by Nancy Adams
“I wish my mom had remarried.”
“It’s not too late. Maybe next time she mentions your dad, you can mention the perks of speed dating.” He grinned at me mischievously over the rim of his tea mug.
I liked that he had a playful side and could make even a depressing subject funny. “Well, since you’re a billionaire who runs a multi-million-dollar company, I’m going to leave you here to answer the phones and maybe conduct a few interviews.”
“I think I might be qualified for the second task, but not necessarily for the first,” he said, frowning down at the phone. “Umm…where’s the hold button?”
I winked at him and walked away, calling over my shoulder, “I trust you’ll figure it out.”
An hour later, I heard a knock at my office door and Jay peeked in and said, “I have messages for you.”
“Oh, so you figured out how to use the phone?”
“Of course I did, woman. After all, I am almost a genius.”
I bit back a grin and motioned for him to sit down. He did so and then pushed the notes towards me.
“I think I need a break. The phone just kept ringing and ringing.”
“Really? It rang what? Three times?”
“More like three hundred.”
I looked at him steadily and said, “You know I have the phones set up so that I can see how many calls we receive and how many calls were missed, right?”
“Darn it. I hate when technology gets the best of me.”
I laughed and said, “So you’ve been here an hour now. Are you ready to run screaming back to your corporate job? I bet you had a secretary, didn’t you?”
“Yes, and my secretary had a secretary.”
“You’re kidding.”
He shook his head. “Nope. And I miss my secretary’s secretary badly. She made the most delicious cookies…Speaking of which,” he said looking down at his watch. “Donuts with Dad is today, so I hope you don’t mind if I head out early. Kitty’s expecting me.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet. Is it hosted by the school?”
“Yeah, it’s a monthly event and I was only able to go once these past few months.”
“I get it. Go ahead. I’ll hold down the fort while you’re gone.” I reached for the messages and he reached at the same time and touched my hand. He then stood up and kissed me lightly on the forehead. “Thanks boss, I’ll see you later on this afternoon.”
“By the way,” I called, “is Kitty her real name?”
He shook his head. “Katerina. But she was born with this little fuzzy patch of hair just right smack in the middle of her head. And I swear it sounded like she was purring when she cried. I thought it was adorable.” He smiled as he recalled the memory. “And I’ve called her Kitty ever since.”
I didn’t know why but that bit of information made me feel even closer to him. I thought it was telling about what type of man he was. And it made me want to get to know him better. He cared for everyone around him, it seemed. His brother, his daughter…and clearly, he had decided to bring me into the fold and obviously cared about me as well. And I’d done nothing to deserve it. It was refreshing to meet someone like him who was unselfish and cared for others and anticipated their needs without being overbearing. I thought to myself that Kitty was lucky to have a father like him. He might have devoted too much time to work and not enough time to Kitty, but he clearly was trying to change that. And I respected him for it.
I watched him leave, missing him already. I liked having him around, but I knew it wouldn’t last. That was the negative part of me talking. I came across as Miss Optimism and happy-go-lucky, but I was anything but. I had my doubts and insecurities as well, and I was the first to admit that sometimes my hang-ups were absolutely ridiculous and I couldn’t help but sometimes think of the worst-case scenario. And that worst-case scenario was that I would discover that Jay was just playing with my time and my feelings. That this job and me were just a break from his reality. I hoped differently, but he wouldn’t be the first rich guy who pretended to be interested in me and then quickly moved on.
I had gone to prep school with Marie on a full scholarship. I had kept to myself most of the time, but I had a crush or two. I remember falling for an art student named Ethan. He wasn’t a scholarship kid like me. He was from a wealthy family from somewhere in South America. I couldn’t remember where. Brazil? Argentina? But anyway, I remember him approaching me one day after class, and he was complimenting a mural I had painted in the school cafeteria. I had been so nervous that he actually talked to me, that I had been tongue-tied and just smiled shyly, mumbled a thank you and walked away.
That evening though, I had washed my hair, pushed it out of my face and been excited about the next day of school. I had even applied a little makeup that day. I was ecstatic when Ethan approached me again and chatted with me about my favorite artists and other benign things. And it was then, in mid-conversation, that I heard a group of guys laughing behind us. I turned around to see what was going on and realized they found me amusing for some reason. One had the audacity to cough while saying the word “loser”, and the others laughed and egged him on. I had looked to Ethan to see how he would respond, and he had just blushed and walked away from me, not saying another word. The next day, I hesitantly smiled at him in the hall and he outright ignored me. It had hurt more than I’d wanted to admit, and I had spent part of a class period crying in the bathroom. The memory still hurt.
But I had to remind myself that it was exactly that. A memory. It didn’t mean that Jay was the same way. But when I thought of my track record, a father who never wanted to see me and a rich guy who had pretended to not even know me, I did feel some doubt regarding whether or not getting emotionally involved with Jay was a good idea. I pushed those thoughts aside and focused on work. The bills aren’t going to pay themselves, I thought with a sigh, focusing on anything but memories of Jay’s warms hands and beautifully shaped eyes.
* * *
Time flew by and the next thing I knew, two months had passed and Jay had become my very own personal assistant and Kitty was spending every afternoon after school with us, helping to care for the dogs and helping with basic administrative things. I found myself growing fond of her. She was definitely sassy and I liked her personality. It was completely different from my own, but that was what made her so interesting.
Ash and Libby had returned from their trip like a month and a half ago, but Ash still wasn’t feeling one hundred percent. When I had inquired about the testing, Libby had said they were still waiting for a second opinion. I didn’t press the issue. If she wanted a second opinion, they must have not gotten good news. I made an effort to keep them in my thoughts and prayers. But Ash’s inability to coach meant that Jay and I spent all week together at my job and then pretty much all weekend together coaching. And I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
The past two months had been pretty magical for me, so magical in fact that my mom’s issues were very far from my mind and I was startled back to reality when she called. It was late afternoon and I was walking the dogs with Kitty and Jay when my phone rang. I reluctantly answered it and Jay shot me a funny look when my expression became crestfallen when I realized my mom was calling.
“Who is it?” he mouthed, catching on to my change of mood. God, he read me too well.
“My mom,” I mouthed back, gesturing for him and Kitty to continue on as I followed at a distance behind them, not wanting them to overhear.
“Hi, Sarah,” my mom said. Her voice sounded slurred.
“Have you been drinking?” I asked, not bothering to try a gentler approach. I felt as if I had grown stronger in the past few months. I figured it was Jay’s and even Kitty’s influence. My mom was an adult. It was about time that I started treating her like one.
“Just a little,” she said, barely able to get the words out.
I sighed and said, “I’m hanging up now—”
“No! Wait! The officer said you need to
come get me.”
“What? What officer?” I said, apparently more loudly than I intended, because both Kitty and Jay looked back at me.
“Everything okay?” Jay yelled to me. I nodded and gave him a thumbs-up sign even though I felt like I was dying on the inside.
“Mom. What officer? What did you do?”
“I was just trying to relax. This man cop is trying to arrest me—”
“You’re not making any sense—”
Suddenly, there was another voice on the line. “Is this her daughter?”
“Yes, sir,” I said, immediately noting the no-nonsense tone of the man speaking.
“Your mother will be arrested for disturbing the peace if you don’t come get her. Is that clear?”
“I…I…I can’t get there. I’m in Massachusetts,” I said, rubbing a frustrated hand across my face.
“Ummm, so are we.”
“Hold on. She’s not in Arizona? She’s supposed to be in Arizona,” I said, my voice rising to a squeak.
“Calm down, ma’am. I’m not sure where your mom is supposed to be. I just know where she is, and that’s here in Massachusetts. Now it’s my understanding that you live in town. That’s about as much as I could get from her. If you can come get her within the next 15 minutes, she’s yours; otherwise, she’ll have to just sleep it off in a jail cell.”
I swallowed hard, thinking about my elderly mother in a jail cell with hardened criminals. I shuddered at the thought.
“Give me the address.”
A minute later, I disconnected the call and ran to catch up to Jay. He was smiling at something Kitty was saying when he caught sight of my face.
“What’s wrong, Sarah?”
“My mom—” I said breathlessly, trying to get a hold of my emotions. It was no use; a tear slid down my cheek.
Now Kitty looked at me concerned and seemed to be getting genuinely upset.
“What about your Mom? Is she okay?” Jay asked.
I nodded and then shook my head. “I just have to go. Can you lock up for me? I’m sorry.”
And before he could ask me anything else, I turned on my heels and jogged away.
Chapter Nine
I tucked my mom into bed in the spare bedroom and sighed to myself as I settled down on the couch. I buried my face in my hands and tried to hold back the sobs that I knew were going to come to the surface anytime now. I was upset because I was used to these calls as a kid. Calls from neighbors, friends of the family, good Samaritans, everyone telling me that my mother was sleeping off a bender somewhere or asking if I could send someone to come get her. That someone on more than one occasion had been Libby’s grandmother, until I was old enough to drive. I remember not even having my permit yet and driving to get mom from some seedy bar. While she had been passed out in the front seat, I had had to navigate the road alone, hoping to not get pulled over by a cop, terrified that I would do something wrong behind the wheel that would eventually hurt or kill someone. I began chewing my nails just thinking about that memory.
And here I was, years later, and nothing had changed. I pulled my legs up to my chest, buried my head in my hands and cried. I don’t know how long I sobbed, but my throat hurt by the end of it. And I was a snotty mess. I reached for a tissue and was blowing my nose when I heard knocking at my door.
I looked at the time and wondered who it could be. Marie was out of town again. It could be Libby, I thought, standing up and heading to the door. I knew my best friend was having a hard time and I wanted to be there for her.
I looked through the peephole and saw Jay standing there. I hesitated, not wanting to let him in. But he was already yelling loud enough for me to hear. “I know you’re in there, Sarah. Open up.”
I unlocked the door quickly and said, “Shhhh…You’ll wake the neighbors.”
“You don’t have any neighbors.”
He had a good point. I lived in the middle of nowhere; having sold my childhood home, I’d moved into a tiny bungalow outside of the city. “What are you doing here?” I said, not letting him in, but stepping out to the front porch and closing the door gently behind me.
“I was worried. You weren’t answering your phone. I texted you too. You didn’t answer those either. I was worried about you and your mom. Is everything alright?”
I shook my head. “The cops called. Wanted me to come get my mother.”
“Why?” Jay said incredulously.
“She was drunk. I guess she got a little confrontational with a bartender or another patron and was kicked out of a bar. She was going to be arrested, but a cop felt sorry for her and instead had her call me.”
“I’m so sorry—”
I cut him off with a dry laugh. “Not as sorry as I am. I’ve been babysitting her and saving her from her self since I was a kid and I’m tired of this, Jay,” I said surprising myself by the truth. “I’m tired of THIS being the extent of my relationship with my mother. This is just so dysfunctional.” My voice began to shake. “I’m done! I’m so done. I can’t keep doing this…” My voice broke and my eyes filled with tears.
“Come here,” Jay said gently, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me to his chest. I cried again, this time not feeling self-conscious at all as I let the tears flow freely. But I didn’t cry just for my mom that night, I cried for myself as well and the child I had been who had been robbed of her childhood by two parents who were too selfish to care.
“Go ahead, honey,” Jay whispered into my hair. “Let it all out. I’ve got you.” And I did, unable to stop the inundation of tears even if I’d tried. He stroked my back and didn’t say a word. He just allowed me to get it all out. And there was a lot. I was naturally a crier, but I’d never cried so much in my whole life. And I knew it was because I had Jay. His strength allowed me to be vulnerable. He was my safe space, I thought to myself in shocking clarity.
I stopped crying then, and he slowly pulled away from me. “I know you have a lot to deal with right now,” he said, tucking a finger under my chin and pushing my head up to look into my eyes. “But I’m here for you, you know that, right? Whatever you need, even if it’s just a shoulder to cry on or someone to put your mom on the next bus out of here, I’m here to help.”
“I know,” I said softly, my voice raw from crying. “You’re amazing and just—thank you. Thank you for being there for me.” I laughed harshly. “I mean, we barely know each other and I’ve cried on you twice already—”
He looked bothered by my words and searched my eyes. “I wouldn’t say that we barely know each other. We’ve been dating for months, Sarah.”
“I know, but things haven’t been…you know…serious—”
He slowly dropped his hand from my face and stepped back, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets. “Maybe not for you, but for me, things have been serious. What did you think was happening? That we were just casually dating?”
I shook my head and opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I wanted to defend myself, but my mind was so muddled. I knew my next words would be of monumental importance to my relationship with Jay, but my thoughts weren’t clear at all. So instead I stayed silent.
He stared at me and then shook his head when he realized I didn’t have anything to say. I swallowed hard, not knowing how to deal with the disappointment written all over his face.
“What do I mean to you, Sarah?”
I looked away, not knowing how to answer that. So I evaded the question, or attempted to.
“Can we not talk about this now?”
“If not now, then when? I just need to know if I’m wasting my time here. Because it seems like I am. I go out of my way to make you a part of my life, and this whole time you haven’t even taken my efforts seriously. It’s a slap in the face.”
I felt myself becoming angry. How dare he imply that I was wrong for not knowing exactly how I felt about him? I was an emotional mess, and he was just adding to the problem as far as I was concerned.
“Would you stop be
ing so demanding? I have enough to deal with right now.”
“Demanding? Wanting to know where I stand and how you feel about me is considered demanding?”
“I—I—I just really can’t deal with you right now,” I said subtly shifting towards the door, ready to walk inside and slam the door. Not that I would ever do that, but I was startlingly close to wanting to.
We stared at each other, neither one wanting to give in. His arms were folded across his chest and so were mine. I was feeling very volatile, and I guess he realized that, as his expression softened. He uncrossed his arms and took a step towards me. “I’m sorry. I know you’re stressed and probably not thinking right…” He reached for my hands and his face now showed regret. He brought my hands up to his lips and kissed each one, lovingly so.
“I’m sorry that I brought this up now. I really am. You are dealing with a lot. But I’m here for you. No matter what. I’m here for you because with you is where I want to be. I’m falling for you, Sarah…” His voice trailed off and I gulped loudly.
“I—I don’t know what to say.”
He nodded. “It’s okay. I’ve said enough for both of us. I care about you. More than you know. You’re special to me. You’re special to Kitty and maybe even to Henrik,” he said, the last part of his statement teasing before he became serious again. “And I just want you to know that…you’re not alone.”
His voice deepened and he lowered his face, whispering against my lips, “As long as I’m around, you’ll never have to worry about handling life alone again.”
He kissed me then, and I could feel tears starting to form anew. His words were so beautiful, so heartfelt, and I knew he meant them. And suddenly, that scared me. I think Jay was right. He had fallen for me. He might even love me, I thought, as my heartbeat began to race and he slowly pulled away from me, breaking the soft kiss that carried so much meaning.
He looked deeply in my eyes and said, “I love you, Sarah.”
I opened my mouth. No sound came out. I tried again and the same result. Taking a deep breath, I said, looking down at the floor, “I think I need some space. Just for a little while. I’m sorry. I just…please go.”
