He took hold of her arm anyways and led her down excruciatingly slow. When they got to the bottom step, she had another contraction. It wasn’t bad, but she noticed it was closer to the last one.
As they got into the car Derek said, “Should I call your parents?”
“Let’s wait and see for a bit. It’s still possible this is Braxton-Hicks.”
“Braxton-Hicks are sporadic. You said these were regular now.”
“They are. I suppose you can call it real labor. I just don’t want to work everyone up over nothing.”
He shook his head at me and said, “Even for false labor they would want to be there, and so would I.”
When they got to the hospital, Derek took care of the paperwork and they took Chloe straight into a triage room. They had her change into a gown and they put her in a bed. The monitors were all strapped on and she laid there while they watched. Derek came in after about ten minutes and wanted to know what was going on.
“They’re watching right now.”
Derek looked up at the monitors. “Why is your blood pressure so high? Do they know it’s high?”
“They didn’t say anything.” Derek got up and Chloe reached for his arm. “Baby, they’ll be back soon. Relax, okay?” He was starting to freak Chloe out a little bit.
When the nurse came back in, Derek pointed out the B/P. The nurse checked the strip since it was taking it every five minutes and said, “We’re going to have you turn on you left side and we’re going to watch you again for thirty minutes, okay?”
“Okay.”
“What are you looking for?” Derek asked her.
“Sometimes laying on your back during labor compresses the main artery that goes to the placenta. Lying on your left side often relieves it and will make the B/P go down.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
The nurse must see a lot of nervous daddies. She was very patient and she said, “Let’s just see if it does.”
Derek didn’t take his eyes off the monitor even when Chloe tried to distract him with conversation. Her contractions had slowed down so she was really thinking this was false labor and they would be sent home. When the nurse came back in she had a pitcher of water.
“Your labs are showing you’re a little dehydrated. That’s likely the blood pressure issue and could be why the contractions are slowing down as well.”
Derek poured Chloe a cup of the water. As soon as she put it to her lips, she felt like she would vomit. “I can’t, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” the nurse told her. “Let’s do a cervical check and see where you are and then we’ll start an IV.”
The nurse put Chloe’s feet in the stirrups and checked her. It was extremely uncomfortable, but Chloe tried not to flinch again. Derek looked completely spun out. “You are 2-3 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced,” she said.
“One station,” Derek said.
The nurse smiled indulgently and said, “I see someone did their Lamaze homework. Yes, Mr. Stark, she is at one station. I’m going to call Dr. Enloe and then I’ll be back to start the IV.”
“Thank you,” Chloe said. Suddenly she had a contraction that felt like someone was trying to peel her stomach open from the inside out. She couldn’t help it, she flinched.
“Are you okay?” She didn’t answer him. Instead she began her breathing exercises. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. He began breathing with her. When the contraction passed and the nurse had the IV started, Chloe asked her, “Can I get up and walk?”
“No honey. You’ll need to stay there on your left side because of your blood pressure. Dr. Enloe wants us to admit you now. By the time they moved her into a labor room, the contractions were getting intense and she was also having back pain. Each time she grimaced or moaned Derek did too. He would try to refocus her back to her breathing, but she was in excruciating pain all of a sudden and wanted no part of it. She started snapping at Derek, which she had never done before. In between pains, she would feel bad and apologize...and then another wave would hit and she needed someone to yell at. Chloe had gone in with the idea that she wanted to do this all naturally. She had a high tolerance for pain, she should be able to handle it...After the first two hours of the contractions coupled with the back labor, she wasn’t so sure. During one excruciatingly intense contraction she told Derek, “I need medication!”
He didn’t hesitate. He went and got the nurse right away. The nurse gave her something called Nubain through her IV. It took that sharp edge off of her contractions, but made her head a little bit fuzzy. She was nicer to Derek, but her thoughts became a little strange. She told herself at one point that she couldn’t do this without an epidural. She made up her mind to tell the nurse so next time she came in. The nurse came and went and Chloe said nothing.
The next crazy thought she had was that she just couldn’t do this. She was just going to go home and eventually the baby would just fall out...right? She looked at Derek and said, “I want to go home.”
He looked like his heart was breaking. “I’m sorry baby. Soon you’ll be able to go home and take our baby with you. You’re doing great!”
“I want to go home now. I can’t do this.” She had a tear rolling down her cheek.
“You can do this honey. You’re the toughest person I know. You can do this.” Another contraction hit then and poor Derek got told off. As soon as she came down from the pain she said, “I’m sorry. I love you.”
“I know,” he told her. “Hang in there, okay?”
The doctor finally came in and checked her after she’d been there for over four hours. “You’re five centimeters now, Chloe. You’re making progress.”
She grimaced, in the middle of a back contraction. The doctor told Derek, “If you’ll put some pressure on her back with your hand when she has those that will help.”
“Okay.”
“Did you call my parents?”
“Yes, on the way here, remember?”
“Did you call Kevin and Jake?”
“Samantha was doing that for me.”
“We’ve been here for hours. Why aren’t they here yet?”
“They probably are, but we’ve been back here.”
“I want my mother.”
Derek looked up at the doctor. “Her mother can come in until she’s ready to deliver and then one of you will have to step out.”
“I’ll go find her,” Derek told her.
Derek came back with Samantha in tow and for a while, having her calming presence helped them both. Eventually when she was up to seven-eight centimeters, nothing was relieving the pain. She had her eyes closed and she was moaning. Poor Derek kept a cool cloth on her head and tried to get her to breathe, but she wouldn’t...or couldn’t. He looked like he felt so helpless and Chloe felt bad...but only for a minute.
The doctor finally checked her and said she was ready.
“Finally.” Chloe breathed out.
Derek stepped up to the bed and said, “Do you want me to go out and let your mother stay?”
That made her feel horrible.
She grabbed his hand and said, “No! I can’t do this without you. I don’t want to.”
Sam gave them both a kiss and told Chloe how great she was doing one last time before she left. Chloe was wheeled to the delivery room and Derek was given blue paper scrubs and a hat to put on. It was about one-fifteen Sunday morning by this time.
When it was time to push, the nurse taught her to wrap her arms around her leg and hold it close to her chest. She did that, starting off on her right side and switching to her left after a while. That seemed to go on and on and on. Her legs were shaking and she felt like she had nothing left. She was crying and telling Derek that she couldn’t do this. He kept telling her that she could. She loved him, but she wanted to scratch his pretty eyes out.
“Can’t we just stop for now and let me rest and start again tomorrow?”
Dr. Enloe looked like he was trying not to smile as he said, “I’m af
raid not Chloe...but you’re doing so well. You’ve been pushing for over an hour now. I know you’re exhausted, but we’re getting there, I promise.”
He stepped back out and Chloe told Derek, “Maybe I just can’t do this. Maybe they need to help me.”
“The doctor says you’re doing fine baby. I know it’s hard.”
“Really? Do you?”
Chloe knew she was being a bitch, but she just couldn’t help herself at this point. Everyone had been encouraging, Derek most of all...but she was just done. She wanted to go home. She had been in labor for over twelve hours. She couldn’t do it anymore!
Around three a.m. she suddenly felt it...The baby was crowning. “She’s coming Derek!”
The nurse ran for the doctor and there was a big rush of activity in the room. Derek held onto her with each contraction and told her she was beautiful and she was doing great and he loved her. Finally, at three in the morning on Sunday, March 15th at 3:00 AM the baby finally made her debut.
The doctor caught her and placed a squiggly, wet slimy little person on Chloe’s belly. “Oh my goodness. Look at her!” The pain was forgotten but the exhaustion was seeping into her bones.
“She’s amazing,” Derek said. He kissed her forehead and said, “So are you baby. You did so good!”
“Do you want to cut the cord?” Dr. Enloe asked Derek.
With wide eyes, he told him that he did. He was given a pair of scissors and told where to cut. Once the baby was loose, the nurse wrapped her in a blanket and took her away.
“Where did they take her?”
“Just to clean her up, Chloe. She’ll be back. Once you deliver the placenta...”
“Deliver the placenta? After all that I have to deliver something else?”
“I’m afraid so.”
She growled and told Derek, “Don’t take your eyes off of her, please. Watch her like a hawk.” Chloe was suddenly aware of how easily it would be to walk out of here with her tiny little baby girl... “Promise!”
“I won’t take my eyes off of her honey.”
Delivering the placenta wasn’t as bad as it sounded. They brought the baby back, clean and wrapped and laid her on Chloe’s chest. Chloe clutched onto her and the baby latched onto a nipple right away as Derek looked on in awe.
“She’s six pounds and 8 ounces and 19 ½ inches long,” the nurse told them. Once the nurse was gone, Derek and Chloe unwrapped her enough to count her fingers and toes. Derek peeked under her little cap and reported she had blonde hair. Chloe couldn’t stop looking at her. She was the most gorgeous sight she’d ever seen and suddenly all of the pain was forgotten.
The baby fell asleep nursing and once the nurse helped Chloe learn how to detach her, she looked up at Derek and said, “Do you want to hold her Daddy?”
“More than I want to breathe,” he said. Chloe smiled and laid their baby girl in his arms. Derek said, “Hey there sweet girl. I’m your daddy and I love you so much. Your Mama loves you and you have all kinds of crazy relatives who love you...Oh my!”
“What?”
“She opened her eyes. Look.” He held her down where Chloe could see her. Her eyes were blue...aquamarine, just like her daddy’s.
“She’s so beautiful that I never want to look at anything else.”
Derek laughed. “Not even me?”
“She looks just like you. That’s why she’s so beautiful. God, I love you both so much.”
“We love you too. You did an amazing job. Do you want me to get your parents now?”
“In a minute. We need a name.”
“I know you’ve been studying the baby name book. Any ideas?”
“I really like the ring to Sophia Marie?”
Sophia was Chloe’s birth name and Marie was Derek’s mother’s name. His eyes filled with tears and he looked down at his daughter and said, “Sophia Marie...it’s absolutely perfect.”
Chloe heard a sharp intake of breath and she looked up and saw Samantha and Trevor peeking in the door. She smiled at them and they smiled back at her through their tears.
None of them would ever doubt that miracles do happen.
EPILOGUE
April 1,
To my beautiful girl, Sophia Marie,
Today you are seventeen days old and I am sitting in the rocking chair beside your crib, staring at you. I can’t seem to stop doing that. I have no idea how I will ever accomplish anything again. You are so incredibly beautiful. You are mine and your daddy’s own personal miracle. I decided while things were still fresh in my mind, I should write them down. That way, when you are old enough to want to know who and where you came from, you can read this and you can know me as I am today...the happiest twenty-five year old woman in the world with a loving fiancé and a newborn and anything else I ever needed or wanted. I also need you to know me as I was...I’d skip over all of that for you, but one lesson that I know I have to teach you is that pain goes away...it never lasts.
There are so many things I have to teach you...so many lessons you’ll have to learn...but on this subject, your mother is an expert, so I thought that we would begin there. I will learn as much as I can about the other things. I will do everything in my power to make sure that you have all the tools you need before you have to go out into the world and build your own life...but for today, we will talk about what I do know. Pain.
When I was a baby like you are now, I was taken from the arms of the two best parents in the world. I was stolen away and given to people that only wanted to torture me. I endured pain that no child should ever have to endure and that I would die to keep you from going through. But what I want you to remember is that pain goes away.
When I was a young woman I fell in love with a man who didn’t know how to love me back. Instead, he did everything that he could do to cause me pain. So many times I wanted to give up. I wanted to close my eyes and slip away so that I didn’t have to endure it any longer. But remember my love, pain goes away.
For a few years after I got away from that bad man, I lived in fear that he would catch up to me and inflict more pain. I gave up much of my youth because of my fear. My life only got better when I decided to stand up and fight back. The thing that I had to remember in order to fight through the fear was: Pain goes away.
When you hurt my love, it permeates your entire sense of being. It cripples you and you can’t think of anything else. Sometimes it hurts so badly that something you do every day with very little effort can all of a sudden seem like an insurmountable task. If this happens enough times, you start thinking that this is reality. You think that you’re going to hurt for the rest of your life and you want to give up. What you have to remember my love is: Pain goes away.
There is another kind of pain that unfortunately, you probably won’t be able to avoid either. It’s called emotional pain. It’s the kind of pain that you’ll experience when you break up with a boy that you thought you really liked...or when someone says something mean and hurts your feelings...No one has hit or slapped you...physically you’re okay, but it still hurts. A “broken heart” hurts as much as if it were really and truly broken. But you can’t give up. You can’t stop believing in love because you now what? Pain goes away.
Some of your wounds will heal quickly and some slowly, but they will all heal. They’ll get a scab and sometimes they’ll even leave a scar. I used to hate the scars. I was ashamed and embarrassed of them...but I finally discovered not long ago that they’re not so much a symbol of what I have endured but of what I have overcome. They signify my strength and I wear them proudly. Because although the scars are there, the pain is gone. Pain goes away.
Some days I thought I would never make it, but here I am. Each day I made it through, it brought me one step closer to where I am...sitting next to the most beautiful baby girl in the world and with the most loving man and daughter to the most incredible parents. I am so blessed and I am so loved and I have so much love inside of me to give...all because I endured the pain and I made myse
lf believe that someday it would go away, if only I didn’t give up.
Now my love, my good days far outweigh the bad. The pain is few and far between and the memories of the pain are fading. They are just present enough to remind me that I am strong and I can endure and that Pain goes away.
If I could fashion something for you my love that could protect you from ever feeling pain...either physical or emotional, I would do it in a heartbeat. I don’t want you to feel pain, ever. But unfortunately, it is part of life and in its own messed up way, it strengthens us and it shapes us so that we can learn and grow and face our future. Just promise me that each time you hurt in your life you will fight through it and you will know that it’s going to get better and you’re going to come out on the other side a stronger, smarter person. Pain goes away my love. I will protect you from as much of it as I can and I can promise you that your Daddy will slay dragons if he has to...but no matter what we do, life happens. So don’t forget...it always gets better.
I love you to the moon with all of my heart and all of my soul. If I had to go back and endure the pain all over again to get to this point with you and your daddy and your grandparents, I wouldn’t hesitate. You are so worth it. Stay strong my baby girl. It always gets better!
Love,
Mom
Thank You
Thank you for purchasing and downloading my book. If you enjoyed it, please remember to write a review for it on Amazon.
Thank you again for everything!
Kylie
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SCARRED - Part 6 (The SCARRED Series - Book 6) Page 9
