“Yeah, I grabbed it when I got my wallet.” He hands it to me.
I open the web browser and type in dialysis fistula and click on images before sliding it back over.
His jaw drops. “That’s fucking crazy.”
“That pretty much explains it.”
“It looks …”
“Gross?” I supply.
“I was going to go with gnarly.” He shrugs.
“Well, now if you see someone with an arm that looks like that you’ll know they’re on dialysis. You know, before this, I never noticed anyone with an arm that looked like that. Now I see it all the time. I guess I didn’t know to look for it, or maybe I didn’t care to see it since it didn’t matter to me. But it does now. Matter, I mean.”
“I feel like a prick complaining about losing my brother when you’ve literally been through hell and back.”
“So have you,” I argue. “Just because it’s a different path to hell doesn’t mean it hurts any more or less or is any worse. It’s just different that’s all.”
“Not many fourteen year olds could go through what you have. I mean, I’m almost twenty-one and I’m man enough to admit I don’t think I could do everything you have. I passed out when I was twelve getting my blood drawn. I’m not quite that bad now, but you’ve been through more than anyone should ever have to go through.”
“What’s sad is there are a lot of kids suffering with this disease, I mean, I was a kid too, but I’m talking like young kids. Anywhere from five to eight years old. They don’t even know what a normal life is. They’ll never have a normal childhood. How is that fair? Our time as a child is already so short, and to be saddled with something like this?” I shake my head. “It’s just wrong.”
“Is there anything we can do?” he asks, finishing his sandwich. I’ve completely forgotten about eating mine.
I shrug. “Beyond talking about it and raising awareness I don’t know of anything.”
“Let’s do that then. You should go around and talk to people about it.”
“Harlow wanted me to talk to her high school,” I admit. “I didn’t want to, and then I got my transplant so there was no way it was happening before the year ended.”
“She’s right. You should. People need to hear about this. They need to hear your story, to understand.”
“There are so many other people out there that are probably better to do this,” I hedge.
“I don’t see them standing up and making noise, Willa. People tend to sit back and wait for someone else to take that first step, to raise their voice, you have to decide if you’re going to be a follower or a leader.”
“I don’t know what I am,” I whisper.
“I know what I see in you, but the question is, do you see it in yourself?”
“Sit still,” Meredith declares, pushing me back down into the chair in front of my bathroom mirror.
“You’re going to make me look like a porn star,” I groan, trying to tilt my head away from the daring red lipstick she’s trying to put on me.
She grabs my chin, forcing me still. “You are not going to look like a porn star. Maybe a classy hooker, but not a porn star.”
“How is that any better?” I argue.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. Now hold still. This goes with your smoky eye look and besides, you’re going to a club, Willa. I can’t exactly put a nude lip on you. You need to be bold.”
“I’m regretting calling you.”
“Oh, codswallop.”
“Are you a hundred years old now?” I fight laughter.
She smirks. “If it’ll get you to hold still, then yes, I am.”
Harlow sits on the bathroom counter watching us battle back and forth. “Let her put it on, Willa. I think it’ll look nice.”
“Traitor,” I mumble, and then reluctantly hold still for Meredith.
She finishes my makeup and moves on to my hair. She braids it on the side, but not like a normal braid, it’s something complicated that I know I could never recreate. Stepping back, she appraises her handiwork and then douses me in a can of hairspray.
Coughing, I ask, “Are you trying to kill me?”
“Never,” she scoffs. “But this needs to last through not only the night but sweat and dancing. I can’t have you looking like you rolled in bed all night.” I blush at her words. “Now, it’s dress time.” She claps her hands and runs into my room and back, carrying a garment bag. “I bought this because it was to die for, but I haven’t had anywhere to wear it yet. But I think you deserve to wear it tonight.”
She removes the dress from the garment bag and my jaw drops.
“Mere, I can’t wear that. I might not have a lot going on in the boob area but what I do have is going to fall out. I don’t think my nipple popping out on a kind of sort of first date is the best idea.”
She rolls her eyes. “Men love a little nip slip. Besides,” she continues when I open my mouth to protest, “I brought tape.”
She reaches into her makeup bag on my counter and shows me the tape.
“Fine,” I grumble.
“Strip, girl.”
I shake my head and she helps me into the dress. It’s skintight and I have trouble shimmying it up over my hips.
Meredith zips the back and helps guide me on where to place the tape.
“One last thing,” she declares, and adds a black choker around my neck. Grabbing my shoulders, she turns me toward the mirror. “What do you think?”
“You look beautiful,” Harlow breathes.
I gape at my appearance. I look like a goddess. My skin is glowing and bronzed, but not overly so, and contrasts nicely with the smoky gray eyeshadow and bold red lip. I might’ve blanched when she pulled out the red lipstick, but the girl knew what she was talking about.
A few loose pieces of hair frame my face, softening the look.
“Okay, you did good,” I admit grudgingly.
Meredith smirks, crossing her arms over her chest. “Always trust me, I know what I’m doing.”
Even the dress, while far more daring than anything I would pick for myself, is perfect.
It’s black and ends higher above my knees than I’m used to, but it’s not short enough for me to feel insecure in. The front dips low, with crisscrossing straps. It definitely exposes way more skin up there than I’m comfortable with, but I know I own nothing in my closet that would be appropriate to wear. I turn to the side.
“Whoa, I have a butt.”
Meredith laughs and pinches my butt. “Of course you do, girl, show it off.”
“You look pretty,” Harlow says.
“Thank you,” I reply.
The girl in the mirror seems like a stranger, but when I poke my cheek she does too. I guess it’s definitely me after all.
“You’re next,” Meredith tells Harlow.
“But we’re not going anywhere.”
When I called Meredith to help me get ready for tonight she agreed on one condition—that she get to stay the night so she can hear all about it after.
Meredith shrugs. “Who cares? You can still watch a movie in a full face of makeup. It’s called being fabulous.”
I turn to Meredith. “I changed my mind. I’d rather stay here with you guys and watch movies.”
She grabs my shoulders, looking at me dead on. “Don’t make Merebitch come out to play. You’re going out with this boy and you’re going to have the time of your life. You’ve literally barely left the house since you were fourteen. Now’s your time.”
I take a breath. “What if I make a fool of myself?”
“What’s life without a little laughter? If you can’t laugh at yourself then you’re kind of a sucky human being. Just remember, you’re beautiful and smart, don’t let your insecurities tell you otherwise.”
I hug her to me. “I love you.”
“Stop getting all mushy on me,” she jokes. “But I love you too.”
“Oh, let me in on this lovin’.” Harlow wraps her arms around us
.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you guys,” I tell them honestly.
“You’d be awfully lonely,” Meredith says.
Harlow adds, “It’d also be creepily quiet.”
Meredith picks up a black sparkly clutch she brought with her, slips in the lipstick, a pack of makeup wipes, my phone, and …
“Is that pepper spray?”
She shrugs. “Just in case hottie gets handsy.”
I don’t argue with her because having it does make me feel a little better. Not that I think Jasper will try anything, but I don’t know where he’s taking me and who might be there.
“I think we should put a cardigan on her,” Harlow tells Meredith.
Meredith scoffs. “And ruin my masterpiece?”
“Well, I mean, she told Mom and Dad she’s going on a date, so they know she’s going out, but I’m sure my dad will flip his lid if he sees her like that.”
I look down at myself and then at Meredith. “She’s right.”
“Ugh, fine, but as soon as you’re in homeboy’s car take it off—preferably in a sexy striptease sort of way.”
“Don’t push your luck,” I warn with a laugh.
She groans and mumbles to herself all the way out of my bathroom and into my closet as she searches for something for me to cover up with.
“What is this?” she holds out a large sweatshirt and I blush.
“Nothing,” I answer automatically, as she holds up Jasper’s sweatshirt that I should give back but haven’t yet.
“Mhmm,” she hums with a twinkle in her eyes, shoving it back into my closet. “Aha, this will do.” She pulls out a jean jacket with a hoodie attached.
I shrug it on and zip it up so only the bottom half of the dress is exposed.
“One last thing, I promise,” she says, grabbing a pair of black heels off my bed.
I stare at them. “Do you want me to break a leg?”
“Willa,” she groans, “you cannot wear a dress like that with sneakers. You just can’t.”
I take them from her and slip them on, gaining at least three inches, if not more, in height. I wobble a bit and hold my hands out to balance myself.
“Look at our little girl,” Meredith says to Harlow, wiping away a pretend tear. “She’s all grown up.”
“Oh, shut up,” I groan.
My phone vibrates inside the clutch and I check it.
“He’s here,” I say, and swallow thickly as fear threatens to strangle me. I’m miles out of my comfort zone with this.
“Showtime. Let’s go, let’s go.” Meredith pushes me out of my room and then has to help me down the steps because … heels.
“Wow, you look beautiful,” my mom says, unloading the dishwasher.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t be home too late,” Dad says. “In fact, I think I’m going to go talk to this guy.”
“Dad, no.” I blanch at the idea of him meeting Jasper.
“Why not?” He narrows his eyes.
“I-I don’t want you to scare him away.”
He chuckles in only the way my father can—husky, but with an edge that lets you know he means business. “I won’t scare him … too much,” he mutters.
“Jake,” my mother scolds, swatting him with a dishtowel.
My dad follows me to the door and I swing it open to find Jasper already standing there. I stumble back into my dad’s chest in surprise.
Jasper stands there dressed in a pair of khaki pants that sit snuggly on his hips with a white button-down shirt tucked into them, the sleeves rolled up his tanned muscular forearms. He looks like a damn snack—no scratch that, he’s the whole meal.
“These are for you.” He holds out a bouquet of assorted flowers. I spot a lily and inhale its fragrant scent.
“Thank you.”
“I’m Willa’s dad.” My dad holds his hand out to Jasper and when Jasper takes it he gives it a rough shake.
“Dad,” I hiss under my breath.
Jasper flashes me a smile and shakes his head, telling me it’s okay.
“You look old,” Dad states.
I bury my face in my hands.
Jasper chuckles. “I’m twenty, sir.”
My dad makes a noise in his throat. I’m tempted to step on his foot with my heel.
“I have my reservations, but Willa seems to like you, and …” He pauses and looks at me sadly but with pride. “And I trust her judgment. If she likes you I’ll give you a chance.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I hug him, and he wraps his arm around my side.
“Have her home by midnight,” my dad warns him.
“I can do that, sir.”
“Good. Now have fun, but not too much fun.”
“Dad,” I cry. “Stop it.”
He chuckles and heads back toward the kitchen.
I spot Harlow and Meredith peeking around the corner and give them a small wave before stepping outside with Jasper.
I close the door behind us and look up at him. “I’m sorry about that.”
He chuckles. “I wouldn’t have expected anything less.”
I look down at the flowers in my hands. “Oh, let me take these back in. I’ll be right back.”
Upon opening the door, two forms fall to the floor. “Really, guys?” I glare at my sister and best friend.
“Again, wouldn’t expect anything less,” Jasper pipes in with a laugh.
“Here, take these and make yourself useful.” I hand the flowers to Meredith and promptly close the door again.
“Let’s get out of here before we have two, maybe three, stowaways.
“I like the way you think.”
We walk side by side to his Jeep and he opens the passenger door for me.
“You look beautiful, by the way. You always are.” He brushes his fingers over my cheek and then tucks one of the loose strands of hair behind my ear.
“Thank you,” I whisper, glowing beneath his praise. I don’t need him, or any guy, to tell me I’m beautiful. Even though some days I feel like a troll, I know in my heart I’m pretty, everybody is. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good to hear it.
Climbing up into the Jeep is normally difficult—in heels, it’s impossible.
“Let me help,” Jasper says. Before I can protest, his hands are on my waist and he lifts me up into the seat. “Need me to buckle you in too?” he jokes, smiling crookedly.
“No, I’m good,” I squeak, and reach for the seatbelt before he can get any ideas.
Jasper climbs in and looks at me. “Are you ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” I shrug.
I feel apprehensive about what he has planned, but I keep reminding myself I can’t be that scared little girl who sits at home by herself anymore. Going somewhere like this is completely out of my comfort zone and that’s exactly why I need to do it. Complacency is okay for a bit, but after a while it’s stifling. Being nervous or afraid is a natural emotion—you can’t avoid it, you might as well embrace it. I want to be able to say I lived, that I did, I don’t want to say I sat by idly and watched it happen. I want to be a part of things.
“You’re going to have fun, I promise you,” he assures me.
It’s weird being with him like this, I don’t think this is an actual date, however maybe it is since I’m clueless when it comes to this kind of thing, but it’s nice too. I haven’t known him long, but he’s easy to be around and he gets me. It’s rare to find someone like that I think.
“Just don’t let me make a fool of myself.” I laugh lightly, the sound twinkling with the hesitation of my nerves.
I haven’t danced in so long, and never this kind of dancing, but as I sit in his Jeep my body vibrates with the need to move, to flow, to get lost in the music. Giving up on dance might’ve been one of the worst decisions of my life, but at the time it was what I had to do. I was so tired and weak, not myself at all, that I had no energy or passion left to give it. The dialysis seemed to suck the literal life out of my bone
s and then, when I did feel better, it felt like too much time had passed to bother going back. It was easier to stay away than to fight my way back into dance.
Jasper doesn’t drive for long before he turns into a lot outside a building I’d probably never normally notice during the day. The outside is a gray color, blending in with the other similarly shaped buildings around it. This one, however, in the growing darkness, is lit up with a sign on the outside. It’s not a word, but a simple wave design. It’s large, taking up most of the wall facing us. There’s a line of people outside waiting to get in.
“Are you sure I’m going to be allowed in there?” I ask, undoing my belt as he parks the Jeep. “I am underage,” I remind him.
“Willa,” he laughs. “So am I, remember?”
“Oh, right.” I feel silly for my total lapse; besides, I should know by now Jasper isn’t the type to try to get me into trouble.
He hops out and is there to help me before I can blink. I’m thankful for his help, considering the death traps Meredith forced me to wear. I stumble a little when I get out, falling into his chest.
Our gazes connect, and for a moment everything around us disappears.
If I concentrate even the slightest I can recall the feel of his lips on mine that night at the beach. I’m desperate to kiss him again, my body aches with the need, but tonight I don’t feel as bold as I did then. Beneath the pulsing neon blue light radiating from the outside of the club, there’s no hiding, not like there is beneath a blanket of darkness and the crashing of the waves.
I look away first, down at our feet, mine clad in heels I’d never normally wear and his in a pair of brown leather oxfords that match nicely with his fitted khaki colored pants.
I remove my jacket and toss it back into the Jeep before he closes the door.
When I turn to face Jasper his jaw is slack as he gawks at me. His eyes trail slowly up my legs, over my hips, up my breasts—lingering a little longer there—until finally his gaze meets mine. I never knew someone could caress you with their eyes but I know now.
He swallows thickly. “I … um … wow. You look amazing.”
I smile from ear to ear, silently reminding myself I owe Meredith thanks later. I love that for once Jasper is the speechless one.
The Other Side of Tomorrow Page 19
