If you ask me, Devon’s the one you should be punishing, not God.
She had a point, Amy reluctantly acknowledged. While the accident had been the first blow, Devon’s betrayal had been the one that truly took her feet out from under her. That realization cleared her perception of what had happened, and she sat up in bed as the epiphany took hold. It wasn’t as if she was handicapped, confined to a wheelchair or a bed. Using her connections, she could easily have gotten an administrative job with any dance company, and they could have adopted children to create the family they’d both longed for.
That was what Jason would have done. She believed that with a certainty that was more than a little frightening. They’d just met, and already she had more faith in him than she’d ever had in her fiancé. Was it Jason, with his grounded upbringing and generous heart? Or was it her, someone who’d made it through the fire and come out the other side with a fresh perspective? Instinct told her it was a combination of the two, and for the first time since her accident, she listened to that small voice in the back of her mind.
Feeling more energetic than she did most mornings, she flung back the covers and quickly got ready to leave. She chose a simple dress and shoes appropriate for church in a small town. Poking her nose outside, she decided a sweater would be smart, and she backtracked to get one from her closet.
The Crossroads Church stood at the head of Main Street, so she decided to walk. As she made her way toward the quaint country chapel, she noticed several families doing the same. They were all ahead of her on the sidewalk, chatting and laughing together. The town’s two other churches were nearby, and people veered off to enter one or the other, waving to their neighbors as they parted ways. It was a familiar scene from her childhood that made her smile.
When she was alone on the sidewalk, though, doubt started creeping in. Logic told her she was headed to a building, nothing more. But the little girl who still lived inside her knew better. God was well aware that she’d shunned Him, and while she was convinced she was doing the right thing, she dreaded going into His house to ask His forgiveness.
Her feet began dragging, and as she approached the walkway leading to the front steps, she’d all but stopped moving. There was a small crowd out front, greeting each other before heading inside for the service. The sight of them stopped her cold, and she silently berated her cousin for talking her into coming. This was the last time she’d listen to Brenda, Amy vowed as she started to walk away.
“Amy?”
When she turned back, she was surprised to find Jason trotting down the steps to meet her halfway.
“Hey there,” he said easily. “How’re you this morning?”
“Fine. What are you doing out here?”
“Looking for you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Did Brenda tell you to do that?”
“Nope. Thought of it all on my own.” The sunlight warmed the gold in his eyes, and they crinkled as he smiled. “After what the pastor said last night, I was hoping you’d come.”
“I wasn’t going to, but Brenda came by this morning and got me thinking.”
“About?”
How could she explain it to him when she didn’t quite understand it herself? Sifting through her thoughts, she came up with something he might be able to grasp. “I’ve been punishing God for what happened to me, but what hurt the most was Devon leaving. He could have stuck it out, but he didn’t. Looking back, there were other times he gave up when things got difficult. I just didn’t see it that way at the time.”
“So, if the accident hadn’t ruined things between you, it would’ve been something else later on.”
His clear view of her failed relationship nudged her that last step to admitting the truth she hadn’t been able to put into words until now. “Exactly. With his wimpy attitude, sooner or later our marriage probably would’ve failed anyway.”
He didn’t touch her, but his admiring look felt like a gentle caress. “Not everyone is as strong as you.”
No one had ever referred to her that way, and she blinked in astonishment. “You think I’m strong?”
“Very. Look at what you’ve overcome to get to where you are. Strength isn’t always like this.” To demonstrate, he made a fist. “Sometimes it’s like this.” Opening his hand, he went on. “When we put aside our own problems and reach out to help someone else. We all have that kind of power. We just have to make the choice to use it to make the world around us better.”
“I guess I can leave now,” Amy told him with a grin. “Even Pastor Griggs couldn’t come up with anything better than that.”
“You never know. He might surprise you.”
The church bells started ringing, calling people in to worship, and he began walking toward the steps that had intimidated her into stopping. Confused that he apparently meant to go inside without her, she asked, “You’re leaving?”
Half turning, he said, “If you’re interested, I’ll be sitting in the back pew on the left.”
“Aren’t you going to try to talk me into going with you?”
“Granddad taught me you can’t convince someone to do something they’re dead set against,” he replied with a smile. “But if you change your mind, you’re welcome to join me.”
His faith was obviously very important to him, and the fact that he’d never attempted to coerce her into following his example told her just how open-minded he was. Since her accident, well-meaning people all around her had told her what to do, when and how much. She’d lost control of her own life, and that had made her resistant to advice in general.
Jason respected her wishes, even if they conflicted with his own. As he disappeared into the vestibule, she waited a few seconds, debating with herself. Finally, she decided she was being ridiculous and trailed after him.
The service was about to begin, and the small sanctuary was filled to capacity. Tall stained-glass windows lined both walls, throwing prisms of light onto the old floorboards. Judy Griggs noticed her from the choir risers and sent her a delighted smile. Returning the gesture, Amy recalled a Christmas pageant when the pastor’s wife had graciously allowed her to lead the angels down the aisle, twirling and leaping her way toward the manger set up in front of the altar.
When she was a budding dancer, it had been a dream come true for her. Thinking of it now reminded her that no matter what had gone on in her life since then, she’d once belonged here. God had houses all over the world, but she suspected that if she’d gone into any of them, she wouldn’t have felt the same as she did this morning. But in this place, filled with such wonderful memories, she felt at home. That wasn’t a coincidence, she knew, and it made her feel more confident about her decision to venture inside.
Just like he’d promised, she found Jason sitting on the far left side, with an empty space beside him on the pew. When she approached, he gave her an encouraging smile and patted the seat he’d saved for her. She sat, and then noticed that Paul and Chelsea were sitting much farther up with a large group of people she recognized as the Barrett clan.
“Don’t you want to sit with your family?” she whispered to Jason.
“Maybe next time. Today, I thought it’d be better if you could make a quiet exit.”
He’d chosen this spot to make her more comfortable, she realized. His thoughtfulness amazed her, and she rewarded him with a grateful smile. “I should be fine, but I appreciate you thinking of it. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” As the organist began playing, he offered Amy a hymnal. “Mostly, I’m dying to hear how well you sing.”
“Not that well,” she confessed as they stood. “I’m hoping the choir is big enough no one will notice.”
While the congregation started singing “Rock of Ages,” his face lit up with enthusiasm. “You’re gonna join the Christmas choir?”
Actually, she hadn’t made up
her mind until just now, but his reaction was all the proof she needed that it was the right choice. Nodding, she picked up the verse in midphrase to avoid annoying the people around them. Jason didn’t seem worried about that, though, and he leaned in to murmur, “I have to tell you, I’m real glad you’re here.”
Taking her eyes from the page, she looked up at him and smiled. Because that was precisely how she felt about it herself, and she recognized that was mostly because of him. He hadn’t allowed her to turn tail and run, but he hadn’t dragged her into the chapel, either.
In his calm, steady way, he’d encouraged her to take this step while allowing her to choose for herself. Because that was the kind of person he was.
Finding him at this point in her life was just what she needed. Singing words that had been written generations ago, she silently thanked God for bringing her back to where she belonged.
* * *
“Gram, Granddad,” Jason said proudly, “this is Amy Morgan. Amy, these are my grandparents, Olivia and Will.”
“Come in, come in!” Gram exclaimed, embracing Amy with enthusiasm. “We’ve known your aunt and uncle forever, and Jason’s told us wonderful things about you. We’re thrilled to finally meet you.”
“Thanks so much for inviting me today,” she said quietly. “I know this is a family gathering, and it was nice of you to include me.”
“Always room for more,” Granddad assured her. “It’s a big house.”
So far, so good, Jason thought. Amy was a little tense, but he hoped she’d relax once she met everyone and figured out how to keep them all straight. “It smells great in here.”
“Roast beef and gingerbread,” his grandfather announced eagerly. “I’ve been smelling it all morning, and I’m starving. Maybe you and Amy can go in and hurry them along.”
“Gotcha.”
Ushering Amy through the archway, he paused to let her get her bearings before wading into the bustling crew in his grandmother’s kitchen. Mom was just taking a batch of gingerbread men out of the oven to add to the ones already cooling on a large rack. When she caught sight of him with their guest, she set the hot tray down and hurried over.
“There’s my bear,” she cooed, beaming up at him before turning her attention to the petite woman who seemed to be doing her best to hide behind him. Laughing, Mom grasped her hand and drew her forward. “And you must be Amy. I’m Diane Barrett. Welcome to chaos.”
“Thank you for having me,” she replied so quietly Jason could barely hear her. It struck him as odd that she’d be so timid around new people after all those years performing. Then again, in those days she’d been elevated on a stage, a good distance from the audience. Close-up contact was a whole different ball game. While he was mulling that over, she surprised him again.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked, a bit more loudly this time.
“We’re covered in here, but I think Paul and Chelsea could use a hand in the living room. We’ve got a ten-foot tree and a dozen totes filled with ornaments that need new hooks. Last year, somebody—” she glared across the kitchen at Jason’s father “—tossed out all the old ones.”
“They were rusty or bent, or both,” he said defensively while he sharpened a carving knife.
Sensing an ongoing argument, Jason laughed. “Let me guess. You forgot to buy new ones.”
“No, I bought a bunch after Christmas last year. I just forgot where I put them.”
“Paul stopped to pick some up after church, and now he and Chelsea are stuck in the living room stringing ornaments,” Mom said. “I’m sure they’d appreciate your help.”
“It beats checking the lights,” Jason commented, giving Amy a questioning look. “Wanna help?”
“Okay.” Staying glued to his side, she murmured, “How many people are here, anyway?”
After a quick calculation, he came up with sixteen. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head, and he chuckled. “Is that a lot?”
“For your immediate family, yes. Then again, it’s usually just my mom and me, so I’m not the best judge.” Outside the living room, she tugged him to a stop. “I’ve met Paul and Chelsea, but before we go in, can you point out the others for me so I can keep everyone straight?”
“Sure.”
As he went through the gathering of brothers, wives and children, she watched carefully, and he assumed she was committing their faces to memory. When he took her around the room for introductions, she seemed more confident than she had earlier, and he marveled at the change in her demeanor when she was prepared. Since he was a by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy, it hadn’t occurred to him she might need a briefing on his large family before being tossed into the fray.
Obviously, this was one lady who preferred to test the water before she jumped in. Lesson learned, he mused with a grin.
“Amy, I’m so glad to see you,” Chelsea gushed from her seat on a hassock in front of a decorations bin. “Paul is no help at all.”
“It’s not my fault,” he protested. “Those hooks are too small.”
“They’re normal-size hooks,” his wife informed him curtly. “It’s your hands that are too big.”
“My hands are pretty small, so I’ll help with these,” Amy offered. “That way the guys can do the lights.”
When Jason caught sight of the knotted balls of cords and bulbs, he groaned. “I thought we coiled ’em up nice and neat last year.”
“We did,” Paul confirmed, “but they didn’t stay that way. We’ve gotta come up with something else for next time.”
“We should wrap them around some of those empty wire spools we’ve got at the mill,” Jason suggested. “They’re just taking up space in the storage room.”
“Great idea,” Chelsea said approvingly. “You’re elected to take care of that.”
“Huh. That’ll teach me to keep my big mouth shut.”
Amy laughed at that, and he congratulated himself on making her feel more at ease in what was clearly a difficult situation for her. As he trailed after his big brother, he glanced back to find her chatting easily with Chelsea. Considering how the afternoon had started, he was relieved to see it was going to end up just fine.
“Okay, folks!” Mom called from the doorway. “Come and get it.”
Everyone made a beeline for the dining room, and Jason positioned himself so Amy wouldn’t get trampled in the crush. The sideboard was stocked with the average Barrett family spread, but when she got a good look at it, she laughed. “You’re kidding, right?”
Following her openmouthed stare, he shrugged. “We Barretts go big, or we don’t bother. The bonus is there’s lots of leftovers to go around.”
“That’s not a problem for you,” she commented as she took a plate from the stack. “Your grandmother obviously feeds you well.”
“That she does.”
They chatted lightly while they filled their plates with everything from mac and cheese to a tender roast, but he couldn’t miss the way she kept glancing over at Granddad. His frail condition prevented him from moving around on his own, and even though he had a perfectly good wheelchair, he despised using it. So they all took their seats around the huge dining table, with his hospital bed in its place at the head.
Gram made sure he had what he wanted, then pulled her chair up beside him. Ever since Jason could remember, they’d been that way, together through everything life had thrown at them. Even now, with his days slipping away, their touching devotion to each other was plain to see.
While his father said grace, a wave of sadness swept over Jason. This was a bittersweet Christmas for the Barretts, doubly so for him. If things had worked out the way he’d planned, he’d be sitting here with his wife. But the past was done and gone, and it was time to let it go. Making a vow to do just that, he added a heartfelt “Amen” at the end of Da
d’s prayer.
“Everything tastes even better than it smells,” Amy announced with a smile for the cooks and another for their hosts. “Thank you so much for making me feel at home.”
Gram returned the smile with a warm one of her own. “Jason’s friends are always welcome here.”
“Especially the single ones, right?” Amy teased.
“I have no idea what you’re referring to, dear.”
Grinning, Amy sipped her sweet tea but didn’t say anything more. Jason hadn’t seen this part of her yet, and he had to admit it intrigued him. Up till now, she’d come across as an intense, creative type obsessed with perfection in everything she did. Discovering she had a playful side was like getting an early Christmas present.
Once they’d plowed through their meal, the family split into groups for various decorating assignments. With Christmas music playing from four sets of speakers located around the main floor, the work went by quickly. Outside, inside, everything was done up the way it had been for more years than Jason had been alive.
On the porches, pine garlands twined with lights swagged from the railings, and each window held a wreath tied with a burgundy velvet ribbon. Poinsettias sat on the tables, while red-and-green-plaid cushions had replaced the everyday ones on the wicker chairs and porch swing. Around it all, the three rooflines were rimmed in white lights that made the house look as if it was glowing with Christmas spirit.
When they were done, everyone took a few minutes to admire their handiwork and exchange high fives for getting it done without anyone falling off the roof. Then they all congregated around the tree Paul had trucked in from the woods surrounding the mill. Lots of people had fake ones these days, but to Jason, nothing said Christmas like the scents of a fresh-cut pine and gingerbread.
Jason and Amy stood near the fireplace, and she glanced at the collection of framed photos displayed there. A picture of the five teenage Barrett boys on a camping trip caught her eye, and she tapped one of the faces. “I haven’t met him yet. Where does he live?”
His jaw tightened, but Jason reminded himself she couldn’t possibly know she’d hit a nerve and did his best to sound casual. “That’s my older brother, Scott. He’s been in Texas the last five years.”
Love Inspired December 2014 - Box Set 2 of 2: Her Holiday FamilySugar Plum SeasonHer Cowboy HeroSmall-Town Fireman Page 29
