by Carina Adams
In that instant, I realized I would never get enough of her. I smiled and pulled on a few pieces of blue hair, vocalizing my thoughts. “It’ll be nice to see you more, and I figure if I come down on the weekends I don’t have Sam, we’ll get to do more than text. I fuckin’ miss you!”
Her entire body tensed and she jerked back from me. She stared for a few seconds as if struggling to understand my words. Then she jumped up and practically ran to the edge of the porch, gripping the railing hard, taking deep breaths. “You are so fucking unbelievable!” she snapped out as she turned back to me.
It was my turn to glare. I was unbelievable? She’d been completely dishonest with me for God knows how long and then I find her here, with Rob, and I was the unbelievable one? I didn’t fucking think so. I leaned back into the cushion, hands rubbing my thighs, trying to keep my temper in check. “Yeah.” I’d conveniently forgotten this part of her—the one that made me want to throttle her and kiss her senseless at the same time. “Sometimes I tell myself that there is no way in hell you are really as frustrating as I remember, that I must have made it up.” I forced a laugh. “Good to know I didn’t.”
As her eyes narrowed and she stood a little taller. I knew I was in for a fight. About fucking time. “Oh, I’m frustrating? You know what I find frustrating? The fact that you are suddenly fine with the idea of me living not only in Boston, but in your apartment, even though just a few months ago you didn’t want me within a hundred mile radius and wouldn’t even let me come with you.”
“Are you fucking serious right now?”
“So, let me get this straight. Its ok for me to be here because I’m not your girlfriend, but when I was, it wasn’t safe enough for me?”
We stared at each other for a few minutes until I finally shook my head. “Oh, is it my turn to talk now?” The look she gave me left no doubt that she would slap me if I was close enough, and I almost wasn’t able to contain my laugh. “Why are you really mad right now, Joes? Is it ‘cause you expected me to be pissed over something stupid and I’m not? Or is it something else entirely? Like maybe the fact that I never called you back? I’m having a hard time figuring it out.”
I’d never seen her look so frustrated and I almost felt I should have been easier on her. Almost. “Who the fuck is Jessie, Matt? Does she know you’re out here with me?”
Jesus, she was all over the fucking map tonight—the very definition of one hot mess. But, she was my hot mess and I’d rather have her fighting with me than shutting me out. And, at least it seemed like we were getting closer to the real issue. “Jealous, sweetheart?” I wasn’t able to hold in the laugh when she growled in exasperation. “Don’t worry, she’s Rob’s mess, not mine.”
I realized after I said it that I was waiting for a reaction, half-expecting her to show jealousy for the woman that shared Rocker’s bed. When the only thing that showed on her face was relief, I felt like an ass. But I was a thankful ass.
I loved the passion she had when we fought, but I needed to fix us right now so I could see the other side of that passion. “Just so you know, I never had a problem with you being here, Joes! In fact, if I remember correctly, we had one hell of a weekend in this apartment just a few months ago. Boston was never the fucking issue. Yeah, I told you I wanted you stay away, but I never meant I didn’t want you here! It was me!” I slapped my chest, hoping she’d understand. “You weren’t safe with me!” You’re still not safe with me! The thought made me sick and I forced it out of my mind.
I stood and walked towards her, never taking my eyes of hers, even though I was sure she could see right through me. “Will was out for blood as long as I was in the picture. I barely had a handle on my own shit and wasn’t about to drag you down with me. I told you that I’d do anything to protect you, and I fucking meant it. I still do. Don’t think, not for one fucking second, that I would let you stay here if it wasn’t safe.”
“Where I live is none of your business, Matty.” She tipped her head back to see me, her voice almost sad. “We’re just friends, remember?”
I stepped into her, completely invading her space, grabbing handfuls of hair and tipping her head even further back so I could lean my forehead against hers. “We’ve never been just friends, Joes,” I growled. The lust in her eyes made me want to strip off her clothes and take her right here, not caring who saw.
Instead, she pushed me away. “Stop it, Matty!” I stepped back. “Fine, we’re not just friends. But, I’m not your girlfriend, remember? You don’t have to protect me anymore!”
I reached a hand out to cup her cheek, half-surprised at how soft her skin was. “Yeah, I do.” I shrugged. “I’ll protect you until the day I die, from everything.” Including me. Needing to touch her again, I wrapped one arm around her back, yanked her into me, and then leaned down, kissing her forehead. “You are mine, even if you don’t realize it. I’m not moving on, no matter how much you push. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
She didn’t say a word as she melted into me, letting me hold her as we stared out at the city. This was where she belonged, in my arms, in my hometown, and sooner than later, in my bed. I didn’t know how long I’d have with her, especially if she was living here, but I was determined to enjoy every single second. I never knew when my past would come back to haunt me. At least in Maine I was able to keep it at bay. It was only a matter of time before someone here let something slip, and Joes left me for good. I couldn’t explain why I loved this woman so fucking much, not even to myself, but she was my entire world. I wasn’t strong enough to let her walk away last time, and I knew it would be a fight next time, too. All I could do was pray it didn’t kill me.
Chapter 9
Jo
The window opened noisily, but Matty didn’t move, and I wondered if he’d heard it. When the intruder cleared his throat, Matt only gripped me tighter, either ignoring the interruption or not caring. As long as I got to stand right here and have him hold me a few minutes longer, I didn’t care why Matty wasn’t responding. I closed my eyes, focusing on the heartbeat under my ear and the fingers that were massaging my scalp. He leaned down, giving my forehead another lingering kiss. It was such a tender gesture. Nothing was clearer to me at that moment than the fact that I was completely in love with Matthew Murphy and would walk through fire for him.
I tipped my head back quickly, catching his lips before he could step back. His entire demeanor changed. He shifted, moving his hands to cup my face. A calloused thumb drew circles on my cheek as he deepened the kiss. My mind wandered as I pictured his thumb touching other parts of my body. I groaned into him, hoping he would understand that I wanted so much more than what I was getting.
The throat cleared again, but this time he added, “Mateo, we need you.”
Matty pulled back slightly, sliding his nose along the side of mine. Staring into my eyes, he gave me a wink, whispering, “Two seconds, babe.” He straightened, letting go of me, and turned to face the man that was trespassing on our very awesome, but private, moment. “What the fuck do you want, Prospect?” I cringed. His voice was full of irritation and extremely intimidating. This was a Matty I didn’t know and he was quite scary.
The young man paled a little under Matt’s angry glare. “Sorry to interrupt, but I was sent to find you.”
“Why?” Matty barked back. The kid swallowed and looked at me as if I was the unwelcome visitor. “Oh, for Christ’s sake! She’s with me. Spill it,” he growled threateningly.
“Wiz just got word there’s about to be a BOLO issued. Rocker wants everyone at the clubhouse. Now.”
Matty swore under his breath and glanced over his shoulder at me. “Tell them to give me twenty minutes.”
He jerked his head towards the window once, dismissing the young man, and turned back to me. Stress etched his features and he looked like he was struggling to figure out what to say. I didn’t know which of his friends was in trouble or what was going on, but I did know that whatever it was, it was important. We
’d been sharing a pretty great moment, and I knew Matty wouldn’t leave for anything trivial. When the muscle in his jaw ticked, I decided to lighten the mood.
“’Cause twenty minutes is all it’ll take, right?” I stepped towards him, smiling, repeating the words he’d said to me after our first night together.
He didn’t react for a second, confusion showing in his eyes as he looked down at me. As realization dawned, he smirked, lips quirking with laughter. “Oh, babe, you do inflate my ego. Don’t kid yourself, though. It’s been so long I won’t even need five.”
“Really?” I asked in mock horror. “I thought guys were supposed to last longer after a dry spell?”
“Dry spell?” he scoffed. “Nah, two days is a damn dry spell. The last few months I’ve been in a sexual purgatory.”
I giggled, stepping into his open arms. “Awww, Matty! That is just depressing.”
He nodded. “No worries, kid.” He leaned down, whispering into my ear, “I’ll make sure that five minutes was worth the fuckin’ wait.” His breath was hot on my neck, sending tingles down my spine and making me shiver. Mistaking it, he rubbed my upper arms. “You’re cold. Let’s get you inside.”
I didn’t argue as he pulled me in the window, through the living room, and then down the stairs. The party, while apparently still going, seemed a lot less crowded than it had been just a little while ago. There were a few men in leather jackets scattered throughout the rooms and stairway, but the majority of people I saw were women. I couldn’t help the bitchy smile I sent towards a few of them when they gave Matty longing glances or the two of us double takes. I wanted to shout, ‘That’s right! He’s taken girls, move along!’
Once we were shut into his room, I pulled his jacket off my shoulders and held it out to him, trying to find something to say. Butterflies invaded my stomach, and I wasn’t sure if I was nervous because I was alone with him or if it was because he was leaving and I didn’t know why. I wanted to ask for details, but I wasn’t sure the answer would ease my nerves.
“Hey,” his voice was soft, “I’ve gotta take care of this and then I’ll be back. It’s club business, nothin’ to worry about. I promise.” He reached out, tucking hair behind my ear, shifting. “I don’t know how long I’ll be, but can I come join you when I get back? We don’t have to…” he trailed off and cleared his throat, “I mean, I just want to be with you. I don’t expect you to…”
“Rescue you from sexual purgatory?” I interrupted, amused at seeing him flustered. Tipping my head to the side, I ran my hands up under his jacket feeling the tight, muscular frame. “I better be the only person here you plan on ending it with.” I chuckled at his uncomfortable expression. “I’ll be here when you get back, Matty, keeping the bed warm.”
He beamed, giving me a quick peck on the lips and then a longer kiss on my head. Backing up a step, his hand grabbed my chin. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. And, tomorrow, we’ll talk. Yeah?” I smiled and nodded as much as his hand would allow. He nodded towards the bed. “Go warm my bed, woman!”
He was gone before I could come up with a witty reply. I didn’t know where the clubhouse was, so I wasn’t sure how far Matty had to go, but I wanted to be ready when he got back—for whatever our night had in store. Locking the door, I headed into the bathroom. I was almost through with my shower before I realized I was still smiling.
*****
“Good morning, Sunshine!”
I opened my eyes to find Cris sitting in the chair next to my bed. I moved an arm behind me, disappointed to feel only cold sheets. I’d waited up until I could no longer keep my eyes open, but apparently he never came back. Before I could greet her, she leaned forward, bracing her elbows on her knees, and pointed towards a Dunkin’ Donuts cup on my nightstand. God bless her!
I sat up, swept my hair out of my face, and reached for the Styrofoam cup. After a couple of sips in silence, I smiled. “Morning.”
She shook her head. “When you’re finished with that, get dressed and I’ll take you out to breakfast. Last night was quite the rager, huh? I won’t even tell you how many people I had to climb over to find that.” I followed her glance, seeing my phone next to where the coffee cup had been. I’d completely forgotten it last night. Grabbing it, I scrolled through my missed calls, relieved that the only ones were from Matty and Cris.
“He couldn’t reach you, so he called me,” Cris volunteered. “He’ll call you later to explain.”
“Is everything ok? He was supposed to come home and—”
“He’s fine,” she interrupted. “Whatever the club is doing took longer than he thought.” She arched an eyebrow. “It’s about freaking time you two ended your little spat. I was getting worried.” She laughed. “So, tell me everything.”
I smiled. “There isn’t much to tell, really.” My mind drifted back to seeing him yesterday and within seconds, the tall blonde entered my thoughts. “Cris, who is Jessie?”
Irritation replaced the curious look she’d had, and she scowled. “Biker Barbie was here last night? That explains why I wasn't invited. I wondered why they weren’t havin’ it at the clubhouse, but I figured they were tryin’ to keep it small to not overwhelm Tank. Shit! I knew I shoulda blown off my date and come anyway!” Biker Barbie? I only had a first impression to go on, but the name actually seemed perfect. I stifled my laugh as soon as I saw the disgusted look on her face. “Was she glued to Rocker all night?”
I shook my head. “No, he barely spoke to her.” She spiked her eyebrows, silently asking me to continue. “He was with me.” I shrugged like it was no big deal, sipping my coffee before I explained exactly what had happened the night before.
Her laughter took me by surprise. “I bet Matt loved that! Rocker should be grateful they aren’t kids anymore. A younger Matty wouldn’t have waited for an explanation. He’d have just kicked his ass!”
“It’s not like that!” I snapped. “Rob was just being nice.”
Cris shook her head, smirking. “You and Rocker know it’s not like that. I know it isn’t like that. But my brother?” She laughed. “Matty doesn’t play well with others, Joey. He never has. He only ever shared with me when he absolutely had to, and never, ever, let me play with his favorite toys. In this case, you are his favorite toy, and if someone else tried to play with you…eeee!” She shrieked when I threw a pillow at her.
"Are you calling me his plaything?"
She giggled. "Yes." I turned to grab another pillow and she rushed on. "When we were little, he had this stuffed dog that went everywhere with him. He loved that thing more than anything. Copper scared away the ghosts and rode in the basket on his bike. He'd play with other toys, but Copper was always his favorite. I got mad at him one day and hid Copper. Matt couldn't sleep, and he wouldn't eat. All he did was mope around until my parents panicked and bought a new one. But, it wasn't the same and he never got attached. He needed Copper to be happy."
The moment had turned serious very quickly, and I swallowed as her words sunk in. "You're more than his plaything, Joey. You're his Copper." She stood up, looking uncomfortable, like she'd said too much. "Get dressed and we'll go."
*****
The restaurant was beautiful, with crystal on the tables and a view of the Charles River that was breathtaking. I scanned the menu, trying not to laugh at the way the waiter hovered over Cris. His face fell as she ordered and handed the folder back to him without a glance in his direction.
"So, how was your date last night?" I asked as soon as we were alone.
She sipped her mimosa, shrugging. "It was ok." At my concerned look she continued. "Caleb is great, really. He's very sweet, very proper. He's every girls dream—tall, dark, and handsome, with the most adorable dimples. He works out constantly, he's never even lived with a woman, and he's a lawyer."
"So, what's the problem?"
"I only went as a favor to a friend." She looked out the window, lost in her thoughts. "He's not my type."
"You mean he isn't moody,
covered in tattoos, and often mistaken for the hulk." Blue eyes met mine, no acknowledgment showing on her face. I chuckled at her lack of a response. Her face was only ever that blank when she was hiding something. Speaking of…“So, Rocker and Jessie, huh? I didn’t get that vibe at all when he introduced me.”
"Barbie's a Brat, a club whor—" She stopped mid word, clearing her throat and glancing around the room full of people in their Sunday best. Sitting back, she put her hands on her lap and continued. "Barbie is a club girl, working her way through the guys until someone claims her. She holds onto one until the next best thing is suddenly single. She's had her sights on Rocker for years. I just never thought he was dumb enough to go for it. Over the last few months, he proved me wrong."
"I'm sorry." It was hard thinking about Matty moving on. I couldn't imagine having to see it every day. Slowly the rest of what she said sunk in. "She and Matty weren’t a thing, right?”
Cris laughed. “That’s not even a no. It’s a hell, no!” I let out the breath I hadn’t even realized I was holding. “Naw,” she scoffed, “he wouldn’t look twice at her. Not knowing who's been there already." I hoped she was right. I didn't want to have to face other women that knew him like I did. Something told me that as long as I lived down here, though, I'd have to deal with a lot of them.
Matty called when we were halfway through our meal, and I hurried out into the hall, excited to talk to him.
"Hey beautiful." I smiled at his greeting. "I'm sorry that I didn't get to come back last night."
"It's ok. Cris told me you couldn't get away." Someone spoke to him in the background, but I couldn't understand the words. The roar of motorcycles coming to life was almost deafening. "Is everything ok?"
"Fuck, I thought I had more time. I'm not gonna make it back today, Joes. I'll explain everything when I see you, ok? I'll call you tonight." I didn't know what to say. Questions swirled through my mind. Where was he? What was he doing? When would I see him? "Babe? I gotta go, but I'm not getting off this phone 'til you tell me we're ok."
