by Nancy Adams
When I got home it was close to ten. I was tired and just wanted to lie down. I was heading to my bedroom when my phone rang. It was Ash.
“What are you doing calling so late?” I asked, attempting to sound nonchalant as I flopped down on my couch.
“Sorry about that,” he said seriously.
“I was just joking. What’s up? And why was Queen Elizabeth with you today?” I asked, getting right to the point.
“I’m sorry,” Ash said softly. There was a long pause and I knew what was coming next, but I waited patiently anyway for him to say it. And when he did say it, even though I expected it, it hurt so much.
“I don’t think we should continue seeing each other.”
So this is what it feels like to be crushed, I thought to myself, holding back tears.
I had been right, as had Marie. Grandma had been wrong. Clearly, the innocent meeting she thought he was having with his ex-wife hadn’t been innocent at all. There was silence after that. He didn’t continue talking, and I didn’t trust my voice to not break if I even dared to say a word. And frankly, my heart hurt too much to even allow my brain to think. I didn’t know what to say. My throat felt closed and I had to force the words from my mouth.
“OK. If that’s what you want…”
I didn’t wait for him to respond. I just ended the call. I told myself as I headed to the bathroom to shower that it was fine. Everything would be okay. After all, I was accustomed to being alone. I was used to it. And hadn’t this whole dating thing been my grandmother’s idea anyway?
But that didn’t stop the hurt. I couldn’t lie to myself. I was despondent, hurt and angry. And as I admitted that to myself, the tears came. They blended in with the water from the showerhead that poured down my face.
When I got out the shower, I picked up my phone and sent a single text. I then lay down to sleep, determined not to dream of a certain brown-eyed man. A man who wanted nothing more to do with me.
Chapter Nine
I sat across from Hugo, trying to focus on what he was saying. We were sitting on the outer rim of a fountain that seemed to be hundreds of years old, eating macaroons and some other pastry that was chock-full of chocolate. I was eating my emotions, I realized as I finished off two macaroons in record time.
He smiled at me. “Are you enjoying yourself?”
“I’m having a great time,” I said quickly. Too quickly, apparently.
“Then why do you look miserable?” he asked.
I instantly felt bad. There I was, soaking up the rays of the sun in Paris, the romance capital of the world, and I was too busy thinking about the man who had dumped me to enjoy it. I felt ridiculous, like a teenager who was getting over a boyfriend whom she had only dated for a week. I was mourning a relationship with Ash that I hadn’t even had.
I didn’t bother lying to Hugo. He deserved way more than that. “I’m sorry, Hugo. My head is just elsewhere. I’ll try to be more in the moment. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Like Ash, for instance,” he guessed correctly. I looked at him, feeling guilty. I had texted him two nights ago asking if the invitation to France was still available.
I had woken up that morning with a reply text that had said definitely yes, and from there his personal assistant had contacted me with the details of the trip. It had been an impulsive decision on my part, and, I realized now, just a way to get away from the Ash situation, at least physically.
I didn’t do well moping and eating ice cream out of a tub like most women. When things got hard, I normally just buried myself in my work. This time, however, I needed distance. I needed space. For the first time in my life, I was actively running away from my problems.
And Hugo had made it easy for me. The private plane. The best hotels. I was living a life of luxury, yet I was miserable. Is this what it felt like to be heart-broken, I wondered?
Determined to shrug it off, I responded to Hugo’s comment with: “Ash is well…Ash. Sorry that I’m in a funk.”
I stood up and dusted off my pants. I took a moment to truly appreciate the magnificence of the city and people around me. I was surrounded by history, pleasurable scents, the best pastries and chocolates in the world, yet I was behaving as if the opposite was true instead.
“Ok. Let’s do this. Show me everything that France has to offer. I have my tourist guide. I want to see the Eiffel Tower, Loire Valley…”
Hugo stood up and extended his arm. “Finally, you’re coming around. How does wine tasting sound?”
“I’m a lightweight, but hey why not? And I want to go on one of those double decker buses.”
“Oh, please no.”
“Come on…” I pleaded, trying to drag him in that direction.
“It’s way too touristy.”
“I’m a tourist.”
“Well, that is true. How about we compromise?” he said.
“Alright. Let’s hear your counter offer, sir.”
He smiled. “How about a helicopter tour over Paris?”
“Sold.”
The day was a whirlwind of activity. We visited every place that I’d mentioned and some places that I didn’t even know existed. And finally, that evening, he invited me on a riverboat tour of the Seine.
When I stepped on the riverboat, I was surprised to see that we were the only passengers. And that’s when I heard the music and saw the string quartet.
“Wow…I’m speechless. This is unbelievably sweet. You didn’t have to do all this for me, Hugo.”
“Well, it’s Paris, and I wanted to give you something to remember.”
“So the Eiffel tower and everything else wasn’t enough?” I joked, attempting to lighten the mood, all while wondering why I couldn’t be more emotionally attracted to this man who went out of his way to make me happy.
“Too many people. I preferred something more, well, personal.”
“More romantic too?” I said, softly wishing I felt for him what I felt towards Ash.
“Yeah.”
We sat down and just enjoyed the gentle movements of the riverboat as it navigated the waterways easily. The music in the background made me feel as if I were in a dream as I drifted on the Seine with Hugo by my side. I barely said a word. I just enjoyed the ambiance. Seeing the lights of the city around me reflected on the river was a gorgeous sight. I saw glimpses of places that I had seen during the daylight. However, the beauty of the city seemed to be amplified by the moonlight. In that very moment, I understood instantly why Paris was a lovers’ paradise.
Despite this, the only feeling I could muster towards Hugo was one of friendship.
As if reading my mind, he turned to me and said. “Is it just me, or has this trip made us more like buddies than anything else?”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. “Thank God you feel it too. I was starting to feel bad that I didn’t want to jump your bones.”
He laughed long and hard. “Don’t. Don’t feel bad, that is. I should have just accepted that I was the loser when I met Ash.”
“What? It was never a competition,” I said softly. I debated whether or not to mention that Ash didn’t want to even see me anymore. Shrugging it off, I decided to go ahead and tell Hugo the truth.
“Ash broke things off with me.”
“I can’t say I’m sorry to hear that. Not that that makes my chances any better,” Hugo said wryly. “I guess it’s his loss then. And now that explains the random text.”
I nodded, feeling guilty and deceitful, although I hadn’t really done anything wrong. “I’m sorry you wasted a romantic trip on me.”
“I’m not sorry. You’re good company. Even when you’re spacey.”
“Thanks…I think.”
“So what happens next?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Well maybe the first thing is to get the quartet to take a break. The romantic vibe is getting on my nerves.”
Hugo laughed. “Okay.”
“I guess I should head back home.”
“No need. I promised you Nice, Monaco and a visit to a castle or two. And I intend to deliver.”
“You’re such a sweetheart. I’m so sorry I’m not in love with you.”
He laughed hard. “So does that mean you’re in love with Ash?”
That never occurred to me. That was crazy. There was no way. I mean, we barely knew each other. “I don’t know about love. But I can’t evict him from my head no matter how hard I try.”
“It’ll take some time. But until then, I have the pleasure of your company. For me, it’s pretty much a win-win.”
“Gosh, Hugo. You’re not making this any easier by being incredibly sweet and understanding,” I joked.
“The heart wants what it wants,” he said with a shrug.
The rest of the night passed in a blur. Eventually, we arrived back at the hotel. We parted ways, Hugo explaining that he had a few calls to make. I walked up the elaborate staircase that led to my room. The hotel was romantic with cathedral ceilings, and I was scared to even touch the walls that seemed to be covered in a delicate fabric wrought with ornate and clearly expensive details.
I just wanted to take a nap, I thought to myself. France was making me feel depressed. I was in the most romantic city in the world and all I wanted to do was be with a man who most likely was seeing his ex-wife. I groaned. Why did everything have to get so complicated? Why couldn’t I just want to be with Hugo? He was charming, wealthy, understanding and he had a great dog.
Surely, he was the right choice. But apparently, my heart didn’t think so. I sat in the daybed that stretched the width of the windowsill and sighed. It truly was beautiful. Paris at night was breathtaking, and it felt like a dream that I was there.
Slowly I stood up and closed the curtains. I was starting to feel tears threaten to form again. Yes, I was in the most romantic city in the world, but I was there with the wrong man. It sounded like a bad joke. Sighing to myself, I prepared for bed, lay down and closed my eyes. I willed myself again not to dream of Ash as I fell into a deep, yet fitful sleep.
* * *
Five days later, I got off the plane and looked around. I was unimpressed, to say the least. The way Marie had described Texas had made me think it would have been a lot greener than my current surroundings. The flight from Paris to Texas had been long, with layovers in London and then again in New York. I was so tired. I had spent the better part of the week going from tourist site to tourist site, devouring delicious foods and enjoying Hugo’s company. I patted my stomach thinking about all the food I had demolished. I was a few days early for Marie’s wedding and hoped that my bridesmaid dress would still fit. Marie would kill me if it didn’t.
I made my way out of the small airport and to the curb. Marie had said someone from the resort would be there to pick me up. I waited quietly by myself for a few minutes before I saw it. It was a van that for some reason reminded me of Scooby Doo’s mystery van. It pulled up to where I was and stopped abruptly.
A woman hopped out the van and came towards me with a big smile on her face.
“Are you Libby?” she asked me.
I barely got a chance to nod before she gathered me in a big hug. “So great to meet you! Marie’s told me all about you!”
“Really?” I said into her hair that practically covered my face.
“Oh gosh, yes. We talk all the time about you gals! It’s so good to finally meet you!” she said tossing an arm around my shoulder and walking with me towards the van.
“I’m Gail, by the way.”
I smiled. “Oh yeah, Marie’s mentioned you. You’re the nudist!”
She laughed. “My reputation proceeds me, but I promised to keep my clothes on all week, so there’s that.”
“What an injustice,” I said, climbing into the van with my small carry on.
Gail laughed. “I like your sense of humor, Libby. You get me. So, have you ever been to Texas before?”
“Nope. And honestly, when Marie told me she was coming out here for vacation, I did picture something from the Chainsaw Massacre movies.”
Gail smiled. “Well, I can promise you one thing, there are no chainsaws on our property!”
“That’s a relief,” I said jokingly.
Gail nodded. “Yeah, we Texans moved past the whole chainsaw thing and now just carry guns.”
I looked around, eyes wide, to see if maybe Gail’s bulky sweatshirt actually concealed a gun. She saw my look and laughed. “Gotcha. We’re a bunch of hippies up at the resort. You’re more likely to get flowers tossed at you as a weapon than anything else.”
I smiled at the image. “I think this wedding is going to be a blast.”
“You bet your behind it is! I’ve had my hand in almost all the planning. Libby dear, you will be impressed.”
“I don’t doubt that for a second,” I said, relaxing back against the seat. I didn’t even remember closing my eyes before I was awakened by Gail, who chirped, “Here’s home sweet home!”
I had to change my mind about my first opinion of Texas. As I rubbed my eyes to clear them, I realized the area around me was unmistakably beautiful. It looked untouched by man. There were open fields that extended as far as the eye could see, and the fields were covered in wildflowers. The wildflowers were gorgeous, extending to the dark green trees. They were like a sea of purple among a lush green backdrop. And as the sun began to set the sky gave off an orange glow. The contrasting colors were stunning in their beauty.
“Now this is breathtakingly beautiful,” I said in awe.
Gail smiled. “As pretty as a picture, isn’t it?”
I nodded and stared out the window until we approached a large gate. And before I knew it, we were entering the resort’s grounds. Little cottages dotted the property and a large main house sat towards the center of the property. The main house looked charming and cozy, despite its large size.
I could totally see why this place was a mecca for the burned out and tired, as Marie had told me. I felt my blood pressure just drop looking at it. It spoke to me on a basic level. The surrounding landscape was a lesson in tranquility and had an understated beauty about it. I could see what so many of Marie’s resort friends had made it home.
As we pulled up in front of the house, I saw a familiar face waving at me excitedly.
“Grandma! What a surprise, I thought you weren’t going to come!” I said, jumping down from the van and hugging her.
“I wouldn’t miss Marie’s wedding. And plus, I feel pretty strong—”
“But what did your doctor say?” I said, placing my hand on my hip and giving her a long look.
“Who cares what they have to say? Last time I checked, America was still a free country. It’s my right to run up and down the nation if I choose.”
I wanted to argue with her, but frankly, I was glad she was there.
“You can be my date,” I said, giving in and knowing it would be a waste to argue with her since she was already there.
“Lucky for you then, you’ll have the hottest date there.”
I heard Gail laugh at my grandmother’s sass and went to introduce them to each other when Grandma interrupted, “We already met. She’s told me so much about this place. I’m pretty excited about this whole wedding stuff. And normally it’s a bore. But these people here, Libby. They have a lot of life about them. It’s exhilarating and they gave me my own drum!”
“Are you joining the drum circle too?” I joked, remembering how much Marie had talked about it when she first arrived and realized that the resort also functioned as a hippie co-op.
“Hmm…more than that. I might just stay here a little while after the wedding. Take some time off from the bakery. Live life a little bit slower,” Granny said, looking out over the landscape with a look of pure bliss on her face.
“I don’t think Pearl would approve.”
“Then you don’t really know Pearl…let me call her now and see if she’s up for a Texas trip,” my grandma said, disappearing inside.
“She’s very spirited. She would fit right in here,” Gail said.
I shook my head. “There’s no way that’s going to happen.”
Gail laughed and escorted me into the main house. I barely got a chance to look around before I heard someone call my name.
I turned and watched as Sarah raced over to me. “Thank God, you’re back on time. I was scared you would stay in France, fall in love and never come back.”
“Not quite,” I said smiling wryly.
“Oh no. Marie told me that she thought Ash was trying to reconcile with his ex-wife, but I didn’t think—”
“That it was true? Well, as far as I can tell, it was. He called me and told me he couldn’t see me anymore a few hours after I found him with her, so obviously she had something to do with his decision.”
“I’m sorry, Libby,” Sarah said, starting to tear up.
I stomped my foot. “Sarah, don’t you dare cry!”
“I can’t help it,” she said, wiping at the tears that were now falling down her cheeks.
“I am fine. Do you hear me? Now stop crying and lead me in the direction of the bridezilla.”
“I heard that,” Marie said, appearing from seemingly nowhere and eyeing me suspiciously. “Are you sure you’re alright? I overheard what happened.” Her gaze then softened as she said, “I’m so sorry, Libby.”
I felt at any moment she was about to cry too. I wouldn’t be able to take it if they both cried. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold back tears then.
So I did what I did best: I pretended that it was no big deal, that I was tough and not easily hurt. “I’m fine, guys. He was just a guy I was dating. No biggie. Now, enough about me. We have a ton of things to do before the drum circle slows us down. Let’s say we get started.”
They looked at each other and then back at me. “Please,” I said, and I knew they could hear the undertone of my request, the words that were unsaid. And since they knew me so well, they didn’t push; instead, they let the subject drop. I needed to pretend everything was okay so that I didn’t fall apart and as they studiously avoided my eyes, I knew they understood that.
