by Lauren Dane
“That was unexpectedly incredible.” He grinned at her, holding the blankets back for her to climb in next to him. “I want the lights on for the next part. Once I recover, I want to fuck you and watch every part.”
She buried her face in his neck and he stroked a hand up and down her back. They said nothing for the longest time. There was nothing else to say. It wasn’t that she didn’t know he loved her. It wasn’t that he didn’t know she loved him. But they both knew what would happen and that it was unavoidable, and so they enjoyed the moments they had left.
Finally, the fingers on her spine slid toward the side of her breasts and down to the nipples. She turned to face him completely, to offer him everything he wanted to touch and his eyes lit with pleasure.
“Will you ride me? Fuck yourself onto my cock so I can watch you? I want that memory of your hair sliding forward, of the sight of my cock disappearing into you, wet and dark from wanting you so much.”
She nodded, kissing his breastbone as she climbed above him. He was ready to go and she angled him enough to slide back, taking him into her cunt. She shuddered at the ripples of pleasure echoing through her as he filled her up.
At first she didn’t sit and ride as much as she rested her upper body against his and slid back on him, grinding her clit against the stalk of his cock.
It allowed her to kiss him all she liked, to feel the beat of his heart against her, to revel in the crinkle of his chest hair against her nipples.
After a time she sat straight up and swiveled in circles, his cock deep inside. He looked up into her face and she smiled.
“I love you. If you take nothing else away from this, know that you are my heart. Nothing and no one will ever fill the spot you’ll leave empty,” Roman said quietly.
“I love you, too. So much, I don’t honestly know how I’m going to make it through tomorrow.”
She laughed, only slightly bitterly, and smoothed the lines of concern from his forehead.
“I’ll survive. That’s who I am and I knew, we knew.” She paused as he brushed against her sweet spot with the head of his cock. “I’d rather have had you for this short time than never at all.”
“Gods, look at me. Look at me, Abbie, so I can see how beautiful you are. I have all I want and still I want more. But what I want most, I can’t have. I’ve never had that feeling before. I can’t say that I like it.”
He reached up to cup her neck, her eyes locked with his, and she tried not to cry. Tears wouldn’t make a bit of difference.
When she came it was with deep, rolling muscle contractions that made her limbs warm and heavy. His lips opened and he exhaled softly as she felt his cock jerk inside her.
Roman kissed the top of her head as she rolled from atop him and to the side. All he ever wanted was right there in his arms.
“You’re going to need to keep an eye on Saul. I’ve got people on him now to try and protect you but I can’t stop all of it. I can’t stop the gossip and I can’t stop the speculation. I wish I could.”
She sniffed her tears away though her eyes shone with them and he wanted to howl his misery.
“I know. I’ll talk to Daniel tomorrow. Today I guess. My father . . . I’m afraid he’s going to try to use this. I’ll do what I can to rein him in. I’ll have Tasha keep all communication between her and Marcus or Deimos’s assistant. I know we can’t associate.”
She sat up and he looked at her, beautiful and tousled from sex. He swallowed hard. “Abbie, my Family is talking marriage negotiations. Things are so bad in inter-Family relations, infighting, lesser Families fighting to try and shove Walker and Pela out of the way to take over. A marriage would stabilize things a bit. I—I’m sorry and I want you to know I wish to gods it wasn’t happening but it will be. I love you. I want you and if the ’Verse were different—”
A tear slid down her cheek, her bottom lip trembled and the cold, sweet splash of the tear fell on his belly. “But they aren’t. I knew you’d marry again. I’m not ready for it. I’m not ready to see you love anyone else. But I know it will happen.”
“Abbie.” He sat up and took her chin in his grasp. “I will never love anyone else. You mean everything to me. And if it was just me, I would walk away from it all. But it’s not. It’s my children and the entire Federated ’Verses in such an unstable time. I’ve made mistakes and we’re already on the verge of war. There will never be anyone else in my heart. You own it. Always.”
She licked her lips, the tears flowing now. “Go. It’s very late. I know you have to go and people will be watching you. I love you. Just know that, all right? Do what you have to.”
He got up and pulled his clothes back on. “Stay here. I don’t . . . I can’t take it if you walk me to the door.”
His last look at the woman he loved, the way he’d loved her most, was at that last moment before he turned and left the room. Her soft sobbing echoed in his ears all the way home.
Chapter 28
Oh gods, if one more person stuck their head into her office with that look on their face, the one that dripped with pity and yet, their eyes lit with curiosity, she was going to hurt someone.
Logan pranced in, boldly yanked her from her chair, laid a kiss hard on her mouth and then plopped down across from her, a smirk on his face.
She laughed. It had been the first time she hadn’t felt like crying since that moment in the hallway the day before.
“Hello, Logan. And how are you today?”
He shrugged. “Better now. Thanks for the kiss. I feel all manly now. I’d ask how you were doing, but I know you and I like my balls unkicked. So how about you and I have dinner? We can go to Nyna’s. I’m afraid with your new level of celebrity we’d be bothered anywhere else. Or I can make you a meal at my place. It’s up to you where, but not if. We are going to have dinner because I like to look at you. Even if you look like seven types of hell.”
She sighed. “All right then. Nyna’s it is. Your flat, I’m sorry to say this, always reeks of female. Usually pussy. And you’re a horrible cook.”
One of his eyebrows rose. “I do like this general turn in your language. And I’ll pick you up here.” He looked at his watch. “You have another three hours and then you are done for the day.”
He sniffed and swept from her office, leaving her shaking her head with a smile.
She still had that smile when she heard someone enter sometime later. And promptly lost it. Her father stood there, hair wild, eyes wilder. Gods, he was on a mission. She’d known it would come to this, so she steeled herself emotionally.
“Close the door and sit down.” She wished she’d taken a blocker for the headache she was sure she’d have by the end of the conversation.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”
“Tell you what?” She knew him well enough to know to keep her voice calm and even. To give in and let him infect her with whatever mood he was in would only make him worse.
“And you haven’t returned my comms! You had the perfect in and you wasted it. Well,” he leaned back and crossed his arms, “now you have another kind of leverage. If Lyons wants you to stay quiet, he’ll give us our way and right quick.”
She held her pen very tight and looked straight into those wild eyes. “I didn’t comm you back because I knew you’d be on about this. Not that you’d care that I just lost someone I loved very much. Not that you’d care that my business has become the topic of conversation all over the capital. But that you’d want to use that for your own gain. A fine example of your parenting.”
A shadow of guilt slid into his gaze and she was momentarily chastened. Just momentarily.
“Now, I’m telling you this in private to save us both the embarrassment. The MRD is my organization. I run it. I started it and I’m the one who made the inroads with Georges’s help. Not because I slept with anyone, but because I’ve kept my eyes on the goal.”
“The goal, Abigail? Having sex with a wholly unsuitable man and letting him use you?”<
br />
He was so ugly sometimes. And a hypocrite.
“No, that would be you. Did you think we would never notice all your special protégés? All the women like Robin who came into our home and made our mother cry softly at nights because the places you saw fit to house us in had thin enough walls we could hear her misery? I’m not married. Roman isn’t married. As far as I can tell, that puts me miles ahead of you.”
Rage. Rage at the way he’d ignored them for his mistresses and his causes, his kids in the schools who worshiped the ideal instead of who he really was, swept through her. It’d taken a lot of years for it to bubble up. Abbie had wanted him to do right but he never would, and suddenly that thin love he’d doled out when it was convenient for him simply wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. He wanted her to be as soulless as he was, and she simply snapped.
“You will keep your mouth shut and you will follow along with my plans for the MRD.” She put her hand up to silence him, coupled with a severe glare. “And you will not challenge me, go around me or make trouble for me. Or Roman. You will, for once in your life, be a father to me and do as I ask. As I need you to. I’ve never asked you for anything. Not ever. Not even when I was in the hospital and you didn’t come see me once because you were off on a trip with yet another one of your protégés. I’m asking you now. But if filial duty won’t move you, you should know I’ve had more than enough from you and the rest of the world today and I will make you behave if you won’t do so because I ask. We both know I have enough to discredit you. I’d rather not hurt you. Despite your horrible parenting, I do love you and I certainly love my mother, whom you do not deserve. Now, get the hells out of my office before I say anything else I’ll regret.”
He opened his mouth but no sound came out. Shame-faced, he got up and left without another word.
An hour later Logan came in and she said nothing, did nothing but place her arm in the coat he held out.
They walked, the cold air peeling away the layers of apathy she’d shrouded herself in all day.
“I saw your father come in earlier. Are you all right?” Logan put his arm around her shoulders.
“I said some pretty harsh things to him, Logan. But I’ve thought about it a lot since it happened and they needed to be said. I hope he listens to me and backs off. If he doesn’t, I’ll have to go through with what I told him I’d do.”
He took a deep breath and exhaled, a shroud of fog around his face a moment as they got near the door to Nyna’s café.
He stopped, turning to face her. “I’ve known you a long time. I’ve loved you almost as long. You are many things but rash isn’t one of them. I know that if you said what you said to your father, it needed to be done. And I know you must love Roman Lyons very much to have risked what you did.” He kissed her forehead as tears returned.
She wiped them away with the back of her hand, her glove sucking up the wetness. “You’re making me cry. Just when I was pretty sure I had no moisture left in my body to cry with. Thank you. I love you, too.”
Nyna came bustling over, kissing Logan’s cheeks and then hugging Abbie tight, murmuring into her hair. “I’m glad you’re here. Come on into the back. I’ve got a huge feast going. Daniel and Georges are here with Mai. Marcus and Jaron, too, is that all right with you?”
“Why wouldn’t it be? Marcus and Jaron are my friends. I can’t avoid all mention and association with him, you know. He’s the leader of everything. Now come on. I need food and I need a drink.”
Nyna squeezed her again and led the way into the back room. Several people sent her glances, most of them friendly. This was her base, her place, and these were her people. That was enough for the time being.
Marcus saw her, his face a crystal clear indication that he knew the extent of her situation. “Is it all right that we’re here?” he asked as she sat down.
Abbie grabbed his hand. “Of course. Marcus, you’re my friend. You’re my sister’s man. Of course you belong here.”
He smiled and kissed her cheek. “Thank you. I’m . . . I’m damned sorry, that’s what I am.”
Her mother simply caressed her hair and kissed her cheek. “Honey, would you like to come home for a while? Stay with us? Or would you like me to come stay with you? I can take care of you for a few days. I ache for you. You’re such a good girl. Roman Lyons is a fool to not see that.”
Abbie smiled. “He’s not a fool, Mai. He knows. But the ’Verse is what the ’Verse is. I can’t have him. He can only have me as a mistress. As it happens, I’m worth more and he has to seek a political marriage. It was a dead end, but I don’t regret a moment of it.” She shrugged. “I love him. I was loved. What more is there, really?”
Her mother nodded. “Yes, I agree. It’s only that I love you so much. I want you to get everything you desire.”
Abbie smiled. “Aww, Mai, if only, huh? If only.”
Chapter 29
Blearily, Abbie watched the vid screen in her living room two weeks later.
“Abbie, turn it off,” Nyna warned.
“I can’t! Nyna, at least I can look at him.”
“Not like this. Come on. Why don’t I just poke you in the eye? We can just go straight to the horrible pain part and skip watching this.”
Unable to help herself, Abbie laughed at her sister. “Shut up. I’m trying to hear them fawn over Roman.”
She turned back to catch a tall, genetically perfect woman deliver a sugary, peppy, fannish bit about Roman:
House Lyons’ handsome leader, Roman Lyons, has never commented one way or another about his involvement with barrister Abigail Haws, but it’s clear he’s moved on.
Lyons patriarch Noah Lyons has entered into negotiations with House Khym and House Holmes to broker a marriage. Will the golden Lyons choose the tall, lithe bloodlines of Holmes or the more politically powerful Khym, with some of the most beautiful and sought-after daughters in the Known Universes?
Roman Lyons is being closemouthed about it except for one brief statement acknowledging that he is indeed looking for a wife. It’ll be nice to grow old with a woman to take care of him after all these years of raising his sons alone.
Perfect Polly there smiled dazzlingly into the screen and Abbie curled her lip as she shut the feed down.
“I’ve never seen a woman I wanted to shove into the meat grinder more,” Nyna said. “Well, until we see the hag Roman will marry. We will tear her to bits, of course.”
Abbie sighed and went to sit back next to her sister.
“I feel sorry for her. Whoever she is. Can you imagine just being traded off like that? Like you’re a sack of grain or a pretty bauble?”
“That’s well and good, Abbie, but she’s getting in your way. Roman loves you. Marcus says he’s miserable and is terribly grouchy all day long.”
“Even worse, then. Being married to a man who loves another woman! And good. He should be miserable. I’m miserable. I’m miserable because he made me love him and there he is all pretty and cultured, and even if he doesn’t love this woman, he will make her feel cherished and she’ll be the one next to him at night where I should be. And I can’t, all because my father wasn’t Ranked.”
She stood up and began to pace.
“I ask you, Nyna, how fucking fair is that? I’ve been good. I’ve helped people. I’m working to make the ’Verse a better place. I never railed against my fate after the attack. I deserve this man! And she’s going to have him. Why?”
“Finally. Gods, I’ve been wondering when you’d get mad. Watching you mope around for the last nearly two weeks has been ridiculous. Get mad. It is stupid. It’s fucked up.”
“And then, the AC was supposed to meet to tell me what was going on with our proposal, but that got delayed because of the trials and this damnable mess. You’d think fucking me was as bad as a mass execution. I am a good person! I don’t need to have people shoving cameras in my face asking me how good Roman was in bed.”
“You did show remarkable restraint
by not shoving that camera up his ass.” Nyna put her feet up on the low table in front of the couch.
“It’s not fair!” Abbie pounded her fists against her thighs. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone and it has to be the one man I can’t have? Why? What did I do? His precious Familial system! It’s hateful and backward and I hate it! I hate it. I hate his duty. I hate his honor. His resolve to do the right thing. Well, I’m the right thing. He says he loves me. I believe he loves me. But he walked away. Am I not allowed to have this one thing? Is he not allowed? Is that what this is about? He’s had everything with sparkles on top his whole life so now when there’s something he really wants he’s being punished somehow?”
She bent, resting on her haunches and screamed, low and guttural. And collapsed on the floor.
“I hate this time in my life.”
“You deserve to. Abbie, you’re such a good person. If anyone in this ’Verse deserves happiness, it’s you.”
Abbie heaved a breath and sat up. “I’m over it now. Not really; I’m lying. But I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
Nyna snorted. “Fine. Why don’t you tell me what you said to Dai to make him keep his mouth shut. I know you had words. It got around.”
“It doesn’t signify. It needed saying. It’s over. So far he’s keeping out of my way so hopefully he’ll continue with that. Anyway, why are you here? The arguments in Jaron’s trial start tomorrow. Doesn’t Marcus need the company?”
“The mother is here. She came to visit, got some official leave from her priests. Can you believe in all this time since the arrest she hasn’t even been here? You couldn’t keep me away from my child like that. But why should she bother now, she tossed him away when he was a baby.” Nyna shrugged.
“I like you with Marcus. I can’t imagine why he would care that you were there. He doesn’t love Jaron’s mother. Hells, he barely knows her.”
“He wanted me there. I guess I felt weird.”
