by Lauren Dane
“In those days after the attack, when I woke up and I was broken—” She had to swallow again and blink back tears. “You were there every day. By my bedside, holding my hand. You went to therapy with me and made me do those exercises I hated. But I can use my left arm and hand because of that. Because of you. You stopped it, Daniel, and then you had to go off and pay the price. You didn’t fail me. The system failed us both. But we survived. I’m happy. I truly am. I know I can’t have him. He’s meant for a Ranked woman who will most likely bear more children for him. I’m meant for a rabble-rousing unranked man and I’ll bear him children and I’ll love him. This will be something I can look back on fondly because I know it can’t be anything more than it is. I love you. I love that you worry about me. But I’m fine and, Daniel, so are you.”
He put his cheek to her hair and relaxed. “You’re not broken. They hurt you, they took something from you, but not the spark within that makes you who you are. You’re bigger than that. Better than that.”
“And you’re not a killer. You went into the corps and you did what they trained you to do. I’m glad you did it well because that means you’re alive here with me. As for Dai? What can we do at this point? Should I cry because I have to wear spectacles? Or because he never remembers birthdays? He’s never going to change. And so I accept him for what he is and take the good things for an example and know I’d never do the bad. I can be someone fighting for what is right without losing sight of the everyday things that are important. He’s wrong about how I’m going about this whole thing. I know that. I’m convinced of it. But he cannot know about me and Roman. He wouldn’t understand why I don’t cross lines.”
“But I do, and so your secret is safe with me and Georges. And Nyna, too, of course. She and Marcus Mach have been building quite the friendship lately.”
“He’s a good man. I like him.”
“Me, too. All right, enough gooey talk. Feed me, woman.”
She got up and squeezed the hand he held out to her. He was her touchstone, the person she knew she could count on no matter what.
“Because you’re old I’ll let you get away with that. Anyway, Nyna sent over food earlier today so I don’t have to work very hard.”
They sat at her table to eat and he got his serious face back. “Be careful with him. Already many people know. They’re all people who care about you, of course, but the more people who know, the bigger the risk.”
She knew. She understood it every time she had to deal with this ridiculous business about her license to practice. Saul Kerrigan did not like to lose. She had made him lose face over Gretel Mortan and since it became known that Gretel had a hand in raising Lindy Lyons, he’d had to drop his complaint against her. Abbie had the feeling Roman paid Gretel’s stipend but whatever the case, Kerrigan could not be pleased.
She also knew four of the five adjudicators on the licensing panel were squarely on her side. Her license was safe but it still scared her that anyone wanted to harm her. It brought back memories of a lesser member of House Kerrigan who felt thwarted by her not wanting any part of him and who’d nearly killed her instead.
“I know. I don’t know how often I’ll be seeing him anyway. His sister has been in the capital for six days. I haven’t seen him in all that time although he did comm me a few times to check in. But we’re careful.” Even though she missed Roman more than she could afford to, they’d both been careful.
Daniel looked at her gravely. “These Ranked are dangerous people when they sense you’re trying to take something they believe is theirs. Watch your back. And when you can’t, I will.”
Daniel walked her back to her office where she finished up some work and took the long way home again. She wanted time to think.
She had lost something back when she was seventeen. It had taken her ten standard years before she could really think of herself as healthy, as feeling attractive and wanting attention from a man. The attack hadn’t stolen her soul and with Logan, and really with Roman, she realized they hadn’t stolen her sexual identity either. She could love sex, love her sexuality, and not connect it to one horrible event she experienced nearly fifteen years before.
And she could pursue her dreams of shared governance and still want to lick Roman Lyons from head to toe. She could keep her business and professional lives totally separate.
Being with Roman had taught her a few things about herself. Big, important things. But right then, all she wanted to do was have him buried inside her, looming over her as he showered her with kisses and stoked her desire with that deep, dirty voice of his.
Chapter 16
“Ms. Haws, I’d like to speak with you, if I may.”
Abbie turned around to face Alexander Lyons. He looked very much like Roman, only Alexander’s eyes were darker and he was taller. But the look on his face was nothing she’d seen on Roman before. Entitlement. Superiority.
“And you are?” she asked, knowing the answer but wanting to make a point about manners.
“Oh I do apologize. I assumed you’d know. I’m Alexander Lyons of House Lyons.”
“Ah, the man trying to have my license revoked. What can I do for you, Mr. Lyons?” She had a few ideas. She was on her way to a meeting with Deimos to talk about shared governance. She’d also just appeared before the licensing committee and presented her rebuttal of the charges against her.
“Saul said you thought yourself above your station. I see he was correct.”
“I’m on my way to a meeting. If we’re to stand here, you being acerbically amusing and me pretending to be abashed, let’s just get it over with. My station is that of a barrister who did her job and was assaulted in a public hallway by Saul Kerrigan. Because an old woman was let out of lockup until her trial. And because of that, he seeks to remove my ability to make a living and to do my job.”
“Interesting. Well, I’m here because I wanted your side of the story. My brother seems to hold you in high esteem. My nephew says your group is not trying to rip our system apart. You seem very defensive.”
She laughed and he jerked back. “Mr. Lyons, what do you feel the proper reaction would be? That’s a genuine question.”
The crowd moved around them, some gawking openly. Anger licked at her insides. Who did he think he was? He was judging her reactions to this whole thing?
“Well, I don’t know. I can’t say because I’ve never put myself in that position.”
“It would seem we need a lot more time than a hallway discussion leaves us, Mr. Lyons. At the moment, as I said, I’m on my way to a meeting. If you’d like to call my assistant,” she handed him her data card, “she can set up a meeting and I can explain to you that the overwhelming majority of Ravena’s citizenry has to put themselves in a position of this sort all the time. Your not having to is a luxury.” She took a step back, amused by the confusion on his face. “Enjoy your day.”
She stalked off, holding in a smile.
Deimos looked up when she entered, along with Georges. “I apologize for being late. I was delayed on my way over.” She moved to sit.
“Not a problem. Abbie, I’ve spoken with several other members of the Auxiliary Council and we’d like you to address our group at the next meeting. As you know, the AC is where the heirs and secondary House leaders are seated. It’s a younger crowd, less, well, less entitled let’s say. Many of them are open to the idea of an advisory council where representatives of the unranked citizenry of Ravena are seated. Some will never be swayed. But many can be. Can you do that?”
She laughed. “Can I talk people into things? Deimos Lyons, I do it all day every day. And I would be honored to have the chance to address the AC on behalf of the MRD.”
“All right then. You have a week.” He grinned at her and she blinked.
“Good gods! I’ll be ready. I just won’t sleep in the meantime.” She grinned back.
“Oh, do us a favor, Abbie. You can do this stuff in your sleep and you know it.” Georges turned to Deimos. “T
hank you. I know this wouldn’t be happening if you weren’t advocating on our behalf.”
“My father and I believe you have something important to say that the Houses should hear.” Deimos shrugged but she caught his blush. Sweet. He was a good young man, a credit to his Family.
They continued to speak for a while, talking about the different members of the AC and what their different perspectives were. It gave Abbie a big advantage when it would come time for her to address them.
On the way out, Deimos stopped her. “When is Jaron’s next hearing?”
“I’m on my way now. I’m hoping we can get him released into his father’s custody until his trial. You’re welcome to come along if you like. He’d like that. He speaks of you often.”
“I will, if you don’t mind.”
They began to walk. She debated on speaking to him about his uncle and decided against it. Abbie didn’t want to put him in the middle.
“Oh and here.” He handed her an envelope. “You’ll need this, but don’t worry about it until you’re at home.”
It must be from his father. Her heart sped at the thought. She put it in her bag. “All right. Thank you.”
When they turned the corner toward the courtroom, her breath caught. Roman stood with Marcus, both speaking quietly. Roman’s hand was on Marcus’s shoulder. She went all squishy inside at the sight.
“Marcus, it’s good to see you.” She approached and took his hand. “Mr. Lyons, it’s an unexpected pleasure. I’m sure Jaron will be glad of the support.”
“Ms. Haws, it’s a delight to see you.” Roman bowed to her and clapped his son on the back.
He didn’t touch her, which was good. Instead, she pulled herself together and they went into the hearing room. “Marcus and I are going up front, but you two can sit here in this row. We should be early on in the schedule.”
She went to the front table and sat, looking through her papers. Marcus was right behind her in the first row. He shifted as Jaron was brought in from lockup. The guard unshackled him and he sat next to his father. Abbie knew those moments enabled Jaron to make it just a while longer in lockup. Father and son clearly loved and needed each other.
Roman watched her, needing to shift his folder over his lap to hide just what she did to him. Her spectacles perched on the tip of her nose only made her sexier. He wondered if she had any idea.
All he wanted was to ease her back to the table she sat at and peel off her clothes, kissing every bare bit of her he exposed.
She stood and made her case to the adjudicator and he sat back to watch. Admittedly, he knew his presence in the room would affect the proceedings, but he loved Marcus and Jaron and he knew the boy was innocent. He wasn’t above helping in a small way.
Abbie parried with the inquisitor who argued to keep Jaron in lockup. The woman was a complete idiot whose main argument seemed to be that Jaron was already in lockup so his lack of a history shouldn’t matter because murder was bad.
“Sir, I beg to differ from my honorable colleague’s view of this case. Even the most cursory examination of Jaron Mach’s record will show a boy who has been an exemplary citizen. He’s never been in trouble before. He served his time in the corps honorably. He has secure employment. His father has been employed with House Lyons for his entire adult life. Jaron Mach is not a risk for flight. He is not a violent person. His father and his father’s employer have put up a bond to ensure Jaron’s appearance at his trial. Keeping him in lockup provides no service at all. It simply takes up credits to house him when he could be at home with his father.” Abbie’s voice remained calm through the entire speech. Roman saw Marcus sit up straighter, squeezing the arm he held around Jaron’s shoulder.
“Sir, this is not a minor crime. This is murder, a high crime, and it should be treated that way.” The inquisitor’s delivery was not calm. Abbie had gotten under the woman’s skin for some reason. Roman found it fascinating to watch.
“We don’t claim this isn’t a murder charge. This hearing is to decide whether or not Jaron Mach should be remanded back to lockup or be allowed to be home until his trial. I am quite sure Ms. Proctor knows the multitude of examples of the accused being free until trial, including those charged with murder. We will most definitely refute the murder charges. At trial. For now, I can’t see that we’re serving justice by trying to get off track.” Abbie’s voice had a slight edge, but nothing too obvious. The inquisitor, however, stood up and stomped over to the dais where the adjudicator sat.
“This is a murder charge! I demand this boy be kept in lockup. This boy is trying to use his connections to House Lyons to get away with killing someone. We cannot allow that to happen.”
“Ms. Proctor, we are aware of the charges.” The adjudicator didn’t appear to be impressed by the inquisitor either. In fact, her little tantrum seemed to annoy him. “Step back. Your demand is declined. After reviewing the briefs in this matter and the boy’s lack of a criminal history, I’m inclined to agree with the defense. Jaron Mach is free under the custody of his father until the outcome of his trial or unless he violates the terms and conditions of the agreement.”
Before Ms. Proctor could argue, the adjudicator slammed his gavel and the next case came before him. Abbie smiled at her opponent then turned back to Marcus, who hugged Jaron before a guard took him back through the door he had entered just minutes before.
Abbie ushered the rest of them out into the hallway. “They’re going to process him out of lockup.” She looked to Marcus. “Go on over there. They’ll take him through the back way here. You’ll need to sign the agreement and be sure he obeys it to the letter. The closer he stays to home until trial, the better.”
Marcus hugged her and she blushed.
“Abbie, thank you so much. I’m in your debt. I’ll keep him home or with me at all times. I swear to you.” Marcus turned and let Roman and Deimos hug him as well. “I’m going to run over there. I don’t want him to have to wait for me.”
“I’ll come with you. I have to interview a client there anyway.” She turned to Deimos. “Thank you for today.” And then to Roman. “Thank you for coming. I know it meant a lot to Marcus and it couldn’t have hurt having you there in support either.”
He watched her walk away. Wanting to stop her. Wanting to tell her how much she impressed him. Wanting to touch her. But he couldn’t.
“She’s amazing at her job.” Deimos smiled and they began to stroll down the hall.
“She is very impressive, yes. Come on, let’s go home and have Mercy make a big welcome dinner for Jaron.”
Chapter 17
How in the ’Verse she’d let herself get talked into this, she didn’t know. But Nyna wanted her to go because she was Marcus’s date. Jaron had given her those big eyes of his and Marcus had done nothing but smile and look on the verge of tears every moment since Jaron had walked out of lockup, so she couldn’t say no.
Even as she approached the monumentally huge front gates of House Lyons, the actual house, and wanted to vomit, she was glad she came when Nyna squeezed her hand and then looked over at Marcus with eyes that told Abbie just how much her sister felt for him.
“Now listen, he’s a good man. He invited you, we invited you, don’t be nervous,” Marcus whispered in her ear.
She’d run home to change before this dinner celebration and before she’d done anything else, she’d torn open the note Deimos had given her.
Abbie,
How I’ve missed you all these days. I’ve thought of you often, wanted to consult you on different things as they came up but my sister was here and Alexander as well quite often so I couldn’t.
We will have time soon. If I have to move heavens and every ’Verse, I’ll be touching you, holding you soon.
R
She’d held the paper to her mouth like a silly girl. A love letter. She’d never received one. Or a lover’s letter, she should say. It made her happy with a sort of sharp pang of pleasure, bittersweet but sweet nonetheless.
And now she was on his doorstep. Or on the seemingly endless parade of stairs leading up to doors several heads tall. Massive. Classically ornate. Not overdone but impressive. Power lived here. Glory lived here.
He opened his own door with a smile. “Come in! I’m so glad you’re here.” Roman ushered them all in and his hand brushed the small of her back, sending shivers through her. She bit her lip, hard, to stay focused. She’d only stay a short time, just long enough for Nyna to feel comfortable and then she’d make her excuses.
Roman handed her a glass of mulled wine. She inhaled the spice of it, letting the heat ride through her palms into her body. The air was colder now. Soon there would be snow and the capital would be lit with beautiful colored lights because the days would be short.
A staff passed around trays with delicious little bites of everything imaginable and she found herself near a large piano and Roman stood so close she smelled his skin and wanted to rub against him.
“You were amazing today. Congratulations on getting Jaron home where he belongs.” He smiled, his eyes holding something private, just for her. Pride.
She had been happy he’d seen her work and knowing he was impressed by her made her flush inside.
“Thank you. I’m relieved everything went well.”
“What is the story between you and the very disgruntled Ms. Proctor?”
“She fucked my fiancé. I caught them and dragged her out of our flat by her hair. She was naked at the time. She holds a grudge. So do I.” She kept her voice low but it was impossible not to get angry every time she saw Marcala Proctor. The memory of her naked, in Abbie and Logan’s bed, with Logan pumping away, never ceased to make her feel like a fool. She’d tossed him out that day, too.
It had taken years before she could bring herself to speak to him again much less be friends. But Logan was broken in some sense. She’d never take him back but he was good in bed, safe for what he was and she got lonely sometimes. In truth, he’d been a very good friend in the time since she’d let him back in her life and she did believe he was truly remorseful for what he did. So she forgave, but she didn’t forget.
