on the other hand, tell me she can’t get me inside her quick enough.
Tugging roughly at the buckle of my belt, she groans into my mouth with pent-up lust and erotic frustration. I pull back and smile so fucking wide at the adorable whimper that escapes her throat whenever I break our connection, even if it’s to breathe. In record time, I’m back in position, pitched on one arm, lying over her body, naked, hard and fucking frantic to sink into her body. Her legs hook around my hips, and she tilts her hips in invitation as I hover my impossibly hard cock just at the heat of her entrance.
“I love you.” I watch her eyes light with the exact same feeling.
“Prove it.”
She gasps as I sink my length inside with one carefully timed thrust. I know she wants to know everything. The cryptic statements alone must be driving her insane, and since she has seen the visual scars, which really didn’t bother her, I’m just as keen to get everything else out in the open. But at this moment, I want to bury myself balls deep in the woman I love and reacquaint myself with every delectable inch of her beautiful body. I want to make her mine again.
“Oh God.” She pushes her head back into the pillow, and her mouth drops open on a silent gasp that follows her words. I deftly move us so she is now on top, one of my hands captures her jaw and holds her fixed so she can’t look anywhere but in my eyes. The other is grabbing a fist full of her fine ass, pulling her to meet each pounding thrust I’m driving into her. This isn’t lovemaking, there’s nothing sweet about the way we’re clawing at each other, rolling over and over, fighting to take what we need from each other. This is feral, raw, animalistic fucking on a level I never knew existed. Our bodies slide and move as one, sweat coats our skin, and the thick smell of arousal assaults my senses and is enough to have my balls begging for release.
