“Oh, my boy,” Gram admonished softly. “It’s his passion. Surely you can’t begrudge him for it. I wouldn’t want him to begrudge you for yours.” But the thing was, Caleb did. He thought of my music as my hobby, something I did for shits and giggles. Because he was the brains, and I was less than. “But you didn’t answer the question,” Gram continued. “Is she pretty?”
Was she pretty? It was such a childlike word for someone who wasn’t a child. “She’s beautiful,” I said, regretting saying it the moment Casey turned and grinned.
It’d been a while since I had played my keyboard. I had pretty much resigned myself to selling it to pay Hollis back, so I’d put it in the back of the closet so I couldn’t look at it with regret. But now that I didn’t have to sell it, I wanted to feel the keys under my fingers again, to let my mind pour into it the way I often did when things were confusing or difficult.
And things were difficult with Hollis. What the hell was going on with her? Why had I kissed her?
I could better answer the second question than the first, but even then I didn’t understand the answer. I’d kissed her because I’d wanted to. Ever since years ago, at the party. Something had happened between us at that party, but we’d never been able to explore it.
There was no denying I was still insanely attracted to her. Physically, she was stunning—of course. But when that facade she maintained cracked a little, I felt like I could really see her. And I liked what I saw. I more than liked what I saw. The moments she showed her own vulnerability were few and far between, but when she did, I was a lost cause. She was doing my head in, invading my thoughts and my sleep. Maybe I just needed to exorcise her—these feelings—in a song, and I would be cured of whatever she’d afflicted me with.
I set up the keyboard in my bedroom after Casey had long gone to sleep, and poked at a couple of keys until I found the right tone. I started slow, testing and scribbling things down, until I found the right melody. It started to come together, and when I felt I had a good handle on it, I closed my eyes and let my fingers lead me where they needed to go.
20
Adam
Bringing Gram home was proving to be more of a feat than I had anticipated. There was the equipment to set up, the furniture to move around, and the schedules we’d have to manage so she wasn’t home alone for long. Which was why, when Keane showed up bringing Navy and Hollis, I was grateful for the help. Even if I was still a little annoyed with Hollis.
She’d been so fucking dismissive of our kiss. Like it hadn’t meant shit to her. I didn’t know which reality I preferred: the one where a kiss like that only affected me or the one where Hollis lied about how it’d made her feel.
“Don’t be a dick,” Keane huffed as he moved a recliner in through the front door. He said it quietly so it wouldn’t be heard over the music Navy had put on the stereo. “They’re here to help.”
“Why would I be a dick to my girlfriend?” The word slithered off my tongue, and I hated the way it made me feel. I was lying to everyone—Casey and Gram included—and it didn’t sit right with me. Even though I had been the one to agree to do it when she hadn’t actually asked, I was still uncomfortable with the idea of looking at Hollis like she was someone I was supposed to have feelings for. Well, okay, I did have feelings. But not girlfriend feelings.
Then why do you look at her lips like you want to taste them again? The thought was unwanted, and I tamped it down as Keane dropped the recliner outside the door.
“I think this has to come in two pieces,” he said, flipping the back of it up and disappearing under the fabric. “Yeah, here.” With a grunt, he lifted the back piece fully off. He set it down on the seat and looked at me. A bead a sweat dripped down his forehead. “Because you don’t think of her as a girlfriend. That’s why.” He looked back over his shoulder for a moment. “I can’t claim to know her dad very well, but he’s not exactly obtuse. He’ll see your contempt and he’ll use it as a weapon against you. You’re gonna have to convince me that you actually like her if you want even a shot at convincing her dad.”
“Yeah, well, when I agreed to do this, I wasn’t thinking about my acting chops.”
“You’re a bad actor.” Keane shrugged. “But you are a good friend. Try treating her like one. And touch her from time to time. Brush her hair away from her face. Grasp her hand. Things like that.”
“I think I know how to touch a woman, Keane.” I picked up the seat as he carried the back of the recliner. “It’s not like I’ve never had a girlfriend before.”
“Are you sure?” His face was puffed up from holding a breath as he eased the piece of furniture down in the living room.
“Yeah, I had Sarah. In Colorado, remember?”
“Oh, right. She’s dating your lead singer now, isn’t she?”
After setting the other half of the recliner down, I punched him in the arm. “What happened to ‘Don’t be a dick,’ huh?”
“That was for you. Not me.” He gave me a cheesy grin and punched me back playfully. “It’s not like you’re heartsore over her.”
“No,” I agreed.
“And that’s exactly why I’m reminding you to be affectionate. Thoughtful.”
I frowned. “I am those things.”
“Yeah?” He looked beyond my shoulder to where Navy and Hollis were carrying in Gram’s mattress from her bedroom. It was more convenient to have her set up in the living room, in a hospital bed, than tucked in her bedroom, alone, in a queen bed. Gram had asked me to get one of those adjustable beds, the ones that could be moved to a sitting position with the touch of a button. She’d asked me to get rid of her queen bed, because she wouldn’t need it. She wanted me to eventually take the master—but I wasn’t ready to talk about that, not right then.
“Truck?” Navy asked, her words breathy from exertion.
Keane nudged me from behind, and I approached them both. I pressed a hesitant hand to Hollis’s low back and said, “Let me get this.”
“Thanks,” Keane added, coming up behind me and taking Navy’s end. “Why don’t you guys get her bedding?” The smile he gave Navy was warmer than one I could summon for Hollis, and he wasn’t even dating Navy.
I turned to Hollis, prepared to give her an Academy Award winning smile. She had her dark hair pulled back into a high pony and had some kind of silky blue scarf wrapped around her hairline. Her cheeks were pink from the heat and the effort, and her lashes were long and dark, her eyes fluttering closed when they met mine.
Well, so much for smiling at her, I thought. “I got it,” I told her in a gentle voice, nudging her around me. She only nodded, not opening her eyes at all, and moved away.
Keane raised an eyebrow at me as we began to carry the mattress outside.
“What?” I asked. “I was going to smile at her.”
“You’re fucking hopeless, man.” I turned to the pickup and lowered myself to the ground to grab the bottom of the mattress.
“How am I hopeless? She was the one who looked away.”
“Because you make her uncomfortable. I’m sure that shit is gonna be real believable when you meet her parents for the first time. Her not even being able to look at you is gonna scream, We’ve been dating for years!”
“It’s still new,” I told him, irritated. “Besides, it’s on her to warm up to me. I can’t force her to make eye contact.”
“No, but you can make her feel comfortable enough to do so.”
“I’m not even comfortable with this shit.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to get comfortable. And quickly.”
“How the fuck do you suggest I do that?” My aggravation was sharpening my words. It wasn’t just the conversation, but the knowing that so many things were happening all at once. Gram was coming home, but not the way we’d all hoped for. Hollis was going to be a fixture in Gram’s house for the time being and on top of that, I had to impress people I didn’t even fucking like. To help her.
“Come to the cabin this we
ekend. We’re all going. Me, Navy, a few people from the plant.”
“Is Hollis?”
“She will if you invite her.”
I scowled, and Keane held his hands up.
“Hey, man. You want to know how to make her comfortable with you? You gotta make an effort to actually spend time with her.”
“I can’t go away this weekend.” I nodded toward the house. “I’ve got Casey.”
“Oh, let my mom take her. They can do some girl shit together. It’ll be great.”
“I like how you volunteer your mom for everything.”
Keane slapped a hand to my shoulder. “Because she’s offered, idiot. A few times. She wants to hang out with Casey. She doesn’t have any daughters, after all.”
“Gram’s coming home soon.”
“Yeah, that’s why we’re doing this now. She doesn’t come home until next week. You can afford a little bit of fun.” He stood back, crossed his arm over his chest, and left the mattress on the ground. “Come on, what other excuses do you have?” He held his hand palm up, beckoning his fingers. “I know you’ve got at least one more.”
“The new job—”
“Starts Monday.” Then he stood back and held his hands up. “I’m just saying—it’d go a long way if you invited her.”
I picked up the end Keane had abandoned and pushed the rest of the mattress into the truck and then tucked my head down when Hollis and Navy appeared from the house. Hollis was holding a clear Tupperware that held my Gram’s wedding quilt. “Did you fold that?” I asked her, realizing too late that I hadn’t exactly said it kindly.
“Yes,” Hollis said, meeting my eyes for a brief moment. Of course she had. Hollis was Type A; there was no way she’d leave a quilt unfolded.
“Sorry,” I said, “Thanks.” From behind her, Keane mouthed ‘invite her,’ before he grabbed Navy and disappeared back into the house. “Here,” I said to her, holding my arms out for the plastic container. She stepped close, and my hands closed over hers, which were securely holding the lid down. I felt her jerk from the touch and was more than a little annoyed with myself for being the kind of person that barked at someone who was only trying to help. That wasn’t me. That wasn’t the person Gram had raised me to be. “Hot day, right?” I said, and then felt like a total idiot. I sounded more awkward than a middle schooler trying to ask a girl way out of his league for a dance.
I realized that was how she made me feel. Out of my league. Not that I wouldn’t have gone for her on my own. But she was smart; she was worldly in ways that I wasn’t. She worked hard, and she showed me kindness even when I didn’t deserve it. While I wouldn’t devalue my musical talents, I was man enough to admit when things didn’t come naturally or easily for me. And showing kindness when it wasn’t given in return was still something I was working on.
I rearranged my hands to let hers loose and heaved the plastic bin into the back of the truck.
“Yes,” she said, and I had forgotten that I had even mentioned the stupid weather. “This weekend it’ll cool off.”
This weekend. What Keane had mentioned flitted through my brain and though I wanted to swat it away like an errant fly, I opened my mouth and found the words to segue into what he’d suggested. “Speaking of. Do you have plans this weekend?”
Hollis had been preparing to turn back into the house but stopped short and looked me over for a moment. “No…”
“Is that a for sure no, or a depends-on-what-you-want no?”
She blushed. And damn, if I didn’t find that even a little bit endearing. Even when I didn’t want to. “I guess it’s more of the latter of those two.”
“At least you’re honest.” Her smile disappeared and I realized the effect those words in particular had had on her, for all the lies I knew she was holding onto. Shit. “That’s not what I meant.” I pushed a hand through my hair. “Fuck.”
“What can I get next?” she asked. She stared at the ground, where our toes were inches apart. She took a step back and I placed a hand on her shoulder, preventing her—in a gentle way—from stepping further away.
“Before I fuck this up any further, is it okay if I get straight to the point?”
After a moment’s hesitation, her gaze lifted until she was looking at me. She gave me one short nod.
“Want to go to the cabin this weekend? Navy and Keane are going, and I guess a few people Keane works with.” When she didn’t say anything for a moment, I continued. “It might be nice to get away right after school has started. And after the thing with your parents, before they’re up here all the time. Casey can stay with Keane’s mom. She practically thinks of Casey as a member of her family anyway. And it’d give us a chance to get to know each other a little better.”
Her eyes searched mine for a long moment as she mulled it over. “Okay. Friday through Sunday?”
I nodded, though Keane hadn’t exactly given me the details. “We can all ride together, if that’ll make you more comfortable.” At her questioning look, I added, “You seem uncomfortable being around me.”
“I am.” She swallowed. “We can take my car.”
“So it’s settled,” Keane said, coming up behind Hollis and wrapping her in a loose hug. “Weekend at the cabin!”
21
Hollis
My dad’s text came through right as I pulled into the driveway of Adam’s place.
I assume we’ll be meeting your boyfriend tomorrow. We will also discuss your LSAT, since you’ve failed to respond to my emails. I assume that you’re ignoring them, not that your phone has gone missing. Which is why I’m texting. See you tomorrow.
Texting was beneath my father. He’d never said it verbatim, but the disdain was there every time he saw me texting my friends. “Don’t you get sick of being glued to your phone?” he often asked me.
Realizing I was going to see my parents tomorrow, with Adam in tow, exacerbated the nerves I felt after this week of school. My phone was blowing up already, with repeated texts from classmates.
I tucked my phone away, not wanting to answer my classmates or my father. What would I say to him? Actually, I am not interested in law school and Adam is not really my boyfriend but someone who took pity on me.
Before I made it to the front door, Casey swung it open. “You’re here!” she said, as if she was surprised I had actually shown up.
“Hey,” I said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and following her into the house. “What kind of homework are we looking at today?”
“Ugh,” she said. “Social Studies.”
“That’s my favorite,” I said, smiling as she led me to the couch.
“Then I guess I’m lucky.”
A noise drew my attention to the television where none other than Beauty and the Beast played. “Oh,” I said, feeling instant nostalgia. “The cartoon version.”
“It’s the best,” Casey said.
“I agree. My favorite movie.” I fingered the little rose at my throat as I watched the scene where Gaston plopped his feet onto the table for Belle to rub.
“Hollis,” Adam said from across the room. Why did he never say hi? A simple hi. I lifted my head, eyes connecting with his. He looked … different. It’d only been one day since I had seen him, but his eyes were darker, haunted. And the smile he gave me was purely for Casey’s benefit because it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Hey, Adam.” I settled onto the couch while Casey opened her backpack.
“Hollis’s favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast,” Casey said, motioning to the television. “Adam got me this DVD when I was still in diapers. I’ve watched it at least once a week ever since.”
“I can quote the whole thing thanks to that,” Adam said. Was that why he’d written an essay about it in our Fairytales class in high school?
“We’re learning about the Native Americans, before the explorers came over to North America,” Casey said, pulling my attention back to the book in her hand. She handed me a pretest and I noticed th
e way she held her thumb over the failing score on her pretest.
“This is just a pretest score, to see what we know before we learn,” she quickly said.
“Of course,” I reassured her. “How would you know these things if you hadn’t studied them previously?”
“Well, Arcadian, in my class, knew all the answers.” Casey glanced at her brother before saying under her breath to me, “Arcadian is kind of a dick.”
“Casey,” Adam said in a warning voice.
“It’s not really a bad word, Adam,” she argued. “It’s just a nickname for people named Richard.”
“It’s not a nickname for ‘Arcadian’ though,” he said, coming toward us. I could feel him drawing closer, his cologne enveloping me. If I didn’t focus, I’d lose my head and go moon-eyed for Adam.
“Okay, so you’re learning about how the geography and climate influenced Native American culture. Well, that’s something I find fascinating anyway so this should be a piece of cake.”
We went over that week’s lesson and when I felt Casey had a pretty good grasp on the key points of the lesson, we moved onto the next one. Normally I wouldn’t have moved on to new lessons with one of my other tutoring students, but Casey’s struggle wasn’t comprehension—it was confidence. She looked to me before answering the questions I came up with after we’d read the text, making sure she was saying it right. She wanted to be right so badly that she tripped over her sentences and got mired down in the details rather than the big picture. “That’s very good,” I encouraged her when she came up with her own hypothesis about why Europeans sought to explore the rest of the world. Little by little, she understood more and answered more of the questions—including the test ones the teacher likely lifted from the back of each section we covered. I covered the answers with a sticky note and went by each question one by one until the confidence within her bloomed and she answered them with ease and understanding.
One Little Lie: a hate to love rom-com Page 19
