She never felt so beautiful and vibrant as when she was with Johnny. As a roommate he was considerate and orderly, perhaps a result of his military training. She seldom, if ever, had to pick up after him. As a lover he proved far more than merely considerate. Without ever insulting her sensibilities, every day he taught her new ways to please him and always gave her pleasure unstintingly in return. There was something magical about his touch that took their lovemaking beyond its ever-certain physical culmination to a higher spiritual plane that left Annie feeling not only sated but also, and more importantly, cherished.
She found Johnny’s protectiveness inexplicably endearing. When he learned that he would have to go to Denver to attend a three-day conference to help him hone his grant-writing skills, he insisted on leaving her with his personal security guards.
“This one’s Big, and that one’s Bad,” he said, placing two adorable, identical pups in the middle of the living room rug.
Twin gray fuzz balls regarded Annie with startling blue eyes before proceeding to lick her to death. She was as immediately enthralled with her new protectors as they were with her. For puppies, she found their hair was unusually coarse against her skin.
“What about Smokey?” she asked with concern.
If the big dog was having a hard time adapting to a human intrusion upon his master’s affections, she could just imagine how he would react to a couple of four-footed interlopers. In Johnny’s absence she could easily imagine him doing away with the pair in two gulps.
“Since I’m driving, I’ll just take him along. I know you’re not completely comfortable with him yet. If it makes you feel any better, Smokey’s taken to you better than anyone else before. I’ll have a talk with him on the way to Denver and explain that you’re a part of my life now.”
Annie’s heart skidded around a dangerously sharp curve. Don’t go wishing on rainbows, she lectured herself sharply. Don’t go reading more into what he just said than what he actually means.
Not wanting to ruin the moment by grilling the man about his intentions, she turned the conversation back to the pups, who were at the moment using one of Jewell’s throw rugs in a game of tug-of-war.
“What breed are they?” she asked.
Judging by the size of their paws, they would grow into sizable adult dogs. Big answered for himself with a diminutive howl that echoed through the room.
“Wolves!” Annie gasped.
“Part wolf, part German shepherd,” Johnny said, tumbling her onto the floor where he intended to kiss her so senseless that she would forget about pointing out the problems of raising wild creatures in her friend’s home. “Since you absolutely refuse to keep a gun in the house, it seemed like the next best form of protection.”
Annie didn’t bother arguing with him. First of all because she had fallen in love with the little critters on sight. And secondly because this very special gift indicated a commitment of sorts on his part. He could hardly expect her to take a pair of wolves back home to Chicago with her.
Annie threw her arms around him.
“They’re almost as adorable as you,” she told him, nibbling on the spot just behind his earlobe that always drove him wild.
Aroused, Johnny growled with satisfaction. The lusty look he gave her left no doubt about who the real big bad wolf was in the house.
“Even if it’s only for a couple of days, I hate like hell leaving you here all alone,” he confessed.
“Don’t be silly. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, but I’m sure I’ll appreciate the company, anyway.”
In truth Annie was miserable at the thought of spending a few days away from Johnny. A woman proud of her independence, she hated to admit it, though. Instead she promised herself to use the time alone to thoroughly think about the repercussions of committing to a more permanent relationship. However, at the moment she had a far more pressing question to ask him.
“I don’t suppose by any chance that they’re housebroken?”
Henceforth the brothers Big and Bad became a permanent fixture at Annie’s heel and did indeed prove a comfort in Johnny’s absence as he had hoped they would. Unfortunately, the series of events that happened during that short interim made Annie reconsider the viability of a long-lasting relationship with a man who had such a completely different background and personality from her own.
Monday started out badly when Crimson Dawn reported surreptitiously after class that over the weekend her mother had intercepted a manila envelope with a return address from the college in St. Louis on which she had her heart so set on attending. Along with promotional information and a financial aid package, it also contained an application form. The fact that the school was Annie’s alma mater didn’t help the girl’s cause any in the ensuing argument that she had with her mother. The end result of their heated exchange came when Ester carried the parcel out to the trash can and burned the whole thing up right before her eyes.
Mother and daughter had not spoken since, but Crimson thought it only fair to warn her mentor that Ester placed the blame for their family discord squarely on Annie’s shoulders. Still maintaining that it would not be wise to let Crimson move in with her as a temporary solution to her problems, Annie found herself in the unenviable position of simultaneously alienating both Johnny’s sister and his niece. Try as she might, she could think of no way to avoid being the ultimate loser in this battle of the wills.
Later that same day, as Annie was picking up a few things from the grocery store, one of Johnny’s so-called former girlfriends stopped her to point out the uncanny likeness between her son and Johnny.
“Like peas in a pod,” the woman crowed.
Annie didn’t find the resemblance particularly striking, but she refrained from saying so. She saw little point in antagonizing someone bent on hurting her. Seeing how half the women in the county fancied themselves in love with Johnny Lonebear, she supposed such uncomfortable confrontations were to be expected. Not that she could blame any of those lovelorn ladies for trying to break them up. He was, after all, incredibly handsome.
The snickers of the woman and her friends echoed in Annie’s mind as she approached the checkout line. Buying the woman’s boy a sucker, she wished them all a good day over the lump in her throat.
Dinner that night was a dismal affair consisting of gourmet canned dog food for the puppies and a rock-hard gallon of rocky road ice cream for herself. Summer was almost over, and Annie was no nearer to knowing her destiny than when she had arrived in Wyoming nine weeks ago. Fate seemed to be conspiring against her. From start to finish, the whole horrible day had been a case of serendipity in reverse.
Annie couldn’t help but wonder if God wasn’t trying to tell her something. She wished that she could explain away the weepy feeling that was hanging over her like an ominous cloud. It was hard to believe that a couple days without Johnny could reduce her to such a state of emotional despair. Paranoia was even starting to set in.
Annie didn’t know why, but she definitely got the feeling that something was wrong.
As if sensing that their mistress was not quite herself, Big and Bad looked at her quizzically. Feeling queasy after just a few bites of ice cream, Annie set her bowl down and let the two of them have at it. They were duly appreciative. She heard them push the bowl across the tile floor with their noses as she made her way to the bathroom where everything suddenly became clear to her.
She was late.
As late as the Mad Hatter rushing to his tea party.
As late as Johnny in claiming the child she had just met at the grocery store….
Since Annie could set a watch by her menstrual cycle, she believed that the fact that she was late could mean only one thing. She was pregnant.
The possibility so befuddled her that she didn’t quite know how to react as she stumbled out of the bathroom. Her initial response was one of utter joy. Having lost a child previously to a miscarriage, she had secretly believed herself to be barren. A punish
ment from God for her early promiscuity. Having yet another baby snatched from her arms by a legal system that cared more about genetics than the welfare of an innocent only reinforced the belief that she was being punished from on high.
The fact that she believed herself to be pregnant felt like nothing short of a miracle.
She almost phoned Johnny at his hotel so she could tell him the good news. Maybe it was the hormones flooding her system that caused her to hesitate. Maybe it was past experience with a young man who had acted appallingly when confronted with the flash update that he was going to be a father. Preferring to avoid painful subjects, Annie had never so much as broached the subject of children with Johnny. Since she had no idea how he would react, she decided to wait until she had a chance to see a doctor first. Just because she was never late didn’t mean that this time might not be an exception.
And just because she might be pregnant didn’t mean she would be able to carry the baby to term, either. The thought of another miscarriage pushed Annie to the point of tears. Having polished off the last of the ice cream, Big began licking her ankle with a cold tongue. Annie reached down to pick the pup up and cuddle him in her arms.
“No point in getting everyone all excited if this proves to be a false alarm,” she said sensibly.
Bad clamored to be included in the conversation. She scooped him up with her free hand. He showed his empathy by licking away her tears. Annie laughed. Then cried some more.
She couldn’t get the image of that darling little boy in the grocery store out of her mind. Annie didn’t want to believe that Johnny would abandon any child he fathered, but she couldn’t dismiss it out of hand completely, either. She had seen firsthand how fast a man could run in the opposite direction when confronted with the news that he was going to be financially, if not emotionally, attached to a child for the next eighteen years of his life.
How could she have been so stupid as to let this happen again? Except for that one night before Johnny had moved in with her, they had always used protection. Ruefully, Annie recalled how often she had counseled young women “that it only took once” for an accident to happen. She didn’t put much stock in accidents herself.
She had done her best to turn her own traumatic high school experience into something positive by helping other girls to avoid similar situations and counseling them with kindness if perchance they didn’t. Her decision to provide sexually active teens with contraceptives out of the school nurse’s office had caused a considerable amount of controversy in the community where she worked.
Wouldn’t the people who opposed her most vehemently find it utterly hilarious if she was in fact pregnant? She could be the poster child for irony.
Annie had never felt more stupid in her whole life.
Or as lucky.
Self-diagnosing herself as schizophrenic, she awaited Johnny’s promised phone call with equal amounts of anticipation and dread. When the phone rang at last, she almost didn’t answer it. Ultimately she couldn’t bring herself to cause Johnny any unnecessary worry on her behalf. Fearing the worst, he might well send the reservation police out to check on her.
“Hi,” she said, grabbing the phone from its cradle.
Johnny sounded tired. A born outdoorsman, he wasn’t much of a conference type of guy. Paperwork didn’t hold much appeal for him, either. On more than one occasion, he complained that the red tape involved in obtaining grants for the school was his least favorite part of his job.
Annie had volunteered to help, hoping that it might lead to a job offer—or at least open a discussion about her staying on past the summer term.
“Is everything all right?” he asked her, homing in as Big and Bad had on the negative vibes she was inadvertently sending out.
Where did one begin? She started out by relaying the information Crimson Dawn had passed on about the growing schism between her and Ester. Johnny’s prolonged sigh in response indicated just how frustrated he was with the whole mess.
“Would you mind doing some research for me on a certain school that one of the speakers here highly recommends? It’s called the Salish-Kootenai Tribal College. It’s located in the Mission Range just below Flathead Lake in Montana, and it caters to the kids off the Flathead Reservation. I was thinking that it just might be far enough away from home to let Crimson spread her wings, yet provide a built-in safety net just in case she falters.”
It sounded like a fair compromise to Annie, but she worried aloud about how receptive Ester would be to the idea.
“As long as her daughter isn’t abandoning her culture altogether, I think she might be agreeable. You have to understand how protective mothers are about losing their babies. Native American parents may be understandably more so, considering the outside pressures to assimilate their children into the white man’s world. It wasn’t all that long ago that Indian children were beaten in public schools just for speaking their native language. They lost more than just their Indian names. Some were actually chained up and denied food and water for refusing to abandon their savage ways.”
He spat the word out as if it were an expletive. Annie felt a dark shadow fall over her.
“In Indian tradition, material things don’t mean a whole lot. Our children are everything to us. We take our tribal responsibility to help raise and safeguard them very seriously.”
Instinctively Annie put a hand over her tummy. It hadn’t occurred to her that a man might not try to disappear from his child’s life if given the opportunity to be a part of it. The idea of marriage popped into her head of its own volition. Annie had a hard time pushing it aside.
Good Lord, how many times had she counseled others not to jump into marriage simply for the sake of a child? Aside from the fact that the divorce statistics were overwhelming, she didn’t want to force any man into marrying her just because she was pregnant. She would be far happier raising a child by herself than trapping Johnny into marriage against his free will. Figuring her own sense of pride and personal dignity into the equation made trapping Johnny even more distasteful.
That wasn’t to say that if he knew about the baby, he would either abandon it or instantly propose on bended knee. There was the distinct possibility he would insist upon raising his child in his native culture. What if he decided to fight her for custody?
In Indian tradition, children are everything.
The mere thought of another court battle was more than Annie could bear. Making up an excuse to cut him off, she hung up the phone before Johnny had a chance to probe any deeper into the reasons for her distracted responses to his end of the conversation. Cradling her aching head in her hands, she addressed the pups that had already come to regard her as their mother. Since her debacle in court, it was the closest Annie thought she would ever come to motherhood.
“Boys,” she told them solemnly, “it looks like we might just be having a baby.”
Just saying the words out loud made her feel better. Whether one chose to blame it on stupidity or destiny, Annie intended to do everything in her power to bring this baby into the world safely. She was also determined to be the best mother ever—with or without a father in the picture. Her future might be cloudy, but one thing was certain. No one on earth was taking this child from her.
Eleven
Johnny felt Annie pulling away from him when they had last spoken on the phone, but it wasn’t until he got back home that he realized just how far she had truly retreated emotionally. Weary when he had talked to her after enduring a day of speakers who had little genuine interest in the participants other than in the registration money they had paid for the privilege of listening and taking notes for hours on end, Johnny did his best to rationalize away the feeling that something was wrong. He couldn’t think of anything particularly awful that he had done to alienate Annie from him. Had he paid more attention to that nagging voice in the back of his head, the likelihood was that he wouldn’t have been so completely blindsided when he returned home.
As it
was, he went blithely ahead planning a bright future with all the gullibility of a lamb being led to the slaughter. Over the past few days Johnny had worked hard to add an extra counseling position in his current grant proposal. He was primarily motivated by how desperately the population that his school serviced truly needed such a position. And while it was true that he had someone very specific in mind to fill that position, he wanted to check with Annie first to see if she was even interested in staying on in a full-time capacity. After all she had been through, he wouldn’t blame her if she chose to avoid anything to do with the counseling field for the rest of her life. As much as he wanted to respect her wishes, Johnny knew that would be a damned shame. From the interactions he’d witnessed, the woman had a rare and wonderful gift.
He could hardly wait to tell her so, too—face to face. Perhaps the title of resident medicine woman would hold more appeal for her than being referred to as an official counselor. Not much of a phone person, Johnny liked to gauge a person’s reaction by facial expressions and body language as well as by their words. Without that very feedback, it had been far too easy to attribute the chill he felt the last time he had spoken to Annie to the hope that she was as lonely without him as he was without her.
Idiot!
How could he be so stupid not once but twice in the same lifetime? he thought, remembering the Dear John letter. He had, in fact, proven so dim-witted that after spending the better part of the week trying to ensure Annie a permanent position at Dream Catchers he had actually found himself window-shopping at an upscale jewelry store for diamond rings. And when he was supposed to be focusing on some highly acclaimed conference speaker during the day, his mind would wander to the kind of house he wanted to build Annie on the banks of the Wind River itself.
Warrior In Her Bed (Silhouette Desire) Page 12
