by J P Barnaby
“We’ll stay with you, darlin’.” She relaxed visibly as Ethan and I continued to hold her hands.
* * *
“She’s asleep, finally.” I whispered to Ethan as I closed Lexi’s bedroom door. It had taken nearly an hour of holding and soothing Lexi to get her to sleep. “I know she’s glad to be home, but I think we should talk to her about moving in with us for a while.”
“I’ve already arranged for movers for her apartment. I was going to go to the college today to discuss a leave for her. I’m also going to set up scholarships for the guys that saved her. It’s the least I can do for them,” he said a little distracted as he went through his Blackberry.
“Ethan,” I said sternly and he looked up. “You can’t move her without talking to her about it first. She may want to stay in New York.”
“Of course she won’t want to stay in New York. She needs to be near us where we can protect her, watch over her.” Wringing his hands now, the Blackberry forgotten his face was tense.
“We still need to talk to her about what she wants,” I said gently. Ethan was so out of his element, his fierce need to control everything in his life was tested in the worst way, and he wants to take charge, and fix what was wrong. The problem was, he couldn’t fix it. The only thing that was going to help Lexi was time, and our support, she had her control taken in the worst possible way, she needed to find that again – not be managed by Ethan.
“I’m going for a walk,” he said abruptly and left the apartment. Sighing, I heard Lexi calling out in her sleep. When I got to her, she was sitting bolt upright in bed, wiping the tears from her face. Kicking off my shoes, I crawled into the bed next to her and held my arms open for her to scramble into them. As I folded her into my embrace, I felt her shaking with silent sobs. I kissed the top of her head, and cradled her as she cried.
When I awoke a few hours later, Lexi wasn’t in bed with me, but I heard her voice from somewhere nearby, it sounded like she was upset.
“Ethan, you’re not my father, or my husband. You can’t make decisions for me.” Her voice trembled and I could tell she was trying to keep calm.
“You are all alone here. You aren’t safe. Please Lexi,” Ethan replied, and I could tell that he was just as upset.
“I only have two more semesters. I worked so hard to be able to graduate early, and I’m not going to mess that up. I’m not letting that guy run me out of the life I’ve built here. They caught him, it’s over,” she finished quietly. That morning she had gotten the call informing her that the guy had been caught and identified by the good Samaritans. Apparently, they had beaten him pretty badly before he ran, and he was picked up at a local hospital.
“You can finish anywhere, Lexi. Please….” He begged, and then sighed. She must have shaken her head. A minute later, I heard a door slam and Lexi returned to the bedroom. Seeing I was awake, she lay down on the bed with her head on my stomach and I ran my fingers through her hair.
“You think I should move back too, don’t you?” She took a deep shaking breath and blew it out. I knew she was frustrated, and scared, with the current situation.
“I would be lying if I said I didn’t want you to move back. But as you said, you only have one more year. If you want to stay, it would probably be better for you. But it kills me to see you out here alone and scared, Lexi.” I stroked her face gently and she leaned in to my palm. “You need to do what’s best for Lexi, not what’s best for Jayden or Ethan. Even if he would throw you over his shoulder and get on a plane if he thought he could keep you in Washington.” She giggled at the thought.
“Thanks, Jayden,” she said after a minute and reached over to take my other hand. We lay like that for nearly half an hour, not speaking, just holding hands, content in being close. Then we heard the front door open and close again, but it was a few minutes before Ethan joined us in the bedroom, standing in the doorway, leaning against the jam. His hair was disheveled and his hands were shoved in his pockets, he looked at the floor for several minutes and then, without looking up, said, “I’m sorry, Lexi.”
“I know. I also know that it’s because you care about me.” She got off the bed, went to him and wrapped her arms around his waist as he rested his cheek against her hair. They stayed like that for several minutes, and I found that rather than it making me jealous or angry, it comforted me. “Let’s stay in and do something, I’m not really up to going out yet.”
“Okay, how about if I make a beer run and pick up a pizza?” I suggested, and Lexi nodded enthusiastically. Ethan shrugged, and Lexi stood on tiptoe to kiss him on the cheek, which he returned with his own crooked smile. I threw on my shoes and followed the instructions Lexi had given me, and an hour later I had a six-pack of bottles and a large New York style pizza. Coming out of the elevator into the hall for Lexi’s apartment, I heard their voices as I was about to knock.
“It’s been over a year now, isn’t that time enough?” Lexi asked in a loud, but calm voice.
“Maybe,” Ethan admitted. “And I have to say that it would make me more comfortable. Fine, I’ll talk to him about it when we get back.”
I knocked loudly, and Ethan opened the door, taking the beer from me, and we got things ready at the kitchen table.
“So, what to do tonight….” I started, smiling at Lexi. “video games?” I knew that Lexi was an avid gamer and had a veritable arsenal of games and gaming systems. I was surprised when she shook her head.
“Movie?” Ethan suggested, and Lexi and I both shrugged.
“Board games?” Lexi asked, looking over my shoulder. I turned and saw a stack of them on top of the bookcase in the living room. “I haven’t had a chance to break them out since I’ve been here.”
“Yeah, that sounds cool,” I said, and Ethan nodded. We finished eating and put things away before Lexi headed off to grab the games. She asked us what we wanted to play, neither of us cared – whatever made her happy. A few minutes later, she came back with a long flat box. When she set it down on the table, I had to laugh.
“Clue?” I asked, thinking she would have come back with a more recent offering; she bought new games every year even though she lived alone and rarely had anyone to play with. It had been years since I’d played Clue.
“I thought a mental challenge would give me an advantage,” she replied with a wicked smirk.
“Ohhhh…Game on, little girl,” I said, and she giggled while Ethan watched our exchange with amusement as he wiped down the table. Then, we got things set up, and the battle commenced.
“Colonel Mustard did it with the rope in the ballroom!” Lexi cried in happy excitement, and grabbed the envelope. Ethan and I both sighed; she had now beaten us three games in a row. I would have let her win just to see that look of sheer joy on her face, but as it was, that wasn’t necessary. When she flipped the cards from the envelope onto the board, it was indeed as she had predicted. I thought she was going to do the happy Snoopy dance right there in the kitchen, but she contained herself.
“Okay, how about that movie?” Ethan asked with an amused grin as he watched Lexi’s exuberance over beating us yet again. “Getting my ass kicked repeatedly is becoming a little tedious.”
“Okay, losers clean up the board.” She smirked and walked out of the kitchen to set up the DVD player. I caught Ethan’s smile, it was nice just spending time with Lexi, nice she could feel safe with us, nice being together again. Grabbing the rest of the beer, we headed into the living room where Lexi was picking out a movie, naming off a few before finally deciding on one. I sat at one end of the couch, Ethan sat at the other. Instead of sitting in the middle, Lexi lay down, putting her head in Ethan’s lap and her feet in mine. I spent the next two hours stroking the exposed skin above her socks, absentmindedly showing her tender affection, while Ethan spent his time stroking her hair. Neither of us minded that ten minutes or so into the movie, Lexi had fallen into a quiet sleep.
I carried her into her room while Ethan took the fold out couch. She la
y in my arms all night, and I silently thanked God for her, and I didn’t want to think about leaving at the end of the week. It felt like I had just gotten my Lexi back. She must have felt the same way, because for the first time since her ordeal, she slept peacefully.
* * *
“You need to get out of the apartment, honey, it’s been days.” I told Lexi gently as we made breakfast together, trying not to wake Ethan. Lexi, Ethan, and I had been hanging out, and ordering in for the last three days, and it was becoming obvious Lexi was afraid to leave the apartment. Ethan and I were going to be leaving in a few days, but we couldn’t leave her if she refused to set foot outside, we needed to be here to help her. The problem was, Ethan’s emergency vacation is over and my classes were going to be starting. While Lexi was about to start her second to last semester, I still had three left.
“I know,” she agreed with a sigh. “I just feel panicky when I think about it. I’m safe as long as the door is bolted and the windows are locked. Once I step outside, all bets are off.”
We needed to go out today, the three of us, to show Lexi that she would be safe. It didn’t matter where we went. We could take in a show, go to a museum, hell, we could even just walk through the park, but it was important to get Lexi back into some sense of normalcy. She was all alone here, and she needed to be able to function without us if she is going to stay.
“Well, I have something for you that might help.” Ethan said as he came into the room in his pajama pants, his chest bare. It took me a minute to force my eyes back to Lexi, but when I did she smirked at me. I gave her a small sheepish grin back, while Ethan remained safely oblivious to our ogling. He handed her an envelope, and I watched her curiously as she opened it. She read through the contents quickly and began to giggle. Noticing my inquisitive expression, she handed me the envelope. It was a gym membership, and a six week self-defense course.
“Thank you, Ethan. I’ll check into starting a class next week. It is a very thoughtful gift.” She gave him a tight hug.
“I have something for you too.” I said, walking over to my bag, I pulled out the package and handed it to her. Quirking one eyebrow, she looked at me.
“It’s pepper gel.” I said, smiling. “It’s like pepper spray; only it has a farther range and it sticks to them like glue. Don’t worry; it’s legal to carry in New York. “ She launched herself into my arms.
“Thank you, Jayden,” she said quietly, and I kissed her on top of the head.
We did manage to get her out of the apartment. Neither Ethan nor I had ever been to New York. With Ethan’s aversion to people, and Lexi’s newfound fears, I was surprised they opted for Central Park. It was a beautiful and peaceful day. After strolling through Strawberry Fields and finding out that Ethan was a huge Beatles fan, we had lunch at Tavern on the Green, overlooking the beautifully sculptured grounds. That was where we found out that Lexi was allergic to shellfish. Lying in the grass next to Turtle pond, I regaled them with the story of my father teaching Kimberly and I to swim in Lake Michigan.
Lexi shied away from strange men, keeping one hand in her bag around the gel I’d given her. Ethan refused to make eye contact with anyone except Lexi and me. Aside from our groups’ eccentricities, we were comfortable and learned a lot about each other as people, and as friends.
To cap off the night, we grabbed a table at one of Lexi’s favorite Thai places. We shared tales of our youth – college mostly for Ethan; it was too light of an evening for him to talk of his childhood. He marveled quietly at some of the things we’d done as kids, not having been able to experience them himself. I noted a small spark of envy at times, but he never really let it show. Over steaming plates of Pad Thai and Pad Kra Prao we discussed future career plans. We were happier than we had been in a long time.
Then, it no time, it was time to go back to the apartment. Lexi was all smiles when we got through the door. Curious, I looked at her, but she just went into the bedroom to change into pajamas.
“She’s proud that she was able to spend the day out with us. She had been so afraid of leaving the apartment. Now she’ll be able to go back to a somewhat normal life,” Ethan said, and then sighed. “I’m happy and I’m not. I want her to feel safe and happy, but I also want her home with us.”
Lexi came out of the bedroom, looking more relaxed than I had seen her in a while. Her hair was pulled back into a loose bun and she was … she was wearing my track shirt and a pair of grey sleep pants. It was the shirt I’d let her borrow when she stayed over that night in Washington. She’d kept it. She still slept in it. My heart swelled.
“That shirt looks familiar,” I said with a chuckle. She looked down, seeming only then to notice what she was wearing. Blushing, she muttered something I didn’t catch.
“I’m sorry?” I asked, amused.
“I said it helps me sleep.” I went to her, pulled her gently into my arms and she rested her head on my chest.
“It’s all yours, darlin’.” Anything that would help her sleep once we were gone was a Godsend to me. And that night, she did fall asleep peacefully, in my arms once again.
Before any of us were really ready, the week was over and it was time for Ethan and me to return home. Lexi was sad, yet understanding as she stood with us at the airport.
“As soon as you get home?” Lexi asked Ethan and he nodded. I looked over at him curiously over Lexi’s shoulder, but he just shook his head, indicating he might tell me later. Ethan took Lexi into his arms and kissed her tenderly while she smiled up at him and told him to have a nice trip back, that she would miss him. Then, it was my turn. Ethan stepped back, and Lexi stepped forward right into my arms.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” she whispered in my ear. I got goose bumps all down my neck from her warm breath in my ear.
“Me too, darlin’. You be good, now. Okay?” I asked her with a smile in my voice, and kissing her, she gave me that signature Lexi grin.
“I’ll do my best.” She tried not to laugh. “Stay safe going home, and keep an eye on him for me, okay?” I nodded into her shoulder, and then I let her go. Again. It seemed like I was always saying goodbye to Lexi, a dull ache in my chest that wouldn’t go away.
The plane ride, and subsequent car ride, was quiet and uneventful. Ethan seemed to have something on his mind, something that he wasn’t ready to share, but I tried not to think about it as we pulled up to the house. I followed Ethan to the door, and then inside. As I headed for the stairs, he finally spoke.
“Jayden, can we talk for a moment?” I turned around and noticed that he looked nervous. Whatever he wanted to talk about, it didn’t seem as if it were going to bode well for me.
“Sure Ethan, why don’t we just sit at the table?” He nodded and we headed into the kitchen where I pulled two beers out of the refrigerator and we sat down. He looked at me, hesitating.
“This past week we really blurred the lines in our agreement. I told you some things about myself that I would normally not divulge to a sub. The time we spent together puts you squarely into the category of friend father than sub“. I did not like where this was going.
“Can’t I be both?” I asked, fighting the rising feeling of panic in my chest.
“I am no longer comfortable with you being my sub, Jayden.” He said in a flat voice and made to continue, but I interrupted, my world starting to spin.
“You son of a bitch!” I spat at him. “You sucked me into this, changing my whole fucking life, and now you’re going to what? Abandon me? Trade me out for another sub like used sporting equipment? What? What the fuck am I supposed to do now?” I was shouting, and the blood drained from his face.
“You didn’t let me finish!” he yelled back, startling me into silence. Ethan never raised his voice, he was always so calm. It registered that he was just as upset about this as I was. I just stood there looking at him while he worked to regain his composure.
“I am no longer comfortable with you as a sub, so I wanted to talk to you about tra
ining you as a Dom,” he said, his eyes still a little wild.
“I…What?” That was almost exactly the last thing I had expected him to say.
“I’ve spoken to a few other Doms in our community, including Nicole and Stephen. They agree that you have excellent potential. You’ve taken to subservience extraordinarily well. I think that this is the next logical step for you,” he said quietly, probably expecting me to fight further. “Have you ever considered the possibility?” I thought back to that night with Jennifer in the bar, the high I felt being in control, and I remembered each time Ethan had me work with Lexi, and the adrenaline rush it gave me.
“Yes, I have thought about it.” I said honestly.
“And?” The excitement started to show in his eyes.
Warily, I asked, “What will it entail?” I had been doing some research lately, and there were just some things that I wasn’t doing for anybody.
“We’ll start out with training you with a sub for about six weeks, and then evaluate your progress from there,” he said smiling, obviously excited that I planned to follow this path. Lexi would be going through self-defense classes. We would both be in training – the substance of which would be worlds different. I chuckled at that thought, and then what he said really registered.
“You’re going to collar another sub?” That was a real commitment, and I didn’t want him to have to do that just to train me. To be honest, I also got a little jealous at the thought of him taking on another sub, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why that was.
“No, I plan to borrow a different sub each week for your training. By using different subs, you can get used to judging a multitude of different reactions to your methods. This will also allow you to diversify and better hone your skills. And…” He said, looking out towards the window, “I don’t want to collar a new sub just now.” This was going to be just as hard on him as it was on me, he had just lost Lexi as a sub, and now he was transitioning me out as well.
