by J P Barnaby
“Good evening, Jayden.” I might have missed that his calm demeanor was a façade, but then I noticed that his hands were shaking.
“Hello, Ethan,” I greeted, not knowing exactly what to say. Something was bothering him and I wanted to be there for him, I only hoped he would open up to me. After a few minutes of awkward silence in which Ethan stared blankly out the back door, I decided to go for broke. “Hey, I’m going to head out and get a beer and some pizza – want to join me?” He looked at me as if he’d never seen me before.
“I think a beer would be a good idea,” he answered, rather absently. “Let me grab my jacket.” As he left to get his coat, I thought briefly about calling Lexi about his quiet behavior, but there was no reason to worry her without knowing what the problem was, and I wanted to see if he’d talk to me first. Ethan and I hadn’t been out of the house together very often since I’d lived there, but when we did, he always drove. Tonight, he just ambled to my truck completely docile, without a hint of his usual confidence or arrogance, and waited for me to unlock it.
On the way to the restaurant, Ethan was silent, looking out the passenger window with a vacant expression. However, I noticed that he continually toyed with a button on his jacket, seemingly unaware of it. The breeze from his open window ruffled his hair, but his face was just … empty. I couldn’t begin to fathom what could be wrong. Pulling out of his reverie a bit when we reached our destination, he sat up straighter, composing his clothes and his expression, almost like he was trying to become a different person, but his eyes gave him away; they were wide and almost fearful as we approached the door. I gave the hostess a fifty dollar bill to seat us in a back booth as I didn’t want him to have to be around too many people. Maybe, if we were isolated, he would open up to me.
“Hi, can we get two shots of your top shelf Tequila, two drafts, and a large sausage and mushroom pizza?” I said to the server, looking up to Ethan who nodded. I had decided to wait until he had some alcohol in him before initiating conversation. His eyes darted around the room, as if he was nervous, while we waited for the server to return with our drinks. Finally, we had our shots and beers. Ethan didn’t seem like a shot and beer kind of guy – more like expensive wine and scotch, but he downed the shot and chased it with half of the beer.
“What happened, Ethan?” I encouraged gently, not wanting to give him a chance to decline if I asked him if he wanted to talk about it. Pushing him into it a little seemed to be the best course of action. There was something bothering him, and it was obvious that he needed to work through it.
Sighing, he looked around again, almost as if he were looking for a way out, then he looked at me. “I lost a patient.” Nodding, I waited, and he looked down at the table, studying it before continuing. “Apparently, it was some kind of construction accident. He was pretty far out, but had they gotten him to me faster I might have been able to save him.” He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “But I couldn’t.’ His eyes met mine as he continued in a whisper. “The worst part was his wife. She looked just like Lexi, and after I told her that he was gone, she screamed at me begging me to help him. They apparently have an infant son, because she just kept saying that he would need his daddy.” He shook his head in disbelief.
“I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.” I sympathized. Just then, the server came back with our pizza and we ate in silence. He had just opened up to me for the first time ever, and I had no idea how to help him, all I could really do was to be there for him. The death at the hospital certainly wasn’t his fault, and he seemed to recognize that fact, it was the notification that seemed to have really shaken him up.
Once again, he was quiet in the truck on the drive home. I was sure his thoughts were occupied by the woman and her son; it can’t be an easy thing to tell someone that their loved one is gone. I felt a pang in my chest as I thought of Kimberly. What would I do if someone like Ethan had to tell me that Kimberly was dead? Or Lexi? Or…or Ethan? What would my reaction be? Anger? Screaming? Of course it wouldn’t be the doctor’s fault; some injuries, some illnesses just weren’t fixable. I pulled into the drive, and then we walked up to the house side by side. I stopped to let him through the door first. After I turned from closing the door, I looked up to see Ethan standing in the middle of the foyer looking at me. I didn’t speak, I just looked back.
The force of his lips crashing into mine was unnerving. His hands went to my hair, and I moaned as his body came into contact with mine. I knew I should have stopped, he was upset, but it seemed to be something that he needed, and I remembered reading once that when dealing with death, once typical response was arousal. Sex can make you feel alive, it can be a powerful release of tension and emotion, and the body gives signals as to what it needs. Ethan was looking for that release, and I was sure as hell going to give it to him. For the first time since we’d known each other, he’d opened up to me – I would deny him nothing.
We made our way blindly to the living room couch. I didn’t want to risk breaking this connection with him to go any farther. Tentatively, I reached up to stroke his face, as he had done with me countless times, but in that moment outside of the comfort zone of the room, I felt shy and vulnerable. He didn’t seem to be the Master just now, he was Ethan, and I didn’t know how I felt about that. Our sexual relationship was based on submission, not physical attraction, or at least it was for me. If I went to him, without the cloak of that submission, how would that change my own perception of my sexuality? In that moment he ground his hips into mine, and I decided to worry about it later, his needs came first.
He pulled me down with him as he sat on the couch, but I knelt in front of him instead, smiling shyly as I unbuttoned his pants. Smiling back, he lifted his hips so that I could slide them down. They only made it to mid-thigh when I leaned forward and took his erection into my mouth. He moaned and sank back into the cushions of the couch, one hand in my hair. I took my time with him, running my tongue slowly around the head of his swollen cock; I felt the lines, ridges, and indentations. The gentle use of my teeth elicited a deep groan and a soft pulling of my hair, spurring me on even more. My tongue slid slowly along the vein running underside the length of his erection. For the most part, the skin there was smooth and I ran the point of my tongue over it while he sucked in a sharp breath.
“Please, Jayden….” I looked up to see that his eyes were closed, appearing to be concentrating on the sensations. I closed my lips around him and moved my head slowly, my lips leisurely causing the friction he craved as they slid from the head of his erection down to the base, back and forth my head bobbed, rubbing my lips desperately over his skin. My tongue pressed against him wherever I could reach, increasing the contact. On each downward motion, I would stop, feeling him nudging my throat only to resume again seconds later. His vocalizations went from deep breathing, to soft moans, to cries and his hips began to move up into my face, matching my own rhythm, and the fact that I could turn him on like this made me so hard.
As I hollowed my cheeks, sucking him hard, his hips stopped in one fierce jerk. His entire length twitched in my mouth and then he came, I felt his hot semen filling my mouth, and I swallowed again and again. After I ran my tongue over him again gently, he collapsed back onto the couch, resting his head on the back, his eyes were closed. He was breathing deeply, and I noticed that his hand was still resting in my hair. I took it in mine, and set it on his leg as I stood up.
“Thank you,” he whispered. “Do you want….” He started, but I shook my head.
“This was about you. But…Master….”
“Yes, Jayden?”
“May I find my own…release?” I asked timidly, really fucking hoping he’d say yes. He chuckled and nodded, and I made my way to the stairs. Before I went up, I turned to look at him, still sitting in the same position, his pants around his mid-thigh. The one noticeable difference was that his face looked peaceful, and that pleased me.
Once I was in my room, I stripped down q
uickly and lay on my bed, closing my eyes, letting my mind drift.
Lexi above me beautifully bound, riding me while Ethan took her from behind…
My legs bound in the air while Ethan fucked me that first time…
Ethan and Lexi both working me with their mouths on me while I was bound…
Then a new image came into my mind, not one from my memory, rather just utter masturbatory fantasy.
Lexi lying beneath Ethan with her legs over his shoulders, as he thrust deeply into her, her breasts bounding with the movement.
Me behind Ethan, fucking him as he took her.
God, he was so tight, so hot…
I don’t know why all of my fantasies seemed to entail fucking Ethan. It probably had something to do with wanting something I couldn’t have, but the fantasy worked. My hips rose subtly to meet my hand, and I turned my head to the side, into the pillow to mask my whimpers as my orgasm approached. God, I was so fucking close. Then I took Lexi out of the equation, and it was just me taking Ethan. I imagined every grunt, every moan he would make; sounds I had heard come from him as he fucked me. When I remembered the sound of his voice as he moaned ‘Please Jayden’ downstairs, my orgasm erupted from me, hitting my stomach as I allowed myself a deep cry into the pillow.
While I lay catching my breath, I heard a sound from the hallway, like someone moving away from my door.
Ethan listened to me pleasuring myself – the thought made me sigh.
* * *
Ethan never mentioned what happened on the couch in the following weeks. During our subsequent sessions, he continued to be affectionate, but that was just his personality. His affectionate nature made me wonder how he got into this lifestyle in the first place. The phrase “bondage and domination” had always brought up images of leather clad guys beating the hell out of people, making them lick their shoes, until I actually got into it. What I found was a whole different world entirely. It was a place where I could let myself go, not worrying about family, grades, or finances. Pleasing my Master was my only concern. I would only have to strive to be what he wants me to be. It made me feel…well…free.
That week Master Ethan had been hinting at something important for our session, and I had to admit, I had no idea what it could be. As I got into the shower to get ready for our session, I got hard thinking about the possibilities. New equipment? New sub? The possibilities garnered by those two questions alone were nearly limitless. I stroked myself absently a few times with my soapy hands thinking about it, but then stopped abruptly not wanting to disobey my Master by releasing without permission.
Once I was dry, I threw my towel into the hamper in the bathroom and walked down the hall. It had become easy, almost welcomed, to walk down the hall nude to the room. How far I had come since he first took me on as his sub. Looking around the room, I didn’t notice anything new, so it must not be equipment. Smiling, I knelt on the hardwood floor, knees spread, hands clasped behind my neck, waiting for my Master, who did not keep me waiting long. My gaze never left the floor as he entered and started the music. I’m pretty sure that soft melody would be permanently ingrained in my memory now; it normally came on first – before I was distracted by other things.
Over at the wall, he pulled down two spreader bars, and four padded cuffs. Maybe he did have a new sub? I wasn’t sure how I felt about that – excited, a perhaps little jealous. He was now standing beneath the suspension pulley.
“Come here, my Jayden.” A small smile graced his perfect features as I made my way over to him on my hands and knees. Then, he told me to stand, and he attached the cuffs to my wrists and ankles. Next, he attached one bar to the cuffs on my ankles and the other to my wrists as they were held in front of me. Well, that clearly precluded my idea of another sub. Lifting my arms, he attached the bar to a complicated looking device on the pulley. I was securely bound there, open and waiting for him.
Once again, he made his way to the back wall, studying it for a moment, and I didn’t know if his hesitation was due to indecision, or merely to increase my anticipation. Finally, he picked up a flogger and turned around. It wasn’t just any flogger, it was the horsehair flogger, and my cock got infinitely harder. Before me, he stood, grasping my chin in his strong hand to make me look at him.
“Jayden, do you know what today is?” he asked in a conversational tone. What? The day? The date? Was it something significant? It wasn’t my birthday, or his, or even Lexi’s. I stared hopelessly into his eyes knowing that I wasn’t going to have the right answer.
“No, Master, I do not,” I said softly, and he smiled.
“I am disappointed, Jayden.” He slowly ran the horsehair over my chest, and my nipples hardened painfully. Tracing it over my left shoulder, he started to run it down my back and over my buttocks.
“I’m sorry, Master,” I breathed, trying to concentrate on the conversation with the soft whispers of the flogger on the backs of my thighs. I closed my eyes. Then, without warning, he snapped the horsehair onto my thigh. The stinging sensation was intense, and I nearly cried out from it.
“One year ago today, Jayden, you became my sub,” he said in my ear, and I shivered again as his warm breath washed across my neck. “I thought that a milestone worth celebrating, don’t you agree?”
“Yes, Master Ethan.” I was in complete disbelief that he would want to commemorate the occasion. Clearly our agreement was as important to him as it was to me. It disturbed me that I hadn’t remembered, but of course he was correct. The flogger came down again, this time on the back of my other thigh. I let my head fall back as I hissed. Fuck, that stung, almost as much as it turned me on. He continued to strike my tender skin with the flogger, and I felt the sting across my buttocks – repeatedly as he monitored the steadily reddening of my skin. Whipping the fronts of my thighs as well, he targeted his strikes very carefully. Lightly, he whipped my back and my chest, just enough to leave the sensation but not enough to mark my skin. I was panting by the time he was through.
“I love to watch your skin change colors when I whip you, my Jayden. It rivals that of the leaves in the fall,” he murmured into the tender skin at the back of my neck, and then he ran his lips lightly over my shoulder blade. Walking over to the lever, he lowered my arms, removing the connection from the bar to the pulley he helped me to lie on the floor. Then, he attached the spreader bar at my ankles to the pulley. My breath caught in my throat as he moved back to the lever and my legs began to rise. I was hoisted upside down, swinging slightly, my arms still bound to the second bar which was dangling uselessly over my head. The strain in my ankles was manageable because of the thick padding of the cuffs. He did not stop until my feet were near the ceiling. It was disorienting being bound this way; I could feel the blood rushing to my head
When he stood in front of me, I realized with a start why he had stopped the pulley here. My face was directly in line with the crotch of his leather pants, which he opened it, sliding himself into my mouth. I tried hard to focus on nothing but pleasing him, but my battle was lost when I felt his mouth surrounding my own formidable erection. On my buttocks, I felt his hands, pulling me closer to him as his lips bobbed back and forth, making me moan around him. This was just surreal, or maybe it was the dizziness starting to set in from being upside down, and I lost myself in the sensation. His mouth left me just long enough for him to tell me to orgasm when I was ready, and I nearly came at his words.
His hips moved very gently as he pushed in and out of my mouth, and I got the impression that he didn’t want to finish this way, that he just wanted me to finish this way. In all honestly, it was difficult to form any impressions in this position – all I could do was feel. I felt the lightheadedness, his teeth lightly grazing my cock, his hands grasping my buttocks – spreading me open, and the light sway as he pushed my suspended body with each small thrust of his hips. As his fingers slid gently into my ass, I felt the pressure building. All I could process in that moment was how desperately I wanted to come. I tri
ed to move my hips, but couldn’t get the leverage to do so, understanding my predicament; he sucked harder, moving his head faster.
My cry was muffled by his cock in my mouth, but it erupted from me as I came nonetheless. As he stopped the movement of his hips, I shuddered violently and he swallowed around me. The high of my orgasm was multiplied by the almost euphoric feeling of lightheadedness from being upside down. I came so hard I wondered if it would ever subside. Then, he was gone, and I felt myself being lowered until my back came to rest on the ground.
He let me rest there for several minutes, regaining my equilibrium again while he went to collect a few other things. I felt the breeze from the open window graze the light sheen of sweat covering my body. I closed my eyes, listening to him pulling something out of a drawer, and then his graceful footfalls as he returned to where I lay. Having my eyes closed was helping the slight dizzy feeling, and when I opened them again I saw him standing above me.
“Are you ready to continue, Jayden?” He pushed back my hair from my forehead, and I nodded as he smiled down at me. Taking the spreader bar attached to my wrists, he attached it to the pulley alongside of the spreader bar with my ankles. Then, I was bent – my wrists and ankles bound nearly together. didn’t see as he made his way to the lever, but I felt it as I was once again lifted into the air, my body swaying slightly as I was lifted towards the ceiling. Soon, my slow ascent stopped and I hung – naked and vulnerable, waiting for his will. Swiftly and clinically, he spread lubricant inside of me with his fingers and inserted a plug, larger than others he’d used, and I moaned at the sensation.
