"Get out," I grumbled.
"No," he said back firmly. "We aren't going anywhere."
We? Did Mia...? I turned over. My eyes focused on Nicholas and then Dr. J. I sighed.
"Christopher, I think we should talk," Dr. J lifted up two of the empty vodka bottles off my floor with one hand and an empty pill bottle in the other.
"Nothing to talk about," I growled and threw myself back onto my bed.
"Oh I think there is –" Nicholas started, but Dr. J interjected.
"We know what happened in Whidbey Island," he said grimly.
"Fuck you." Growling, I put my arm over my face.
Their retreating footsteps made me relax. I breathed out in relief they were gone. When I heard my bedroom door shut, I looked up, greeted with the sight of Dr. J standing with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Get up," he said like a drill sergeant.
"Fuck you! Get out!"
"Fuck you! Get up!" he responded. My head snapped in his direction. I wasn't used to him speaking that way. He smirked. "I'm not above forcing you out of bed."
I sat up and put my feet to the floor, leaning my elbows to knees.
"Get your ass in the shower and then meet me in the living room. We have some talking to do." Something smacked me in the arm. I looked over to see a bottle of Tylenol on the bed. Then my door closed. I sighed and headed for the shower.
In the bathroom, I tossed the Tylenol into the trash, showered, and dug through my medicine cabinet. Oxycontin would work much better at numbing the pain. Walking back out to my bedroom, I scanned different clear bottles on my floor. Finally, my eyes located one tilted bottle with a quarter inch of clear liquid. I popped two pills in my mouth and chased them with the last of my Vodka binge.
Once I dressed, I entered the living and found Dr. J sitting on a chair with two full coffee cups sitting on the table in front of him. I slouched down into the couch and put my head back. The numb feeling was setting in. I welcomed it with open arms.
"So we're all the way back to the beginning huh?" Dr. J broke the silence. I shrugged. "Christopher," he sighed. "I think it's time to get you some rehabilitation."
I snapped my head up.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I think we need some more intense work, Christopher, just you…no outside interference," he looked me straight in the face.
"I'm getting better…I can't…I'm not the way that I was," I snapped.
"You bruised her arms," he snapped back.
A heavy breath left my body. No pill or drink could numb this feeling.
"I…what...?" I coughed out.
"She's fine. But you not only attacked a friend of their family, but you grabbed her arms hard enough in your rage to leave marks on her." He sighed. "We need to work on your anger more. Not to mention this relapse." He motioned toward me.
"I-I need to apologize to her," I panicked.
I never meant to mark her, to hurt her, I would never…but I did. I was no better than he was.
"I think you need to get help…" I couldn't hear him any longer. My mind filled with Mia. I left the room for my cell.
I dialed her number but got no answer. I called Elliott, no answer; Jackson, no answer; Serena, no answer. Collapsing to my floor on my knees, I screamed. My phone was blinking and my heart fluttered with hope; however, when I looked at my phone the flutter turned into claws ripping through my chest.
It was a message, from Serena. She sent a picture message. It was a picture of an arm with perfect blue fingerprints. 'Stay away, Asshole!' was her accompanying text.
When his hand lay on my shoulder, I launched at him with all my force. All the sadness, fear, self-hate poured into it. Dr. J caught my arm and pushed me over until he could pin me to the floor. I sobbed.
This would be it. I lost her. There was no forgiveness for this. I'd become the man I hated most.
I was him.
* * * * *
After he was gone, Serena lay with me for hours until I calmed down and stopped sobbing. When she gasped, I turned my head. Following her gaze, my eyes took in the bruises on my arm where Christopher had held onto me.
"He didn't mean it and he didn't realize –"
"Are you fucking crazy? Don't make excuses for that asshole!" She was spitting fire.
Sighing, I lay my head back down on the pillow. I heard a clicking noise, but ignored it. Serena left my room soon after stating she was going to get me something to eat.
Serena called Una and told her about what happened. When I found out what she had done and said, we argued.
It'd been ten days when my phone rang. I didn't answer. I couldn't. Nicholas had called prior to Christopher and told me that Christopher had relapsed. Dr. J and he were going to be taking care of him and it was best if I, and everyone else for that matter, didn't respond to him. When the phone rang, my hand twitched to answer the call. Serena grabbed my phone and shut it off.
Three days later, Nicholas called.
Apparently, Nicholas with the help of Dr. J set Christopher up in an exclusive rehab that most people thought was a spa. Admitted under medical orders, he couldn't just leave and it cut him off from the outside world during the detox phase. I understood what he was saying, but my heart didn't. All my heart knew was that everything hurt with him gone.
February arrived and I hadn't heard from Christopher or heard anything else about him. I was sitting at the piano in the basement of our house when a small flutter tickled my stomach. I froze. My hands went down and felt the fluttering again. It was like bubbles rolling through my abdomen. I couldn't contain the giggle that spilled up from my lips.
I finally felt happiness. I was happy to be here and I was happy to be pregnant. The warm tears spilled over my cheeks and I began to play. The chords seemed to flow freely from my fingers. With such a small movement, I felt alive again.
The paparazzi hadn't found out about the pregnancy, yet; however, I was still nervous to leave the house today. My stomach was more prominent and it was almost unmistakable. I stepped out of the house, ushered by security into a heavily window tinted, black car. Slouching into the seat, I closed my eyes. I kept thinking about Christopher, about the baby, about everything. He was missing things and I was missing him, but what if he came out of everything not being able to handle this. Would he be around to see the baby? I cradled my belly and swallowed my tears.
The car stopped in the back of the recognizable large brick building. My security guard helped me into the rear entrance where I was escorted the familiar room. He stayed in the hallway. I changed into the thin cotton gown and waited. When I heard the knock on the door, I assumed it was the doctor.
"Come in," I called out.
"Hey." I looked up and almost leapt from the table.
"Oh my god!" I wrapped my arms around Kat. "When did you get here?"
"I tried to be here before you, but as you can see…I wasn't," she shrugged and laughed.
Kat stayed with me during my doctor appointment. She got teary eyed with me when the heartbeat filled the room. Kat held my hand as the ultrasound technician did my final scan and stood by me when the tech told us the sex of the baby. I was so happy not to do this day alone and going forward Kat had deemed herself my pregnancy companion. I owed her big time.
Security successfully got us in and out without so much as a flash or second glance from anyone. Back at the house, we ate dinner, played some songs together, and then settled for a movie.
March arrived before we knew it and my stomach was obvious, so leaving the house had become even less frequent. The only times I left were for the doctor appointments, other than that one of the girls did most of the necessary errands. It was during one of my doctor trips I was finally discovered. My world changed, again.
I was climbing out of the car to enter the medical building when I heard the shutter of a camera and a male voice calling out. I groaned and hunched over, hoping my coat would camouflage my expanding waistline.
"Mia, are you pregnant?" "Is it Christopher Mason's baby?"
I didn't respond. I hurried inside with Kat close at my side and a bodyguard as protective as ever. At the end of the appointment, we tried to use a different tactic, sure that more cameramen would be waiting in the alley. My guard called for another car and escorted us through the parking garage exit.
We stepped from the elevator and flashes and questions swarmed around me. I'd never had so many cameras shoved in my face or so many people talking to me at one time. It was terrifying. Instinctively, I cradled my stomach. Kat wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
"Damn leeches," she growled. "Get back!" she yelled at a couple of forward photogs. My guard extended an arm and knocked the two guys back into the crowd.
"Keep your distance." His deep voice boomed against the cement walls of the parking garage.
"When is the baby due?" "How do you feel about being a single mother?" "What was your reaction to Chris leaving you for another woman while carrying his child?"
I couldn't fight the tears I started to shed. Kat held me tighter.
"Don't listen to them," she whispered into my ear. How could I not listen? They were yelling it.
We made it halfway to the car when the crowd had acquired more photographers and passer-bys. Security was doing his best to get them to back off, but it was just too much. Fear coursed through me as the crowd pressed closer.
I squealed when my security guard lifted me up bridal style and carried me toward the car. The group was still relentless with the questions, but they weren't going to stand in the way of his large body forging forward. We finally got to the car and pulled away. I cried the entire way back home.
The next day the photogs words crept back into my head. "What was your reaction to Chris leaving you for another woman while you are carrying his child?" I knew it was stupid, but I was desperate and scared. I got online and started my search.
At first, the only image I saw was a picture taken when security carried me through the garage, but next to the photo of me were the photos I hoped wouldn't be there. Chris was sitting closely with a red haired woman. I choked on a sob and clicked on the picture. It brought up and entire gallery of shots: Chris and this woman sitting on a porch at sunset, them leaning in toward each other like they were about to kiss, both of them laughing with their heads tossed back, and finally came a picture of them embracing. My body began to shake with silent sobs. I shoved my laptop from the table. The noise of it crashing to the floor got Kat's attention. She rushed in and found me in hysterics.
It took three hours for Serena and Kat to calm be down enough to cry myself to sleep. While they tried to reassure me he wouldn't do that, they were sure it was something blown out of proportion, but there was a small tone to Serena’s voice that told me she was trying to convince herself too. Kat slept with me for the next two nights while I suffered nightmares.
A couple of days after my breakdown Kat, Laney, and I were sitting together on the couch while I picked at Chinese food and wathced yet another horror movie. Laney had her hand on my stomach waiting to feel the baby kick again when there was a loud scuffle outside.
"You need to wait out here." Security order loudly. I glanced to Kat and then to Laney. We both looked toward the door when Laney got up to check it out.
"I don't have to wait!" Another muffled voice argued back.
"Yes you do!" The door slammed and then security stormed into the living room. "Mia, there's someone here to see you…" he hesitated "I'm not sure if you want to see him."
I stood from the couch with a furrowed brow and headed toward the door.
"Mia," he put his hand on my shoulder "I can get rid of him." I smiled and placed my hand on his.
"It's okay." I took a deep breath and headed toward the door. My heart ached for Christopher to be standing on the other side of the door. I hadn't seen or heard from him in over a month. I knew he was getting help, but I also thought he would be his typical rebellious self and find a way. Then the reporter's words came back to haunt me. "What was your reaction to Chris leaving you for another woman while you are carrying his child?" I wanted him to be there just so I could spit on him and slam the door in his pretty, cheating face.
Placing my hand on the doorknob, I twisted and pulled. My breath caught in my throat and the urge of a sob in my throat.
"Xander," I breathed out. He grabbed me into a hug.
"It's good to see you," he chuckled. I wiped away one tear I didn't want him to see.
With each passing day, anger was starting to replace the heartache I held for Christopher. I sighed quietly and put on my smile.
"How are you?" I smiled.
"I'm great actually," he smiled. "I’ve brought some things from Nobil." He moved out of the doorway and a couple large men carried a boxed up cradle and some other baby gifts.
I smiled widely.
"Thank you," I wiped another tear away. "And thank Una for me too."
Xander stayed for a couple of hours chatting. It was through him that I discovered Christopher would be out of rehab soon.
After he left, Kat, Lane, and I went to bed. That night I fell asleep dreaming once again of Christopher and wondering if he would show up here. Did I want to see him?
The next morning, I placed a call to Una. I needed another place to stay – somewhere secluded and secure.
* * * * *
I fought for two weeks against the fucking rehab Nicholas and Dr. J forced me into, but I eventually caved a little. In rehab, I’d been introduced to Doctor Sebastian. She was a specialist with anger management and had experience with troubled children. Dr. J and she became my routine. One day was therapy with Dr. J and the next was group therapy where I refused to participate. Then there was a day of 'group activity' and I would be damned if I was going to go hiking or whatever the fuck they did together. The end of my week was a rotation of Dr. S and Dr. J. They also assigned me a 'mentor' for my stay.
Shay, my mentor, had turned out to be decent. She reminded me a little of Kat sometimes. Shay had come to rehab eight years ago, an aspiring model that had developed a drug and alcohol problem. It took three rounds and her finally stepping away from the pressures of fame in her prior life to get completely clean. Then she decided to go back to school and work to help others get clean and healthy.
Four more weeks pass by and I was finally able to sign myself out without Nicholas giving me hell. The therapy had been intense with both Dr. J and Dr. S digging around deeper into my past and forcing me to face my anger problems. Even though I was free now, I still felt like shit and hated myself. I knew what I needed.
"I'm going to Whidbey Island," I said sitting across from Nicholas in the car.
"She's not there," he answered quietly.
"What do you mean?" I panicked.
"I mean that she's not in Whidbey Island anymore," he shrugged and started to mess with his blackberry.
I smacked the blackberry out of his hand.
"Where the hell is she Nicholas?" I growled.
"I don't know," he gave me a stern look, "and you are making me reconsider agreeing to your release from rehab."
"I'm not allowed to get angry at all now?"
"I don't know where she is. I just know she isn't at her house anymore." He scowled and bent forward to pick his phone up from the car floor.
"Why don't I believe you?" I crossed my arms over my chest.
"I honestly don't know," he sighed heavily. "I know that she left not too long ago, perhaps a week." his sentence drifted off there.
I sighed and put my hand through my hair.
"Fuck!"
When we got to my home, I threw my things on my bed and sat down. I looked around my room. It was cold, empty, and didn't feel like home anymore. Grabbing my duffle bag, I pulled out my cell on the way to my car.
"Christopher where—?" Nicholas's question cut off when I shut the door behind me.
First, I tried Mia, no answer. Serena, no
answer. Laney, nothing. Then I called Jackson.
"Hey man," he answered. "How are you, stranger?"
"Hey Jackson, I'm okay. I'll be a lot better if you can tell me where—"
"I can't," he said quietly.
"What the fuck do you mean you can't?" I screamed into the phone.
"Honestly, I don't know where she is, Christopher. No one talks about where she went. They talk to her on the phone and when anyone visits her none of us are invited," he answered.
"So, she all alone?" How could they let her be all by herself?
"No, Kat’s with her."
"Fuck," I groaned. "Who knows where to find her?"
"No one that would tell you, I'm sorry." We quickly said goodbye and hung up. I was desperate so I called Una. Surprisingly she answered.
"Christopher?"
"Where is she?"
"You know I can't—"
"Please, Una. Please."
"I'll tell her you want to see her Chris, but I can't guarantee she'll want that," she answered very businesslike.
"Fine," I sighed. I wouldn't get anywhere else with her, so I had to take what I could get, for now.
I drove around for hours trying to figure out what to do. When I was close to the studio, I got an idea. I parked quickly and headed into the lobby. There she was. Her face lit up as I walked toward her.
"Hey Chrissie," Tonya beamed.
"Hey Ton," I replied and leaned onto the front desk.
"I haven't seen you for a while." She purred. I forced a smile. "Can I help you with something?" She leaned forward and squeezed her arms under her breast, pushing them up and giving me an easy access view down her shirt. I fought not to roll my eyes.
"I think you can," I smirked down at her.
After thirty minutes of coaxing her, I finally got into Una's office. Once Tonya was out of my way, I hurried through Una's things. There were a couple of files with papers about leased properties. I jotted down the information and left her office.
Before leaving the studio, I used Tonya's computer to do some research. First, I searched for Mia. Once the bright pink website was in my face, I saw her going into a restaurant located about an hour or so from Seattle. It looked like she was with Kat. So she didn’t go too far.
Falling Stars Page 36
