by AJ Matthews
“I love you guys too. Always. But I can sell the shop. There’s always some fancy-pants retirees sniffing around ‘Christmas City’ looking for a quirky shop to set up their ‘second life’ dream store.”
Darden was a popular place for tourists, given the town’s penchant for overzealous lighting and decorations during the holidays, and its usually mild climate made it ideal for northerners who weren’t committed to the idea of moving all the way to Florida.
“True. But are you sure? The store is your grandparents’ legacy to you. Can you give it all up?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure about anything. I think a fresh start in a new place would be good for me though. It’s only a couple hours away from Darden. You guys could come anytime for a visit. Bring Tyler and Gus and the dog.”
Winn’s nephew Tyler, for whom she had cared while her brother Gus was recovering from a traumatic accident, loved the beach, or so Anna guessed from the drawings he’d given her of all of them—his dad, Winn, Eric, Anna, Tony, and Snoopy, his service dog—playing in the sand and swimming in the ocean.
Winn whistled. “Ooooh, that would be quite the road trip. It’s a short drive, but all of us in one vehicle? Maybe Eric and I will visit alone first. If you actually make the move.”
“Yeah, I think this is a good idea. I can set up shop here. Weddings, parties, and always some guy pissing off his girl on vacation who needs to make amends. Nothing says ‘I’m sorry’ better than an expensive bouquet of roses, am I right?” Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and pulling it out, she saw a missed call.
From him.
Nope. Not gonna do it. Not tonight. He only said “whatever” to her earlier. Now she had nothing to say to him.
She sucked on the straw sticking out of the tangy frozen drink Joey slid in front of her. Whoooo boy. She may be drinking this slower than the shots, but it didn’t help it tasted like Joey had added a little more tequila and a lot less lime juice when he whipped this one up. She puckered her lips and then frowned. Winn’s phone then vibrated across the bar top.
“It’s not a coincidence I ignored Tony’s call, and now your phone is ringing, is it?”
Winn picked up her phone. “It’s Eric. Let me grab this…”
Her friend slid off the bar stool, moving to the corner of the outdoor bar, to the half-brick wall facing the beach. Anna strained to hear the conversation, at least Winn’s side of it, but the other woman’s cryptic, monosyllabic responses gave nothing away. When she started pacing, Anna couldn’t very well follow her. That would be too nosy.
A couple minutes later, Winn returned, a weak smile plastered on her lips.
“What’s going on?” Anna tried to sound casual, but the squeak on the last word gave her away.
“Oh, um nothing. Well, not nothing. They’re here.”
A jolt of panic shot through Anna’s limbs. “‘They’ who?”
She already knew the answer.
“They’re downstairs. Tony wants to talk to you.”
“Tony never wants to talk about anything. Come on. Let’s go.” Anna pulled out her wallet and left a couple twenties on the bar, more than enough to cover their drinks and a generous tip for Joey.
“Go where?” Winn squeaked. “Anna. They’re on their way up here. Right now.”
Shit. Her hint of panic turned into full-blown terror. She’d consumed a few drinks and was afraid whatever Tony had to say to her, he’d somehow manage to sweet talk her into coming back to him, abandoning her hope for married life and the family that would bring her.
“To the room. Away from here. We’ll take the stairs.” Anna started for the glass double doors leading to the elevator bank as well as the stairwell. She tripped up, a wave of dizziness hitting her.
Was it the tequila, or the anxiety? Probably both.
Anna righted her step and looked up. A wave of nausea gripped her stomach.
She pivoted on her heel, but not before Tony caught a glimpse of her through the glass and waved. There wasn’t anywhere to go up here…two elevators and one set of stairs provided access to and from the rooftop bar. That didn’t stop her from scurrying away from Winn to find a potted palm tree to hide behind.
She would be happy to see her boyfriend. Anna…not so much.
Jesus. Is this what our relationship has come to?
More than anything, she was embarrassed by her behavior. Why was she running away from him? He was the one who’d decided to answer her ultimatum with the word “whatever.” She stood by her decision. Unless Tony was going to marry her, she was moving on.
“I see your shoes.” Tony’s voice rattled with suppressed laughter.
Anna looked at her feet and realized she was wearing her bright-pink glittery slip-ons. She’d felt good about buying the over-priced shoes, because the company then donated another pair of shoes to a child in the U.S. who might otherwise go without new shoes for years. For all the good she’d done, the sparkly footwear gave her away tonight.
She slinked out from behind the tree, crossing her arms as she caught Tony’s eye. The glimmer of mischief that had been her undoing way too many times sparked even brighter when he saw her. “Hey, baby! I made it.”
“Wha—don’t ‘hey, baby’ me, Anthony Carmine Martino! The last thing I heard from you pretty much summed up you don’t give a crap about our relationship, or about taking it further.”
“You can’t hold that against me, babe. I had a long day. When you sent those last few messages, I was in and out of sleep. Hell, I don’t remember getting them. I definitely don’t remember typing a response.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Uh-huh. Sure. We both know your opinion of marriage. Most of the time when I bring it up, you shut down, want to talk about it later. The fact is, we never do talk.”
“Why talk? I’m happy to see your beautiful face, and I know, deep down, you’re happy to see this ugly mug.”
Anna shook her head. Tony was certainly not ugly, with his nearly black eyes that crinkled at the corners when he flashed his bright smile. It undid her. Every damn time.
He reached out to her, his long fingers cupping the back of her head as he pulled her to him. She tilted her face up, and Tony pressed his lips to hers, gently, as if questioning. When she relaxed against him, he increased the pressure, his tongue tracing the seam of her lips. Her stomach flipped, not in nervous apprehension, but in excitement. Her heart pounded against her ribcage as she reached up to touch his face…
Then she pulled back, angry at herself for letting this happen, again, like it always did. She got irritated, they fought, he kissed her to throw her off balance and make her want to forgive him.
But not tonight. “No. No, no, no.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and backed away from him.
“Babe, come on. What now?”
She’d never wanted so much to stab someone. Was the man so obtuse, or playing the avoidance game yet again?
Anna threw her hands in the air. “What now? This is one of your tricks to make me forget myself. I’m over it. You know what I want. Marry me, Tony, or let me go.”
She straightened her spine, squared her shoulders, and marched to the stairs, resisting the urge to glance back at him.
Was she more afraid he’d be sad? Mad?
No.
She was terrified, for herself, that Tony would be indifferent. Which was way worse than any of the other emotions combined.
3
Three
Losing your touch, huh, Martino?” Eric jokingly slapped Tony on the shoulder as Winn jumped off her barstool and followed the blur of blond hair that was Anna to the elevator.
Tony was not in a joking mood. “Funny, Donnelly. Because you’re all cozy with your girlfriend now doesn’t make you a relationship expert.”
Eric flagged the bartender and ordered two beers. “Never said I was an expert, but I do know a little about pushing people away. Maybe that’s what you’ve been doing to Anna all these years.”
&n
bsp; Tony picked up his beer and screwed up his face. “How does that make any sense? If I’d wanted her gone, I would have broken up with her years ago. I love her. How is it you, and Anna, don’t see this?”
“Oh, I know you love her. She loves you, too. Why do you think she’s stayed around so long?”
Tony considered his friend’s words and shrugged. “Darden isn’t exactly crawling with eligible men our age. Maybe she’s comfortable and doesn’t want to change things.”
“No. It’s the other way around. You don’t want things to change. You want to stay in your comfort zone, but need her to be in your life for some sense of security.”
“I told her a long time ago I never planned on getting married.”
“Maybe she thought she would be the one girl who could change your mind. ‘Never’ is a long time to expect anyone to stay with you without the extra commitment.” Eric took a long sip of beer.
“I never expected her to stay.” Tony wiped the condensation off his glass with the cocktail napkin, then picked apart the wet paper.
“No, maybe not expected, but you wanted her to stay. She felt that. Now she’s at the point where she needs to be needed.”
“Of course I need her. Why do you think I drove all the way down here with you in tow? Because I don’t need her or love her? I’d die without her.” His voice cracked at the thought of her actually leaving him.
“When was the last time you told her?”
“I—” Tony realized he couldn’t remember when, if ever, he’d expressed such a sentiment. “Fuck.”
“Yeah, man. Fuck is right. I’ve loved watching you two together since I got out of the army and came home. My two oldest friends, making each other smile, having fun. But ignoring the biggest rift between you.”
The rift Tony now realized had been growing in the last year. Anna seemed to get clingier, which made him back off.
In the last year…since Anna’s grandmother died only six months after her grandfather had passed away. Of course he’d been there for the funerals, for the immediate aftermath. He hadn’t noticed, or had ignored, the emotional fallout of losing the only family she’d known.
When she needed him most, he’d been pulling away the hardest.
Damn, he was pretty much the biggest asshole on the planet right now.
“Let me ask you something.” Eric’s voice grew more somber. “Is your only objection to marriage the example your parents set? The picture of martyrdom they painted, the tense household you were forced to grow up in?”
“Is that all? How is it not enough? I can’t imagine being tied down and not being able to escape.”
“So it’s nothing about Anna, right?”
“No. I already told you. She’s funny, sweet, smart. More beautiful than when we started dating. The only one who can put up with my crap and sling it right back. She’s everything.”
“Prove it. Not to me, but to her. And yourself. You’ve got to be all in, or all out. I don’t think you can tread middle ground forever.”
Eric’s words hit him like a sledgehammer to the head.
It was the moment of truth, the final countdown, last call, and every other cliché his brain could throw out there.
Was Anna worth losing his last shred of freedom?
Or would his freedom mean nothing if he didn’t have the woman he loved by his side?
Anna slid the key card into the slot, her hands shaking. The red light in the lock flashed, barring entrance. She slid it slower, and still the door wouldn’t open. “Shit, fuck, damn it!”
Winn gently nudged her aside, sliding her own card into the lock. Anna realized she’d put the key card in upside, backwards, every possible way except the right one. She was utterly discombobulated, and it was all Tony’s fault.
Anna laughed. “Thank goodness you’re here. I’d be stuck outside my room trying to figure out what I was doing wrong.”
She pushed the door open, and the pair went inside. Anna collapsed on the bed closest to the sliding glass door leading to the balcony. She’d asked the front desk clerk to move them from the honeymoon suite Anna had initially reserved, so she and Winn wouldn’t need to share a bed. And to open the more luxurious room for a couple who wanted to spend a romantic weekend together.
Anna choked back the self-pity tears and sat up as Winn slid on to the edge of her own bed. “So what now?”
She couldn’t answer the question in her own head, let alone explain it to the friend she’d only known for a few months. Instead, she played coy, and hopped off the bed. “We raid the mini-bar!”
She opened the small refrigerator, taking inventory of the three dollar candy bars and five dollar waters. The five dollar tiny bottles of liquor. How many of those would she need to get rip-roaring, forget-all-about-at-least-for-a-few-minutes drunk? She’d had a head start at the bar upstairs, so maybe not so many she’d have to further deplete her savings.
Winn clucked at her. “You know that’s not what I mean.”
Anna slumped her shoulders, the weight of weariness pushing them down. “I do, but nothing’s changed from a few hours ago. He doesn’t want to get married. I do. It’s a Grand-Canyon-sized difference in wants, needs, beliefs. Whatever you want to call it. I want a family, and I won’t start one until I get married. Maybe that’s antiquated thinking on my part, but I want the thing my grandparents had—the happily ever after that lasted until death did them part.”
Anna sobbed, the tears she’d been holding back—the ones for Tony’s rejection, her grandparents’ deaths, for the mother she couldn’t remember—wracking her body like a tsunami. Her gut twisted up, and an intense loneliness she’d never known settled into the pit of her stomach.
She wanted to throw up, but it wasn’t from the alcohol.
Winn knelt down and put her arm around Anna’s shoulders, pulling her into a tight hug and smoothing her hair. “Oh, honey. I know it hurts. I’m so sorry.”
Anna pulled back and swiped at her tears, then jumped up and ran to the bathroom to grab a tissue.
She blew her nose, the duck-call sound filling the bathroom. She flipped on the light and examined herself in the mirror. Splotchy skin? Check. Red eyes? Check. Puffy nose? Check.
Yeah, pretty dreadful.
There would be no more flirting with cute bartenders tonight.
Why did Tony have to show up and ruin the weekend? She’d been determined to have fun and not let the real world intrude on her girls’ getaway. But show up he did, and with the same attitude she’d left him with back in Darden.
Marry me, or let me go.
Quite the ultimatum.
Why couldn’t she get what she wanted? If he didn’t want to provide that for her, he was the one being selfish by holding on to her.
Forget letting him come here and ruin her fun.
She splashed cold water on her face, wiped it dry, and re-applied some light make-up before walking out to the bedroom and slipping on her shoes.
“Come on!” she called out to Winn.
“You’re going back out there?” Winn pointed to the door. “Aren’t you worried—”
Anna shook her head. “No. I’m not worried. I came here to get away from my reality for a couple days. I want to have fun, damn it. I won’t let him showing up stop that from happening.”
“If you’re sure…” Winn reached slowly for her purse.
Anna strode to the dresser, slung the purse on her friend’s shoulder, and pulled her through the door.
“Does it look like I’m sure?” she flipped her hair over her shoulder.
Winn’s big eyes grew wider and sparkled with laughter. “It sure does. But where are we going?”
“There’s this other bar…”
“Can we find one with food? I’m starving.”
Anna’s stomach rumbled in response, “Apparently, so am I. This place, yeah, they have bar food.”
“Mmm. Nachos. Perfect!”
Winn was far from pretentious, and she did like her fi
nger food, so Anna knew this place would be cool with her friend. They walked to the stairs Anna knew led to the parking deck, so they could avoid the main lobby in case Tony was waiting there.
When they reached the ground floor of the stairs, Anna inched open the exit door and peeped out, then pushed it open a little wider and stuck out her head. “All clear.”
Winn made a noise resembling static. “Roger that. Sorry, it’s like we’re in a spy movie or something, sneaking around like this.”
“Yeah, that sounded pretty stupid, huh? Okay, no more covert operations, I promise!”
“Sounds good. So where’s this place?” Winn hitched her purse up on her shoulder and wrapped her arms around herself. It had gotten chilly in the past hour.
Anna pointed straight ahead. “A couple blocks that way.”
They reached the bar in a few minutes, and Anna pulled Winn inside. Anna missed the sound of the waves below from the rooftop bar at the hotel, but at least here there was no Tony.
She scanned the interior of the dark bar looking for a pair of seats when her eyes landed on the back of a familiar head. Her shoulders sank.
“Oh come on!” Anna’s words came out in a harsh whisper.
“What’s wrong?” Winn turned her head in the direction. “Ummm…ohhhhh. Come on, let’s go somewhere else.”
Anna straightened her spine and squared her shoulders. “No. The bar’s big enough for the both of us. Look, there’s a table in the corner.”
Winn followed Anna to the corner by the window, where she believed they were out of the line of sight of the boys sitting at the bar. She picked up the laminated menu tucked behind the napkin dispenser, though the turbulence rolling in her stomach would surely prevent her from eating anything.
She tapped her fingers on the table as a laugh crackled in her throat. “Is there table service here?” She didn’t relish the idea of having to go up to the bar to order. If that was the case, she’d walk out of here right now.
Then her saving grace walked up to the table and turned to her.
