by Jill Shalvis
They sank upon it. Callie tugged at his shirt, and he obliged her, lifting his left arm. “Can’t lift my right all the way yet,” he whispered.
“Then let me,” she whispered back, and rearing up, kissed his right shoulder before carefully, slowly, maneuvering his shirt off without disturbing his shoulder. She stroked a finger over his bare flesh and then kissed the long incision scar before lifting her gaze to his. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You’re not.” She was only killing him.
She went to her knees, having to straddle him so she didn’t fall off the futon, and went to work on the buttons of his Levi’s, concentrating hard, the tip of her tongue resting on her upper lip. Finally, she managed to rid him of his rain-spattered clothing. He pulled off her towel, tugged her down over the top of him, and kissed her. Her breasts bore into his chest, the heat between her legs rested on the part of him desperate for a repeat performance of a night from all those weeks ago. Unable to take it anymore, he reared up, and when that didn’t hurt, he tumbled her over, tucking her beneath him.
“That’s an improvement,” she gasped.
“Isn’t it?” He settled between her sprawled legs and gently took her face between his hands. “I have several condoms this time.”
“Well by all means, get one.”
She helped him put it on, by which time he was trembling like a damned baby. He couldn’t wait to experience the almost unbearable erotic sensation of her wet flesh tugging on his every time he thrust into her.
She ran her hands up his arms. “I need a time frame on this thing, Jake. A beginning, a middle. An end.”
“Well, we’ve had our beginning.” Lowering his head, he took a nip out of her throat, which caused a satisfying reaction to her pulse. “We’ll have our middle tonight, all night.” He kissed his way over her collar bone, and cupped a breast. She was having trouble breathing again, which sent a surge of possessive pride and heat right through him.
“And the end?”
“It’s not tonight,” he promised, his thumb making several passes over her nipple while he watched it react to his touch.
She hummed deep in her throat and arched up. “Spell it out for me, Jake.”
“All right, but I’m not very good at spelling things out.” He kept his hands on her warm, gorgeous body. “I like you. I like you a lot.” Her eyes darkened, and he touched his forehead to hers. “And I’m scared shitless it’s more than like.”
Her fingers sank into his hair. “How much more?”
“I’ve never wanted another woman like I want you. Never,” he said, tracing her mouth with his thumb. “But as for where it’s going, or what we’ll do with it, I don’t know. I’m facing a lawsuit, the possibility of never being able to fight fires—” Horrifying him, his voice cracked, and he shook his head.
“Oh, Jake.”
“Look, I have no future to offer you. You can either live with that, or walk away.”
Her eyes were huge on his, and wet. “I can’t imagine being told I can’t do what I love anymore. I’m so sorry—”
“Don’t,” he said softly when a single tear spilled over. “Don’t.”
“You have so much to offer,” she said fiercely. “No matter what you end up doing. So very much.”
“If you really believe that, then of the two options, I hope walking away isn’t the one you pick.”
“But what about when you walk away? When you go back?”
“There’s this new-fangled contraption called an airplane.” He heard the words come out of his mouth with some surprise. Alien concept, a future with a woman.
“You’re not going to want to come back here.”
“Maybe you’ll come to me.”
“Maybe.”
“So does that mean you’re in?” he whispered.
“No.” Callie watched the disappointment flash across his face, then slipped a hand down his belly, wrapping her fingers around him, guiding him to her. “You’re in.”
The bathroom light spilled into the room, the only light in the place. It silhouetted him towering above her, pushing into her slow and deep. Then his wide shoulders were blocking the light, and she could only feel, and she let herself fall into the immense pleasure of his eyes on her, his scent, the weight of his body.
His expression was a tight grimace of intense pleasure; a low, raw sound ripped from within his throat. His hands slid down the backs of her thighs, urging them open even more. All day she’d been cold, a bone-deep cold, but as he began to move he vanquished it, until she was hot, burning up, from the inside out.
How could it be like this again, she wondered wildly, so intense, so mind-bogglingly intense? It was as if every moment they’d ever spent had been leading toward this—every word, every look, every touch had all culminated in this unrelenting ball of fire inside that threatened to consume her if she didn’t let it out.
She gripped his arms, then gently slid her hands down his damp, hot, sleek back, past his healing scars, feeling his muscles flex as he sank deep inside her again, deep and slow, so very slow, as if he meant to stop time, to do this forever, binding her to him…
He rolled his hips to hers. “I can’t tell where you end and I begin.”
Nothing had ever been like this, like she was going to die if he didn’t keep on holding her, thrusting into her. That alone might have terrified her, but she knew by the look on his face that he was every bit as lost in her. He surrendered to it utterly, to her, to them, and she couldn’t help but do the same. “Jake—”
“I know. God, I know—” He broke off and kissed her. Their rhythm increased, and she got lost in the heat of his skin, his hard thrusts, and when it was over, when they’d both taken the plunge, neither of them moved for the longest time. Callie thrived on that, on the utter repletion, the closeness. She loved the way he stayed over her, muscles quaking, his breath harsh and choppy, and she held on tight, soaking it all in. Finally he pressed his mouth to her throat, then lifted his head. “Hey.”
She smiled. “Hey.”
“Good?”
“More than.”
He kissed her again, then got up. A terrible sense of déjà vu came over her. She didn’t want him to go, not like last time, but she didn’t possess the courage to say so, or to stop him from walking away from her again. Too many damn times people had walked away from her. Just for once, she wanted someone to want to stay.
He stood by her bed, naked. A beautiful man at total ease with himself.
Holding her breath, she lifted the covers, and this time he slid in, drawing her close. “I wish we had a road map on this,” she whispered, and he let out a rough laugh, but drew her even closer.
“Worried we’ll get lost?” he asked.
“A little.” But the truth was, she already was lost. In him.
Callie woke before dawn to Jake worshipping her body, and as she lay back and let him have his way with her before returning the favor, she dreamily figured she could wake up like this every morning. But eventually they had to get up. Much as she didn’t want to, she had to face reality—and being with Jake like this wasn’t it.
The rain had moved on, and after breakfast, so did their guests, leaving Callie breathing a sigh of relief as she went about her day. She helped with the morning chores, played with the puppies for a few minutes, surprised and flattered when Tiger actually greeted her with a tail wag. Soon, they’d be giving the puppies to whichever guests wanted to take one, but not Tiger. They were going to keep her.
Another misfit.
When she got hungry, she grabbed a muffin from the kitchen and went into her office. Stone met her there, grim-faced.
“Oh no,” she breathed, taking in the shadows beneath his eyes, the tension in his body. “Now what?”
“I need another few days.”
“What’s the matter?”
“I need to start an AA program, and there isn’t one in Three Rocks. I have to go to Tucson.”
He was shaking
. She got up and pushed him into a chair. He sank without a fight and drew a trembly sigh. “I thought I could handle the frat boys and their partying no problem, but last night they got especially rowdy, and kept asking me to join them. At midnight I was still pacing my cabin, fighting with myself. I knew if I went—” He shut his mouth and shook his head.
“Stone.” She dropped to her knees and hugged him hard. “I’m sorry.”
For a moment, he clung. “I went,” he whispered. “And woke up on the floor of Homer’s stall. I don’t remember much.”
“Oh, Stone.”
“I know it’s a bad time to go,” he said into her shoulder.
“We’ll manage.” She sat back on her heels. “Go do what you have to do.”
“A few days, that’s all. I’ll be back.”
“Just do what you have to do. We’ll be here waiting for you.”
Choked up, he nodded and went to the door. “Thanks,” he said to the wood. “You’re great to work for, and a friend, too. And not a bad kisser.”
She laughed and watched him go before letting the worry take over. He didn’t remember much from last night, and now she couldn’t help but wonder if with him gone, the odd little mysteries would end.
A few minutes later, Tucker came in, followed by Michael who’d come for a morning ride, which he often liked to do. She smiled at them wearily, not quite recovered from Stone’s news. “No more guests we have to baby-sit,” she told Tucker.
“Deal,” he said, watching her carefully. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”
“Stone’s gone for a little while.”
Tucker let out a breath. “To get help?”
“Tucker—”
“You can’t say.” He nodded. “I know.”
Michael handed her a cup of coffee and looked over her shoulder as she read over the forms for the incoming group, a bunch of novelists looking for a retreat and a chance to do some fun research.
“At least everyone’s ridden before.” Tucker joined in on flipping through the forms. “That’s good.”
“And they’re not young, idiot, keg-dwellers,” Michael noted. “Tucker filled me in on yesterday’s events.”
And he’d rushed right out here. Thankfully after Jake had left her cabin. She didn’t intend to hide anything from anyone, but nor did she want to flaunt a relationship she didn’t fully understand herself.
“We have two days before they get here.” She drew a deep breath. Stone would be okay, she assured himself. He would.
And so would she. She stood up, rolling her shoulders, stretching a little. She was stiff as a board, and would have liked to attribute that to riding through the storm after Smithy, but she knew the truth. It was from making love all night long with Jake.
“Sore?” Tucker asked, and her gaze flew to his.
He wasn’t looking at her, but down at the paperwork in his hands, so she had no idea what was going through his head. “No,” she said slowly. “I’m fine.”
His eyes met hers then, without judgment or cynism. “Stay that way,” he said simply.
“I plan to.”
Michael’s face was volleying back and forth between them. “What’s going on?”
“Besides the usual shit around here? Nothing.” But Tucker didn’t take his gaze off Callie’s.
“Well, the usual shit is enough to give me gray hair,” Michael said.
She patted his arm, surprised to find him so tense. Tense for her. The knowledge gentled her voice but she still had to say it. “I’m not going to ever be happy behind a bank desk, Michael. You’d be forced to fire me within a week.”
Tucker laughed. “A day.”
“Hey,” she said, but had to laugh, too.
Michael ignored their amusement. “I know you’d be so much happier if you’d just—”
“No.” She slipped her arm around him. “You’d be happier. I’m good here. At least for now. You’re going to have to face that.”
“Yeah.” But he didn’t look like that would be anytime soon.
“Jake’s meeting his real estate agent out here today,” Tucker said.
Callie looked at him in surprise. “So you and Jake are talking to each other?”
Tucker shrugged. “If you can’t beat ’em…”
“But he is selling,” Michael reminded them both. “Focus on that.”
“I wouldn’t have to if you’d finagle a loan for me,” Callie said.
“Cal…” Michael looked tortured. “I can’t do it unless you qualify on your own.”
“I know. It was only wishful thinking. Don’t worry, I’d never ask you to do anything to jeopardize you or Matt.”
“He’s my business partner and my best friend. I can’t just—”
“I thought I was your best friend,” she said, trying to lighten the mood, but given the look on his face she hadn’t succeeded. She smiled and pretended everything was okay. “Don’t worry. Maybe Jake’ll change his mind.”
He stared at her. “Say his name again.”
“What? Why?”
“You sighed when you said it, a dreamy kind of sigh.”
She felt her face flush. “I did not.”
“Oh my God.” His mouth fell open as the shock spread across his face. “I thought you were just playing around, flirting with the guy for something new and exciting, but he’s the one. The one who makes you tingle.”
“Michael—” She let out a laugh that didn’t sound so convincing. “Stop it.”
“You’re passing me over for him, a guy who’ll tear your heart out and stomp on your world. Are you already sleeping with him?”
Tucker looked pained. “Jesus, why don’t you just get right to the point?”
“Are you?”
“Last I checked, that was my business,” she said, but then rushed to snag his hand when he would have stormed out. “Michael, please, don’t be angry.”
“Angry?” He looked down at their conjoined hands. A spasm of hurt crossed his face. “That’s not quite it.” He shook his head then managed a smile though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’ve got to get to work.”
“Michael—”
“I’m okay, Cal. And you will be, too.” But he didn’t look at her when he left.
She tried to maintain her composure but it slipped. “Damn.”
“He already knew you weren’t ever going to be his. He just needs to deal with it,” Tucker told her gently.
“Yeah.”
“I guess he thought that with Jake selling, he still had a shot.”
She sagged to her chair. Somehow, somewhere, she’d lost her anger about Jake selling, but a sorrow filled her, so much so that for a moment she couldn’t breathe. “How did this all get so out of control?”
He looked out the window, to where Amy was fussing with the vegetable garden, and shook his head.
“He can’t afford the ranch, Tucker,” she said quietly.
“I know that. Or we wouldn’t be in this position.”
“You know what I think?”
“No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me.”
“I think you’re starting to like him.”
“Yeah? Well, why don’t you look in the mirror, boss, because I’ve got the feeling you are, too.”
Callie stood there long after he’d left, trying that on for size. She and Jake…no doubt when they were together, they simultaneously combusted, both in bed and out of it. But could they really be more? He belonged hundreds of miles away, in a world so different from hers that she couldn’t imagine them meshing, couldn’t imagine him wanting them to.
Damn it. Why did it have to be so difficult? She didn’t want to yearn and ache like this, but even more than that, she didn’t want to yearn and ache like this for him. But not wanting it to be so changed nothing.
Fact was fact, and Tucker was right. She liked Jake. She liked him a hell of a lot.
19
Tucker was in the horse corral working with Moe when Amy drove up in Callie�
��s Jeep and began unloading groceries. Tucker hopped the fence to help her.
“I can handle it,” she informed him in that lofty voice he was sure she thought scared people off, when in fact, it made him a little hot.
He scooped up four of the bags. “Sure you can, but why should you when I can help?”
“I’m fine.”
He smiled at her. “Yeah, you’re extremely fine.”
She had four bags in her arms, too, and she just stared at him. “Why do you say such things?”
“Because they’re true.”
“So you always speak the truth?”
“Always,” he said.
She started walking toward the house. He followed her. In the kitchen they set down the bags, and she turned to him. “I’m not like the girls you hang out with at the bars in Three Rocks.”
“Those girls are just friends.”
She shot him a disgusted look, and he laughed. “They are.” He moved close to help her empty out the bags. “We all hang out together, Eddie and Stone, too, and none of us really hook up, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Since he had no idea where to put the things he pulled out of the bag—fresh fruits and vegetables, meats—he just began stacking them all on the counters. “Wish you’d come with us sometime.”
“I wouldn’t fit in.”
“How do you know?”
“I know.” She turned away. “I’ve got stuff to do.”
“Come with me tonight.”
“I don’t date.”
“Then we’ll go out as friends, with the others.”
Her hands stilled. With a can of tomato sauce in each palm, she looked at him. “Not a date?”
“Just fun. A bunch of us. No pressure, no anything. You’ll eat, talk, smile…hell, you might even forget yourself and laugh.”
“I don’t know.”
“Think about it.”
“Maybe. You have to go now.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t think when you’re in here.”
He grinned. “You know, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Whistling, he strolled out of the kitchen, and spent the rest of the afternoon chopping wood, making sure to stay in view of Amy’s kitchen window as he did.
